My doctor advised me to avoid saturated fat.

So I've stopped showering with the Mrs.

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee before the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot but forgets the coffee.
The parrot drains its glass on the spot and bawls, "And get me another whisky you b****".

The man enquires about his coffee. Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, now go and fetch it you lazy slag"
Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bugger!"

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.
The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal, you've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry.... We can't hire you."
"But wait," the man says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me now!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms; red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company,
And we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Just visited the birthplace of the founder of modern dentistry.

I was surprised that there wasn’t some kind of plaque on the wall.

I rented a bouncy castle for my kid's birthday.  It was twice the price of last year.
That's inflation for you.

Some stores are selling tampons for a 90 percent discount. No strings attached.

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Just visited the birthplace of the founder of modern dentistry.

I was surprised that there wasn’t some kind of plaque on the wall.

Maybe the plaque was hidden in a cavity in the wall!

9 hours ago, ravip said:

So true....shouldn't this be in the Pattaya Forum?  🙄

An insensitive post has been removed.