Married to Thai girl, found out she's cheating while USA green card/visa is in process

[XGM]

5 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

1) Move On:

* I must notify 30+ friends with confirmed flights to Thailand. 

* Fear of not having kids.

* Not sure if I will find a companion to have kids with, within a year.

* A lot of money has been vested into this relationship

* Have to divorce, before ever having to cohabitate with the wife

* Do I ask her to give me the 20 1 Liter bottles of Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve that was accumulated for the wedding next month or just move on?

 

Move on. She's done it once, she'll do it again. Maybe next year or in 5 years. Who knows. Go through with the marriage and the worry will always be there. Just move on.

 

- "friends with confirmed flights" - notify them. Or just have a great vacation with them, no wedding.

- "A companion to have kids with, within a year"?? sorry but the one year is a ridiculous self-imposed limitation. Better have it take 2 or 3 years than to do it with the wrong person. Once you do have kids the choice regarding the relationship will not be as easy as now.

- "A lot of money has been vested" - don't throw good money after bad.

- "Johnnie Walker.." - get them back. Or leave them with her. What the hell does it matter? not worth the discussion.

[moana]

6 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

* A lot of money has been vested into this relationship

This is called the Sunk Cost Fallacy. Don't buy into it.

[reallybigken]

I have not read all the responses, but I did read you post.

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1) Move On:

* I must notify 30+ friends with confirmed flights to Thailand. 

* Fear of not having kids.

* Not sure if I will find a companion to have kids with, within a year.

* A lot of money has been vested into this relationship

* Have to divorce, before ever having to cohabitate with the wife

* Do I ask her to give me the 20 1 Liter bottles of Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve that was accumulated for the wedding next month or just move on?

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None of these relate to a carrying relationship. Everything listed above in purely material things. Material things come and go. A good relationship has nothing to do with them. Rushing to have a kid with the wrong person ..... is just wrong!!!!

 

If you continue with someone you think/know has cheated on you, it will be in the back of your mind forever.  She is so much younger and will still have lots of opportunities to cheat.

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2) Give her a chance:

* Start working on having kids this year.

* Will take time to earn my trust.

* Relationship will be rocky for a while, at least until she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets.

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You keep going back to having a kid. I have never ever seen where a kid has fixed a unfaithful relationship. I have seen where spouses use it as a way of establishing long term income.

 

No one can tell you what to do ... think of YOUR future, and also make sure it is a good one to bring a kid into it.

[TonyClifton]

6 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

But, I ask myself, can the trust be regained? 

No.

 

Why would you think otherwise? 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

1 hour ago, SuperTed said:

Read the first line - your point on age difference


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

 

My point was not about age difference, but staying in a relationship while being cucked.

 

And if you think age difference means nothing even in Thailand maybe you should stop deluding yourself.

 

No one in my wife's circles is banging some 25 year older guy just for fun, lolz

 

Actually there's more chance of this happening back home in Canada (which it did) than here. A lot more difficult to get a good girl here, let alone the one willing to bonk some old guy for fun.

 

 

Tripple lolz

 

 

[mangoon]

what the hell dude.... canx the marriage. it's not worth it and she will keep on cheating. trust me... I'm married to thai.

 

i remind you again, cut off everything and move on. majority of thai lady is only interested with your money. very rare and difficult to find a good one. 

[TonyClifton]

Just now, mangoon said:

I'm married to thai.

I love it when they swear to you they won't lie again.  ????

 

When you next catch one of their lies, then they qualify it, "oh I meant I would never lie about money."

 

 

[puukao]

UPDATE on a very similar story:
 

OP and wife meets to talk, the wife is texting a foreigner at the same restaurant.

 

The wife goes to the men's bathroom for one hour.

 

The OP cries for a bit, and then gives her 2 million baht to stay.

 

She slaps him, and trolls him on his facebook page with her 10,000 boyfriends.

 

he cries some more

 

he promises to buy a house, car and more money and then she won't cheat on him while he is in the house.  Unless it's a Monday, then she can play with her football team.

 

Everyone back home laughs at this guy, warned him.  

 

He cries some more

 

LOL

[bbbbooboo]

It’s simple really.....RUN forest RUN

[wombat]

We had a small ceremony/reception with just her side of the family in Feb 2018. I've vested $150,000+ dollars since we met: on vacations, gifts, airfares, Sin Sod, 24K golds, and the wedding costs last year......

i only read as far as this....you need to polish your bullshit up for it to be believable....fmd, amateur hour on TV.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

48 minutes ago, moana said:

This is called the Sunk Cost Fallacy. Don't buy into it.

 

Good. I always wondered what the term for that was in English.

[Hummin]

11 minutes ago, puukao said:

UPDATE on a very similar story:
 

OP and wife meets to talk, the wife is texting a foreigner at the same restaurant.

 

The wife goes to the men's bathroom for one hour.

 

The OP cries for a bit, and then gives her 2 million baht to stay.

 

She slaps him, and trolls him on his facebook page with her 10,000 boyfriends.

 

he cries some more

 

he promises to buy a house, car and more money and then she won't cheat on him while he is in the house.  Unless it's a Monday, then she can play with her football team.

 

Everyone back home laughs at this guy, warned him.  

 

He cries some more

 

LOL

All it takes, is to send an undercover thai spy to her village/neighbourhood with som small cash handy. Everyone will have a story about your girl to tell. Believe me, it will save you time and money. 

[scorecard]

5 hours ago, BigT73 said:

Mike you sound like a noble, chivalrous guy stuck in the wrong century.  She wont try earn your trust as she feels justified in cheating, she even managed to make partly your fault.

A child will NOT change her mindset, it will get complicated later on and will not be fair for the child.  

Dont let this taint your feelings to thai women in general, there are alot here that would jump at the chance you are offering and would invest real feelings and loyalty to your relationship. 

"..... A child will NOT change her mindset, it will get complicated later on and will not be fair for the child."

 

Nothing but nothing in this world disturbs me more than children living in circumstances any less the perfect. Meaning that the parents have created circumstances where kids are hurt emotionally, or physically.

 

Children are entitled to have a happy life with 2 parents who love their kids to death and love each other. 

 

 

[PerkinsCuthbert]

5 hours ago, phutoie2 said:

hmm, 23 years between myself and wife and together 15 yrs now, it is indeed a mystery.

Yours:

worried of Phu Toei.

Don't let it worry you, there's always some dullard without any imagination waiting to pounce on these threads.

[connda]

"Thanks for the Green Card and the full-ride scholarship compliments of you.  Now I want an American style divorce and half of all your assets and future earnings."

[manchega]

Basically you got into a relationship with someone less than half your age, 

go visit Brazil and discover all those girls who want to speak to you, drink with you and <deleted> k you.  now imagine all those girls now want to marry you?

 

you are almost 50 and and have never considered why you were single till 3 yers ago.

 

you need to understand why you got into the relationship in the first place, I think deep down you know you did it for a young thing on your arm nice to look at and still firm to the touch

deep down you know the educated girl was doing it for a better life, in a country with a bit more equality, more money more forward ( exceptions due to trump I know I know)

 

at 50 it is unlikely you will find a young firm thing to be on your arm for love - I mean what the hell does a 47 year old talk about with a 20 something? your love of rap? thai culture? ????

 

do not worry about the wedding guests if you don't like the "current deal" its not as if the majority of them were not expecting this sooner or later, 

 

if this was a 26 year old or a 30 year old I would have felt something for you

 

but you stated something about stupid is as stupid does well thats the thing, 

 

she is in her prime, she should be living enjoying life , do you really want here to be sticking with something that is shrivewlling into a prune that will need to be bathed and have its arse wiped in 5 - 10 years down the road, ? or do you think she should be living?????

 

honestly the relationship is obvious to all sensible readers here.

 

I think a almost 50 year old who married a girl less than half its age did not have the skills to be having other women, and knows it.

I think a 50 year old who is gonna be faithfull ought to do so with an equal, I mean an equal experience, with something or someone who it can actually talk to, have similar experiences to share and talk about..... guessing you are also trying to convert this Thai girl to Christianity with your "ways " of being faithful eh

 

let her live is my advice, with or without you makes no difference

[marcusarelus]

6 hours ago, cornishcarlos said:

 

That's where I stopped reading... She's young enough to be your daughter and also have a 4yr old kid !!

I know love works in mysterious ways, but come on.....

"I am 48 and she is 26" 

 

"That's where I stopped reading... She's young enough to be your daughter and also have a 4yr old kid !!

I know love works in mysterious ways, but come on....."

 

I agree.  26 is way too old.  Had too many men.  Try 20 next time.

 

 

 

 

[KKr]

RUN !

[KKr]

RUN !!
Guess the odds are 20 : 1 for   
 "WamBang F you Man"  vs "WamBam, happy everafter and, Thank you Man"

[barmatt]

Only invest the amount you are willing to lose.

[mikehongpark]

2 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

You are making mistakes now, you told earlier they already booked.

There's more coming. I've let her go.

[FritsSikkink]

Just now, mikehongpark said:

There's more coming. I've let her go.

Not interested.

[mikehongpark]

Okay. I let her go. Thanks all. I followed my head and not my heart or dreams in my head.

Need to call my friends and family tomorrow morning.

[mikehongpark]

25 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

"I am 48 and she is 26" 

 

"That's where I stopped reading... She's young enough to be your daughter and also have a 4yr old kid !!

I know love works in mysterious ways, but come on....."

 

I agree.  26 is way too old.  Had too many men.  Try 20 next time.

 

 

 

 

4 yo kid???

[Baerboxer]

6 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

Sorry, but the other thread was to get help in translating Thai language, and with the help of the members I have confirmed that she has cheated to her admission.  I started this new thread for advice as this is a very important decision.

 

Mike, the age difference is 22 years. Whilst at 48/26 that might be ok, as you get older and less able to satisfy her, become older less attractive, less able, etc then what do you think she will do?

 

Worst scenario, you marry, have a kid or kids, move to the US, where she gets a good job, meets lots of single young men her own age who fancy her, and taaa-daaa, you end up divorced. Very costly and not nice for the kids.

 

IME, your relationship will now never be the same. The trust has gone. And you'll always be looking over your shoulder and suspicious.

 

Give her the elbow, right it off to experience and look for a more moral lady.

[mikehongpark]

5 hours ago, KhunProletariat said:

It's a sad fact of life that nice guys finish last. It sounds like she has taken you for a ride due to your openness and sincerity. 

 

The golden rule whilst dating a Thai girl from any social/economic background is to let them know who's boss. If you don't stamp your authority on the relationship early on, then she will see you as a door mat and use you as she sees fit.

 

Lay down the law early on, grow a pair and show her you mean business. In your case it's already too late. DO NOT take her back. No forgiveness. She will cheat on you again and again because you did not safe guard yourself early on. 

 

Find someone else and use the above as a guide for future interactions with Thai girls.

 

KP.

I've always been too nice, and all my friends say that. I gotta start living for me.

[andynphuong]

Well, good luck. 

[Baerboxer]

7 minutes ago, mikehongpark said:

Okay. I let her go. Thanks all. I followed my head and not my heart or dreams in my head.

Need to call my friends and family tomorrow morning.

 

Good decision. You'll feel crappy for sometime but that's much better than what could happen in the future if things went sour.

 

She'll loose face with her family who thought she'd a good meal ticket. So be careful of her and their reaction. Sorry to say, but all about the money here.

 

Good luck for the future!

[Straight8]

6 hours ago, phutoie2 said:

hmm, 23 years between myself and wife and together 15 yrs now, it is indeed a mystery.

Yours:

worried of Phu Toei.

Kudos, but with all due respect, though I'm willing to bet you've paid through the proverbial for it, or something beyond the norm.

 

Yep, relationships sure work in mysterious ways, ways in which most us are not privy to.

 

May it last another 15 and beyond....

 

[Mavideol]

6 hours ago, colinneil said:

How many times is this same story going to keep appearing here?

Same thing but written differently, same 30 friends with confirmed flights to Thailand.

I guess the MODS didn't saw that.... first he's single now he's married, punch of BS,  what to believe???