The blues, wife seems to be gone

[Birdman]

because she prefers to stay in Europe, while I am glued to work on Samui. Married to this very beautiful, smart Thai woman since 13 years. She now is fully integrated and connected to this 'vegan, natural and cultural Western way of life', which she won't give up for her life with me before for 11 years at the beach hut. Very depressing.

[swissie]

In hindsight, sometimes it's not a good idea to take the lady to Europe. But like I said, all in hindsight.

Some Thai-Ladies never fully integrate. Others integrate quickly. It's those that eventually start to dwell on things like "Well, Hubby is basically an OK guy. But do I NEED him still? Once such thoughts start to emerge, there may be trouble ahead.

Can you "unglue" yourself from your job in Thailand, take a job back home? If not, you and I know what is likely to happen.
Good luck. Cheers.

PS: I took my Ex-wife to my home country. In hindsight: I shoulden't have. 

[scubascuba3]

I don't think taking a Thai girl back is a good idea. The main reason is there are loads of guys back home, younger, better looking and maybe more money. If it isn't true love then they may get a better offer

[saakura]

True. Once they migrate and integrate with western culture, they will neither be subserviant nor in awe of the farang anymore. Besides, they dont need older guys or retired pensioners.

Edited October 12, 2017 by saakura

[cms22]

I also took my ex-wife back to UK. Bad move. In hindsight I never should have. 

[moojar]

I took my wife back home when we first married, 26 years ago.  The other Thai women back then were mostly ex-bar girls ("whores!" in my wife's words), and they just assumed my wife was too.  So she got to hear all their dastardly schemes.  

 

The basic premise for the ex-BGs was 'get permanent residency with the one that brought me here, then ditch him ASAP for one younger / wealthier / bigger dick'.  

[dotpoom]

I am not trying to be cynical or wishing to sound negative.....but since coming to Thailand 17 years ago I have come to believe that to a great degree ...foreign men and Thai ladies use each other as a means to achieveing what they percieve to be "a better life and a dream fulfilled one".   I have also come to believe that, in itself, that is ok.....As long as they both become aware and wake up to this fact (not in every case obviously).

  I have accepted this fact (for myself only) and have mentally prepared myself for the day " she who must be obeyed" might wish for a better life than the one I provide. I am totally at ease and secure in myself as a result.......in fact...so much so....that I actually encourage her to move on if this situation ever arises in her life.

    The fact that I live in the present as much as I possibly can,.... like ...one day at a time....makes all this much easier as as a principle  to live by.

[catman20]

9 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

I don't think taking a Thai girl back is a good idea. The main reason is there are loads of guys back home, younger, better looking and maybe more money. If it isn't true love then they may get a better offer

most of these thai ladies are only with these old farts cos they have no other choice.

i see the body language of these ladies and the old guy cant or dont want to see it. its sad.

[giddyup]

1 hour ago, catman20 said:

most of these thai ladies are only with these old farts cos they have no other choice.

i see the body language of these ladies and the old guy cant or dont want to see it. its sad.

Whereas they are with you for your good looks, personality and charm?

[BuaBS]

18 hours ago, Birdman said:

She now is fully integrated and connected to this 'vegan, natural and cultural Western way of life'

At least she has become a vegan , so that is positive !

[catman20]

8 minutes ago, giddyup said:

Whereas they are with you for your good looks, personality and charm?

YES!!

 

but it also helps if you have money. but im also well a wear if a lady is not interested in me and would not embarrass myself like i see many farangs do here 

Edited October 13, 2017 by catman20

[lucjoker]

60y old fa-rang feels in paradise with a 25 y old Thai lady AND 25 y old Thai lady feels in paradise with 60 y old rich fa-rang .

if one of the conditions change.......example 1    25 y old thai lady changes in a fat ,lazy,frigide sofa decoration .............fa-rangs paradise is gone and the relation wont last.

example 2 ...60 year fa-rang starts being a cheap Charly ( because he never was rich nor famous) starts criticizing this nice lady, has "a black heart"......well here we go again ,lady will easily find another option........

So dont change the conditions yourself and hope she wont change them , and you have a good chance .Dont trust on love , you never loved a 60+ lady when you were 25 y old ,so why would she be different? A 60+ old very rich lady might have a chance because of her money ,but surely not out of love.

 

[giddyup]

Just now, catman20 said:

YES!!

 

but it also helps if you have money. but im also well a wear if a lady is not interested in me and would not embarrass myself like i see many farangs do here,

 What difference does it make to you? Do you think someone with  head like a robber's dog like Trump would have a hottie like Melania if it wasn't for his money? Does he care? I doubt it.

[tonray]

12 minutes ago, BuaBS said:

At least she has become a vegan , so that is positive !

A cart full of freshly grilled moo ping and that's out the window in 3 seconds 

[ThaiWai]

Taking someone from their homeland (especially this one) is a recipe for disaster. Too many variables and they are too embedded in their culture. For me,  I would hate to see my wife "integrated". In fact,  if I had a Thai who was dying to leave Thailand I would dump her. 

[PerkinsCuthbert]

3 hours ago, catman20 said:

most of these thai ladies are only with these old farts cos they have no other choice.

i see the body language of these ladies and the old guy cant or dont want to see it. its sad.

As an aspiring old fart who was once a decent catch when first arrived here in Bangkok thirty years ago, I resent your tone; you too will be a wrinkly one day, careful of your satang, about whom you will catch (if you have learned any Thai by then) young 'nums' and 'saos' make disparaging comments, when they think you are just another dumb farang past his sell by date.

 

Good luck, you'll need it.

[Krataiboy]

14 hours ago, saakura said:

True. Once they migrate and integrate with western culture, they will neither be subserviant nor in awe of the farang anymore. Besides, they dont need older guys or retired pensioners.

You mean, places like the UK are not actually patriarchal societies with a rape culture? Try telling that to a fourth-wave feminist!!

[transam]

 

[Ooladolla]

Everything in life is temporary 

[Goldbear]

Take care. I hope you feel better.

 

 

[wwest5829]

Preparing to retire, I did what my education prepared me for and did my "due diligence". Read three dozen books from academic cultural studies to "Private Dancer" to get some Thai background. Discovered that 1.) In Asia, age is not an automatic disqualifier, in fact, age is respected (That is why you will be asked your age ... comes into your standing in society). 2.) Your current or past occupation also helps to identify your place in Thai society. 3.) Certainly having a steady source of income comes into play as a reflection of your social standing. Finally, 4.) deserved or not western men have a certain reputation of not running around on their woman. Wow! Retired, so of a certain age, retired Professor, steady retirement income (note that I cannot afford to live in my own country ... well, not as well), and yep, one female is enough of a challenge for me. And I am a student of Buddhism so Thailand sounded good to me. I agree. Find a traditionally raised Thai girl and live in Thailand. Short visits are OK, but do not relocate your Thai girl or you will find you have lost something along the way.

[Wake Up]

6 hours ago, dotpoom said:

 

6 hours ago, catman20 said:

most of these thai ladies are only with these old farts cos they have no other choice.

i see the body language of these ladies and the old guy cant or dont want to see it. its sad.

But do you see my body language when that young Thai body makes me squeal a couple times a day.   I think I prefer my life to yours thank you. 

 

 

Edited October 13, 2017 by Wake Up

[transam]

Just now, Wake Up said:

 

 

 

[Wake Up]

Sorry for you and hope it works out.

 

Personally if I took my Thai GF to USA and she intergrated I would leave her. Last thing I need is a western thinking woman at my age. 

[watcharacters]

2 hours ago, PerkinsCuthbert said:

As an aspiring old fart who was once a decent catch when first arrived here in Bangkok thirty years ago, I resent your tone; you too will be a wrinkly one day, careful of your satang, about whom you will catch (if you have learned any Thai by then) young 'nums' and 'saos' make disparaging comments, when they think you are just another dumb farang past his sell by date.

 

Good luck, you'll need it.

 

 

Try not to let some  mouthy punk get under your skin.  

In the past whenever a younger person remarked about my age, I simple told him he had absolutely no guarantee he would even reach my age.  That tended to shut most of them up.

[HooHaa]

marriges end. 

its that simple, people grow, change move on. 

 

id be happy that id given her the chance to see the bigger picture outside thailand.

my ex and daughter are living in the US. It was our time together that gave her the confidence and opportunity to move on to a life outside thailand, i remain in asia and we all get along wonderfully.

[khunPer]

Both in answer to OP, and in the unbearably bright light of hindsight, I'm extremely happy that I brought my lovely Thai girlfriend – for 14 years now, we're not married – to Europe a number of times, each for 3 month duration, which was the Schengen-Visa limit. And my GF is also happy for learning about life in another culture – she even sometime say that she "miss Denmark" – but she would not be happy to relocate permanent, away from Thailand.

 

I think it's very individuel, and there are a lot of good explanations in the previous posts, but one cannot generalize. I absolute agree in, after living permanent more than 10 years in Thailand, and meeting numerous other ladies dreaming about "the knight on the white horse", or at least in the white Mercedes, that a farang-Thai relationship often, if not mostly, is based on some level, if not mostly, of financial agreement; and that is quite Okay, if just both parties are aware of it, and know the conditions and rules, which the couple makes themselves. 

 

I believe in honest openness, and even most Thai ladies are educated in believing an older husband that can provide for a family is best, and that love will come later, I'm aware of that it may rather be the middle-aged, or even older, farang falling in love, than the sometime quite young lady, who see the relationship from mainly an economic point of view. However, I believe, and also learned, that it can work, and even work quite well, if both parts are aware of the facts, and accept them, and care for each other. For comparison, how many farang-farang relationships, based on mutual true love only, lasts for ever..?

 

As a poster mentioned, conditions change over time – and so do we humans, in Danish we simply called it "growing apart" – and when conditions change, so do the foundation for the relationship; i.e. as mentioned the gorgeous young bird gets older; and the already elder rich farang gets even more old, and has used most of, or all his savings, and are now living from a small, if not tiny, retirement pension. And even you have prepared yourself very well, i.e. as mentioned above by among other things reading "Private Dancer" and other books, time and other changes may rock the otherwise what looked like a solid foundation.

 

Now back to the opening and unbearably bright light of hindsight. For my GF it was an education and eye-opener of the World outside "Thailand is number one" – for me it was an investment in a probably future partner's education, which I could only do because I lived and worked in another country at that time – and in our case it worked that well, that we both prefer to live in LoS, at paradise-island Samui like OP. And yes, we have the "disadvantage" of 32-years age difference, but so far we also seem to manage that, which may well be a question of life-style and expected goals. I would, based on my experience, say that one shall bring a future partner to "the West", and preferably try to live and work there for a period, even short, as kind of education; but that is not a guarantee that it will work for everyone. And yes, I'm fully aware of the risk of some "more rich and more handsum" – but that, on the other hand, is then a challenge for me to try to keep in fit condition, both body wise and money wise – and should the absolutely unthinkable happen, I shall "look at the bright side of life", and try to overcome any depression, and be happy to move on...

 

Hope the best for OP.

 

 

Edited October 13, 2017 by khunPer

[HooHaa]

personally i would take it as an indication that you picked a worthy partner or an equal if shes willing and able to stand on her own 2 feet in the west - for the right reasons of course.

[StevieAus]

3 hours ago, Ooladolla said:

Everything in life is temporary 

Including life itself.

I thought that accepting that nothing lasts for ever was part of Buddhist teachings?

[StevieAus]

1 hour ago, watcharacters said:

 

 

Try not to let some  mouthy punk get under your skin.  

In the past whenever a younger person remarked about my age, I simple told him he had absolutely no guarantee he would even reach my age.  That tended to shut most of them up.

I say something similar “ You’re lucky if you grow old as the alternative isn’t real great”

Usually has the same effect!