How to make "meeting the parents" in Isaan perfect?

[todlad]

I resisted the parents' demand for GBP30,000 as a dowry but I did my duty and paid what I thought were my dues: enough, I said, considering that over time I will add more to their coffers directly and indirectly and that is what has happened and is happening.

 

A gift of a phone? I agree with others, what on earth for? Keep the phone for yourself.

 

I have to say that I generally make my in laws work for anything they get from me and I see that as only fair: you don't get owt for nowt, not even here. On the other hand, the in laws are more than happy to work with/for us as he is a skilled woodworker and she is good at labouring. We pay them as well as anyone when they do their jobs for us.

 

I feel the need to give you advice on the baby, however: we built a house next door to our in laws three and a half years ago; our baby is almost 18 months old now and we have just moved out. The mother in law and her other daughters who all live at home stalked the poor child. We couldn't open our door, arrive home from shopping or any movement without someone appearing out of nowhere. Even to the extent that I took the baby for a walk round a nearby lake a while ago and the father in law suddenly appeared on his motor bike , ostensibly just passing by!

 

I  also found out that mother in law was teaching our daughter, at around 12 months old if not before, to wai to buddha and statues and the king ... even on bank notes. She also taught her to sweep the floor.

 

The stalking got to me and even though Mrs Todlad made it clear that our daughter is not a toy and that they must leave us alone, it became very uncomfortable to live there. We even went through a short phase of having our daughter kidnapped by one or more of them: she would just disappear from our house or our garden ... they took her. That made me angry.

 

You might have no problems like that if, as it might be, you are not living so near to your in laws. Watch out, though!

[louse1953]

14 hours ago, anthos said:

if he won't be able to escape on the way, are there any particular topics to avoid during a dinner conversation?

any good talking points?  

a funny Thai joke that they'll understand? about growing bananas perhaps

What sin sod is he paying as being pregnant and not married will be frowned up.Remember the dna check if the kid comes out too brown.

[louse1953]

50 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

The biggest shock will come when OPs freind realises that the parents are the "same age" as him. You can discuss recent world events like 911 terrorist attacks, OPs friend and the parents were probably in there 20s when that happend, a little uncomfortable when you realise the GF was 3 

My missus said she wished she met me when i first came to Thailand in 76.She was 4.

[louse1953]

13 hours ago, Lamkyong said:

"put Thai"   ???

put passover Thai would be more correct.

[daveAustin]

If her folks are aware of her profession (?) and are okay with it, he'll probably be fine, though her being pregnant might not look so good and they would expect marriage before due date. Just tell him to dress smart, shaven, good shoes and be polite... a wedge of money might also help.

[louse1953]

49 minutes ago, AlQaholic said:

Run!!!!!

What is it with Brits and the stupid football thing? I can't watch football for even a minute without getting so bored I fall asleep. Let alone getting worked up by a particular team.........

Well it's better than cricket.

[Mitkof Island]

Is this what they call a shotgun wedding ? Yea good question. Your so called moron friend can not write for himself? Let me guess . He can,t speak English either. Seen more than a few of these guys in Thailand. Foreigner speaks no English or Thai. Stares off into nowhere. Bar girl playing with her phone. Wow! What a relationship. Ever stop to wonder what the locals are thinking while she drags her ATM around by the nose.

Edited November 28, 2016 by Mitkof Island

[AlQaholic]

Don't forget to eat the deep fried cockroaches with a big smile.......

[Emster23]

First off, drop West Ham. Not popular in NE. Get an Ar-suh-nun shirt and everything will be hunky dory.

[Peterw42]

11 minutes ago, louse1953 said:

My missus said she wished she met me when i first came to Thailand in 76.She was 4.

 

Yes, the reality often comes as a shock, You trek off to issan with the 20 year old GF and meet the GFs mother, then realise the mother is, Single, slim, attractive, around your age and you probably should be dating the mother. 

Its the little things you notice, the mother knows who Elvis is, can remember the 70s, like you she has 20 year old kids, 

 

[RawboneFunksta]

I cannot believe that some people are taking the post seriously and offering advice!!!

It must be because the descriptions match them perfectly 555

 

West Ham fan indeed! 

[glegolo]

I have not read all the posts yet, but guess that there are the good ones, the bad ones, and the most frequent ones; the stupid ones, written by people that have no clou besides a beer and pretending they know "stuff" about Isaan.

 

i live in Chaiyaphum since 9 years back. Can honestly say that OK maybe I am lucky, but these years has been the best in my life (OK almost the best).... If this guy wants to live here or is just going up here to say hello I dont know. 

 

But if just visiting why even bother to give advice, I mean what is there to lose or go bad, just go for Gods sake.... Like somebody said, dont bring any stupid luxury gifts, that is like open up Pandoras box, and people here will immy think he is a stupid falang...

 

Come as he is, show respect to the parents, and rest of the extended family. Show that he WANTS to be parft of the family, pay for a couple of beers and some Thaiwhiskey, and smile and be nice.

 

There is probably no chance in hell that he can speak to any of the family-members, because they have no clou about english, maybe that uncle who have been working in Korea or Dubai or Israel, he can at least count to 10 in english. So a lot of talking is out...

 

If this guy is coming to stay and start a new life, THAN we are talking about something completely different, and need some serious advice. Not many are fit to manage here, only MEN and no babies can do well here.

 

Good luck, hope all goes well

 

Glegolo

[Saastrajaa]

15 hours ago, anthos said:

My friend has spent enogh long years here to be aware of the worst. So it's too late to hurt feelings.

We rather expect some good humour which this forum is famous for ).

 

 

 

"Enough long years"...?  Then he should speak Thai by now.  Ask him how he feels about immigrants in his country who don't learn the language.

[bluesofa]

15 hours ago, anthos said:

 

yeah, dried bananas even better

If it's dried bananas, then some Viagra might be handy too...

[Sphere]

2 hours ago, jossthaifarang said:

I would look out for anything that's looking a little worse for ware around the place, roll up the sleeves and fix it up.

 

Excellent suggestion....but be warned.....brushing the MILs teeth with Borax to get rid of those beetlenut stains is probably not a good idea.

Edited November 28, 2016 by Sphere

[Deli]

Just tell him to run...

[smotherb]

Stand up and explain--get an interpreter if need be--that you will take care of the baby and will gladly give the girlfriend's family as much money as they give your family.  Then, ask for something to drink and eat.

[wildewillie89]

I live in Chaiyaphum and am married. I ended up living with the in laws for 3 or 4 months. Just be completely honest, and say where your life is. I made my wife tell the family what parts of the culture ill do and what i will not do. I told her to tell them how much money I had, and the plans i had for the family. Also get a good friend of the mrs who is respected by her family to vouch for you...my father in law, being army, was more focused on if i could protect her or not rather than anything else. Took going down south to Yala to gain his trust, but i wouldnt recommend that haha.

 

Thai are pretty okay with things once youre in. Cousins, uncles, aunts, the whole family will have your back and help you out with anything, bring you food, take you places, whatever. If money, asking you to pay for stuff or something they can get off you is a focus then you know you have hit gold diggers. 

[thehelmsman]

Some deeply disturbed folks posting here. Not all Thais fall into the stereo-typical  category.

[Deepinthailand]

Walk in sit dawn say hello and ask for a beer then casual drop in by the way (pointing at girlfriend) she up the duff another chang anyone???

[wildewillie89]

12 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

Chaiyaphum area many parents are uneducated and never had much schooling (farmers)

 

Isaan dialect is spoken which is not the same as Thai

 

All farangs that show up around that area are expected to be of some financial means. 

 

If there is no money to constantly help the family, this will never last and the mother will pressure the daughter constantly

 

As far as the farm, that is a region where sometimes there is no rain at all and you get zero crops.

 

Then you make zero money, family takes out loans from local sharks for more seeds to try again for the coming year.

 

Her family will now be the focus of everyone in the village to see what "riches and face" the farang will bring to the family.

 

Expect to have a large wedding and dowry. If you say they family does not want it, I say BS.

 

Marrying a farang and not getting any "face" will make her family the laughing stock of the village.

 

A friend of ours (Thai) got married in that area last week, my father is bitching how there was no cola or whiskey or enough food to eat. The whole village is pissed off.

 

Understand if you cannot financially help them, if you have any money at all, better use that to buy something that they can use to earn their own money.

 

A nice 2 wheeled tractor with a good sized wagon for hauling sugar cane, wood, etc that they can use to make a living

 

Expecting the farm to reap riches is foolishness. 

 

You have to really question a 40+ year old that knocks up a 20 year old? 

 

Not even married, not even far into a relationship and now with a kid on the way?

 

You get what you deserve in this life and I expect the Isaan people will win this one in the end

 

 

12 hours ago, bwpage3 said:

 

The large wedding as about the only thing I partly agree with here (especially if the family is well known). If not, i know of 3 or 4 farang here who had extremely small weddings just in the house/village....even the rain i cant agree on, the city just flooded and was closed off for a few days not long back lol. Surrounding areas are still flooded now a few months on. You know, it is Chaiyaphum, has rain season and winter too. It rained so much after the drought (that was experienced by a lot of Thailand) that the dams overflowed and flooded the city (closing off government buildings). Also many times the city was nearly closed off due to the government having to release water from the dams to prevent further overflowing. 

 

Not all Chaiyaphum people are 'uneducated'. My family consists of mayors, politicians, doctors, lawyers, government officials, teachers, army and police. If someone decides to choose an uneducated girl, then that is their issue, but dont classify a whole region as being predominantly 'uneducated'. If we are going to do that, then lets just classify the whole country excluding Bangkok ( re GDP expenditure on education around Thai). Which, i will happily agree on you with. This point then relates back to the money issue. If the family has decent jobs and are 'educated' they will bypass any want or need for money and will never ask you for it. I have been married for a year now with zero attempts of asking for money, in fact 2 rai of land was given to us to build on with the family always lending my wife and I money to finish off building our house (as homeloans are never enough and he doesnt want to use the money i have). 

 

This whole idea is the very reason it is hard to hang out with other 'farang' in Thai....they just all bitch and moan about it. Like come on, if you decide to marry a gold digger, isnt that your own fault? There is a hell of a lot of Thai women out there who will not want your money, and theyre not too hard to find. Sin sord now is the real test. Culture has changed ever so slightly with the new generation of Thais. 25-35 years old I have found will go in to bat for you about sin sord. It seems on talking within my circle of Thais, maybe 100-200 people over the last 5 years, that sin sord is the real test of gold digging amongst Thais. Of course, youll get the culture line (Thai guys pay it too bla bla), but the good ones will realise its a different culture theyre marrying into. For example, in my culture the woman's parents pay the wedding....so common sense will win out if the family is of any decency. 3 farang in my village, the other 2 very small weddings. 

 

Regarding the gossip, it is gossip lol. Thais generally move on from it very fast. Whether it is about a wedding or your hair cut. The village gossiped more about my hair being an inch too long than they did about the other farangs tiny wedding. That is just Thai people. Take gossip to heart and it is impossible to live here. 

[Grubster]

He must eat what they eat, don't smell it just eat it. Don't look at the fingers that go into the sticky rice bin either, just wipe your nose with your fingers and dig in.

[Shiver]

[haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I'm repeating what went before me]

 

Food, drink and manners is all I would take.  They'll eye you up as a token gesture then almost certainly instantly approve of you.

 

If the kid is yours then I would expect they'll be wanting to hear about wedding plans and how you are going to take care of her.  Make sure you know your stance on that one so that you don't get coerced without knowing what is going on.  If you and your girl have already discussed that then she will have paved the way before you even get there, and the meeting will just be a formality.

 

 

[roo860]

Can't see it going well if the future father in law is a Millwall fan.

Sent from my SM-G920F using Thaivisa Connect mobile app

[Siameaze]

Don't go now and send a buffalo. He'll be asked for money later when it takes ill.

 

[mikiea]

18 hours ago, anthos said:

 

We have just been told by another Issan native that flowers are not seen as a normal gesture of politness there and don't count as a gift because "you can't eat them".

flash your medicaid card , tell them you have a incurable sickness and you want to leave all that you have to the bun oven when you take the dirt nap .

[thaibeachlovers]

11 hours ago, Johnniey said:

Why the need to impress her parents? They will most likely despise him, whatever he does.

Mine did. The old miseryguts never acknowledged my existence after I gave over the sin sod ( only for show and I got it back after ).

[thaibeachlovers]

4 hours ago, jossthaifarang said:

I would look out for anything that's looking a little worse for ware around the place, roll up the sleeves and fix it up. You'll be in the good books after that for sure.

 

I would also make sure I live very far away, and maybe only a yearly visit after that.

Doing stuff makes no difference. I did that, but the only response I got ( via my wife ) was that they didn't ask me to do it, and didn't see any need to thank me. I'm sure they would have loved me if I gave over the readies, till they ran out,

[alantheembalmer]

He has something in common with Dad already; as he is a West Ham fan, he obviously doesn't appreciate football either.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, glegolo said:

 

 

Come as he is, show respect to the parents, and rest of the extended family. Show that he WANTS to be parft of the family, ............................and smile and be nice.

 

 

I did that, was out cutting trees with the family.

 

Made no difference. References to the farang that married a cousin and was large with the redies confirmed to me that only money matters to them.