My son asked me what the difference between a pavement and a sidewalk was:
"A firm grasp of the English language" I replied.

A beautiful, well endowed, young lady, goes to her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only £20 each! Money-Back Guarantee! Comes with complete instructions."

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anyone's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

The man packages the frog and says, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods grabs the box and quickly makes her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down on the bed.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point.

She rereads the instructions and notices the print at the bottom of the paper: "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet shop" So, the lady calls the pet shop.

The man says, "I've already had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over."
Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

The lady welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes, and sternly says, "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

A group of guys, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons, because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons, because the waitresses were attractive, the food and service was good, and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons, because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons, because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons, because they had never been there before.

????

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

My son asked me what the difference between a pavement and a sidewalk was:
"A firm grasp of the English language" I replied.

I see you side-stepped the issue again without going down the beaten track!

Patient: Doctor, I'm thinking that I may be losing my hearing.

Doctor: Tell me about the symptoms?

Patient: Homer is bald and fat, Marge has blue hair...