What do you can a Chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?

 

Irene

7 hours ago, fangless said:

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. 
Wandering about he notices a bear heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch at his expense.   Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching beast.  Just as the bear is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious young bear! I wonder, if there are any more around here?” 
Hearing this, the young bear hallts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!, says the bear, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!” 
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the bear.
So, off he goes. The squirrel soon catches up with the bear, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the bear. The young bear is furious at being made a fool of and says. 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving caninel'
Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks. "What am I going to do now?”, but instead of running, tho dog sits down with his back to his would be attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet and just when they got close enough to hear, the old Doberman says. "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!" 

 

Moral of this story-Don't mess with old dogs... 

Darn... a bear that can turn into lion!

4 hours ago, roo860 said:

Must look aright bunch of tits from the air.

4 hours ago, Beachcomber said:

What do you call a camel with three humps?

Humphrey.

I think you may need to tri harder or we'll all get the hump or two!

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Must look aright bunch of tits from the air.

a lot of tarts 

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the n...ight of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abler died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that’s when I shot him, the little <deleted>

 

Can someone please tell me how the Taliban survived a year and a half without masks, social distancing, pcr testing, mandatory vaccines, and now even managed to recapture Kabul and freely rule Afghanistan in the middle of a global pandemic.