1 hour ago, ravip said:

 

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law..."

Funny they don't have Kangaroos in Thailand

Yellow was his best friend ...

I bought myself a new drill with a hammer action button.

When I read the instruction leaflet it said “You can’t touch this”.

From tomorrow, Aldi will be selling 30ft snooker tables for only £5.

You need to get there early as the queues will be massive.

I have a new girlfriend who works at a factory making wheelie bins.
Not sure what day to take her out?

Just for fun I painted the wife with cheese last week.

First I put on the undercoat, and then double glossed her.

At the moment my garden’s like the wild west.

It’s only got one flower - the lone hydrangea.

My new girlfriend's got a horse fetish.
I'll be going to see her in a bit.

With all the hot weather in the UK, I feel sorry for the staff at Gregg's.

They must be baking in there.

Two jumper cables walk into a bar.
One of them says “We’d like a couple of beers, please.”
The bartender says “Okay, but don’t start anything.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why did the woman bring a ladder to the bar?
Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
 

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

My new girlfriend's got a horse fetish.
I'll be going to see her in a bit.

Try not to get saddled with her but enjoy whatever spurs you on!