is my thai wife cheating on me?

[dumbdumb]

Hello

 

I don't know what to do.  Last week I got a call from my friend.  He knew I had met my wife on Thai Friendly and he had joined the site hoping to also meet someone good.  While browsing he recognized my wife (I had sent him a photo of us when we had gotten married) and then he found a second profile with her picture.  My wife and I have been married for more the 1 year (she's 48, I'm 58) but it is a long distance marriage until I can take early retirement.  We talk every day and I send her support every month.  The profiles showed that the last logon was 3 months and 1 month respectively and they both had fairly recent photo's of her.

 

I didn't know what to do so I told my wife during our Skype conversation that my friend found her profile (I only mentioned the older profile).  She was upset and said that she created that profile with the help of her friend because she was worried I was cheating on her and she wanted to see if I had a profile on Thai Friendly.  She swore that she never went there and never talked to any men and it was all her friends doing and she had forgotten the password and could not delete it.  I asked if she had another profile and she swore to me that she did not and that was the only profile.  I then asked her about the 2nd profile and showed her the printout my friend had sent me.  She was shocked and had no explanation except to say she had created the 2nd profile for "fun" and didn't know why she did it but she swore again that she never talked to anyone and she couldn't go to Thai friendly because she had forgotten the password for that profile too.  She kept saying she did not talk to any of the stupid men there and I was the only man for her.  I was upset and asked that she delete these profiles but, again, she said she could not because it was her friend and she had forgotten the password and did not have an email address...She said she would talk with her friend.  Three days later the profiles were deleted and she said she had proof she had not talked to anyone.  She offered that I speak with her friend and she would explain (she had paid her friend 200 baht to delete the profiles) but she could not give me her friends phone number and she could only speak with her if she went to her apartment and we used her cell phone but her friend lives far away and she is busy and then she said her friend went away to China(?) to work but she would take me to see her friend when I next came to Thailand.  My wife and her friend both worked at the same Asian massage parlor but she said her friend was jealous that she had a "good" husband and was not a good friend.   My wife left her work after we were serious in our relationship and I bought her a limousine license for Phuket airport and gave her a down payment for the car after our marriage.  I am not rich and doing this for her was difficult but I wanted her to have her own business and have respect.  This was something she really wanted and said it would be a good investment for us and our future.

 

While we were talking about her found profiles she was crying and saying she was faithful and didn't care about money then got angry and said I give her so little and I gave more to others then to her....there was so much that was said that didn't make sense.  Later I was suspicious and I did a google search (not proud that I did this) and I found she had two Badoo profiles giving her Line ID and Skype name.   I asked her about these and she said they were old and before she met me but she could not delete them because she owed Badoo money(?)....Finally, she said she was stupid and really did love me and wants me to come to her in December and stay for a long time.  She has told me that other men have asked her to live with them but she always says she is married and she is honest with me when all her other girlfriends cheat on their farang husbands.  Now she asks that the past is past but if I find any more profiles of her they are probably fake ones made by her jealous girlfriends and I should ignore them (?!?).  Really, as I write all this I can see how foolish I look but I don't know what I should do?  I do love her but my trust in her is severely damaged and I feel that she is not telling me the truth...I must decide fast because she wants me to come to Thailand in December.  I am conflicted and feel much stress as I am already in debt because of her and traveling in December during high season will use the last of my savings.  I explained this to her and she said we could just stay in the hotel, not go anywhere but she still needs my support payment and wants to get her eyes fixed (plastic surgery) but she really wants me to come to her and if I really love her I will do.  If I do not come to Thailand she says she will die and that will be the end of the marriage...This is making me crazy!

[Sharp]

My Thai GF just read your post and said 'tell him to run away from her fast ' obviously her words!! Mine for what it's worth tell her to jog on mate your going to save yourself alot of heartache and cash... Good luck...

Sent from my SM-N915G using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[simoh1490]

After fifteen years here full time plus the previous five part-time, my experience is that long distance part time relationships rarely work with Thai women, they simply can't be trusted. The other part is, lying is a national sport here that everyone practises and it means almost nothing to tell a lie versus the truth - saving face is everything. As said previously, move on.

[Orac]

To be honest, if my wife told me she needed the last of my savings for some plsstic surgery after I had provided the money for her to have her own means of income I would be straight out of the door.

[Sealbash]

She obviously loves you. Buy her something.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[wadsy]

Do yourself a favour - cut and run now bud. You will save yourself further heartache down the track. She betrayed your trust and you will forever wondering. As cold as it sounds, thai girls are like buses - one comes along every 15 mins.

[Colabamumbai]

Read my book Meeting &dating Thai women on the net.

[connda]

Without getting in a long discussion, simply put, many Thai women who have 'long-distance relationships' generally have more than one guy.  

[OmarZaid]

Get out ... NOW!

[BMW Overlander]

The fact that you posted this story at first place shows you actually want to believe her.

 

Sink down to level of massage parlor girls, bar girls, hotel receptionists, chamber maids, local farm-girls, 99% from Isan or North, no doubt. What did you expect?

 

 

[RichardColeman]

I met my wife on Thai Friendly. School teacher - not someone looking for short time business - so TF does work! That said, I would be very concerned with your story. I know a woman in the same circumstances as you - maybe same one who knows. She worked massage, boyfriend got her a car to do a taxi business (i used it), taxi business not good, she went to work in the bars part-time until boyfriend came back, basically seeing if anything better came up. I would never recommend a long distance relationship with thai woman unless 200% sure.

[Xonax]

Many loose ends to be sorted out.  Basically bar girls and massage girls who also prostitute themselves can rarely be trusted, as everything they do is about money and more money to fulfill their dreams.  I dont claim that you wife was or is a prostitute, but most massage parlors in Thailand with beautiful masseuses are offering different happy endings.  And many prostitutes can be found on the various dating sites, as they also dream of finding a rich foreign husband.

I have been in a similar situation with a Thai girlfriend I met in a bar.  I went a long way to try to believe her lies, as I really wanted to believe her.  But finally I had to cut the ties, as I had evidence that she still saw other men, when I was not there.  Several of my friends have had similar experiences.  

If you need more evidence, you can always go to see her in december.  If the limousine service is still up and running well, she should be able to take care of herself financially.  If the car and license has already been sold, you know that you are not able to trust her.

Good luck mate.

[Hardie]

If you're not reading that writing on the wall because it's in Thai, send me a photo and I'll see what I can do. Seriously though:

 

Don't feel bad. Most of us have been here at least once, but it looks like it's not going to get any better, and will only hurt worse later. Sooo...

 

Probably best to do what you have to do and get it over with. The massage pool has changed a lot over the years, maybe not the best place to look for mates any more. Good luck.

 

 

[Skeptic7]

Thai girls are the most adept & proficient liars in the world. They ALWAYS have an answer or explanation for everything. They can spin a yarn a mile long in a heartbeat, while being so indignant that you will be overcome with self-loathing for ever doubting your "Tilac", despite the facts! Mind boggling how even the most uneducated and simple of them can excel beyond compare when it comes to bullshitting.

 

She's lying and cheating. What you do with that truth, should you choose to accept it, is, as they say...UP TO YOU. 

[fishbrando]

6 hours ago, dumbdumb said:

If I do not come to Thailand she says she will die and that will be the end of the marriage

This sounds like the best option.

 

Your wife is so bad at lying that it is like listening to a child try to fib his way out of a bad situation that he behaved himself into.  Pretty soon she'll be saying that her dog ate her password and has hacked her Thaifriendly accounts and is flirting with men out of her control.

 

If you need concrete proof that she is cheating, tell her that you are coming to Thailand in December.  At the last minute reschedule to January.  Watch her make all kinds of excuses as to why the new schedule won't work.

[Dazinoz]

Was going to get a T Shirt made up "you might be number one but you are not the only one"

[klauskunkel]

Dear dumbdumb,

she is 48 years old, you are her last chance for a husband and steady support. Yet, she is playing you anyway and her lies or constructed so stupidly...

Maybe it's time to become smartsmart?

[Dazinoz]

I got a lady from a bar pregnant. I looked after her and baby when born. I had had Thai Friendly from a long time back.  I looking one day and found her profile set up while she was pregnant. Did further searching and found 5 profiles. She asked me to set up a Facebook profile for her which I did. After I did she change the name to Thai and then blocked me. 

[Muzarella]

I am happily married for 7 years now, but always I am prepared for a surprise from  my wife. like many Thai woman I met when I was single. Most likes to marry or date foreigners just for the convenience to be well paid for taking care of them, with a new house, new car, allowances, gifts, travels, and many times plus a downry to the family. Took me long time to find the right one, but happens only after I decided to act in the same way, and getting married for convenience too, and not to be sorry if I have to come back to my single life again. Unfortunately I met few foreigners that got married with the same women I rejected because were vulgar, cheaters, and even no beautiful. Those women now are enjoying a high life with husband's money. Those "lucky" Thai women are the role models for all the others around looking to take advantage of "easy" farangs. Probably there are exeptions, but that is the norm.

[Sparkles]

Please lets not all tar Thai women with the same brush. having said that long distance relationship rarely work no matter what the nationality.

 

I never understand why anyone would any to hook up on a dating site unless they were in the same country, at the same time

 

I have a friend who got caught up in a scam and only because his girlfriend ,who he was sending money too for a hairdressing course emailed him by mistake it was meant for boyfriend B. My warning to  him that long distance relationships rarely work , was ignored

 

I used  to teach mature age students in Bangkok,mostly young  women 21-30 ,and it was quite common for some of them to have  2 on  the go at once.

 

They expected me to correct their emails  and when I refused and gave then a verbal volley they were quite bemused.

 

Some students,who still keep in touch, have long and mutually rewarding relationships so not all are bad but to

the OP move on, your chance  of a  trusting  relationship now is practically zero 

 

 

 

 

[natway09]

Does it really matter ?

Long distance relationships only usually last as long as the money transfers keep coming

Bring the relationship back to where you  can enjoy her when you are here & pay her accordingly.

Do not pay her when you are not with her.

If your love for her precludes the above maybe time to get right out.

(I have had to do it twice)

[curtklay]

6 hours ago, simoh1490 said:

The other part is, lying is a national sport here that everyone practices and it means almost nothing to tell a lie versus the truth - saving face is everything.

These words should be engraved on a plaque, and displayed in the arrival area at the airport.

[jossthaifarang]

RUN!!! Been there mate, your just supporting her other boyfriend..

[Na Fan]

I usually don't comment on things like this, particularly IRL.

 

But there's an important distinction to be made between staying full-time together with a Thai girl, or being in a "long-distance" relationship. This is certainly true with girls from everywhere around the world, but there's a key attribute of Thais that makes it way more risky / difficult: they have learnt going through life from day to day. This is easily manageable if you're here. But if you're not, there's many "ideas" and "distractions" that will occur and well, you're not around so put two and two together ... So today there's this guy smiling at her, and she could easily get a couple 1000 off of "befriending" him. Her future with you in months or years down the road is  not going to be on her mind. Having a fling and getting some "support" from that random guy, is what's on her mind. 

 

The thought process doesn't include the future. It's here and now, there and then. Tomorrow is a cloudy thought, at best. 

 

I have lived here 5 years now, and I would never, ever assume that anything would continue to be sustainable here, if I would not stay here full-time anymore. 

 

 

[Shao Kahn]

Hahaha I bonked her but it was just for "fun" 

[worgeordie]

She's a liar,and you're a fool, you should have waited until you

were retired,then found the love of your life,then you would be

around to keep an eye on her,as it is your sending her a monthly

allowance,not around,of course she's going to look for another

old fool to send her money.

regards worgeordie

[observer90210]

You have different options my friend.

 

1) Leave

2) LEAVE

3) Leave...just leave...fast !

4) You should have already left even before reading this

5) Leave...and all the best in finding a proper chick !

[cyberfarang]

Yea, right.

 

 

[Jimbo1964]

Stay home mate and save whatever money you have. As you wrote, "as I write all this I can see how foolish I look". Cut your losses whilst you still have something left.

[how241]

You sound like a nice guy, too nice...I think she is lying and playing you... Don't waste any more money on her and see how quickly her 'Love'  for you is gone.