22 hours ago, billd766 said:

"Sorry Chief, it came off in my hand."

Have I missed something or has a "safety check on a radio antenna" become a euphemism for what most people consider to be a solo passtime?

Good News/Bad News
-------------------------

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, "Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's soft-ball there."

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, "Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you." Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

At midnight a few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, "Barb, Barb."

"Who is it?" asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Barb, it's me, Rose."

"You're not Rose. Rose just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Rose," insisted the voice.

"Rose! Where are you?"

"In Heaven," replied Rose. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," said Barb.

"The good news," Rose said, "is that there's Softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," said Barb. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's
the bad news?"

 

 

 

 

 

"You're pitching Tuesday." 

 

Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box:

 

 

super cauliflower eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. 

1 hour ago, scottiejohn said:

Have I missed something or has a "safety check on a radio antenna" become a euphemism for what most people consider to be a solo pastime?

No, you have missed nothing but a true story. 

 

Confucius Say:

 " Man who do push ups in Long Grass,

                       not necessarily health fanatic"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confucius Say:

 

 

Darts! I tried it once. Threw two double twenties and the third one bounced off the wire and hit some poor lady from the local Convent. I won the game, though - a score of one nun dead and eighty was hard to beat!

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy.
When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking doctors and asks nervously "Is there a problem?"
The head surgeon says gently, with tears in his eyes "I'm afraid so...I'm sorry but your notes got mixed up and we've given you a sex change rather than a vasectomy"
The patient is devastated and shockingly replies "Do you mean to say I'll never experience another erection"
The surgeon pauses for a moment then says "Well, you might, but it won't be yours"

Is it too early for Christmas jokes?

 

17 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

Not good news for the Indians?

On 1/14/2020 at 8:02 PM, ballpoint said:

Is it too early for Christmas jokes?

Yes if they are funny!

22 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

Not good news for the Indians?

Sorry about that but I was "pee-ed off" by the time I got round to them!