Is marriage necessary ? Doesn’t it make the situation more uncontrollable ?

[GreasyFingers]

If you want to make her happy, marry her. If you are scared of marriage, don't. Cannot help on the finances as I am the sole provider (unless she wins the lottery), but have been in both types of marriage finances. Did not notice much difference except you cannot complain if she wastes her own money. But we (my generation) were brought up to be the provider.

[1FinickyOne]

you ask if it is necessary to marry... I had a village wedding 17 years ago... no paper signed... though the binding factor is the person and family, not the law... the law does not seem to be very good at holding people together...

 

Then you mention work?? So, you are talking about marriage or more concerned about finances...??

 

Of course, if you have not met the lady yet, then none of this really matters... your view will not be established until there is another person... before that, just speculation.

[Ulic]

No need to get married unless you are having children. 

[Kalasin Jo]

6 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Not in England if you have kids under 16 years old. You get nothing.

In Thailand, you may get half the house in a rural village surrounded by all her relatives that want you dead.

 

Let's admit it's a pointless and circular argument. 

Why would you want to stay in the village in half a house after divorce?

[exemplary21]

21 hours ago, CharlieH said:

 

As the Thais say "up to you"

(and your relationship).

 

 

Strangely enough, no Thais ever say this to me.

 

We must move in different circles...

[wolf81]

Just my opinion: don't get married. Marriage in the end if only for the benefit of the woman involved. Keep your assets separate from hers. But this doesn't mean you can't give your GF a house or land. Just make sure you have a plan B for yourself. 

 

Just get a Thai Elite visa. If relationship goes well, stay together. And otherwise, don't need to deal with divorce lawyers and/or leave the country at a moments notice.

[brewsterbudgen]

Get married if you want kids. Otherwise I wouldn't bother.

Sent from my SM-A500F using Tapatalk

[PerkinsCuthbert]

18 hours ago, Rc2702 said:

If your after an easy life your in the wrong place.

 

I also tell the Mrs the same thing every Monday before she starts preparing our weekly menu of food. Great cook my Mrs btw.

 

Her chicken stew is s real treat but the roast chicken she cooked and prepared over the potatoes and carrots was just delicious.

 

Today we had a medley of left overs from the week gone and this included penang and khao Soi.

 

 

What, no Butterworth Chicken?

[khunPer]

19 hours ago, Franck60 said:

A stable relationship doesn’t necessarily imply marriage, does it ? Are there people here in a relationship with a girl who has kept working part-time for example (so she keeps contributing) ?
I would appreciate any meaningful comment and opinions on this topic ... THANK YOU,
Franck

I cannot say if marriage is better than without being married, but talking from experience it can work well without being married – and it's mutual between my Thai girlfriend and me – 15 years so far.

 

As @CharlieH said it the Thai way: "up to you". Yes I think it's really individual, and something only you can sort out together with your potential partner.

 

One thing a foreigner has to remember, in my view, is that Thailand might be a bit old-fashioned looked through Western glasses, as a man – husband, or fiancee, or boyfriend only – is considered as a provider. Without generalizing, but in other words, if the man cannot provide, why should he be there..?

 

So as you said it yourself in your opening post, the subject "money" is an important issue, however it can still work out very well if both parts manage to find an acceptable balance. The money issue might also be directly proportional with the age difference, i.e. the bigger number in age difference, a similar bigger financial support could be expected.

 

There might be benefits of being married, for example such as you can extend your permission to stay based on marriage, which requires a lower income or bank deposit; and that you can be entitled to half of common property investments in case of divorce; and that you are considered legal father to a child, or children, without any further proof.

 

When not being married you would for example need to extend your stay based on retirement – which might be little less complicated than marriage, but requires a higher income or bank deposit, but can however also be done based on retirement when married – or business, if not in retirement age; and in case of split between your spouse and you, it's easy without any complicated paperwork; and you should not pay "sin sot" (dowry), however you might over time pay a similar amount in different ways.

 

From personal experience it has worked very well without being married; also having a child together; and in spite of all odds not being ripped due to a sizeable age difference, balancing it out over 15-years as a quite reasonable allowance contribution.

 

I however cannot say if its because my girlfriend is one of the "different" ones, but I presume that its in general possible to find a way to balance the cultural gap...???? 

[Odin Norway]

11 hours ago, Vacuum said:

If married, you'd at least get to keep half of the house, compared to guys who buys their girlfriends a house, car, mc etc. in a split, they'll end up owning nothing.

Wrong. You can keep all if you can document that you have paid it all. Or you can get a usufruct and live in sin without any marriage and also keep it all.

[Odin Norway]

4 hours ago, Ulic said:

No need to get married unless you are having children. 

What do children have to do with anything

[brewsterbudgen]

What do children have to do with anything

It makes marriage more appropriate particularly from a legal standpoint. Having kids outside marriage in Thailand is not very responsible.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[smotherb]

On 2/1/2019 at 1:46 PM, FritsSikkink said:

 

if you need to ask that question , you are not ready to marry. Do you have a girlfriend? That would be the first step and take it from there. A girlfriend isn't the same as picking up a bargirl who will tell you are handsome and will love you longtime for an agreed price.

 

 

 

I doubt his readiness for marriage is relevant to his question. I read his post to say, "Why buy the cow and give her legal rights when you can select the milk you want at known prices?" 

 

The answer of course is; no, you do not have to marry and yes, marriage can make it more uncontrollable. However, some people for various reasons want to be married or are talked into marriage. 

 

The cuckolded farang invariably enters his marriage as the human-ATM and appears doomed to life as a long-term customer. Others; however, find a more meaningful relationship in which feelings and emotion may even outweigh monetary greed.  Most tend to agree this latter type of relationship is preferable to the former; I certainly do. However, to enjoy the latter instead of the former; you have to be smarter than the problem--a level some seem unable to reach.

 

You mention a situation in which there is a great economic disparity between the foreign male and Thai female. This is the common denominator in many farang-Thai relationships. However, there are Thai girls who have education and decent jobs; girls who can contribute to the relationship in ways other than just spreading their legs.  

 

So, it behooves you to again be smarter than the problem and look for a contributor instead of a recurring expense. 

[FritsSikkink]

57 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I doubt his readiness for marriage is relevant to his question. I read his post to say, "Why buy the cow and give her legal rights when you can select the milk you want at known prices?" 

 

The answer of course is; no, you do not have to marry and yes, marriage can make it more uncontrollable. However, some people for various reasons want to be married or are talked into marriage. 

 

The cuckolded farang invariably enters his marriage as the human-ATM and appears doomed to life as a long-term customer. Others; however, find a more meaningful relationship in which feelings and emotion may even outweigh monetary greed.  Most tend to agree this latter type of relationship is preferable to the former; I certainly do. However, to enjoy the latter instead of the former; you have to be smarter than the problem--a level some seem unable to reach.

 

You mention a situation in which there is a great economic disparity between the foreign male and Thai female. This is the common denominator in many farang-Thai relationships. However, there are Thai girls who have education and decent jobs; girls who can contribute to the relationship in ways other than just spreading their legs.  

 

So, it behooves you to again be smarter than the problem and look for a contributor instead of a recurring expense. 

My wife has her own business, which is doing fine, she doesn't need my money and is with me because she loves me. I don't have to buy sex (others think they buy love).

[4MyEgo]

It is the NORM for a woman to WANT to have her partner support her financially, and that doesn't necessarily mean she's a gold digger. Marriage goes without question, the majority of women want "the commitment of LOVE" and as I have 3 daughter's I won't be having some cheap Charlie not wanting to support any of my daughters, after all, woman stop work to raise kids, they do a hell of a lot more than men in the house with regard to "choirs" but do they receive any money for that, in most cases no.

 

I am not saying you have to join yourself at hips with finances, i.e. if you have money, you keep that separate as it's a woman's nature to expect, but you have to have the balls early in the relationship to say; what I have before I met you is mine, however if we go well in our marriage and I am happy, it will be willed to you when I am gone, now there is no guarantee that you won't go 1st, so she has odds stacked against her from the beginning and then you will know if she is in it for the money or not, otherwise if you don't man up in the beginning she might think, "what I have is mine, and what you have is mine ????

 

If you cannot speak your mind without being afraid of how your partners reaction, then you should not get married, i.e. your partner should have a really good idea of who you are and you her, otherwise it's pointless getting married or being together, as living that life is too often seen and failed.

 

Is marriage necessary, well depends on a whole lot of things doesn't it, security, culture, family, finances etc etc

 

I have been very happily married to a bar girl, she is very happy too, my finances are separate to her and we get on just fine, no insecurities, just a good relationship, honesty is the best policy, listening and discussing is another of the many you learn as you go along.

 

Good luck  

 

[MyFriend You]

To the poster - me and my Lady have been together 25 years and we are not married...........she is SE Asian but not Thai and we get along quite well together .........I once married a Thai after living with her for almost 2 years back in 1974, we were married 8 months and it went to hell, something about that piece of paper changed everything.  So my advice is 'Yes, you can live with a Thai girl for years and years, but don't get married.  The Institution of Marraige is a farce, and has been used as a cash cow for women for hundreds of years. 

[DJ54]

If you have to ask give it more time. If money are issues from other side think about a little more. Not a lot of jobs available for foreigners 

[smotherb]

13 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

My wife has her own business, which is doing fine, she doesn't need my money and is with me because she loves me. I don't have to buy sex (others think they buy love).

Well, that's nice. However, don't you think all marriages ought to be based on being together for reasons other than money? I do. 

 

While it is true the traditional arrangement in marriage was for the man to support the family; to be the breadwinner. However, in today's economy, more marriages involve both partners working--so much so that it has become the norm in the West and is quite common in the East.  

 

Some men have issues with their wives working; it seems somehow in their minds to detract from their manhood.  As if holding the financial club over the woman somehow made the man superior or in control. Yet we hear so many tales of men duped by their women.  

 

I have always felt I deserved a woman who was good looking, intelligent, and capable--capable of marketable skills other than just spreading her legs. Those are the traits I have always sought in women. Others seem to think sex is the basis of a relationship. I think good sex should be an added feature--one which I would not care to do without, but I also would not care to do without good looks, intelligence and marketable capabilities. 

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, TunnelRat69 said:

To the poster - me and my Lady have been together 25 years and we are not married...........she is SE Asian but not Thai and we get along quite well together .........I once married a Thai after living with her for almost 2 years back in 1974, we were married 8 months and it went to hell, something about that piece of paper changed everything.  So my advice is 'Yes, you can live with a Thai girl for years and years, but don't get married.  The Institution of Marraige is a farce, and has been used as a cash cow for women for hundreds of years. 

While what you say about marriage being used as a cash cow for women can only be true if the male has more than the female. I would suggest trying a woman who has the intelligence and and marketable skills capabilities to be an equal financial partner in your relationship. Or, better yet, marry a wealthy woman and you use her money as your cash cow. 

[richard_smith237]

20 minutes ago, smotherb said:

3 hours ago, TunnelRat69 said:

To the poster - me and my Lady have been together 25 years and we are not married...........she is SE Asian but not Thai and we get along quite well together .........I once married a Thai after living with her for almost 2 years back in 1974, we were married 8 months and it went to hell, something about that piece of paper changed everything.  So my advice is 'Yes, you can live with a Thai girl for years and years, but don't get married.  The Institution of Marraige is a farce, and has been used as a cash cow for women for hundreds of years. 

While what you say about marriage being used as a cash cow for women can only be true if the male has more than the female. I would suggest trying a woman who has the intelligence and and marketable skills capabilities to be an equal financial partner in your relationship. Or, better yet, marry a wealthy woman and you use her money as your cash cow. 

 

Finding a lady of equal socio-economic-educational status (Thai or otherwise - but we're in Thailand so it stands to reason that we'd be discussing marriage with a Thai lady) while not a guarantee of a long and successful relationship is at least a guarantee that based on the law probability she's in it for you and not the money... So.. no cash cow there... 

 

The piece of paper may change something or it may not... or you both simply change and grow apart or you get stronger together and grow with any issues you face together as a team...  

 

Whether or not I agree with the institution of marriage or not is hardly relevant... I'm not bothered one way or another... But, it conforms to society, makes my Wife happy and her family happy... I'm not sure they'd be impressed with their daughter dating and living with someone without marriage...

 

Its also just much easier on our travels to have the same surname...  (especially checking in to hotels in some countries)... 

 

 

[smotherb]

On 2/2/2019 at 12:52 AM, Vacuum said:

If married, you'd at least get to keep half of the house, compared to guys who buys their girlfriends a house, car, mc etc. in a split, they'll end up owning nothing.

Well, my first thought is why would you buy a house for a girlfriend and then bitch about her keeping it? 

 

Also, I believe you have oversimplified the marriage distribution of assets. You do not keep half the house; you may get half the sale price and/or arrange to live there for some time. And, of course, there are many ways to be duped on selling the house.

 

As I have stated before, a friend got divorced and was entitled to half the sale price of his 12 million baht house. After several years of it not selling, even after continued lowering of the asking price; he tired of waiting and wanted out. He was talked into selling the house for much less. He got about 10% of the cost as his half--even though he paid 100% of the cost. Perhaps the worst part, his ex-wife still lives in the house, as she did the entire time it was for sale. However, she does have a companion, her "brother" lives there too. 

[smotherb]

9 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Finding a lady of equal socio-economic-educational status (Thai or otherwise - but we're in Thailand so it stands to reason that we'd be discussing marriage with a Thai lady) while not a guarantee of a long and successful relationship is at least a guarantee that based on the law probability she's in it for you and not the money... So.. no cash cow there... 

 

The piece of paper may change something or it may not... or you both simply change and grow apart or you get stronger together and grow with any issues you face together as a team...  

 

Whether or not I agree with the institution of marriage or not is hardly relevant... I'm not bothered one way or another... But, it conforms to society, makes my Wife happy and her family happy... I'm not sure they'd be impressed with their daughter dating and living with someone without marriage...

 

Its also just much easier on our travels to have the same surname...  (especially checking in to hotels in some countries)... 

 

 

Well, there are no guarantees; especially with marriage. However, you may have misunderstood what I said. Tunnelrat was discussing women using men as cash cows. I suggested any man could marry a rich girl and use her as his cash cow.

 

I married a Vietnamese who was my boss' counterpart in the US Embassy in Saigon. She was from a higher socio-economic status family than I and when she worked in the US she got paid more than I--she was a financial consultant and I was a software engineer. When we were divorced in the US we had no children; so we split the assets equally. I had contributed maybe 30% to our assets; so in effect, I used her as a cash cow. 

 

My son is married to a Thai who is his economic and educational equal. She is from a middle--or upper-middle--class Thai family. She has a college education and she made more money than he when they lived in Thailand--he was an NES teacher.  They are now in the States and it appears she may soon earn more than he.

 

I have known several other foreign men who married Southeast Asian women of equal or higher socio-economic status. And, I have known many more who married women capable of earning a good education and earning a good living even if they were from poorer families.

 

Such is the case of my Filipina wife of almost 39 years. She was from a farming family in the PI, but they managed to send her to school. She continued her college education in the US. She now has a pension and social security and contributed to our investment portfolio while we were both working. 

 

So, just because so many farangs marry poor girls who are capable of nothing but being an expense does not make it unreasonable to seek a more capable wife. 

 

You see, I married both my Vietnamese and my Filipina wives for the convenience of making them US citizens and the earning power a US passport affords the educated/skilled holder overseas. 

 

However, if my plans were to remain in Thailand and not want anything but a sex partner with housekeeping options; I would simply "employ" her or at most forego anything legally stronger than a village nuptial.  

[kanga09]

From my experience the big issue is about money not just for her but her family do not wholeheartly trust thai women one pretended to love me in thailand only as was paying for her home upkeep my biggest problem was i had child with her and i made the right the decision for the child to come to my country for a better and safer education she after the initial two year period from the partner sponsered visa found somebody else and started another family so what i thinking don't marry keep in them in thailand and the longer you do the better do bring to your country and questions please ask me

 

[BritManToo]

On 2/4/2019 at 1:04 AM, smotherb said:

I suggested any man could marry a rich girl and use her as his cash cow.

Women always marry up, if you want a rich woman, you would need to be richer.

In your case the 'up' was a US passport.

[OmarZaid]

On 2/2/2019 at 6:18 PM, Pilotman said:

Oh my dear man, all marriage is uncontrollable. ????

true ,,, but with proper care and knowledge ,,, it is far more enjoyable and productive  ????

[Pilotman]

5 minutes ago, OmarZaid said:

true ,,, but with proper care and knowledge ,,, it is far more enjoyable and productive  ????

So you're saying just lie back and enjoy it?  Well, that does work for me. 

[Spidey]

I could only have a village marriage to my wife as I still have a wife in the UK. I'm fully in control of both wives.

[OmarZaid]

On 2/2/2019 at 5:09 PM, wgdanson said:

No, that's a Thai answer for almost everything they have not got an answer for. She LOVES me!

Love and politics are two different venues and are best consciously combined --- marriage is politics because it concerns families and communities who do indeed have values and social influences that often go unnoticed or discussed. Thais ladies will not discuss these openly --- they drop hints, from time to time, and they wait, some out of love, others because they have no choice, and still others, both ...

 

I noticed a big change in the loving and attention I received once we officially registered our marriage. Never a word was said, except for what was deemed practical. However, her smile and cooperation in all matters expanded and became more infectious & complete with each passing year. I have never ever been so well loved or cared for in my entire life, including by my mother.

 

Pic from 3 weeks ago after 12 years

[kannot]

On 2/2/2019 at 11:09 AM, BritManToo said:

I expect that because ..........

It's entirely normal for that to happen in most countries of the world.

I'd loved to have found a woman that would pay 50% of everything, and not the usual 'I earn less so I'll contribute less' game, then expect half the house on exit.

yer should have looked  harder,mine supports  me and has no parents, bonus

[smotherb]

10 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Women always marry up, if you want a rich woman, you would need to be richer.

In your case the 'up' was a US passport.

Not exactly, BritManToo. It appears you think she married-up by getting a US passport; maybe she did.  

 

My Vietnamese wife traveled frequently as part of her job at the embassy. She was in the US a couple of times a year on business. So, she had no problems getting to the US, or other places on earth.  She was from a wealthy Vietnamese family who had both business and political ties with the French; so, she could also have qualified for French Citizenship, as some of her siblings did. She was a political-economist at the Embassy in Saigon, so when the war ended badly, she would have qualified as a political refugee in the US and citizenship would have followed.  And, of course, since she was intelligent, good-looking and capable; there were other interested suitors--those who may have had the same passport, but who were at higher positions and pay grades than I.

 

So, yes, she chose me to escape her dead-end life. I prefer to think it was because of the wonderfulness of myself.