I was at the Grocery store with Grandpa , who is a retd. Air force pilot, when  two Girls in *super short skirts* walked by.

Grandpa said, "Look at those *Jet Skirts*" as we both admired the two Ladies. 

 

I had to know, what's a Jet Skirt? 

 

Grandpa replied, "It's a Skirt so short that *when they bend over you can see the Cock-pit.*"

 

A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive.

 

 After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax.  After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring.

 

It’s the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay.

 

“It doesn't matter,” answers the doctor.  “Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?”

 

“I accept, thanks!” She answers.  

He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking. 

 

Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door.

 

The doctor looks worried, gets up and says: “My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise she might think there is some nonsense going on!”

 

9 hours ago, roo860 said:

It's a sheep dog. A collie.

13 hours ago, fangless said:

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork at a higher plane. I thought I had it nailed but nobody saw it at my level and in the end I branched out and founded a splinter group who only saw dust at the end and screwed the hole idea.

 It really is a knotty problem which my panel just could not find a common plank to agree on.

Would anyone care to add anything to shore up my comments!

Sounds like you are board if you want to ply us with putty jokes like that. Or maybe you have a veneer-eal disease from when you got lathed?  Better see a vise doctor (a modern one, not one of those old dinosaws).

I said to the girl at the checkout,

"Why isn't this cheaper?  Look, it has got today's date on it!"

She replied, "Do you want the newspaper or not?"

5 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Sounds like you are board if you want to ply us with putty jokes like that. Or maybe you have a veneer-eal disease from when you got lathed?  Better see a vise doctor (a modern one, not one of those old dinosaws).

Well shiver my timbers!  Can you stop pirating and hijacking my comments and get a grip please and also stop trying to sandpaper all my rough and ready comments away!

21 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

It's a sheep dog. A collie.

I see you are barking up the wrong tree again and please put some meat into your responses.  I think your brain must be vegetating!

5 minutes ago, fangless said:

Well shiver my timbers!  Can you stop pirating and hijacking my comments and get a grip please and also stop trying to sandpaper all my rough and ready comments away!

Just telling the plane truth.

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.Don’t try to buy a Dyson on eBay when you’re <deleted>.

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