My Wife Is Gambling

[catman20]

39 minutes ago, Darkside Gray said:

Been through it twice, its a disease, ditch her now, take the kids with you.

you been through what twice ? marriage or wife's who gamble or both ?

[Cake Monster]

She may have all the skills the Business requires, but you have to keep an iron grip on ALL expenditure in the Business, and within your Household.

Its easily done just give her enough money to purchase things for the Business, and INSIST on receipts upon her return from the purchase.

If she cannot do these things, then you have to wind the Business up.

Its a tough regime,but you have to do these things for the sake of your relationship,your children, and your own sanity.

[BestB]

2 hours ago, Tchooptip said:

Maybe a monk to say it's against Buddhism and not good for her Karma. And if she continues all her future possible good luck will desert her.

She will just bring monk for gifts and her luck will change ????

[ianwheldale]

I feel for you, mate. Been down that road and it eventually ended my marriage. Games of cards at our house in West London eventually developed into nights down the Cromwell Mint in South Kensington. In my experience, it's like a drug once they get into it. I suppose it seen as daring and exciting due to the illegality in Thailand.

[cyberfarang]

1 hour ago, Proboscis said:

i cannot be sure about Thailand but in some other countries the debts of one marriage partner are shared between both. If this is true of Thailand, then get divorced. Otherwise, she will gamble away all assets she can lay her hands on - remember, Thais can never be wrong and she would lose face no matter what the evidence if she were wrong about this options trading site or if she were not learning it like she claims.

 

The problem then becomes, after all the money and assets are gone, that she will start borrowing money based on the fact that she is married to a falang. Then they come for you.

 

Futures and options market skills involves a highly specialised area of maths that relatively few folks master - unless she has a masters degree in maths or a similar area in finance, then she has no business getting involved. Also, because the market can give rise to high returns and high loses, it attracts gamblers and criminals who prey on those with a problem or who like to swindle those who dont understand how the market works.

 

Almost but not quite like that in Thailand.

 

If a Thai wife has financial debt that she is unable to pay, the creditors can apply to the court to have bailiffs seize any assets she has in her name. 

 

This includes businesses, land and buildings in her name, vehicles in her name, jewellery, monies from bank accounts in her name including joint accounts with her name as a joint account holder and even the contents of a home.

 

The husband`s separate assets are safe providing they are in his sole name only and obtained legally in Thailand.

 

But the money trail will be followed and if the husband tries to hide his wife`s assets and monies under his name, these will also be seized. 

[BritManToo]

10 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

But the money trail will be followed and if the husband tries to hide his wife`s assets and monies under his name, these will also be seized. 

My former misses just transferred everything to her mom for 5/10 years.

Nobody seized anything or followed any money trails.

The day after the court order expired, everything was transferred back.

Then 6 months later she bought a house borrowing 90% (1.5MBht), using 6 months of forged wage slips.

The hardest bit was she had to actually pay SS for 6 months (fake employer), to legitimize her non-existant job.

[RotBenz8888]

First child 6 weeks ago. Could be a postpartum psychosis which can include mania and losing inhibitions. In any case, i would force her to see a psychiatrist.

[1FinickyOne]

On 11/22/2018 at 6:02 PM, fanjita said:

I love my wife and know that I couldn't leave her.  For better and for worse and all that.

 

If the boot was on the other foot then I know my wife would support and care for me.  That's obviously the underlying principle of marriage.  I married late in life, and just as well, as wasn't mature enough previously.  

 

You seem like a great guy and sure your wife is a decent person too.  It's a long path to recovery for your wife and sure you'll figure it out together in due course.

Just want to say  - - good for you. A very mature and realistic view. My wife is a really nice person, she has done so much good for the people and family around her... that doesn't mean that she is perfect or that we are always perfect as a couple, or anybody is or will be... but the point is, if you marry a nice person, one that you respect, then you stay with them and find a way to help them through rough times even if it does not benefit you... it is simply called being forgiving and kindness. 

[ross163103]

I've known two different friends who lost motorcycles, cars and eventually the houses they owned because their wife gambled, not the same type your wife is into, but gambling all the same. Anybody who's lived here full time and more than a couple of years could probably tell you other examples of this, it's pretty common. Thai women love to gamble. Only advice I can give has already been mentioned; protect what you have and limit what she gets in the future; protect yourself and your child.

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, Proboscis said:

i cannot be sure about Thailand but in some other countries the debts of one marriage partner are shared between both. If this is true of Thailand, then get divorced. Otherwise, she will gamble away all assets she can lay her hands on - remember, Thais can never be wrong and she would lose face no matter what the evidence if she were wrong about this options trading site or if she were not learning it like she claims.

 

The problem then becomes, after all the money and assets are gone, that she will start borrowing money based on the fact that she is married to a falang. Then they come for you.

 

Futures and options market skills involves a highly specialised area of maths that relatively few folks master - unless she has a masters degree in maths or a similar area in finance, then she has no business getting involved. Also, because the market can give rise to high returns and high loses, it attracts gamblers and criminals who prey on those with a problem or who like to swindle those who dont understand how the market works.

I think it's even worse in Thailand.

The sister of my gf had once some gambling debt in Bangkok and the sister decided to move away. My gf explained to me now we have to pay (3,000B) because we were well known in that area and were often enough there. Refusal to pay would have bad consequences. I paid the 3,000B to avoid consequences and looking over my shoulder.

I didn't like it but lets not forget, TiT.

[fanjita]

3 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I paid the 3,000B to avoid consequences and looking over my shoulder.

Better than being hardheaded and having your skull caved in at a later date.  I would've done the same.

 

300k or more and I would've done the Frank Bough.

[cyberfarang]

29 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I think it's even worse in Thailand.

The sister of my gf had once some gambling debt in Bangkok and the sister decided to move away. My gf explained to me now we have to pay (3,000B) because we were well known in that area and were often enough there. Refusal to pay would have bad consequences. I paid the 3,000B to avoid consequences and looking over my shoulder.

I didn't like it but lets not forget, TiT.

Sorry, but that`s total rubbish.

 

The only way someone would be responsible for someone else`s debt (even in Thailand) if they had acted as a guarantor for the debtor.

 

If your girlfriend had told you if you don`t pay off her sister`s debt there would be consequences, then either she was a guarantor or you were gullible enough to believe it.

 

 

[realenglish1]

Give her a choice Stop with this and go to

Gamblers Anonymous

 

Or you will divorce her

[fanjita]

26 minutes ago, cyberfarang said:

Sorry, but that`s total rubbish.

I think he's talking about loan sharks who are none too concerned about the law.  The problem went away by settling the piddly amount of 3000 THB.

[madusa]

On 11/22/2018 at 6:54 PM, BritManToo said:

Make sure she has no access to your money.

Stop investing in the business.

Don't give her your money for any reason.

(That also means paying all the household bills in person)

 

Sympathy for you,

but you can't do much to stop this madness, apart from limit your personal financial loss.

Yes, this is a good advice. Gambling is worst than taking drugs and drinking alcohol because it's the speed that you could lose money. It could just wipe your bank account clean in no time. Whereas taking drug still takes sometime and it progress at a certain speed. And drinking alcohol will take a lot longer time to empty your bank.

There are so many people out there using these investment scheme, Fund hedge, and all those money making ideas . With the knowledge of computers they could really convince you the figure. If they think you are  good catch they may even be willing to sacrifice some money to show you have gain financial rewards and your next one is the big rewards, don't lose this opportunity . For ignorant desperate people it would be the worst thing that can happen in their life.

[cyberfarang]

1 hour ago, fanjita said:

I think he's talking about loan sharks who are none too concerned about the law.  The problem went away by settling the piddly amount of 3000 THB.

If it were a case where I became responsible for my wife`s or girlfriend`s families debts, they would not be my wife or girlfriend for very long afterwards.

 

I guarantee there would not be any debt clearance money, forthcoming from me.

[MyFriend You]

On 11/22/2018 at 6:21 PM, Ned said:

This will end with you and your child penniless and your wife behind bars.

 

Sadly - you are 100% correct.  After 40 some years living part time in Pattaya, Bangkok and Sattahip,  I have seen it time and again.  Nothing, Nothing will stop them from trying to get their money back.

[MyFriend You]

On 11/22/2018 at 6:06 PM, AlexRich said:

Binary option trading is a well known scam, and even those that have tried to collect on their winnings have found that they can’t access them. She needs to stop immediately. Thai’s can be incredibly reckless at times, thinking only of today. Good luck. 

I have an old American acquaintance of mine in a Thai Jail for starting one of these dodgy investment schemes..........he should have kept his little bar in  Cambodia.  He would have killed his liver, but died on his own terms, he will now die in a Thai Jail.

[MyFriend You]

8 hours ago, alien365 said:

Do you know why she started?  Was she tempted into it by friends? By knowing what made her start in the first place may help stop it. 

I sincerely hope he answers this one.............this is the key to the beginning of the problem she has.   He seems like a 'nice guy'  but in my world  'nice guy's finish last'  He has to realize she will never stop, she is lost.   so he needs to focus on saving his life with his child.........

 

[MyFriend You]

7 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I have no solution but maybe a few thoughts:

a) When did she start gambling? Was is just recently?

b) Does she feel bad that she lost money and she wants to win to pay money back?

c) Does she love the thrill of the game?

 

If it's b) and she wants to win the money back which she lost make sure you tell her you don't care about the lost money as long as she stops now.

 

If she loves gambling in general maybe you can direct her gambling in another direction. I.e. my girlfriend also likes gambling and sometimes she plays cards all night. She enjoys it a lot and sometimes she wins and sometimes she loses. But if she loses it's normally not more than 1,000B or something in that area. I have no problem with such an amount, I spend more if I go out for a night.

 

I guess the more you understand why she does what she does the more you can help her. And worst case you have to settle with the knowledge that you tried but can't help her.

 

Good luck!

I taught my current lady my approach to gambling - we lived in The Gambia for a year where Casinos were legal  -  Right pocket, left pocket- the money you have to gamble with goes into the left pocket, money you won goes into right pocket  -  your right hand never goes into your right pocket until you get home.

 

she hated losing, but never put her hand into her right pocket...........she quit gambling because she said she was happy when she won, but angry when she lost, she didn't like to be angry.

[cyberfarang]

What many fail to learn is that never give a Thai wife absolute control over your assets, because for many western husbands that could lead a path to disaster. If a wife decides to cheat, use the money for her own purposes or leaves, the Farang husband is left high and dry.

 

 

[sawadee1947]

There are many gamblers out there. My friend lost 5.000.000 Euro in Casinos. 

He went to a Psychologist for over 3 years. And now he told me he is clean. 

However if he would have a wife with kids the psychologist would have opted for divorce. 

[mogandave]

If she’s only been doing it a couple months and has dumped a healthy chunk she could very well get over it. You have a wife you love and a new baby, that’s worth working on.

Maybe get her interested in the SET as a way of “gambling” responsibly.

At the end of the day it is “only money” Good luck.

[madusa]

2 hours ago, sawadee1947 said:

There are many gamblers out there. My friend lost 5.000.000 Euro in Casinos. 

He went to a Psychologist for over 3 years. And now he told me he is clean. 

However if he would have a wife with kids the psychologist would have opted for divorce. 

Your unfortunate friend is never clean as much as he would like to believe he is. This ugly monster(the desire to gamble) is always there only waiting for a favorable moment to strike. If he dies he becomes clean. It's karma. No psychologist or psychiatrist can talk him out of it, otherwise this problem wouldn't have existed would it?

People who gamble have an attitude problem. They want to win, they want revenge when they lost. They are mean people in reality but of course no one will admit that dark side of their character.

[sawadee1947]

1 hour ago, madusa said:

Your unfortunate friend is never clean as much as he would like to believe he is. This ugly monster(the desire to gamble) is always there only waiting for a favorable moment to strike. If he dies he becomes clean. It's karma. No psychologist or psychiatrist can talk him out of it, otherwise this problem wouldn't have existed would it?

People who gamble have an attitude problem. They want to win, they want revenge when they lost. They are mean people in reality but of course no one will admit that dark side of their character.

I am so sorry that my friend is sick and the psychologist is an idiot. So the advice of getting divorced was a most stupid one. 

What is your advice Dr. Madusa? 

[madusa]

10 minutes ago, sawadee1947 said:

I am so sorry that my friend is sick and the psychologist is an idiot. So the advice of getting divorced was a most stupid one. 

What is your advice Dr. Madusa? 

Your psychologist has more problems than you have without you knowing it otherwise you would have second thought about consulting him. They just trying to earn an honest living by talking nonsense much like those "Quantum Physicists " who talk about parallel worlds, they keep telling you it's there but you can't see it.

I know a method but many people would be very reluctant to try it. First get the agreement of your wife that you would slap her hard on the face each time she lost any money on gambling. I mean slap her hard on the face short of knocking out her teeth or bleed from the nose. This often suddenly wake people up when they do something stupid. It could even be enlightening for some people.

Just tell her it will work for her and it was done by some people and they never gamble again.

Bear in mind all the time that the slap must not be done in anger otherwise it will lose the healing effects. Why it will lose the healing effect because your wife ego will be damaged by your anger your need to keep the ego intact. It's the ego that helps to heal this gambling habit. When she first tells you she lost money you don't slap her yet but you do it after she lost money a few times then suddenly you gave her a big hard slap right across the face, this sudden and unexpected slap will do the trick.

Just do it. It's a very Zen thing you know.

This method not only cure gambling habits it also cures stupidity, a most difficult malady in view of many doctors.

Practice your slapping with a big watermelons. It will hurt your palm quite a bit but you will get the hang of it. If your wife sees you slapping the watermelon she knows you mean business. That's a good start. Cushion the shock of your wife by saying you are learning chinese martial art. You will get this tinkling sensation on the right palm (if right handed) after slapping hard on the watermelon but you need to practice so the slap is accurate otherwise like I said you might knock her teeth out. You don't want to do that. The police might charge you for grave bodily harm.

 

"When the pupil is ready the master appears".

I am a Zen master (2nd grade). Not some dirty doctor.

[RickTik]

On 11/22/2018 at 5:09 AM, Brewster67 said:

I have demanded all the money from the businesses be immediately put into my bank account, she has no legal access to it although she does know my online banking logins, however she would know I would challenge any withdrawals... But she is a very good accountant, and i know how far a gambling addict will go to cover up their habit, and that would include creative accounting and diverting a % of the funds to her own bank account.

 

With regard to investing, I don't need to invest any more. I already invested in equipment and setup costs to the tune of about 400K a few years back, and those business have made back at least a couple of million and continues to provide us with a fairly comfortable albeit modest existence.

If you have those kind of resources, then you and your wife are in great position to get through the mess with your relationship intact. What's gone is gone. Have a heart-to-heart talk with her. She will value the trust you are trying to re-establish. Also, she may value the lifestyle you guys still have to just quit the investment scam "cold turkey". Good luck with it. The problem is resolvable...heart-to-heart talk with her. 

[OneMoreFarang]

13 hours ago, cyberfarang said:

Sorry, but that`s total rubbish.

 

The only way someone would be responsible for someone else`s debt (even in Thailand) if they had acted as a guarantor for the debtor.

 

If your girlfriend had told you if you don`t pay off her sister`s debt there would be consequences, then either she was a guarantor or you were gullible enough to believe it.

Did you ever hear about the Mafia? Some contracts are not legal documents and maybe there are no documents at all. But there are still consequences if the rich and powerful, or their minions, don't like certain situations.

[Cereal]

My friend's wife blew through his entire bank account. Now they live paycheck to paycheck, paying rent and truck payments and raising two kids and sitting around thankful that payday is only 3 days away. I've seen my friend have to turn down his 7 year old son for an ice cream because he literally didn't have 5000 kip. That'd be like 6 or 7 baht. And he didn't have it. His pockets were empty and payday was 2 days away.

 

My wife started the gambling thing but it was extremely small-time. A very good or bad day meant a win or loss of $3 or $4. Nonetheless, it had the possibility to lead into bad spots, because they all start off somewhere and there's always the question "How did I get here?" when the debt has reached insurmountable amounts and property is getting signed over to pay for it.

 

So, one night, I woke up and it was about 2am and the wife was still at the neighbour's house gambling so I went over. I walked into the room and all the ladies were there sitting on the floor. I just went and stood over my wife and pointed at the door. She instantly got up and hustled out with the rest of the ladies sitting there in stunned silence. That was it for the gambling days for my wife. You have to nip this thing in the bud.

 

I'm not sure if my wife lost face or not and I do not care in the least. I was the first and only falang to live in this village and still am after 12+ years. I'm the first falang most of these people ever met. They've since met some friends. Thus, because I am the different one, the real alien, maybe they accept that my wife has to live by different rules. They certainly know that my wife is living several steps up the ladder from whence she came and from where they all still live. All of these people here have known each other for generations.

 

Whatever, I have no advice for the OP other than to be a massive jerk if you have to be. The flip side is you'll end up broke and when you are you'll likely end up homeless and without your wife and family. That's a certainty if another rich falang walks into the picture and as has been said, there's a sucker born every minute.

[onekoolguy]

My ex wife has a gambling addiction.  It is in many ways as bad or worse than alcohol or drug addiction.  They get defensive and angry when confronted and there is no end to it until all is gone and they cant get any more money by any means. I hope you discovered it in time to stop it? AA has a program for this if you can get her to admit she has a problem? Mine never would admit it. Huge problem.

Stop it now if you can? Best of luck!