My misses English is better than my thai , but sometimes they do have you scratching your head. with their translation into english

Let me give you a couple of examples and please add yours .

One of the legs on the car has no windy , ie tyre has a puncture .

Turn the bag off, do the bag up

Or from a friend , The clocks hungary , the clock needs new batteries

Many more I cant think of at the mo , but you get the jist

legs for camera- tripod

My old boss, when talking about the school's finances, would always refer to her income and outcome.

"Its in the Chicken !"

She means Kitchen.

Calls the Orphanage the Oprah

Always "making steak" ,as in "sorry I make steak"

she means. "made a mistake"

Just part of the things that makes her cute, well, I think so anyway, as she always make me smile.

Sorry. Could you translate 'do the bag up' for an American?

"It is in the lolly" (laundry)

"Alalalalalal" (accelerater)

Height season...she means high season...

Last week, I had a mechanic tell my car tire needed some more "ozone". Took me a moment to realise what he meant.

Another one: "did you take your phone go come?" - to mean something like "did you remember to bring your phone"

Anyway, this thread will die a death because most Thai Visa members are married to super intelligent, highly educated, tri-lingual, hi-so Thai-Chinese types, so probably don't encounter problems such as this.

Box cool =fridgerator

"Big milks". You can guess what they are.

Scissors = sausage & vice-versa.

Trying to stay on topic----have you seen the latest APP on I.phones & Androids ? you just speak in English & it comes back in verbal & written Thai---also push the button & vice versa changes into English. You can also use the Camera to take a pic of a street sign (or whatever) & it will change it into English.

Maybe its been around a long time-------but I have just found it-----its really useful when ordering some stuff in hardware type shops.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.smartmobilesoftware.voicetranslatorfree

A big word for her that she is proud of - "Statue" - which she pronounces "scratch you"

Using the plural for funerals - "Go burn people" [which is why i never go to funerals - I don't want to be the extra person chosen...

"I go washy your clothes today" is my wife's term for doing the washing.

I have a big smile reading these as many are familiar.

If the clocks hands are moving,, they are walking

If they are not,, they are sleeping

Anything in the proximity is

Behind. This one took me awhile to think 360 degrees

Any pail, bucket or trash barrel is a box.

Him can often mean her.

I'm still never sure the gender of people in the stories she conveys.

Too strong can be for sun, water pressure, food that is frozen or hard to eat.

Seeds in fruit "have somethings too strong inside"

Breast implants are

"big size" while putting a hand under hers

Open and close is on/off

Lightning is spark

We have fun together.

Here's one my wife came up with once I go buy shit or something sounding like that

Translated I go buy cheese

It makes as much sense as her screaming U Turn on motorway, don't worry about the concrete divider

She had given the wrong directions

ps - sometimes by listening to their mistakes, you can learn how to phrase things in Thai language as they are using a word for word translation…

"Obama lives in the house wife" ???

...House Wife = House White = White House

Obama lives in the White House !!!

My friend you.

Had the Car at Vikrom's, troubles with the brakes.

My secretary called in and told me "You got the wind in the brake"

And the maid informed me "I no speak farang"

My best to date. 2 Friends of my son came to visit prior to going abroad for a holiday. I asked how they would be travelling and both in unison answered. 'Packing back'. I didn't laugh bit it was with great effort.

OK, now ask your wife to share some of the funnies / double meanings etc., that you use in your limited Thai.

ps - sometimes by listening to their mistakes, you can learn how to phrase things in Thai language as they are using a word for word translation…

As do many foreigners in their early days of trying to learn Thai and foreigners keep doing this forever.

Box cool =fridgerator

Ice box = Refrigerator

How can be?

Leerley? (Really)

I miss puss so much, but it was not meant to be. Always love her.

"Ok , I foul !" ( Ok , Im wrong )

Now I go out eat foot ! ( Im eating out )

Tomollow come my neph . ( My nieces are visiting tomorrow )

You want sheet on you besghetti ? ( Would you like cheese on your pasta ?)

Im add zucumber to the sauce. ( I put zuccini in the pasta sauce )

Them Moslem peopen , why them always say , "Hello Alan" too mutt? ( Ummmm...)

On a tangent, when I served with the Gurkhas (Nepalese):

Truck no see in the dark - the lights on my landrover don't work.

Here's one I committed. I once said to a haughty working girl outside a Japanese karaoke bar who gave me a dirty look and said she didn't like farangs: "Kii Khun may min luu?!", which was my version of "your sh*t doesn't stink right?!" When I told my Thai Mrs she nearly gave herself a hernia laughing. Some things don't translate directly.

Here's one from a Vietnamese bank in Cambodia:

Be your side, by your hand.......try working that one out!

A few more:

Make bucket - pack a bag.

Shuttlecock - Cotton bud.

My favourite: Strawberry about that - Stop worrying about that.