Online Dating Courtship Roadmap?

[guest879]

whats wrong with bar girls? just need to find one genuinely wanting to get out of the bar. most of my friends who moved in with non bargirls got rolled pretty badly. best to stick to bar girls but put them on a strict allowance and do your very best to get one without kids. (difficult but not impossible) I have 2 kids with a bar girl and she is a fantastic mum and housewife.

[Peterw42]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I agree, but none of the girls you mention will be looking for foreigners on dating sites.

There are lots of normal Thai girls on dating sites, and they date westerners. Chances are you are not meeting them if you are on a dating site looking for sex.

 

A quote from you earlier,

"And the 'no sex before marriage' claim is because you seem a bit gullible.

(Tell them you're no longer interested if they say that, and see what happens)"

 

It appears you are even meeting them, then telling them you are not interested.

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

26 minutes ago, seancbk said:

Are you implying that all Farang girls are hookers?   I've never picked up a Western girl who didn't want to have sex that first time I met them.  Western girls want to have sex just as much as guys and I'm sure Thai girls are the same.  Western girls are just a lot less repressed.

I am convinced it must be you. The girls see you and they get wet and they just need it, then and there.

You're the man!

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

It appears you are even meeting them, then telling them you are not interested.

Banged them all within an hour or two of meeting, even the one I married, and there were plenty in the past 10 years.

Please don't project your failure to consummate the deal on me.

I can't believe there are foreign guys in Thailand that don't manage to have sex every 'meeting'.

 

Oh yeah, one absolute rule that nobody seems to have mentioned, you gotta have a video call before you meet them, to check they aren't fat, using photos 20 years old, or a Nigerian guy.

Edited October 16, 2018 by BritManToo

[khunPer]

6 hours ago, strikingsunset said:

The first thing you must do now is read “ Private Dancer” by Stephen Leather

 

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

If not the first, then the second thing to do, is to read "Thailand Fever", you'll find answer to your questions there, and a lot more useful information about the cultural gap, you moving close to.

 

I would say that "Private Dancer" is second book to read, however a good novel with some true and useful information.

[Peterw42]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Banged them all within an hour or two of meeting, even the one I married, and there were plenty in the past 10 years.

Please don't project your failure to consummate the deal on me.

You do realise that hookers are a sure thing right ? Not hard to, as you say, "consummate the deal".

 

If a large amount of normal Thai girls are having free, unconditional sex with you, an hour after meeting, well done.

 

Its my understanding that most guys who make these claims are calling "the payment" taxi money, a gift, helping her out etc, it helps them with the delusion.

 

My experience would be the opposite, other than hookers, normal Thai girls dont have free, unconditional sex with you, an hour after meeting you.

 

 

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

My experience would be the opposite, other than hookers, normal Thai girls dont have free, unconditional sex with you, an hour after meeting you.

Circular argument bringing us back to.

Normal Thai girls don't associate with white guys.

 

[RichardColeman]

2 hours ago, colinneil said:

What a load of nonsense... They all bang on the first date.... Absolute BS.

I met my wife on a Thai dating site, and was told no nookie before marriage.

Not easy to accept, but i did accept.

Met my wife of Thai Friendly - school teacher from Nan.

 

Chatted for about two months, to get to know her.

 

Came over in late August 2015 for a month.

 

Married her September 10th same year.

 

I moved Thailand November 2015.

 

Together now 3 years , one baby girl.

 

Did the business first night - though promised each other we would not , LOL

 

 

[how241]

Come live in Thailand for 1-2 years and you will understand better.

[khunPer]

9 hours ago, Gadgetwiz said:

Specifically, I would like to get answers to these questions as they relate to dating a Thai woman online for relocation to the US:

1) How long is the courtship process after initial video calls?

2) How long should the courtship last before proposal?

3) Should a proposal take place before actually meeting or should I travel to Thailand first?

4) How long after the proposal should the marriage take place.

5) Any advice on dealing with Sin Sod in this situation so I'm not conned.

6) Does anybody see any warning signs I might have missed?

To me best knowledge...
1) It really depend on the lady, but if she is (too) fast, be skeptical.

2) Long time; so-called "good Thai girls" can takes years, and will often bring a chaperone at all meetings before engagement, or even marriage.

3) No, you shall go to Thailand, and probably more than once.

4) Up to a year, depending on negotiations with the family.

5) Sin sot is a normal part of the Thai culture, and should be quite high for a "good lady". Some families may just wish to show the money for face at the wedding ceremony (you pay), and let you and your wife keep the money. A "good" and well educated lady can be "worth" from a million baht and up, plus some bahts of gold – Thai men might willingly pay that (I've seen it) – but it's a question of negotiation, but do expect a sin sot in some hundred thousand baht; and also expect some smaller sin sot to be settled when proposing, on top of a diamond ring.

6) Hmm, there are lots of warning signs to be aware of, and they might show up different for different ladies, like you already seem to have experienced. An sometimes it works very well, in spite of all flashing red warning lights...????

 

Mind you that the ladies might be just as skeptical about the foreigner and his intentions – and afraid to have her genuine feelings hurt, by just being exploited for free sex when meeting in person – just like you are skeptical about the ladies.

 

I presume there is no standard script for a procedure, it's a question of individual balance...????

[DILLIGAD]

If you are successful, and manage to find the love of your life to go and live with you, I can lend you a book which might be helpful to you.

Is it a cartoon?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, seancbk said:

 

It's a pity there isn't an acceptable expression that means "I think you are hot, I want to keep having sex with you until either I fall in love with you, or I see someone hotter, or I decide to give up and settle for you.  You should be really happy that for the time being you are acceptable as a girlfriend"

 

Oh, but there is an acceptable expression, "I love you." It works just as you said--"I think you are hot, I want to keep having sex with you until either I fall in love with you, or I see someone hotter, or I decide to give up and settle for you."  And, it has added meaning--"I'll settle for you, for a while; then, get someone younger."

[seancbk]

13 minutes ago, smotherb said:

4 hours ago, seancbk said:

 

It's a pity there isn't an acceptable expression that means "I think you are hot, I want to keep having sex with you until either I fall in love with you, or I see someone hotter, or I decide to give up and settle for you.  You should be really happy that for the time being you are acceptable as a girlfriend"

 

Oh, but there is an acceptable expression, "I love you." It works just as you said--"I think you are hot, I want to keep having sex with you until either I fall in love with you, or I see someone hotter, or I decide to give up and settle for you."  And, it has added meaning--"I'll settle for you, for a while; then, get someone younger."

 

Yes, you read between the lines of my comment.   Of course "I love you" means all that and not just "I'm actually in love with you".    

 

[Ajarnbrian]

Online dating with people from a different culture is risky. At best there is lots of scope for misunderstandings and differing goals. At worst, this is ripe for gold diggers and con tricks. At the very least I would be sceptical about the words you read. 

[smotherb]

3 hours ago, guest879 said:

whats wrong with bar girls? just need to find one genuinely wanting to get out of the bar. most of my friends who moved in with non bargirls got rolled pretty badly. best to stick to bar girls but put them on a strict allowance and do your very best to get one without kids. (difficult but not impossible) I have 2 kids with a bar girl and she is a fantastic mum and housewife.

I do not agree that it is best to get a bargirl--I have seen many westerners married to bargirls in my over 50 years in Asia and most marriages either end or the Westerner simply accepts his fate. 

 

However, I do agree there are exceptions; I can think of a few out of the many I know--the odds are just against it; they can get to thinking of themselves as a commodity and their men only as customers. I think you are right that you stand a better chance with one ready to get out of the life; if she isn't ready to change, you are likely to end up the long-term consumer instead of the husband.

 

Now, that said, I do not suggest that a non-bargirl cannot be just as bad. So called, "good girls" can take you to the laundry just as quickly and leave you the cuckold too. I just think the odds are better for finding one willing to  settle down and their baggage is generally less involved.

 

I have to admit, I am what some of you may call a bit shallow; I do not want a woman who has been with lots of men or one who has kids. In fact, I prefer a virgin. While I can understand wanting a fine used classic car; I don't want a used woman, no matter how fine she may be. I don't need to put up with all the baggage or the knowledge of all who came before me--pardon the pun. As I have metaphorically said, I like that new car smell.

[smotherb]

22 minutes ago, seancbk said:

 

Yes, you read between the lines of my comment.   Of course "I love you" means all that and not just "I'm actually in love with you".    

 

It's sort of like being polite at a friend's mother's dinner; "Oh, yes that was good." It serves the purpose of making her happy and may get you another meal

[BritManToo]

3 hours ago, smotherb said:

It's sort of like being polite at a friend's mother's dinner; "Oh, yes that was good." It serves the purpose of making her happy and may get you another meal

I've always found paying for my meals gives a much more regular diet.

[smotherb]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I've always found paying for my meals gives a much more regular diet.

Well, if no one invites you and you want to eat; you have to pay.

[seancbk]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I've always found paying for my meals gives a much more regular diet.

 

When you go to a friend's house for a dinner party do you expect to pay?  I might take a bottle of wine or something but never offer cash!

 

[Aussieroaming]

I think her saying she "loved you" probably just meant that she loved some of the attributes you might have had. Its a bit hard to love someone you havent met, but not unusual to love some aspects of what might be on offer.

 

As for the "no sex before marriage", I think thats just them conveying that they arent just looking for sex. If they really like you the sex sorts itself out in the right time. 

 

My brother married a bargirl 10 years go and is as happy as a pig in s..t and they run a successful business together that they developed, so not all bargirls are a lost cause or trouble.

 

 

 

[smotherb]

On 10/16/2018 at 11:56 AM, PatOngo said:

I seem to have forgotten what No. 3 and 4 are, can you please remind me?

#3 bonk'em and #4 bonk'em again

[Puwa]

On 10/16/2018 at 2:20 AM, BritManToo said:

Normal Thai girls don't associate with white guys.

 

 

It's none of my business if you prefer hookers, but the statement above is patently false.

[BritManToo]

On 10/17/2018 at 5:08 AM, Aussieroaming said:

My brother married a bargirl 10 years go and is as happy as a pig in s..t and they run a successful business together that they developed, so not all bargirls are a lost cause or trouble.

I think you may mean 'not all women' are a lost cause.

(Unless you're me, my women are all lost causes, and lost money, sometimes even a lost house)

[Suitcase]

Forget about the romance and dating Thai girls.

Totally different mind set, religion, and values.

You are batting a lot of odds.

Many Thai girls will tell you anything to hook you up.

They are the greatest actresses in the world!

Come over and have some fun and learn the system.

Sorry to say you sound like a prime candidate to be taken

to the cleaners.

So many foreigners have been cleaned out of their life savings.

I hope not you!

[BritManToo]

48 minutes ago, Suitcase said:

They are the greatest actresses in the world!

Many have convinced me I'm totally hansum and attractive to much younger women.

Why did women my own age in the UK never notice this?

[OneMoreFarang]

57 minutes ago, Suitcase said:

So many foreigners have been cleaned out of their life savings.

I hope not you!

I hope not you - why not?

 

It seem the best stories in this forum start similar to: I met this wonderful girl online. We are already 3 months together, I bought her a house and a car and we are so happy. Recently I invested in our new business ...

[swissie]

The definition of love and it's meaning in Thailand:

- A couple of years ago, I was invited to a party, celebrating a 15 year marriage between a Farang and his Thai wife. A small private setting, no big crowd present. Spontaneously the Farang asked his wife of 15 years: "Do you love me?"
She was taken aback by the question and replied: " Of course I love you, why woulden't I love you. You have put my 2 children through university, you built a nice home for us and we have 2 cars, why woulden't I love you?"
This episode stuck with me. Helping me to realise and accept the fact that the term "love" does not have exactly the same meaning as in "the west".

Once this is understood by Farangs, false expectations resulting in future grief can be greatly reduced.
--------------------
I don't believe in on-line dating. I still live in a analogous world. I am a Tiger prowling the streets and bars in Pattaya. To increase the odds of finding "love", I stuff my cargo pants with Gold Bars. Due to all that weight, it makes for a silly walk but never mind! Once the Ladies have figured out what I carry in my cargo pants, it's real easy to find "true love".
Cheers.