Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning... you don't."

Breaking News:
A 98-year-old woman has married a 94-year-old man in New York.
If you would like to get them a gift …
Hurry.

To my friends from Norfolk
When doing the nursery rhyme with your children
what job does the other little piggy get?

Rug for sale.

Believed to be Alpaca, brand new; one small hole and a few tear stains..... Offers

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters

‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

'Can you read this?’ the optician asked.

'Read it?’ the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.’

"It's time we talked about the elephant in the room." said my wife as I poured my 8th whisky.
"Shhh," I replied. "Not in front of Jumbo."

Opening a funeral parlour can be quite an undertaking.

I go In... 

 

 

 

 

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

What! An  abominably monstrous joke on this forum.

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

As long as it puts a crust or two on the table even if you do have to butter them up.

7 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

I'm not really dying to be come their neighbour!

Not only that its a bit of a ghost town I hear.

 The giant monster cannibal was eating a large amount of people and wondered why he started feeling sleepy after eating a drunk who he had found staggering out of a bar after she had finished her shift.

He asked his other giant monster eater friend why he felt so sleepy after eating her.
He said, “because that’s a bar bitch you ate.”