Abusive aggressive wife

[thailand49]

Standing up and being a man isn't going to solve this problem! Even if he did it isn't going to fix what is wrong with her. 

If it wasn't for the child the guy would be gone already I'm for sure because when a person life is at risk you got to leave. Plus standing up and controlling her isn't the solution the man just isn't happy with her or the situation.

This type of situation Thais due to lack of education think this is normal that the kid understands but no child anywhere in the work should grow up in this type of environment it sticks with them as to what they see and affects them as they grow up.

The solution is a legal one and going down to the police which in my opinion is the reason why this country has the problems they have? They are here to enforce the law there is a distinction between criminal and civil they try to play both when they have no training whatsoever.

Not sure of the legal status of the relationship or the relationship he has with the child but if the child is more attached to the ops he should try to convey his feeling and desires if not find someone who can do a proper translation with the child and if the child wants to go with him that would be a great start.

To do it right and legal you can't get cheap here and for a small amount of baht he can get a proper legal answer.  I have a Thai Lawyer in Bangkok, the brother and sister were born in Thailand and raised and educated in the United States both speak English/Thai and help you with your question. If you want their contact PM for the information.

 

Good luck..  while you are looking for a solution you need to keep what you want to do a secret.

 

 

[dotpoom]

The OP describes "The D"....to a tee.

[dotpoom]

17 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

It is getting worse because she gets away with it. 

Don't take that shit.

He's not...he's doing something about it...and I hope the outcome is successful...For all concerned (I think my last point is really very important).

[Cereal]

I feel for the guy. He needs to leave but is stuck in limbo because of the kid. Just one more of the 1000's of reasons why I went to the doctor and got myself clipped before I ever had a kid. I can't see any positives about reproducing and I've tried to see positives. Why would any sane person want a child? I simply do not and can not understand.

 

Me, I'd walk. leave the entire thing behind, kid and all. It's obviously a good thing I did all those decades ago because I just would not take that cr@p in my life.

[dickjones2018]

funny how one person even hijacks my post by answering those asked questions...

 

no she is not poor, she is "educated" and has an office job and have grandious dreams of being somebody famous, even she does not have the talent (ok maybe at a teacher level, but not expert)

 

people do or don't realise that a farang, specially a single man,  cannot leave thailand with a kid, without written consent of the mother as he/she will be stopped at the border and they will ask to call/speak to the mother , right... I guess they don't know...

 

to the person that remembers a story like this years ago, great...I must be the only person in thailand with a crazy narcissistic wife

 

to the people who say: get marriage counseling:  there is no cure for narcissism, it is like a pedophile ...no cure & sticks with them forever.... no it is not bi-polar, she is not cycling between depression & high's ...  I thought over the years she had maybe a physical illness that made her act like that, till I found a arm length of symptoms that explain the narcissistic personality...

 

I could have run years ago, but like some people with half a brain said, than my child would suffer... If my narcissistic wife does not seek trouble with me, it is with the child... Reason or no reason, those evil people love to start an argue over nothing, just to see you suffer....when my child suffers, I do too.  So leaving my child with this insane person would be pretty heartless of myself...  

 

police, yes, she already went there many times to complain about fights she started... I'm glad they don't care to do house calls but last fight I wish they did, after she went to grab a knife and I had to go lock myself up in a room...haha manly... right...

 

beating the crap out of her is what she might plan, so she has grounds for an arrest & divorce and then has the liberty to manipulate my child into becoming a narcissist also or at least a victim of one...

 

I let my child read some info (50+ signs) about narcissist and the child said :  this is my mummie to the letter...

 

lawyer up would be the best advise, just hope I don't get one of them " can be bought " as thai stick with thai whatever ...

 

you know thai people consider their kid as property and they think they can beat them up, insult, whatever, and expect to be taken care of later...

 

my next step would be also to contact elite visa because don't think the crazy wife is going to help for another extention and as I'm not 50 yet...  and no, the wife is not from issaan, nor is there so much age difference, nor did she give up anything like dream of money...

 

narcissists love to find people with empathy, because they lack any of that...they can try to copy people to fake some emotions, specially around people they like to manipulate... maybe you have one at home and you think it is normal, but there seem to be so many in this me me me money money money country...  where religion is replaced with money & selfishness

[simtemple]

18 hours ago, CanuckThai said:

I can feel for the OP (my western ex).  Not to bash, but isn't the list of 9 traits/symptoms typical of a majority of Thai's...

Exactly right ! If you have half a mind to marry a Thai, that's all you need. 

[suzannegoh]

12 hours ago, AlexRich said:

 

If you have a brain, you get out with the child, it’s really that simple.

That will destroy the mother nicely, if that's the goal.  To her it will feel as though her child was kidnapped.

[catman20]

he who lives by the bar dies by the bar.

 

u can take the girl out the bar but you cant take the bar out of the girl.

[lucjoker]

be smart: look for a identical nut case lady, befriend her , give her presents ,

tell her if you were not married she would be your first choice. 

Then accidentally reveal your adresse,and install a cheap wifi camera in your house..........now wait.

Your problem will be solved  very soon,and as a widower ( and your mianoy in jail)you will have a good chance to have custody of your child and escape the aria .

You can thank me later.

[SOTIRIOS]

..honestly...???

...not very good...

 

...from experience...

..truth has no bearing...

...they are good actresses...

..they can have an entourage echo their lies about you...

 

...and sadly...they are keen on 'defeating the foreigner'...for whatever reason...

...including promises of sharing the spoils...your assets..

 

...I was prejudiced before the mediation, even...

...some slander whispered about me to the secretary at the court...

...which made her recoil as I approached to ask a simple question...

 

...besides the prevalent stereotyping...

 

...then your lawyer...???

 

...mine betrayed me...

 

....was paid by another party...???

...was not paid enough by me...???

...was coerced...???

...just wanted to stick it to a foreigner...???

 

...dunno...

 

...good luck...

[AlexRich]

1 hour ago, suzannegoh said:

That will destroy the mother nicely, if that's the goal.  To her it will feel as though her child was kidnapped.

It doesn’t much sound like the mother cares for any of them. And if the daughter wants to go that tells you something. Better leaving than dying in your sleep at the hands of a knife, and leaving your daughter to be raised by someone who is unhinged.

[shaurene]

19 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

why run? try to act like a man.

Put your brain into operation before you open your mouth. What would a man do, in your opinion, hit her. Very stupid, she would go to the police and you will come off the worst. The police take the Thai side 99% of the time. His best bet is to find a good lawyer. I live inKhon Kaen have a very good friend Aussie PHD, married to a top lawyer who represents the government in certain cases. She has gotten property and funds back from falangs G/F and wives. She is straight as a dye. If you want her details contact me.

[suzannegoh]

4 minutes ago, AlexRich said:

It doesn’t much sound like the mother cares for any of them. And if the daughter wants to go that tells you something. Better leaving than dying in your sleep at the hands of a knife, and leaving your daughter to be raised by someone who is unhinged.

There is good reason why it's illegal for a parent to abduct a child and flee. That people here think that it would be OK speaks volumes about the quality of farangs that come to Thailand.

[AlexRich]

Just now, suzannegoh said:

There is good reason why it's illegal for a parent to abduct a child. That people here think that it would be OK speaks volumes about the quality of farangs that come to Thailand.

When you are raised by an abusive adult it never leaves you, it is something that you take into adulthood, you in turn become a little damaged. Take the daughter of Fred and Rose West ... she might be a law abiding citizen but probably not a contented adult. You’d rather the daughter stayed, you are concerned with the effect on the mother. I wonder if it were an abusive father would you care as much? Rose West might support you, I do not.

 

 

 

[Skallywag]

Was a bit confused - OP said "a child", then "a kid" , then "my child" so now assume that he is the father.  Would obviously not be able to leave with the child without being the legal father...

 

In Thailand, being the biological father of a child does not confer any parental rights even if the father is named on the birth certificate. The father can only be deem the legitimate parent of the child in three ways. The first way is if the father and the mother are legally married at the time of the child’s birth or became legally married, the husband is deemed the legitimate parent. The second and third way for a father to legitimize their parental rights is through registration with the local amphur with the mother’s consent or through a court judgment.

 

 Very sorry I do not know how to deal with trying to leave a marriage with a child in Thailand - good luck to you though  

 

• Assume you are legally married in thailand - not just a Buddhist ceremony or celebration.....  Legal marriage has to be registered at the Amphur and all paperwork stamped by the ministry in thailand I believe

[connda]

Unlike the West, grounds for divorce in Thailand need to be a little more substantive than 'toxic and abusive'.  
You best choice is to split amicably, divide the assets, figure out child custody that is best for the child (in other words, don't use your child as a weapon), and they file at the Amphur level for a dissolution of marriage. 
If you want to go the other route via court - to the best of my knowledge no Thai court is going to accept your arguments as valid grounds for divorce.  That 'mental and physical cruelty' that seems to work so well in the US doesn't cut it here.  Get a lawyer, but you'll be disappointed at your options. 

[shy coconut]

2 hours ago, Cereal said:

I feel for the guy. He needs to leave but is stuck in limbo because of the kid. Just one more of the 1000's of reasons why I went to the doctor and got myself clipped before I ever had a kid. I can't see any positives about reproducing and I've tried to see positives. Why would any sane person want a child? I simply do not and can not understand.

 

Me, I'd walk. leave the entire thing behind, kid and all. It's obviously a good thing I did all those decades ago because I just would not take that cr@p in my life.

Great story and fantastic advice, a little late though!!

[FritsSikkink]

42 minutes ago, shaurene said:

Put your brain into operation before you open your mouth. What would a man do, in your opinion, hit her. Very stupid, she would go to the police and you will come off the worst. The police take the Thai side 99% of the time. His best bet is to find a good lawyer. I live inKhon Kaen have a very good friend Aussie PHD, married to a top lawyer who represents the government in certain cases. She has gotten property and funds back from falangs G/F and wives. She is straight as a dye. If you want her details contact me.

I don't need a lawyer, better contact the OP

[FritsSikkink]

3 hours ago, crazykopite said:

The guy has already stated that she has pulled a knife on him better to run than end up in the local temple .

So you take the knife of her and remove her from the house. People are wondering why they are not respected here. The reason is obvious to me, no balls and running away for a problem is their only option.

[NotYourBusiness]

Get some help and set up a webcam streaming to DropBox or other server for some proof of the abuse and your reaction to it.

[Bangkok Barry]

I think this kind of behaviour, which we've all read of countless times, might be as a result of the repressive upbringing many Thais have to suffer due to the rigid class system. It's their way of fighting back and trying to assert authority that they can't assert in any other way. Or maybe Thais are just genetically nuts.

But then, women are badly treated by the men/society in some countries and we don't read of them rebelling in the same way.

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, Bangkok Barry said:

IBut then, women are badly treated by the men/society in some countries and we don't read of them rebelling in the same way.

 

Yes, we must never allow a woman to bear any responsibility for her own decisions and actions.

Poor, helpless, delicate things that they are.

There must always be a man/patriarchy to blame.

[Bangkok Barry]

48 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Yes, we must never allow a woman to bear any responsibility for her own decisions and actions.

Poor, helpless, delicate things that they are.

There must always be a man/patriarchy to blame.

 

Everyone reacts to a situation they are in. Some do it one way and some do it another.

[Awk]

3 hours ago, connda said:

Unlike the West, grounds for divorce in Thailand need to be a little more substantive than 'toxic and abusive'.  
You best choice is to split amicably, divide the assets, figure out child custody that is best for the child (in other words, don't use your child as a weapon), and they file at the Amphur level for a dissolution of marriage. 
If you want to go the other route via court - to the best of my knowledge no Thai court is going to accept your arguments as valid grounds for divorce.  That 'mental and physical cruelty' that seems to work so well in the US doesn't cut it here.  Get a lawyer, but you'll be disappointed at your options. 

Fortunately you are wrong.  Violence, physical or mental, is one of the grounds for divorce.

More information can be found here:  https://www.siam-legal.com/legal_services/grounds-divorce.php

[suzannegoh]

14 minutes ago, Awk said:

Fortunately you are wrong.  Violence, physical or mental, is one of the grounds for divorce.

More information can be found here:  https://www.siam-legal.com/legal_services/grounds-divorce.php

 

Not sure how serious the OP i

To take advantage of that he’d still need to be able to make the case that his wife’s behavior is atypical for Thai women.  While farangs might take it for granted that Thai women are clinically insane and are unfit parents, good luck convincing a Thai court of that. 

How certain are the people in this thread, who recommend draconian steps up to and including kidnapping of their child, that his wife is substantially different than a typical Thai women and that he is a saint?
 

[BKKbangers 2014]

Hi OP, I'm in a very similar situation and as you know obviously its not pretty and certainly difficult for others to understand. PM and I might be able to help and at least support you.

Cheers

[Awk]

25 minutes ago, suzannegoh said:

To take advantage of that he’d still need to be able to make the case that his wife’s behavior is atypical for Thai women.  While farangs might take it for granted that Thai women are clinically insane and are unfit parents, good luck convincing a Thai court of that. 

 

No, there is no need for that.  Repeated (and that it is "repeated" is important) violent behaviour is one of the grounds of divorce.   Whether or not other women on the same block have a habit of attacking their husbands with a knife, and everyone else there consider that behaviour to be perfectly normal, is irrelevant to the court where the OP files for divorce.  Judges don't expect their Thai spouse to violently attack them, especially not in front of their children, and neither will they think the OP should expect his Thai spouse to attack him.

 

 

Quote

How certain are the people in this thread, who recommend draconian steps up to and including kidnapping of their child, that his wife is substantially different than Thai women and that he is a saint?
 

 

Always difficult to know, but TV is unfortunately full of wanna-be John Waynes typing away on their keyboard without the slightest clue of what the legal consequences would be.

[Krataiboy]

6 hours ago, Cereal said:

I feel for the guy. He needs to leave but is stuck in limbo because of the kid. Just one more of the 1000's of reasons why I went to the doctor and got myself clipped before I ever had a kid. I can't see any positives about reproducing and I've tried to see positives. Why would any sane person want a child? I simply do not and can not understand.

 

Me, I'd walk. leave the entire thing behind, kid and all. It's obviously a good thing I did all those decades ago because I just would not take that cr@p in my life.

Pity, sounds like you would have made a great dad.

[AlexRich]

4 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

So you take the knife of her and remove her from the house. People are wondering why they are not respected here. The reason is obvious to me, no balls and running away for a problem is their only option.

What would you do? Kill her and bury her in the garden? Or maybe just beat her up on a regular basis? The odd punch and slap here or there? 

 

What does having balls mean, exactly? To me it implies the above, but of course to you it might mean something else entirely ... so why don't you spell it out instead of spouting nonsense about eunuch's.

[natway09]

Good Luck in whatever you decide to try.

I lived for 3 years with one also & just walked away one night when I no longer felt safe going to sleep & NEVER told her where I moved too.   Lucky no offspring as I have had the nick.

Your child is the problem. I have one friend still trying to extricate his son from the clutches of a possessive crazy but is very difficult as she behaves herself when talking to the authorities & no doubt is desperate to maintain the 40,000 Bht that gets sent every month