Why would or shouldn't a man get married to a woman?

[SheungWan]

What i have learned from this thread is that if you live in a cave you don't have to get married.

[timendres]

There are many reasons for marriage:

o A demonstration of commitment to the one you love

o To provide a more traditional environment for the raising of children

o For the purposes of dealing with governments (e.g., visas)

o To acquire a legal contract for the purpose of sharing your life and raising a family

   - Certain rights are conveyed by this contract (hospital visitation, signatory rights, taxes, government benefits, pensions, etc.)

   - Protection (legal and monetary) in the event of dissolution (divorce)

   - Inheritance

Only the last reason (legal contract) requires a "legal" marriage.

 

There are reasons to not marry

o Fear that the legal contract may be more detrimental to one party

o Distaste for such institutions as the church (if involved) or government (always involved for a legal marriage)

o Distaste for tradition

o Position in the progression of life (age) and future expectations

o Recognition by both parties that a measure of freedom is preferred

The first item can be mitigated with a prenup. The last item may be less optimal for those planning a family.

 

For example, I was legally married to my first wife at age 27. We raised our children. We ultimately divorced. I would not have wanted to raise my kids without the advantages of the legal marriage. The divorce was murder, both emotionally and financially - kids, money, insane wife. My second wife - Thai - and I married (I was now 45 and she was 38) for the purpose of a Visa to the US and ultimately a green card. We divorced years later, but because we had no children, no significant assets were acquired during the marriage, and she was a more reasonable person than the first wife, the divorce was amicable and we are still good friends. Now, at the age of 55, I would never consider another legal marriage. It would serve no purpose in my mind. If I had a serious partner, and my partner was concerned about financial matters in the event of my death, I would deal with that via my will. No intention of taking her to the US. No desire to have more kids. No need for the legal rights conveyed by a legal marriage. I imagine there might be some unique circumstance that would change this position, but at the moment I do not see it.

 

[timendres]

11 minutes ago, SheungWan said:

What i have learned from this thread is that if you live in a cave you don't have to get married.

And if you get married, the divorce may leave you living in a cave...

[peterb17]

22 minutes ago, Elkski said:

Ease of travel?  I have not encountered any issues with accommodations.  In fact many times I have the woman fill in the registration card. They don't ask for my passport then.  No reason to let Thai govt know my whereabouts. This works even if I use Agoda.  

I hadn't really thought of the trophy wife thing. At least not to brag about.  It would make no difference to me if I introduced a woman in the USA as my GF or wife. 

No one  has really  commented with facts about the govt health care system that all govt workers have.  I'm not sure how good it is? I have heard of que's  for certain non life threatening things.  I've been told a legal spouse is entitled? As well as parents and children of the retired govt worker.  Nurse, teacher, etc

 

It's not the scooter. It's the BMW X5, the Robertson, etc.   

As a relatively healthy person the health care may provide for the catastrophic things?  Is this health system a  joke or something? I heard many govt hospitals are quite good heart trauma centers.

There seems to be a way to get children dual citizenship without marriage from what I've been told by one unmarried widow. 

I'm not against the idea of marriage.   I do want to protect my assets but over time make sure any person I am with gets her share.  But maybe I want some of her riches.  Why do so many people have to be sexist as well as cling to traditions without thought?   Why would I be laughed at for just asking this question?  

Just love it - you get ' The Woman' to fill in your registration card .

 

Another paranoid American- no reason to let the Thai Government know my where abouts!

 

If  you are seriously thinking about coming here- the one thing that we do here is stick to the law- ( it makes life much easier)  you are legally required to let Immigration know where you are. We live under a military Government. 

 

Well you cant bring that fabulous piece of German engineering here and after a few years it's not worth much anyway .

 

What on earth is a Roberston - Google does not help. 

 

I still think your only concern is money and your material things- and this idea that you retire here to basically find a woman ( read slave) - to take care of you- for nothing in return- it does not happen in the Kingdom 

[Elkski]

Very nice post timendres! 

That is what I envisioned being able to read on the cave walls as I sat on my stack of 15 bison robes by the warm fire.   

 

To some of sexist guys, I have actually met several women for whom marriage was quite costly for them.   I know of three cases where the woman got the home loan in her name because of employment ( government loan). And somchi never paid one time towards the house.  In one case, ongoing, the man who found his young co worker his flavor is expecting to get half the house and basically forcing the woman to try to sell it.  After living with said tart for 6 months he has decided to come sleep at the family house.   Against his wife and sons wishes.  I guess he is trying to ensure his half or force the issue.   Is this a beautiful benifit of marriage some of you assume occurs with the 50 baht paper??

 

Yes I think you can get a BMW X5 and Robertson is a helicopter that would help solve the dangerous roads and traffic issues.  I can't afford one. Probably not legal to own one in Thailand?

 

I think am a nice , hard working, sharing, caring, loving partner.  Those will be velvet hand cuffs only used one a month.  But yes after reading so many stories of men losing their life savings I am attempting to educate myself before I make any major mistakes.  

Who would call this planning stupid.   I think most parents would be happy for me to live and care for their daughter.  Married or not.   

 

I do see the advantage for hospital visitations and decisions. 

I think the type of woman I seek will easily be able to get a tourist visa.  3 have so far. 

Edited August 8, 2017 by Elkski

[thaibeachlovers]

18 hours ago, Here2008 said:

NO -- But I do recognise misogyny! 

Where is the misogyny?

He obviously doesn't hate all women.

 

IMO, the only reason to get married is for the sake of children, and therefore, the question should also be if there is a reason to have children with Thai women.

 

I was lucky to get out of my Thai marriage poorer, but not completely broke.

 

Just say NO.

[georgemandm]

1 hour ago, transam said:

Think that is common knowledge..

Read why I  quoted what I said 

[Elkski]

PS, maybe some of you guys would rather read the 

" I married a Thai gal and she took all my money!" Stories.  Move on, as it's not happening to me.  

 

I have read things like any debt your wife signs up for even without your knowledge is half your responsibility.  

I know about land ownership. And I read you can own the building if you do certain paperwork. I'm not sure how you divide that up unless you move the house.

I like the advice on housing,  rent your house,  buy or rent a condo, or live in her house. 

Edited August 8, 2017 by Elkski

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, RowdyAlpha said:

Must have been memorable, what was the wedding cake made of. Rice and fish sauce icing.

Are you saying the wedding cake is a compulsory part of getting married? Are cakes even part of a traditional Thai wedding?

My wife and I didn't have any sort of party, ceremony at all, as we didn't live near the family. The only "ceremony' I was involved in was the "fake" handing over of money for the sin sod when we did eventually visit the village. While we ended in divorce, that would have happened regardless of wedding cakes.

 

[thaibeachlovers]

7 minutes ago, Elkski said:

PS, maybe some of you guys would rather read the 

" I married a Thai gal and she took all my money!" Stories.  Move on, as it's not happening to me.  

55555555555555555555555

That's what everyone says, till it does.

[UnkleMoooose]

If you don't enjoy peace and quiet, if have too many houses or too much money, or if you are just too happy single, then these may be reasons to get married.

 

Perhaps you enjoy celibacy, or talking about your feelings, these are good as well.

Edited August 8, 2017 by UnkleMoooose

[Elkski]

So if I do any improvements to the inside of a cave those are things I can get 50% back?   

 

Is it really true after marriage sex frequency falls of more than if just living in the cave?

 

I can sustain an outlay of funds but I have a limit to the downward slope in the plan for 35 years. 

 

I have not tried skydiving. I prefer to fly the plane.  But I may try skydiving some day but I prefer to use a parachute rather than b-day suit and towel.   I have read that it's important to make yourself more valuable alive rather than a splat on the hood of a car.  

[Foozool]

"Most people marry a person they love and respect. You should give that some thought."

 

or you you can buy some respect if you got enough money. Get respect from many ladies. ???

Edited August 8, 2017 by Foozool

[1FinickyOne]

Well, the simple answer is that whatever you do has to work for you... and you will not likely be able to plan for that as you don't know what might happen... but, trying to figure it out beforehand, well, it is sort of like trying to solve a math problem though the numbers will not be revealed until a future date...

 

Unless you want to spend all of your time planning - with the hope that you will cover all your bases or as many as possible. Relax and let it happen - which includes proceeding thoughtfully when it does... there are just too many variables for you to cover all bases... 

[4MyEgo]

27 minutes ago, Elkski said:

So if I do any improvements to the inside of a cave those are things I can get 50% back?   

 

Is it really true after marriage sex frequency falls of more than if just living in the cave?

 

I can sustain an outlay of funds but I have a limit to the downward slope in the plan for 35 years. 

 

I have not tried skydiving. I prefer to fly the plane.  But I may try skydiving some day but I prefer to use a parachute rather than b-day suit and towel.   I have read that it's important to make yourself more valuable alive rather than a splat on the hood of a car.  

Only invest as much as your prepared to lose, say 10% of your worth.

 

Keep your assets in your homeland.

 

Prenuptial without thinking twice, if it doesn't exist in your country, then don't get married, look at it as a business transaction, i.e. your running a business, you employ staff, you take precaution so that the staff don't clean you out, your wife has to also be looked at as a staff member, simple way of looking at it IMO.

 

Don't get married unless you CLICK, she has to be your best mate IMO, have no jealousy, be happy for you, be happy to be a part of your life and put you 1st and her family last, and I don't mean for her to be your slave, but you have to be more important to her than her family, because Thai families can try to be demanding, this is were she will side with you and say NO !

 

I have been joyfully married for 10 years and the sex is still great at this end with the wife and others, can't answer for any others though.

 

Most here will have a go and that's fine, each to their own I say, it works for me and it works for her, she has more now than she had when she came into this marriage 10 years ago, apart from a husband she can love, trust and respect, she has a large house on a good land parcel, 5 other land parcels, a modern car, a motorbike, money in the bank, a life insurance policy on me and a will for when I croak, this ATM has only invested 10% of its worth, there is a prenuptial agreement in place, and 90% of my assets are abroad, so if things ever went south, I wouldn't be another victim telling a story of how I was taken, the only thing I would have lost would have been the LOVE that I was enjoying.

 

Good luck  

[1FinickyOne]

5 hours ago, georgemandm said:

You don't need to marry someone to love and respect them at all .

 

 

5 hours ago, transam said:

Think that is common knowledge..

George M - - wonderful line. No kidding. This is the first thing I have read from you that was not equating love & money & how awful Thai ladies are... I hope you have found in your life that respect is a great addition to love... it was lacking in many of your other posts. 

 

Trans - go easy - yes, you are correct it is or should be simple logic but this is a big step up from his previous posts...

 

M&M - congrats - it sounds like you are finally off the sauce... keep up the good work. 

[khunPer]

23 hours ago, Elkski said:

I myself don't have any reasons I can't live with someone without marriage.  I would be just as loyal with or without some paper.  I am quite anti religious. So giving any religion any credibility by some ceremony my cause me heart burn.   I can see a big party professing our love and intentions.   No I don't have a lady in mind.   Yet.

If a relationship works, it works as well without any paper, just based on mutual fair trust in each other; however in some countries a legal marriage has benefits, as well as disadvantages, in other countries living together for a number of years will almost equal status of marriage.

 

I've never been married, but I've had a few girlfriends, some long lasting and living together as married. Seem like separation is more easy when not married, than ending up in a court; however my relationships may anyway have been that easy to end, married or not, and I'm still in good contacts with my ex'es – except my first on-and.off Thai girlfriend for almost two years, she said that there's no reason to be friends, if I don't continue to give her some money...

 

Early retired in Thailand since end of 2005, so that's almost 12 years now, and living together with same Thai girlfriend since 2004; we met in 2003. We're not married, and we both agree in that the paper is worthless, if it cannot work, the paper just make things more complicated. We have a now 12-year old child together; my first and only child.

 

In eyes of her family we are just like a married couple – because you are considered that in Thailand, when you sleep together – village marriage, sin sot, and party has never been a question. We trust each other, and we both have the benefits from not being married in case of something goes South; i.e. what each of us own, belongs to each of us.

 

Like OP I'm not religious, but my Thai girlfriend is Buddhist, and some Buddhist traditions comes into our family, which also is part of living in Thailand, and therefore shall be accepted by me, the foreign and otherwise too strange "farang". The plan has all the time been that I wished to moved to Land-of-Smiles, so eventually benefits of marriage staying in my home country was never in question; however due to the country I originates from and it's strict rules, it limited my Thai child's abilities for dual nationality by birth, us being not married; which later following an EU-Court verdict changed – for most countries I believe it's not a problem.

 

For practical reasons I made a Last Will – or rather two, one abroad covering my assets in my home country, and one in Thailand covering my assets here – so there hopefully shall be clear lines, when I'm due for a move to next level. In general I believe it's important to make necessary protections – for both parties – and have clear knowledge and understanding with the Thai partner about this.

 

In my view, one can easily live in Thailand on retirement conditions without being married, and still live together with a local as family – but of course it's an individual balance and choice, as we are all (little) different...

 

[Elkski]

Very nice words KhunPer.   Yes I think you need two Will's.  I think the wills would evolve over time.  I don't  plan to be having anymore children.

I realize that I may ask my partner to retire early so we can spend more time together.  I can see that this would require some leap of faith on her part as many careers don't allow you to just jump back in.  

There is so much misinformation out there regarding a Thai/farang union.  Even in this thread.   We all must respect each other as individuals from all over this planet.  And each Thai Women is an individual.  I sure haven't seen that many similarities in them. Learning about all the types of women that reside here is part of the puzzle.   I would say American women conform to a more homogeneous mold.  

One thing I don't want to be is an unwilling victim.  

I find it so hypocritical to read other threads with the arguments that if you pay for it by the day your scum but then be told if you don't just give your partner her  fair share of your life's kitty your being cheap Charlie.  

I know two sisters who hate Mia noi's Because they didn't go to college, don't work and have so many material things. But they both will say yes fir life to the first Falang who will agree to support them and save them from their debt.  

[joecoolfrog]

On Monday, August 07, 2017 at 3:14 PM, Here2008 said:

Such a wedding does not result in a legal marriage in Thailand or outside. 

 

"To qualify for Thai pensioner health care coverage" -- There is no such thing as a universal pension. 

 

Most people marry a person they love and respect. You should give that some thought. 

Im not sure your last paragraph is true , or indeed ever was . The concept of a ' love ' marriage is actually comparatively recent.

[joecoolfrog]

On Monday, August 07, 2017 at 4:06 PM, Here2008 said:

NO -- But I do recognise misogyny! 

And in your blinkered little world , women who dont fancy marriage are labelled as ?

[georgemandm]

8 hours ago, kenk24 said:

 

George M - - wonderful line. No kidding. This is the first thing I have read from you that was not equating love & money & how awful Thai ladies are... I hope you have found in your life that respect is a great addition to love... it was lacking in many of your other posts. 

 

Trans - go easy - yes, you are correct it is or should be simple logic but this is a big step up from his previous posts...

 

M&M - congrats - it sounds like you are finally off the sauce... keep up the good work. 

Number 1 i don't not drink.

i have just told it how I see it in thailand, yes lots of thai lady's from the bars are a pice of ( s???)  , but I have never ever put a thai lady down other then if she is ex bar .

i have lots of thai friends in thailand and in my own country, but because I post the truth some on here get upset with the truth, and the truth hurts .

i could go on about facts about Thai lady's from the bar , but  you would , get up set because you think I am putting down thai woman.

i have a great thai lady we have been living together for 3 years, she is happy and so am I .

But I don't get involved with lady's from thai bars at all .

so if you think I think thai ladies are so awful why do I live with one .

neve seat there and  criticize anyone till you know the facts.

thanks if you mean it .

And if you are having me on I not care because I will sleep well tonight 

with my lovely thai partner.

if you think I dislike Thais why do I go and lean thai  language and reading and writing thai every Sunday and have been trying to lean thai for the last 8 years off and on .

 

Edited August 8, 2017 by georgemandm
Add on

[LostinSEA]

A few practical advantages to getting married (specifically in Thailand) that I've not seen mentioned... 

• Can work (With a WP obviously) on a Marriage Visa (No need for Non-B)
• Only need 400k or 40k for a Marriage Visa 
• Easier to get PR/Citizenship (NB I said "Easier" I'm in no way suggesting it's Easy

 

But for me, the main reason to get married is if you're going to have Kids... In Thailand especially as you seem to have no rights over your children's lives, unless you are married or go to Court to establish them.

 

 

Edited August 8, 2017 by LostinSEA

[1FinickyOne]

4 hours ago, georgemandm said:

Number 1 i don't not drink.

i have just told it how I see it in thailand, yes lots of thai lady's from the bars are a pice of ( s???)  , but I have never ever put a thai lady down other then if she is ex bar .

i have lots of thai friends in thailand and in my own country, but because I post the truth some on here get upset with the truth, and the truth hurts .

i could go on about facts about Thai lady's from the bar , but  you would , get up set because you think I am putting down thai woman.

i have a great thai lady we have been living together for 3 years, she is happy and so am I .

But I don't get involved with lady's from thai bars at all .

so if you think I think thai ladies are so awful why do I live with one .

neve seat there and  criticize anyone till you know the facts.

thanks if you mean it .

And if you are having me on I not care because I will sleep well tonight 

with my lovely thai partner.

if you think I dislike Thais why do I go and lean thai  language and reading and writing thai every Sunday and have been trying to lean thai for the last 8 years off and on .

 

No. It was a sincere compliment - Everyone knows about Thai bar girls - and that sometimes it is considered part of the job to try and get as much as they can from a customer... in many of your angry past posts you go on and on about it and make it sound ubiquitous... I am glad you have a nice partner and are learning Thai... 

[georgemandm]

13 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

No. It was a sincere compliment - Everyone knows about Thai bar girls - and that sometimes it is considered part of the job to try and get as much as they can from a customer... in many of your angry past posts you go on and on about it and make it sound ubiquitous... I am glad you have a nice partner and are learning Thai... 

Yes I did get a little angry in some of my post I agree with you , I got a little suck in by the DH but now not care like a thai would say up to them .

Seen  to much bs with the  foreigners  that go to thailand and get suck in by the bad thai lady's and most of the good thai lady's I know are great people .

[212Roger]

A man should never get married nowadays.  MGTOW baby.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎8‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 7:03 PM, Elkski said:

So if I do any improvements to the inside of a cave those are things I can get 50% back?   

 

Is it really true after marriage sex frequency falls of more than if just living in the cave?

 

I can sustain an outlay of funds but I have a limit to the downward slope in the plan for 35 years. 

 

I have not tried skydiving. I prefer to fly the plane.  But I may try skydiving some day but I prefer to use a parachute rather than b-day suit and towel.   I have read that it's important to make yourself more valuable alive rather than a splat on the hood of a car.  

  I have read that it's important to make yourself more valuable alive

Irrelevant to a Thai woman that really wants you gone. My ex has a really shitty life now I'm not around to subsidise her lifestyle, but I doubt she cared about the future when she was destroying my life.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, 212Roger said:

A man should never get married nowadays.  MGTOW baby.

Add having children to that and I'll agree with you. No kid wants to be a bastard.

[bwpage3]

Every time this discussion comes up, there is some hidden agenda or burning detail the OP's omit.

 

When you mention assets such as a car and scooter in the same sentence, if you are worried about losing a car and a scooter, you probably have no business in Thailand.

 

Thailand is a third world country filled with risks that can only be mitigated by a person's OWN intelligent decisions. 

 

You will learn on TV that many men did not make intelligent decisions.

 

The  quote has been made over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Don't risk what you cannot afford to lose period. Whether in love, business, retirement, anything. Don't risk it.

 

There are many people that bash marriage because plain and simply they come to Thailand on a shoestring budget and just cannot financial maintain a real marriage which involves home purchase, kids, cars, education and you name it.

 

Of course you do not need a piece of paper to live with someone and be happy if both people are happy. The key term there is both. Thai women want some kind of commitment and financial security and will leave the first time they don't get any and can find some with someone new.

 

You are thinking about retiring in Thailand because you want to use a woman or love a woman and she will either love you or use you as well. 2 sides to that coin.

 

The biggest issue and the most common issue is people are pretty much full of sh**. They cannot be honest with selves about their financial position, their self importance, lack of compassion or even know the difference that some smoking hot 20 year old is not going to be in love with grandpa.

 

Having some kind of realistic plan as to expectations of retiring in Thailand would be a start. 

 

Knowing what kind of quality of life you will have.

 

Knowing exactly what kind of life your savings or pension will provide, then determine if that can meet your personal needs the rest of your life.

 

If you are decent man with decent, respectful values, can value a Thai wife as an equal and bring her happiness, you can have an amazing long life and many do. However, if you are full of yourself and that leads to poor decisions, a Thai girl will clean you out.

 

Marriage work for a reason and marriages fail for even more reasons. 

 

Ask people that have been married for 10+ years to a Thai why their marriages work.

 

 

[Elkski]

Thanks page.  A very good post.  

I'm not worried about a scooter but I'm not sure I would want to lose to many brand new 2 million baht cars.  Isn't that what a decent car costs.  Maybe 1.5?

 

Main takaways from your post.  

Plan to spend enough time in Thailand so you can determine if the lifestyle you can afford is acceptable to of you. 

Understand that Thai women have a component of love that is security and support.  I understand plus so many have been abandoned before. 

 

The big unkowns for us all is exchange rates, inflation, investment yields, the junkta, health insurance, is SS going to be broke?.

 

I have read where renting a house would be preferable to buying if the gal doesn't have one.   Will Thai women see this as suspicious or negative.   I mean if I ask a gal to come to my country and buy a 3 million baht house in my name she shuts up real quickly.   It there was fair co ownership divorce laws I think it would be so much better for Thailand unless they do really hate all about us except the green.

They also could gain so much knowledge from us busy body retirees with work ethic and technical skills we wouldn't mind putzing about in Sometimes.  Without having to employ 3 Thais.  

Edited September 1, 2017 by Elkski

[AlexRRR]

I guess it depends on your age, near retirement age and single means your had a few relationships that have gone belly up, Thai women are no different just younger and better looking, getting hooked up to one there is even a bigger bag of worms to consider like culture and expectations which you didnt have to consider with your local women.

 

Were all different I'm at that retirement age too, i would not marry again and especially a Thai, I've seen enough to know that i wont change my thinking on some things, i dont even want to live with one full time again, its possible to have a part time relationship coming and going from overseas with one person your true to her and hopefully she's true to you, her age would be a factor and of course you still would have to be generous without being a fool if that worked fine if not just rent as you go which is something i would not do.