.

.In a home, In a home. you're all going in a home.....

 

.Advice from a local newspaper on how to, 'Beat the heat'...................

That episode where Paul forgot the safe word.

A Duck Hunter shoots one duck and it falls dead by a farmhouse. The Hunter climbs the fence to retrieve it for his dinner table. The farmer comes out and says that the duck belongs to him as it is on his property. The Hunter remonstrates with him because was he who shot the duck. The farmer suggests settling to debate with "country rules'. The Hunter is informed that they will kick each other in nuts and the one left standing keeps the duck. The farmer says he will go first, so he kicks the hunter hard in the groin, the hunter doubles up with pain for 20 minutes, but keeps his feet. Then he says to the farmer that it is his turn. The farmer just says, Nahhhh... you can keep the duck!

Breaking news
A lorry carrying onions has shed its load all over the M6.
Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.

Like many people these days, I've started getting my clothes online.
The downside is the neighbours have begun taking in their washing at night.

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters
to people you hate and then burn them.
I did that and I feel much better but I am wondering,
do I keep the letters?

I went to the shops the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn traffic warden writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, how about giving a guy a break?'"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him, "a pencil necked nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him a 'horse's arsse."
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner...
 

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather & great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he & his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ... and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious & confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother. 'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes & said, "Because your father, your grandfather, and your great grandfather were all born in December when the lake is frozen, and YOU were born in August!!!

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

 

Things we won't go for:

- That

 

22 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Looks like HillBilly to me...

A young Catholic couple about to get married…

Died in a fiery car crash. They were met at the gates of heaven by St. Peter. They told him how deeply in love they were, and asked if it was possible to get married in heaven.

 

St. Peter told them he wasn’t sure but would find out and get back to them.

 

Three months later St. Peter showed up but our young couple having spent all this time waiting were bickering and having doubts about their relationship.

 

Now they asked St. Peter if it was possible to get a divorce in heaven.

 

With a pained look St. Peter said, “It took me 3 months to find a priest and now you want me to find a lawyer?”

8 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

That episode where Paul forgot the safe word.

Does no one watch the EastEnders program anymore.......

 

Who killed Paul Trueman in EastEnders?

Paul got on the wrong side of the law when he started working for the evil Andy Hunter in 2004 as a drug dealer

.What could possibly go wrong?.

That after-thought...