Another Frog/Princess tale!

A very old woman is walking down the lane when she sees a frog waving to her. 
"Oh miss," he calls. "Please help me. If you give me a kiss I will turn into a handsome film star and I promise to stay with you forever." 
The old woman picks up the frog and puts it straight into her handbag. 
"Hey!" shouts the frog, "Aren't you going to kiss me?" 
"Oh no," she replies. "When you get to my age, what good is a handsome man?

A talking frog is much more exciting at the bingo hall." 

16 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

I think you should continue to 'keep your hair on' and stop being so 'catty' otherwise people will try and 'trump' you!

2 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Nice joke !!

 

Buuuuut, if you cast your mind back 18 days to post #3698 you might have a little surprise !! ????

 

Okay, so there is a lot of posts going up here daily and you might have missed it, its not as if you actually left a like or an emoji..............

 

..........wait a minute !!

 

( forgive me for savouring the moment ) ????

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Nice joke !!

 

Buuuuut, if you cast your mind back 18 days to post #3698 you might have a little surprise !! ????

 

Okay, so there is a lot of posts going up here daily and you might have missed it, its not as if you actually left a like or an emoji..............

 

..........wait a minute !!

 

( forgive me for savouring the moment ) ????

I first read it in a book 1966 book called Virgin Soldiers by Leslie Thomas. That makes it at least 53 years old. 

 

It is so old that it doesn't just have whiskers on it but a full beard. 

https://www.forces.net/news/beard-royal-navy-tradition

Oops ???? 

Makes sense to me !!

 

 

Easy mistake to make !!

 

 

 

6 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

When I were a lad I really did have a mate called James Bond, it was a scream seeing coppers getting right agitated every time they asked his name, they wouldn't believe him especially as the rest of us were pi**ing ourselves laughing, they just thought he was taking the mickey Lol

4 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Nice joke !!

 

Buuuuut, if you cast your mind back 18 days to post #3698 you might have a little surprise !! ????

 

Okay, so there is a lot of posts going up here daily and you might have missed it, its not as if you actually left a like or an emoji..............

 

..........wait a minute !!

 

( forgive me for savouring the moment ) ????

Jeez, it's the joke police!

23 minutes ago, fasteddie said:

Jeez, it's the joke police!

Yup, as difficult as it would seem, I have managed to lower the bar on this thread ????

7 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Yup, as difficult as it would seem, I have managed to lower the bar on this thread ????

I thought that was our 'soul' object on this forum.

12 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Hoist byNice joke !!

 

Buuuuut, if you cast your mind back 18 days to post #3698 you might have a little surprise !! ????

 

Okay, so there is a lot of posts going up here daily and you might have missed it, its not as if you actually left a like or an emoji..............

 

..........wait a minute !!

 

( forgive me for savouring the moment ) ????

OUCH!

Hoisted by my own petard!

 

11 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

 

Good job I have a rabbit proof vest.

Gourmet Dining?

A customer asks to see the manager of the restaurant where he's eating dinner.

"This place is filthy," the man says to the manager.
"That's outrageous!" exclaims the manager.

"You could eat your dinner off our dining room floor!"
"That's my issue," says the customer.

"It looks like someone already has."
 

IT'S AN ILL WIND SOMETIMES

 

A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes. It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.

 

Elias Howe is credited with being the inventor of the zipper, but most of his friends called him the lord of the flies.

 

Why are photographers always so depressed?

Because they don't do anything all day but focus on the negatives.

A whale of a fishy tale!

 

A little girl was being taught by her Primary School teacher about whales. 

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that according to her Sunday School teacher Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible and not everything in the bible was Gospel.

The little girl said, "I don’t believe you. When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

 

The little girl replied, "Then you can ask him." 
 

Did you hear about the woman who tried to make a career out of being a gold digger?

It didn't really pan out.

 

Did you hear about the man who got a job as a human cannonball?

He was so excited he went ballistic.

 

How did the circus owner get so rich?

He spent years paying his employees peanuts.

 

Why is it so easy for dwarves to get work?

Employers like paying people under the table.

 

It´s a joke, but unfortunately reality. 

https://nypost.com/2019/10/25/oxford-bans-clapping-to-avoid-upsetting-students/?fbclid=IwAR3eMou6NN222z5yAYDVU9FcSisIgltMYudwnFXdR31NE0c8gJOTfdEqxhI