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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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The oldies are the goodies!

 

Mrs. Smith; the mother of 3 children was in the process of baking a birthday cake for her daughter, when she mistakenly used BB’s to adorn the top of the cake, instead of colored sugar beads.

 

No one seemed to notice and the birthday cake was a big hit at the family party.

 

Several hours later her daughter came running out of the bathroom screaming, “Mommy Mommy Mommy, I just went pee pee and BB’s came out of me.

 

After realizing her baking blunder, Mrs. Smith asked her daughter if she was feeling ok .

 

The little girl replied, “Yes Mommy I feel ok.”. “Well ok then go outside and play”, said Mrs. Smith.

 

About ten minutes later her youngest son came screaming into the kitchen, “Mom, I just peed and BB’s came out.” Again the mother asked, “Are you ok?” The little son replied yes and ran off to go play outside.

 

A while later the oldest son comes into the kitchen crying hysterically. Before he could say anything Mrs. Smith consoles him by saying, “ I know, you went to pee and BB’s came out, right?”

 

The older son replies, “No mom! I was in my room playing with myself and I shot the dog!

"I don't want to know why you can't. I want to know how you can!"

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17 hours ago, ballpoint said:

A Yorkshireman with bad haemorrhoids goes to the chemist and says “as thee any **** cream”?

“Aye lad", the chemist replies, "what does tha want, Magnum or Cornetto?”

Speaking as a haemorrhoids sufferer - of the two, I think the Cornetto would provide the most effective relief.

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I was helping my wife with her English vocabulary and she asked me for an example of a double entendre.

So I gave her one.

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One time I got into a competition about who could write 100 double entendres about masturbation.

Unfortunately, I wrote 101 - so I had to rub one out.

6 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

Speaking as a haemorrhoids sufferer - of the two, I think the Cornetto would provide the most effective relief.

Depends on who's wearing the Magnum 

Alan Michael Sugar, Baron Sugar is a British business magnate, media personality, author, politician and political adviser. In 1968, he started what would later become his largest business venture, consumer electronics company Amstrad. 
 

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