Married to Thai girl, found out she's cheating while USA green card/visa is in process

[marcusarelus]

1 hour ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

That's a nice ring. Did you get it back and if you did mind selling it? 

 

I haven't given my wife anything nice in a while and she sure deserves it.

You being in another country is not a nice enough present?

[marcusarelus]

7 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Nothing wrong with being married to a girl from the bar.

I'm betting they get more and better sex than the guys who married the educated hi-so Buddhist virgins.

Do go go dancers dance at home?  Mine never did unless I paid her.  Have you considered the advantages of paying for sex after marriage?

[Bigstef]

Be a men and have a blast with friends and family for your divorce party and cancel her green card.......

[ToddinChonburi]

Sad to say you purchased her affection nothing else.  it didn't work.  you can't make a girl love you it's that simple.  You should be thankful you found out before the wedding. Just think how much this could have cost.

Thailand is like an ice cream shop, stop in and Enjoy the flavors.

[totally thaied up]

I feel sorry for you. I was married for seven years and my ex-wife was banging her ex-boyfriend on me. I was to be made the real fool and boy, did I feel bad for a long time. I mean, I spent a lot more then you did on my wife and we traveled well and did amazing things together, but to think I was getting cockled for such a long time and not being aware of it, was very embarrassing for me. When I found out (well when she left me for him after I had a major money problem), my world came crashing down and for about a year, I had to fight in courts and the such to get it all cleaned up. 

 

Once they cheat on you once, (unless it is an open relationship) that is it. They have lost their respect for you in one go and it can not be the same. Once Thai women work out you're a soft touch, you are <deleted> ed. In my village alone, many Thai girls would be out in spades to marry someone like you (being too open with holidays and money). At your age, having kids is a bad idea. Lord, I see so many old men here with crying children that they will most likely never see past there 20th birthday as they will most likely be dead by then. 

 

You are still young and you can still find someone decent but without throwing your money around. 

 

I am 49 and my wife is 32. We have a large age difference. She works doing her own thing and looks after me very well. I understand for a marriage to work, it needs to be honest and open. There are plenty of decent girls around but the problem I mainly found was gaining the trust of one that did not place Face first before everything else. I spent seven years in Thailand before I found my wife and it took a lot of looking. Most of my wife's friends worry more about Face and how they look to others, that it is a real problem. Your current wife is going to take a very big hit with her Face if you decide to leave her. She deserves it in fact and I would not feel too bad. As others have said here, she has done this with no regard for you, so it will happen again in the future, but maybe with a young American counterpart of yours if she gets a Green Card. You gave her Pandora's box but she did not understand how lucky she was. There are millions of other Thais ready to take her place that will not sleep around on you.

 

It is going to sting for a long time but I would take a loss now. I have been where you are right now and for the next year or so it is going to suck but if you go ahead and stay with her, for the rest of your life you are going to remember and rehash the fact, your wife <deleted> ed someone else without your regards in mind. If you have a thing for Thai/Asian girls, finding another will not be a problem and maybe the next time around, you will find someone that will love you - not see you as a Face/money/lifestyle piece of merchandise that can be traded in anytime a newer or younger model comes into production. Just don't be like what I see so much of - the white knight charging in with money and thus being taken to the cleaners time again and again because you did not learn this time around.

Edited January 6, 2019 by totally thaied up

[losworld]

I think it would depend too on the circumstance she was cheating.  Was it an ongoing thing with a potential mate or some fling?  What posters here fail to often realize is that deep inside thai society lies a different perception of infidelity.  It is not uncommon to have these types of things exist in a tribal or village setting dating back hundreds of years.  She may very well make a good long term mate and mother. It really depends on her other qualities and what she has learned from this incident.  However, you may wish to use this opportunity to have her sign a prenuptial just in case.

[Sydebolle]

Are you for real? 22 years age difference makes you the perpetual sugar daddy, the kids will be HER life insurance. You do not want to have kids, the first one when you're 49 years old. You'll attend the graduation ceremony as an old man and the last child might remember its graduation with dad in a wheel chair or buried on plot 8424A. 

Walk away, cancel the flights, write off the booze and get a life. You can get a Thai out of Thailand but you cannot get Thailand out of a Thai. The girl takes zero risks and if she has off springs with you you'll be paying alimony straight through your nose. 

How often does a partner have to cheat you until you realize what really goes on? Good luck! 

[OneMoreFarang]

It's funny that every thread like this gets hundreds of replies. And I just read the last two pages to see nothing changed from the first two pages.

 

What I find amazing is that lots of people have a problem with a big age difference. Why is that a problem?

I understand if you are a professional working somewhere in the west and you are 40 or 50 then you don't want to go to your company party with your young and sexy Thai girlfriend who could be your daughter.

 

But in Thailand big age difference relationships work often enough and they are more or less normal for many people here. The most extreme case I know has more than 50 years age difference between him and her. They are now together since 3 years and whenever I see them they seem to be happy together.

Sure, lots of big age difference relationships fail and so do no age difference relationships. I would be surprised if they fail more often with a bigger age difference.

 

Is it really smart to pick a Thai women who had 10 or 20 years experience in manipulating one or many guys the way she wants? Or is it smarter to look for an innocent girl without that experience.

 

Most girls and women will want to have some financial support, one way or the other. And if you know already it will cost you amount x to make her happy why spend that money on a older model when you can have a young, fresh and innocent one for the same amount?

[oobar]

10 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

You are too old. You are even to old for a mid 30 Thai woman.

Are you sure you're not just thinking about yourself?

[JamJar]

5 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

Okay. I let her go. Thanks all. I followed my head and not my heart or dreams in my head.

Need to call my friends and family tomorrow morning.

 

Thank goodness.... that you haven't made a complete fool of yourself. Just for a short while and now you are wide awake. Brush yourself off and move on.

You'll be in shock for a while. That's normal. Don't waiver. 

 

Go to the gym. Do things that make you feel better about yourself.

 

48 is nothing. A friend of mine just had his first, at 56. Not with a Thai, but in the UK.

 

 

Edited January 6, 2019 by JamJar

[cyberfarang]

I think this thread should be renamed;  Confessions of the Cheated Husbands Scandals, and made a permanent fixture on TV.

Much more entertaining than watching those Thai TV soap operas with the wife.

 

As for the OP, I somehow doubt he will kick his cheating wife to the kerb, but it`s not going to end well for him no matter how hard he tries to keep her loyal. He will just be putting off the inevitable divorce, not if but when.

 

 

[anon537687643]

Clearly he is a newbie , what he expected was advise instead of being made fun of . More pathetically by those who are married to hookers from the bars. At least his is educated and cheating , not selling her ass for extra $30.

No she’s selling her ass for a lot more than30$


Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Justgrazing]

13 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

today I confirmed that she has cheated on me. She has  admitted to cheating (only after I had indisputable proof) then blamed the long distance and not having anyone to talk to during stressful times, as we have a 13 hour time difference and we are both working. She has cried over the phone and has been apologetic, but it can be just an attempt to hold on to the better life.

You bet it is an attempt to hang on to what she's got and hoping to get .. They are always remorseful when caught out , tears , promises of " not do again " she might even go overboard on affection towards you the next time you meet up in an attempt to " bury " her indiscretions but deep down she won't change dude the txt message you put up yesterday t'wixt her and lover should tell you that .. We've only just got in and haven't gone through the 15 pages of replies you have acquired but again if you want it from us go for option 1 , claw back whatever you can , tell all you're mates and folks its off and just ditch her pronto .. and if you do ditch her cut all contact no phone calls , messages , emails , the whole shebang .. Just make out you've left the face of earth because if you leave the door ajar the tiniest amount by keeping any form of contact she'll be back no mistake .. 

[SuperTed]

 
Ok, so you are paying for this arrangement. 
 
Stop paying and see if the age difference is not an issue. Thing is you said it's not an issue.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

What are you talking about? And since you are focused on it Jean-Picard, what do you pay your wife? Seriously, since you are the one who keeps asking.

Whatever it is, it is certainly an issue for you, otherwise you would not be so concerned. Are you sure you don’t want that thousand baht? I’m sure she’s a stunner, Jean-Picard, don’t be shy.




* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

[totally thaied up]

5 minutes ago, Justgrazing said:

Just make out you've left the face of earth because if you leave the door ajar the tiniest amount by keeping any form of contact she'll be back no mistake .. 

Just to be 26 and have 150K spent on you - Thai girls wet dream

 

She will be back begging for more - you can 'bank' on that

 

If it was me, by now anger would have set in and I would most likely just be canceling all her credits cards and cutting off all sources of my income to her.

Edited January 6, 2019 by totally thaied up

[vinegarbase]

Yes, you are about to ruin your life. Don't let your emotions now get in the way of things. You need to end it with her and contact ICE to report green card fraud right away. You did all these things for her only for her to betray your trust and throw it all away, you need to take swift action.

 

1-(800)-375-5283

 

Be sure to get her name, passport number, as well as giving them you as her sponsor your information. 

[soistalker]

The longest relationship you should ever consider with a thai woman is 45 minutes. 

 

[SuperTed]

Thank you, I have copied and pasted your message so I can take some of your points as a reminder. [emoji846] Need to change myself a little on being too nice (sucker) to be taken advantage of.
For the green card process, just got approval from the National Visa processing Center to proceed but if I don't proceed then it's invalid by April 2019. She can proceed but if she does, I will get setup for an interview which I won't attend.

Dear Mike Hong Park,

1. If you are an honest OP, our hearts go out to you. Good that you stopped yourself making a bigger mistake.

2. If, as many suggest, you are trolling for s*its and giggles, well done, and thank you for getting another year of merciless winging and whining off to healthy start. This thread is like a TV posters’ Xmas party.

3. Here is some free legal advice - if you write to US Immigration (use the address on your correspondence and include your case number) to say you no longer support the application and you have filed for divorce, they will kill her application internally.

4. Get a Thai lawyer yesterday. Shop around, but don’t skimp on cost. Use a Bangkok firm; they can act nationally and are less susceptible to local family influence.

5. In exchange for this free legal advice, please post your ex’s photo. We are all dying to see what USD150K bought you.

Cheers


* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

[siamcrut]

Shut it down.
 
 

What movie?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

4 minutes ago, SuperTed said:

 

What are you talking about? And since you are focused on it Jean-Picard, what do you pay your wife? Seriously, since you are the one who keeps asking.

Whatever it is, it is certainly an issue for you, otherwise you would not be so concerned. Are you sure you don’t want that thousand baht? I’m sure she’s a stunner, Jean-Picard, don’t be shy.




* * *
Don’t tell me why it can’t be done; show me how it can - Jim Wright

 

 

It's ok. I have been on this forum for years and it's always the same nonsense. Guys in financial arrangements thinking it can't be any other way in Thailand. Guys in financial arrangements claiming your wife must be ugly if you're not paying for it.

 

All this nonsense while you can see western 60 year old invalids "dating" 20 year olds just because they pay them. It'd old. It's boring and in Thailand anyone can do it with 1000b to their name - even just for a day.

 

And why are you so interested how my wife looks like and why 1000b for a pic? Is that your daily rate?

 

 

 

[Hanuman2547]

You said that you wanted to have kids (plural) before age 50.  Well that is doable for the first but pretty difficult for the second.

 

Anyway.........she cheated on you.  Whether it was with a Thai guy or another farang it doesn't matter.  I would end this now.  

Quote

 

 

[ReMarKable]

It is hardly even worth discussing since the decision to be made is obvious.  But what keeps you questioning what to do is the uncomfortable realization you made mistakes and the desire to not appear stupid in front of your friends, etc.  Nothing to worry about, we all make mistakes, but you caught this mistake in time to be a hero.  As soon as the declaration of no marriage is made you will feel the same relief I felt divorcing my ex.  Utter exhilaration and a life again full of possibilities were my thoughts and feelings.  You are a lucky man, who now has a chance at happiness.

[Thailand J]

 

 

[cyberfarang]

 

Watch, listen and learn from others bad judgments and mistakes.

[hobobo]

14 hours ago, lemonjelly said:

my wife had our first kid when I was 48

How many more did you have????

[scorecard]

6 hours ago, BestB said:

I just hope you understand it is far from over.

 

Just because you are ready does not mean she is or cares.

 

Usually , next would be endless calls and messages, crying, hysterics. and threats of taking her own life

 

Do not be surprised if she really does not try it on, to take her own life.

 

Keep in mind, she already made plans for US life and you just pulled the rug from underneath her(do not for one second think i am calling you a bad guy, just saying how she sees it)

 

All the tears and self harm look super realistic, and in most cases make man change his mind.

 

Just keep in mind, even if all the drama and theatrics looks genuine, fact of her past infidelity and future remains the same.

 

Good luck bud and naturally sorry for what you had to experience, but be thankful its now , instead of later when you have a child or in 20 years find out child is not yours.

 

So disappear overnight, change your e-mail / delete your e-mail, and tel. no. If she can't contact you she can't make threats of suicide etc. 

[MyFriend You]

Don't feed the ????  there are too many similarities to another post last week  "30+ people ready to come th Thailand to attend the wedding"???   Same as the one last week............This is a troll post if I ever read one............don't waste your time.

[Bangkok Basha]

Stop the immigration process in its tracks (or simply tell her you have) and see what happens next. Tell your 30 friends that the Thai wedding is being postponed, or wish them well on their Thai vacation (as many will have non-refundable tickets. Since she's already cashed in for a considerable amount of money from her rich farang b.f., her true intentions will be evident when you tell her "No green card, and no money, honey!" Jeez. 

[BestB]

Hey OP, just thought about financial side of things you can always play smart.

 

Tell her, if she repays for all your losses , wedding costs, gold etc, you will not object to green card but if she does not, you will notify US authorities of the split up and her green card along with American dream are gone.

 

Just some food for thought

 

 

[KKr]

15 hours ago, mikehongpark said:

* Relationship will be rocky for a while, at least until she gives me the gift of a child as the love for a child will change all mindsets.

for sure: 
the mindset will change from being viewed as a provider to that of being a life insurance policy cum pension fund.

but hey, I am a cynic, everybody is entitled to his own kind of optimism, realistic or dreamed up.
(could not read all 16 pages, apologies if duplicated opinion)