Horse walks into a bar and orders a double Tom Collins, with Old Tom gin, three ice cubes, light on the lemon, heavy on the soda and hold the garnish.

 

Barkeep says: Whey the long face? 

 

 

Did you hear about the German with the enormous sausage?

 

(Edited)  Sorry, wrong thread, thought it was the wurst joke one.

 

 

 

 

I went to a shop today and the sign on the door handle read, 'SHOVE.'
I thought, "So, Push has come to Shove has it?"

What do you say to a woman with a black eye? 

 

I done told you once....

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

 

Nothing, you done told her twice.

On 7/19/2021 at 2:30 PM, Hamus Yaigh said:

They had a sign that read 'don't steal our <deleted> sign!

https://www.dw.com/en/austrian-village-of-<deleted>-decides-to-change-its-name/a-55740967

.

.

A gorgeous young redhead on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

 

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?" 

 

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she replied.

 

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

 

"From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

 

Father replied, "I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."

 

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"

6 hours ago, Hamus Yaigh said:

Please, please, please, someone tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't get this!!!! ????