Popular Post ballpoint Posted October 15, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 15, 2021 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Popular Post fangless Posted October 15, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 15, 2021 Be specific when talking to kids! 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 While driving home from a restaurant with his wife, a man was involved in a terrible car crash and died instantly and his wife was rushed away in an ambulance. After a short journey through a dark tunnel with a light at the end, he found himself at the gates of heaven. St. Peter was awaiting his arrival and beckoned him towards the Pearly Gates. ‘Sir,’ began St. Peter, ‘you have proved yourself to be a kind and generous soul. You are worthy of passing through these gates. In order for you to enter heaven, I ask only one thing: that you spell one simple word, a word that epitomises the philosophy of heaven. The word is “love”.’ ‘That’s easy,’ said the man. ‘L-O-V-E.’ And St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, enabling the man to enter. Just as the man stepped into the kingdom of heaven, St. Peter’s pager went off. God needed him for an emergency meeting. ‘Excuse me,’ said St. Peter to the man he had just admitted, ‘could you watch the gates for me while I’m in this meeting? I shouldn’t be more than ten minutes. All I ask of you is that you let nobody in unless they spell the word correctly.’ The man agreed, and St. Peter vanished, leaving him with a bright silver key to the gates. A few minutes later, the man’s wife appeared in front of the gates. ‘Hello, dear,’ she said. ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked. ‘Well, they rushed me to hospital and for a while it seemed as though I might pull through, but I didn’t make it. I died of internal haemorrhaging.’ Obeying the instructions of St. Peter, the husband said: ‘My beloved, in order for you to pass through the gates of heaven, you only need to spell one simple word. And the word is . . . “onomatopoeia.”’ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 What do you get when you cross:- An elephant with a Volkswagen? A little car with a big trunk. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 A skeleton walked into a bar and said: ‘I’d like a beer and mop ...’ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 TODAY’s DAILY INSULT; You’re a difficult man to forget - but well worth the effort. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fangless Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 Chat-up Line:- Can you tell me what time your legs open, please? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravip Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravip Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 VID-20211013-WA0025.mp4 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post billd766 Posted October 15, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 15, 2021 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellowtail Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 Chat-up Line:- I'd eat your sh*t for a mile just to see where it came from... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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roo860 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 (edited) ???? Edited October 15, 2021 by roo860 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Crossy Posted October 16, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 16, 2021 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 16, 2021 I arranged to meet a mathematician at half six. He turned up at three. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 16, 2021 I think I might have a shower. Just checked. Yes I do, it's upstairs. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 Councils say they're losing £30 million a year in unpaid parking fines. If they halve the cost of a fine, they'll only lose £15 million. Simple. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 When I was little, we were so poor that on my 6th birthday, my mum put 3 candles on a cake and stuck it in front of a mirror. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 Today's annual Fibonacci conference will be as big as the last two combined! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 My wife's so ungrateful She never thanked me for a lying in this morning, even though it meant she could get all the housework done without me getting in the way. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Share Posted October 16, 2021 I didn't think I would be the type of person to get up early and go for a run. I was correct. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 16, 2021 Does anyone know if the Arachnophobia Helpline has a website? 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ballpoint Posted October 16, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 16, 2021 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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