Do Thai people deal with death better than us?

[Hutch68]

Lost a lovely young Thai nice 4 days ago, a very promising young woman who finished school with top marks. A terrible accident and been to see her off today, I have never seen so much pain in the harts of the hundreds of people that were there. The photos that have been put around sicken me but now we are all back home life just seems to go on and that it never happened where as I am finding it difficult to deal with. Anyone else seen this?

[Peterw42]

Condolences on your loss. Yes, I would agree with your observations, Thai people do seem to deal with death better than we do. I suppose Buddhism has a lot to do with it, and ancestor worship, spirit houses etc . My wife's mother passed a couple of years ago and I have watched my wife and how she dealt with it. To are large extent mum is considered to still be around, take food once a year to the house, offerings at the wat and spirit house in the front yard. Like yourself, I was surprised at how quickly life returned to normal.

[The Dancer]

Condolences. Yes, I have been bemused by this on more than one occasion.

 

A young guy where I work lost his mom to cancer. He came into work a couple of days later like nothing had happened. Another colleague has a wife with terminal cancer and an only child who's autistic. We're close and he's sad when he talks about them, which is not often and only reluctantly. Other times you wouldn't know what's going on his life.

 

Weird. Might be all part of the "keep  your emotions to yourself" composure so important here. Or as Peter says no one's really ever gone as in ashes to ashes, dust to dust - they just become spirits on the way to reincarnation. So they're still around as long you believe they are.

[Damrongsak]

I was the one who had to tell my Thai wife that our first-born son was killed in combat in Iraq at age 20. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I will never forget her screaming, over and over and over...

 

She was a mess for several days, barely ambulatory.  I think I was simply in shock.  But we both bounced back.  She said "That was all the time he had for us."  Learn what you need in this lifetime and move on to the next, I guess.  She thought he was about perfect and so moved on quickly.

 

 

Edited March 11, 2017 by Damrongsak

[swissie]

Folks that believe in any sort of resurrection tend to deal better with the inevitable.

 

World champions are people that blow themselves up in crowded aereas, knowing that paradise awaits them wit 77 virgins at their disposal.

 

Cheers.

[Damrongsak]

Not so much a resurrection as a continuity in a different form, perhaps.  My Dad more or less died in my arms on his 80th birthday.  The older you get, the more familiar you get with death.  It is the way of things.  

 

In the Buddhist way, blowing up your butt for virgins or whatnot is a complete waste of time.

Edited March 11, 2017 by Damrongsak

[Colabamumbai]

My Thai partner refuses to talk about death, or about having money when I am gone. We do celebrate the death of her parents at the Wat every year.

[catman20]

On 3/11/2017 at 11:23 PM, Damrongsak said:

I was the one who had to tell my Thai wife that our first-born son was killed in combat in Iraq at age 20. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I will never forget her screaming, over and over and over...

 

She was a mess for several days, barely ambulatory.  I think I was simply in shock.  But we both bounced back.  She said "That was all the time he had for us."  Learn what you need in this lifetime and move on to the next, I guess.  She thought he was about perfect and so moved on quickly.

 

 

sorry to hear about your sad loss, made me feel teary. 

[soalbundy]

I don't think that they handle death well, they fear it in a desperate sort of way, that they seem calm after a loved ones death is because they almost refuse to acknowledge it for fear that they must confront their own demise in the future.

 

I am on good terms with our relatively young abbot (38) at the temple, he is very well educated and speaks fluent English (high-so family), once, while speaking about  different religions he asked me how i felt about death as a christian, i replied that i had no religion but i didn't fear death, he was absolutely perplexed as to how this could be. I asked him why he fears the inevitable especially as he believes in rebirth, his answer, ''I try not to think about it''.  

[Suradit69]

Quote

...better than us?

Who is us?

 

As far as I know "us" deal with death in a wide range of ways. The assumption that Thais are all alike and farang are all alike but in a completely different way in their thoughts and behavior is nonsense.

The difference between "us" and "them" reflects mostly your view of the world, not the reality on the ground.

 

Many people, regardless of their nationality have difficulty coping with loss of a loved one. Others don't show emotions but are deeply affected nonetheless.  Sometimes you've experienced so much pain over and over again that you become numb to it as a defence and become emotionally detached, which may appear to be indifference.

 

 

 

Edited March 14, 2017 by Suradit69

[does]

I was in a situation where a young child passed away. To my great surprise, I was the only one with tears in my eyes. I asked my Thai partner about it and death in general. She said Thais feel the deceased "are just at the other side of the door". While no expert, I am sure the Buddhist faith is the key.

[does]

8 minutes ago, Suradit69 said:

Who is us?

 

As far as I know "us" deal with death in a wide range of ways. The assumption that Thais are all alike and farang are all alike but in a completely different way in their thoughts and behavior is nonsense.

The difference between "us" and "them" reflects mostly your view of the world, not the reality on the ground.

So generalization and using the "generic type" is verboten in your view of the world?

Edited March 14, 2017 by does
speeling error

[thaipo7]

I think that all my time in Thailand has giving me a different attitude on my upcoming death.   I have expressed this to family and friends in the USA.

[Docno]

I find Thais are more superstitious about talking about the inevitability or possibility of death. For example, when I'm taking a flight I sometimes joke with my gf that if the plane goes down, she has to be nice to my ghost and leave some beer out for me (etc), and she gets angry at me for making that kind of joke. But when death happens, they seem to move past it faster than those of us from the West. I guess the belief that this is just one life out of millions that each of us will live offers some comfort in that context.  

[Dale59]

I don't fear death at all. It's as natural as taking a crap. As to what happens after death I give it very little thought. We either continue in one form or another or we don't. If we do then I'll worry about it then. If we don't I need not worry at all! I don't need to go beyond this. I don't need organized religions with their silly explanations that require the suspension of reason to believe. What a waste of time and energy.


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[tompelli]

My father in law was dying of cancer in the local hospital. The family was arranged around the room in seeming expectation. I went to his side, held his hand & mopped his brow. I could see life leaving his eyes & felt that I had been of some comfort. 

My mother in law is a very strong woman, having brought up 7 kids on a farmers income. She sat quietly sobbing & I told my wife how sorry I felt for her mum. Her mum said (translated) I'm not sad for myself or for my husband, but that you could step up & help him on his way made her emotional  (& happy).

[connda]

Yep.  Thais have a completely different, and imho, a much healthier perspective.  Sure there is mourning, but then life goes on.  We have funeral processions go past the house at least once a month, sometime more than once a week.  Death is simply part of the ebb and flow of life.  Westerners make it into something morbid. 

Edited March 14, 2017 by connda

[Johnnyngai]

Usually, third world people could handle more  hardship  than wealthy western people.   When I was a little boy, when I got sick with a high fever,  my mother just let me tough it out until I am about half dead.  At that time an average citizen earned about  .85 usd a day,  seeing a real doctor cost  1.70 usd .   

[hdkane]

Honestly, I do not know what to think of the Thai approach to death...I sometimes wonder if they actually know what is important and what is trivial...I have only met a few Thais who have a real long term plan for their life, for example...

 

Quite some time ago, about 10 years, I visited a village, and there was a home that was burned down...I asked about it, because my group was having coffee at a neighbor's home...a woman in the group spoke up and said it was her home, and it had burned down the previous week...I stated my condolences...then she matter-of-factly stated that her two children died in the fire...no tears, no open display of sadness...just that statement...I didn't know how to react at the time, except again to say I'm sorry...but this woman was back to work, thinking of the day's events and acting "normal"...I asked another person who was there about the behavior, and she remarked that the woman "had no time to be sad"...perhaps it's a third world phenomenon, where pervasive hardship prevents a person from brooding or dwelling on the negative outcomes in life, as they believe another disaster is inevitably in the near future...I don't know ultimately.

[Lucky mike]

Yes, I believe that part of Buddhism helps the process in both acceptance and rebirth.  Plus the process of the monks serving a date for fire allows for friends and family to come together at temple before "fire" to pay respect....

[sanukjim]

No,It is about the same.Except for Lazarus and Jesus no one has been known to escape it.

[GarryP]

3 hours ago, Colabamumbai said:

My Thai partner refuses to talk about death, or about having money when I am gone. We do celebrate the death of her parents at the Wat every year.

They must have been awful parents for you to celebrate their deaths. [Joke] 

[Grubster]

1 hour ago, Dale59 said:

I don't fear death at all. It's as natural as taking a crap. As to what happens after death I give it very little thought. We either continue in one form or another or we don't. If we do then I'll worry about it then. If we don't I need not worry at all! I don't need to go beyond this. I don't need organized religions with their silly explanations that require the suspension of reason to believe. What a waste of time and energy.


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I agree about most of that but I will still be a bit scared if you are going to slice my head off. I guess I am saying the vehicle of death scares me a bit. I think religion may be the biggest evil on the planet.

[blazes]

An interesting topic and most of the comments here seem to have the kernel of an answer.

Only last night, my (Thai) wife and I were discussing my inevitable demise (hopefully not too soon) as a member of the human race.

She commented that she would be very sad, but would "remain strong" and not give in to tears.

I gave her the standard Western answer, that tears were a  necessary "safety valve" -- better to let go one's inner feelings rather than bottle them up, causing who knows what kind of inner turmoil.

 

But, yes, Buddhism (at this point in history) seems to have a far greater hold on people's interpretation of the future than the standard Christian one.  The idea of a "second chance" is attractive to those that believe that the future is perfectible.  Whereas the Christian "final destination" when you croak does not allow for much hope.  And as for the 72 virgins bs....

[deepinlaos]

they forget easy

 

don't hang onto the past like westerners

[manhood]

well i think it's a very personal thing to deal with death, the death of family or friends and even the own death.

So neither any relegion is helping to handle death if anybody not think about it by himself and find his way.....sure a loss hearts but yes as we say life is going on and thats how it is.

But just talk with Thais as buddhist about their own death!!!!!!!!!!!! A nightmare for them....but for christians nowadays not a problem at all. Even if you think an discuss to end your life by yourself after maybe suffering a deathly sickness with no way to recover...

[Sirbergan]

43 minutes ago, deepinlaos said:

they forget easy

 

don't hang onto the past like westerners

You definitely haven't met my wife!

[bazza73]

I think they deny the existence of death. When I've tried to discuss my inevitable death with my Thai GF,  she doesn't want to talk about it. Perhaps she wants me to live forever, which is an alarming prospect.

Every religion promises eternal life to those who follow it. It's a good advertising strategy.

[xylophone]

On 3/11/2017 at 11:55 PM, swissie said:

Folks that believe in any sort of resurrection tend to deal better with the inevitable.

 

World champions are people that blow themselves up in crowded aereas, knowing that paradise awaits them wit 77 virgins at their disposal.

 

Cheers.

I agree with your first point and I think that's the reason why a lot of "religious" people are that way, because it gives them some comfort to know that if a loved one has passed, then "they will have gone to a better place" etc – – not that I believe in any of that stuff, however if it helps them to get over a bereavement, then so be it.

 

Your second point about the "world champions", should probably read................ "thinking that paradise awaits them with 72 or 77 virgins"!!!.

 

Just the other day a friend and I were loosely discussing religion and he brought up a point which I hadn't thought about before, when he said, "surely these people who believe in religion are intelligent enough to understand that it's a bunch of nonsense and fairy stories are no one with half an ounce of common sense would believe it".

 

My reply was that perhaps they believe in it because it gives them comfort for a life after death or some such thing. But the "intelligent people believing in religion" point did make me think.

 

 

 

 

[khunPer]

A Singaporean newspaper wrote after the 2004-tsunami, that the Christian Westerners suffered a lot more than the Asian Buddhists, as the the Christians got stuck in the grief, whilst Buddhists live in the "now" and easily moved on. Seem like Thais accept that you cannot change the past, and move on...