5 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

And I bet she does the same with a little bit of your anatomy!

21 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

He; "I cannot tell a lie! I'm very modest and do not want to embarrass all the other men"

46 minutes ago, fangless said:

They've certainly dashed my sexual appetite for the day!

You'll just have to dash it yourself then.

Breaking News!!!
Ne ws

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

My wife insists that we should name our son 'Kelvin'.
But I think the chance is Absolute Zero.

I was at a fancy dress party at the weekend, where I won an argument with my mate Dave over whose lumberjack costume was most convincing.
He didn't have a log to stand on.

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"

Noah's diary : day 33.
Unicorn soup is delicious.

Whenever there are floods people talk about raw sewage.
Is this so we don't get confused with cooked sewage ?

There are two kinds of people in the world:
Those that can extrapolate from missing information.

I was talking to a friend’s daughter and she said she wanted to be leader of the Labour Party, and Prime Minister.

Both of her parents, long standing Labour party members, were standing there proud as anything so I asked her, ‘What is the first thing you would do as Prime Minister ?’

'I’d tax the rich and increase Benefits payments by £50 to all the homeless people to buy food’ she replied.

‘A generous ambition’ I told her ‘but you don’t have to wait until you’re Prime Minister do that. You can come over to my house and mow the grass, clean the windows and sweep my drive and I’ll pay you £50. Then I’ll take you over to the High Street where the homeless people hang out begging and you can give one of them the £50.’

She thought that over for a few seconds while her Mum & Dad glared at me. Then she looked me in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t one of the homeless people come and do the work and you can pay them the £50?”

And I said “welcome to the Conservative party”

9 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

You'll just have to dash it yourself then.

Come again!

13 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

My wife insists that we should name our son 'Kelvin'.
But I think the chance is Absolute Zero.

That's a hot one....

7 minutes ago, fangless said:

Come again!

Beat it!

Just now, ballpoint said:

Beat it!

I'll hand that one to you!

 Good to see a well strapped load for a change ???? 

 

 

13 hours ago, roo860 said:

 and Post here your recording of your Arc de Triumphe ???? 

If you think you are having a bad day ......