I had sex for 3 hours last night.

We role played as doctor and patient...

I was in the waiting room for 2 hrs 57 minutes

I went to a public toilet and found it was empty

I went into a booth and sat down on the seat.

Just then I heard someone come in and get into the booth next to me. I coughed to let them know I was in the booth next to him.

 

He said "Hello". I was surprised but didn't say anything. He said Hello again. This time I said "hey." He asked "how are you?". I said "I'm good how are you doing?".

"What are you doing later today" he asked.

 

I was really uncomfortable with the fact that I was having a conversation with a guy in a public toilet while we both are taking a 5h1t together.

 

I asked" what do you mean?". He said "Steve, I'll  call you back, this a55hat in the toilet next to me is replying to everything."

Pregnant Girlfriend

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms every time we have sex.

 

Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?

 

Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.

 

Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story.

A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.

 

Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.

 

Doctor: Exactly.

A television crew comes to the farm to make an interview with the shephard about his daily routine.

"Our viewers would like to know what a regular day here on the countryside looks like. Can you start right from the beginning?" Asks the reporter.

 

"Oh, yeah sure." starts the shepherd, "So first I wake up, but I really don't wanna so I take a sip of my brandy to start off my day. Then I have to go out to release the sheep. I'm still quite sleepy so I take two sips to make me go outside and one more to have energy to open the gate. Out in the field I usually meet my pal and we drink two whole bottles of brandy together and then..."

 

"Oh I'm sorry." interrupts the reporter, "We can not really air that. Children are watching and we don't want to make a bad impression. How about every time you drink you say you read a book instead?"

 

"Yeah, that makes sense." says the shepherd and starts over: "Well, the first thing in the morning I wake up and read a page of my book. Then I go outside and read two more pages plus one more while opening the gate for the sheep. While out in field I usually meet my buddy and we read two books together. Then we return home while reading page after page and lock the sheep in the barn. Finally at the end of the day we go to town where my friend has a library and we read till the morning."

This is actually not a joke... Malaysia Airlines is selling 6 of their "slightly used" Airbus A380-800 airplanes on .... LinkedIn. No, really!

 

https://www.linkedin.com/news/story/you-can-buy-an-airplane-on-linkedin-5504210/

 

 

Q. Why do Kiwi's prefer to have sex with sheep on the edge of a cliff ?

 

 

A. Because they push back harder.

.

.

1 hour ago, sanuk711 said:

.

Is that a new model for a bicycle stand?

I am looking for one, but this could be very expensive, I guess.

22 hours ago, ballpoint said:

 I couldn't UnSee the Paper in Bowls... and it was doing my head in ???? ... and so, did a Great Reset: 

The French customs officer confiscated my crate of snails.

Now I have less cargo.

I've started to learn Native North American,
Apache, to be precise.
It's easy when you know How

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back.

"Where are you going?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 19 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, USA, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back, I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, cutie pie?..."LISTEN UP ********! DRINK YOUR ******* BEER IN YOUR BLEEDIN' FROZEN MUG AND EAT ************ SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!
GOT IT, ********?"

....and, they lived happily ever after according to her.