Girlfriend with 5 year old daughter from previous husband

[DoItMan]

Hi Everyone,

 

I have one question,

 

I have a Thai girlfriend for last 3 years and we have planned to marry next year.

 

She had been married before and now separated but she has a 5 years old daughter who lives with ex-husband.

 

For all these years she never told the daughter that she has a new boyfriend which I could understand because the daughter was very young. But now we have decided to marry in February and I asked her to tell the daughter slowly about me and new phase in her (my girlfriend's) life.

 

But everytime she says "the daughter knows mom/dad not together and I am with you". But when I asked her does daughter know about our marriage and she said "Are you crazy (ba) or not, she just 5 years old I can't tell her this".

 

I don't know how should I deal with this situation, is she right that the daughter is too small and we should hide from her and I am just being unreasonable or she definitely should start telling daughter about me and the upcoming marriage in 2019 Feb?

 

My girlfriend is from Isan.

 

Thanks

 

P.S.: Daughter does know that I exist, and I have met her. But don't know what my girlfriend told her about me. Can't touch mom in front of her though so I guess not the truth.

Edited November 16, 2018 by DoItMan
spelling mistake

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, DoItMan said:

I don't know how should I deal with this situation,

Pretend the daughter doesn't exist, it isn't your business and the father won't want you interfering.

Maybe different if you marry mom, but at the moment you're just another guy passing through.

Edited November 16, 2018 by BritManToo

[BigT73]

Maybe your misses is worried nitnoy will go home and tell pa everthing.  At 5yrs they are quite the parrot.  Other then that shes only 5 a cartoon or ipad she wouldnt care what mum and white man doing.

[geriatrickid]

Listen to your girlfriend and do not force yourself into the relationship.   Mothers know best and the child may be confused if Mom tells the child that she is marrying grandpa - แกรน'พา

[petermik]

In my opinion your girlfriend should be happy and pleased to have someone special in her life and want to share it with all her family....maybe just maybe she does not consider you special enough....be careful out there in darkest Isaan.......  

[Been there done that]

I would be worried knowing the child stays with the father and not with her. For the rest, rethink your plans for marriage. Disaster waiting to happen.

[blinkers]

12 minutes ago, Been there done that said:

I would be worried knowing the child stays with the father and not with her. For the rest, rethink your plans for marriage. Disaster waiting to happen.

What exactly are you worried about? This is the normal situation here, girls stay with their fathers, the thinking behind this is that when the mother has a new partner, the girl may be sexually abused. Boys normally stay with their mothers, as stepmothers are viewed as being abusive and in one locals words may be "treated like a dog".

 

Obviously although this is generally accepted here the parties will make whatever arrangement suits them.

 

 

[Been there done that]

On 11/17/2018 at 11:58 AM, blinkers said:

What exactly are you worried about? This is the normal situation here, girls stay with their fathers, the thinking behind this is that when the mother has a new partner, the girl may be sexually abused. Boys normally stay with their mothers, as stepmothers are viewed as being abusive and in one locals words may be "treated like a dog".

 

Obviously although this is generally accepted here the parties will make whatever arrangement suits them.

 

 

Their simple way of thinking, as you write, is dangerous/worrisome by itself.