22 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

There is a dumb singer in Serbia (Jelena Karleusa... a Kim Kardashian wannabe), who made a statement that got instant Karma response:

 

 

Translation:

 

Jelena Karleusa about Tesla: "He was a weirdo without a wife, he even had a disorder"

 

Borislav Vercevic:

Had Tesla known that you would be singing using electricity, he would have probably never invented it.

Just received an email from the Gates Foundation <[email protected]>
Greetings you have been gifted ($5,000,000.00 USD) from Bill Gates Foundation.

 

All my dreams have come true, at last!

God Bless Bill.

 

Now I can apply for the Elite Visa.

Two old ladies were talking about their grandchildren.

 

The First old lady said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous cheque inside. But I never hear from them nor do I receive a thank you message !"

 

The second old lady replies. "I too send them a very generous cheque. I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."

 

"Wow!, How come?” remarked the First. 

 

The Second one replied, "I don't sign the cheque."

 

*Epitaph Epigrams*
~~~~~
On a tombstone in Boothill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les, No more

~~~~~
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903~Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down. 
It was.

~~~~~
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up
and no place to go.

~~~~~
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102
Only the good die young

~~~~~
In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid
but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

~~~~~
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace lies here.
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

~~~~~
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon him for not rising.

~~~~~
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

~~~~~
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

~~~~~
A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.

~~~~~
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

~~~~~
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June, 
Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

~~~~~
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:

Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

~~~~~
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod,
Pease shelled out and went to God.

~~~~~
In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.

~~~~~

1 hour ago, ravip said:

*Epitaph Epigrams*
~~~~~
On a tombstone in Boothill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les, No more

~~~~~
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903~Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down. 
It was.

~~~~~
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up
and no place to go.

~~~~~
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102
Only the good die young

~~~~~
In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid
but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

~~~~~
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

Anna Wallace lies here.
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

~~~~~
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon him for not rising.

~~~~~
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

~~~~~
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

~~~~~
A lawyer's epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.

~~~~~
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

~~~~~
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June, 
Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

~~~~~
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:

Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

~~~~~
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod,
Pease shelled out and went to God.

~~~~~
In a cemetery in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.

~~~~~

Not sure if it's true but I read that Spike Milligans headstone says

I told you I was sick.