Sharing expenses - am I being taken advantage of?

[Longbow212]

Myself and girlfriend are mid thirties no kids, together about a year. She earns around 35k a month, I earn nearly 3 times that. I pay for rent & bills plus meals out, food panda deliveries etc perhaps 30k total a month give or take plus the bulk of the expenses for weekends away etc. She does buy food in the soi for us sometimes e.g noodles etc. Been feeling a bit taken advantage of but also realise I’m the bigger earner and thought I’d give the relationship a chance and at some point expense would be shared a bit more relative to income. Then recently I planned a yearly trip back home for 2 weeks to visit family alone as she doesn’t have vacation days remaining, shes kicked up a fuss about me leaving her alone for 2 weeks and talking about quitting her job and asking me to pay for her to come along on the trip. I’ve pretty much decided to quit while ahead on this one but I’d be keen to hear from others out there on how you share expenses and if this looks as bad from your perspective.

 

 

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[jackdd]

In Thai society it's expected that the man pays, but of course your GF has a decent salary so she should not expect that you pay everything.

I usually keep it about this way:

I pay the rent because i would also pay it if i stayed alone, but this does only apply if it's a reasonable place. If my GF would want us to stay at a fancy expensive place i would tell her she has to contribute to it.

Other costs which involve both (food, the usual travel, stuff like that) of us are shared according to our monthly available money, so with your numbers i would try to reach about 75/25 (i don't take notes about this, i just let her pay sometimes so that i feel like it's about 75/25)

I did never do an expensive trip like to Europe with a Thai GF and don't plan to do one in the future, but probably i would let her pay for this by herself if she wants to go

Edited June 27, 2018 by jackdd

[Peterw42]

You haven't mentioned how much your wife spends or on what. You have said you spend a third of your wage, wouldn't a fair agreement be that she also spends a third of her wage. She is maybe spending a higher percentage of her wage. Without your wife around your expenses would probably be similar, so a bonus that she earns her own pocket money.

 

[maximillian]

Your income is nearly 35.000 x 3, so approx. 100.000 Baht and your gf has her own income.

So you don't need to give her any money (allowance, pocketmoney) then ? 

You are so lucky but a cheapskate.

Let go, be generous, it feels better.

[baansgr]

Thai women love to spoil and take care of their man. With her salary she should be spending quite a bit more on you. 

A few years back before being married, girls would pay for most things.  Trips to the islands, hell,  I even had them leaving designer underpants in my work reception. Where is her money going? 

Edited June 27, 2018 by baansgr

[ezzra]

The lady seems and sound a bit unreasonable and feeling entitled, if you really love her than put up, if not, have a long talk with her and put things in perspective for here as what you think your relationship REALLY entitle her, if she stays afterwood, she's a keeper if not, Oh well, Next....

[Formaleins]

It sounded more like she wanted to be with you rather than hounding you for money, maybe I misread it but it seemed kind of sweet that she was willing to leave her job to go with you.

[Mangkhut]

Come on this is 2018. If you spend 1/3 of your income on common expences she should definetively do the same. Maybe even a bit more to make up for that her part is much less than yours. 

 

GF stop work and live 100 % off you? It would never happen in my relationship. But up to you to decide for yours...

[Vacuum]

8 minutes ago, Formaleins said:

it seemed kind of sweet that she was willing to leave her job

The only reason for this is that she knows/hopes that she would be taken care of. Why work if you don't have to?

[murraynz]

she sounds better than most thai women...she isnt ASKING  for money..

i dont think it would hurt her to contribute a little towards food... especially seen as she has a good thai salary, but i think you may a little 'tight', your relationship is cheaper than usual with thai women...

at least you arent a 'sucker' like many men who come to thailand...their stupidity is unbelieveable..

[smutcakes]

If you are worried about such menial issues then it sounds like the relationship is not worth it. You earn an okay amount with seemingly money in excess of your spending. Does it really do you, your gf or your relationship any good panicking about a few baht here and there and whether she or you pays. Enjoy your time together and dont make issues out of nothing.

 

Personally i pay for most things which i expect, whether here or in my home country, even though the other half works, She is sensible with money and i enjoy her having nice things and looking well presented. Its not something to get worked up about especially if you can afford it which it seems you can.

[petermik]

By posting on here you must already feel you are being taken advantage of,I for one wants someone in my life not just for the financial benefits,try talking with her and explain that you feel she needs to contribute a little more if she is receptive to your ideas then fine...if not then you already know what U must do......good luck....

[seajae]

if she wants to go then she has to pay her own airfares, my wife refuses to let me pay for her, we both put in money towards our monthly expenses too. What you need to do is work out exactly what you want, a live in companion or a partner, she needs to be up front whether she is only interested in having you pay her way. If she gives up her job then she will need you to pay her way totally and supply spending money for her. Be upfront and tell her you want to spend some time with your family by yourself, (my wife has no problems if I fly home for 2 weeks), if she kicks up a stink then she has a problem, sounds as if she wants more than simply bf/gf relationship, she wants total commitment

 

Edited June 27, 2018 by seajae

[1FinickyOne]

historically, men are the providers - - it is not unusual for ladies to have a feeling of entitlement

[murraynz]

19 hours ago, kenk24 said:

historically, men are the providers - - it is not unusual for ladies to have a feeling of entitlement

this is 2018 not  1930...what about equality ??

you are correct though---lots of women{especaialy thai} seem to think that they have an 'entitlement'

[lionsincity]

best to stay single........

[Destiny1990]

Stay with untill she tells u about a landplot near her parents home where can build a dream house forever happy.

[observer90210]

• Calculate how much it would approx. cost for the trip (ticket, expenses abroad etc.)
• Proportionately estimate what you would spend and then calculate what % that amount represents on your salary.
• Take that % and calculate with her salary to get how much it represents explain to her, and ask her to contribute that amount. You could always play Mr Prince and pay for her Visa fee.
• Under no circumstances make her leave her job as there could be chances she will put in on your face later and expect you to fully maintain her. Not saying she is like that, but why take the risk ?
• Have a nice trip...

[colinneil]

13 minutes ago, murraynz said:

this is 2018 not  1930...what about equality ??

you are correct though---lots of women{especaialy thai} seem to think that they have an 'entitlement'

Where do you get that idea from?

Thai women think they have an entitlement, ha ha ha.

Married 7 years, wife never asks me for even 1 baht, we share on everything, if she goes shopping she pays, if i go shopping i pay.

I was in hospital for 7 months after 3 months my  atm card expired, wife never mentioned anything about until i was home,.

So for 4 months all expenses were  covered by my wife, when asked why she did not tell me, she said .. I not want to worry you when you in hospital

Edited June 27, 2018 by colinneil

[CLW]

Quitting her job for the purpose of a trip is a no-go. Most Thai companies will allow unpaid leave when it is communicated early enough and for a reason.

[Vacuum]

29 minutes ago, murraynz said:

this is 2018 not  1930...what about equality ??

What about it? This was when everything started going haywire.

[1FinickyOne]

30 minutes ago, murraynz said:

this is 2018 not  1930...what about equality ??

you are correct though---lots of women{especaialy thai} seem to think that they have an 'entitlement'

yes, of course, you would like to think that but I think this is a pre-historic trait and it is going to take some time...

 

my wife in USA had that too... As a business owner, I split all profits with her 50/50... all expenses were paid from my 50%.. that was fair to her... it is not just Thai... and my limited experience, a wife in each culture, my Thai wife is not that way... [as much so] 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

My wife earns slightly more than your gf.

 

I earn less than you (times are tough).

 

I think you are being taken advantage of since you pay for rent.

 

What I get from my wife: Free accommodation, free internet, free electric and free healthcare. Sometimes she will also season her money for my marriage visa - depending on her mood ?

 

In return I pay every time we go out (not often - she prefers to eat her cheap Thai food) and will pay for trips. Me 44 Wife 38.

 

Use it strictly as a reference point. 

 

[Happy Grumpy]

3 hours ago, Peterw42 said:

a bonus that she earns her own pocket money.

'Pocket money?'

 

What did you do, marry a chil.... never mind. 

[smutcakes]

10 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

My wife earns slightly more than your gf.

 

I earn less than you (times are tough).

 

I think you are being taken advantage of since you pay for rent.

 

What I get from my wife: Free accommodation, free internet, free electric and free healthcare. Sometimes she will also season her money for my marriage visa - depending on her mood ?

 

In return I pay every time we go out (not often - she prefers to eat her cheap Thai food) and will pay for trips. Me 44 Wife 38.

 

Use it strictly as a reference point. 

 

If that works for you then great. I would be ashamed in that situation.

[digbeth]

If she earns 30+k I'd expect there's big lump of provident fund if she quits, ask her how much of that she's willing to spend on the 'holiday'

 

but if she quits, the chance of getting visa to 'back home' is worse with less reason to return to Thailand

[CLW]

If that works for you then great. I would be ashamed in that situation.

Where the problem?
Probably he lives with his wife in her or the family's house that exists already.
Why would you build another house or waste money just to show off "I'm the big earning farang. Everyone look at me how rich I am"
Some people here seriously have an ego problem...

[KneeDeep]

3 hours ago, maximillian said:

Your income is nearly 35.000 x 3, so approx. 100.000 Baht and your gf has her own income.

So you don't need to give her any money (allowance, pocketmoney) then ? 

You are so lucky but a cheapskate.

Let go, be generous, it feels better.

 

Pocket money? Allowance?

Surely it must be time for you to stop treating women like children.

Unless she is staying home looking after your children, you've got the wrong idea.

[smutcakes]

1 minute ago, CLW said:

Where the problem?
Probably he lives with his wife in her or the family's house that exists already.
Why would you build another house or waste money just to show off "I'm the big earning farang. Everyone look at me how rich I am"
Some people here seriously have an ego problem...

Yeah, not sure why it would be a problem for me. I suppose i like to be independent and take care of my own affairs, finances etc and not rely on anyone else. Probably a bit old fashioned. You can want your own condo etc without it being needed to show off!

[KneeDeep]

2 minutes ago, smutcakes said:

Yeah, not sure why it would be a problem for me. I suppose i like to be independent and take care of my own affairs, finances etc and not rely on anyone else. Probably a bit old fashioned. You can want your own condo etc without it being needed to show off!

 

As do some women. 

I wouldn't tolerate a moocher who wants to spend mine and keep hers.