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On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

 

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

 

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.

 

St. Peter said,

"I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

 

The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?

"What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

 

Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

 

"Great!" said the couple.

"But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

 

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

 

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted.

"It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?!

 

 

A husband asked his wife something which goes to from 0-100 in 3.8 seconds for his birthday .

So she gave him a weighing scale

1 minute ago, xtrnuno41 said:

You made a mistake in line 2! It's Y not Z!!

1 hour ago, oxo1947 said:

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There's more to this story. The reason was that despite trying very hard, he could not demonstrate that the bell works!

1 minute ago, tomazbodner said:

There's more to this story. The reason was that despite trying very hard, he could not demonstrate that the bell works!

Yer that makes sense tomazbodner----

 

 

Kylie ... That Is a Microphone ?

 

 

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2 minutes ago, oxo1947 said:

 

 

Kylie ... That Is a Microphone ?

 

 

Who cares. Bear looks happy!

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Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was  admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the  pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister 
noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled 
with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When 
she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water
and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He 
could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you
would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
 "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking 
through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on  the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that  it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the  flu all winter?"
 ????????