2 hours ago, billd766 said:

I just remembered this morning the link between your joke and the collection of crows.

That flew straight over your head. 

41 minutes ago, GarryP said:

That flew straight over your head.

What no sh%t?

16 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

Well, they both look like rooks, so they should be in Parliament - or, at least, a castle.

I think you have all gone Raven mad and should be sent to the Tower.

 

PS; I promise not crow about it if you get rooked on the way to the castle while being escorted by the knights and bishops, while the queens prance about like a bunch of pawns.

A woman walks into a pet store and sees a handsome bright red parrot. She asks the cashier how much the parrot is. The cashier says, "I'll sell it, but I should warn you, it was donated by a brothel, so it might have picked up some colourful language."

The woman says, "Oh, that's okay." She buys the parrot and takes it home.
When she takes the towel off its cage, the parrot looks at her and says, "Awk. New madam. Hello madam."

A few hours later, the woman's two teenage daughters come home from school. The parrot looks at them and says, "Awk. New girls. Hello girls."

A couple hours after that, the woman's husband Phil comes home from work.

 

The parrot looks at him and says, "Awk. Hi Phil."

A man phones home from the office on the Thursday afternoon and tells his wife,

"Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for a few days with a client. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pyjamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

He hurries home, grabs everything, and rushes off.

 

Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"

"Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss and the client and we got lots of fish, fresh air and early nights. The only tiny little tiny problem is you forgot to pack my pyjamas. but out in the wilds it was not a problem"

"Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your fish tackle box along with a cigar for the boss and removed all the tackle."
 

A husband and wife go to a restaurant.

The waiter approaches the table to take their order.

"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow and all the medical problems with it?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband looking toward the wife,

 

"She'll order for herself."
 

32 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

A husband and wife go to a restaurant.

The waiter approaches the table to take their order.

"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow and all the medical problems with it?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband looking toward the wife,

 

"She'll order for herself."
 

Very similar to Spitting Image in the 1980s when Margaret Thatcher was PM.

Scene was a restaurant with Thatcher ordering the steak on the menu.

Waiter: What about the vegetables?

Thatcher, pointing to the rest of her cabinet: Oh, they'll have the same.

 

Just now, hyku1147 said:

Farting in an elevator is simply wrong on so many levels.

 

 ... and guaranteed to Push 'someones' buttons...

 

A group of crows is called a murder 

 

 

3 minutes ago, Daffy D said:

A group of crows is called a murder

A parliament of (f)owls - they're all chicken.

2 minutes ago, Daffy D said:

 

A group of crows is called a murder 

 

 

That just shows unkindness, as the Ravens would say collectively! 

2 hours ago, GarryP said:

That flew straight over your head. 

Always remember when things fly over your head, don't look up.

1 hour ago, billd766 said:

Always remember when things fly over your head, don't look up.

 

If anyone is still interested , I can get you a great deal on a T-Shirt  @ 1 for the price of 10 .....

 

.

Gotta add in the zigzag factor !

Ain’t that the truth !!

A man and his wife, moved back home to Scotland, from England. 
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in England it was £2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Glasgow they went to a back street insurance Agency, to see how much it would cost to insure the leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '£39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here In Glasgow to insure, because it cost him £2000.00 in London!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: 

 

"Any mobile wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is £39.00."
 

A family moves into their new house.

Grandma comes for a visit and asks the youngest child, a five-year-old, how he likes the new place.

"It's terrific," he says.

"I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room."

"But poor mom is still sleeping with dad."
 

A father goes into his son's room to find him lying face-down on the bed. He asks him, "Hey buddy, how did your test go today?"
"I did just what George Washington did,"

The son replies, his words muffled by the mattress.
"How so?" the father asks.
The son looks up and answers,

 

" I can't tell a lie, I went down in history."
 

PRIOROTIES

A teen is caught smoking pot behind a local convenience store.

He's arrested and put in county jail. The arresting officer advises the young pothead that he gets one phone call from jail.

The teen makes his phone call and returns to his cell.

About a half hour later a man shows up at the police station.

"I assume you're the boy's father," the arresting officer says.

"No," responds the man, "I'm here to deliver a pizza."