Dating advice.....possible, but not obvious "Sick buffalo"

[sofreshnsocleanclean]

I guess there are no success stories in this forum ????

[donim]

1 hour ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

I know you mean well. But once more, you don't know the facts/misunderstood the story. I was already planning to do this BEFORE I met her. In fact, I bought the house here to rent out, and either use the rental income, or sell to start a business, somewhere else. This is not my first time around the block, sir. 

Huh... Don't you mean an condomium?

 

Good idea for a income ???? , don't forget the tm30 in case of renting to foreigners and/or paying revenue tax in case of Thais.

[sofreshnsocleanclean]

1 minute ago, donim said:

Huh... Don't you mean an condomium?

 

Good idea for a income ???? , don't forget the tm30 in case of renting to foreigners and/or paying revenue tax in case of Thais.

I meant the house I own in Germany. It's a two family house.

[Nyezhov]

36 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

er American husband, that turned up unexpectedly a month after I moved here.

You barstard I knew I knew you from somewhere....

[SteveK]

The way that the OP has been treated in this thread is quite frankly disgraceful. Petty, veiled insults by people who think that they know better, even though in reality they are jealous of a young man who owns property, works in corporate finance, and has a Thai girlfriend that owns her own business.

 

The OP has been belittled, spoken-down to, and derogatory comments made about his female acquaintance, despite the fact that nobody even knows who she is. Some of the jealous quips, from presumably older posters, show more about their childish mindset if anything, and are totally unhelpful to the OP. SammyT in particular has made some of the most puerile comments I have ever read.

 

I always thought that this forum was a helpful community to get advice about issues concerning living in Thailand, not abusing someone who happens to be in a better situation than you.

[brokenbone]

theres a minor catch, you live on the other side of the planet,

accept it if she find someone she find attractive here,

sending sms & 6 months waiting still dont cover it all

[sofreshnsocleanclean]

Just now, brokenbone said:

theres a minor catch, you live on the other side of the planet,

accept it if she find someone she find attractive here,

sending sms & 6 months waiting still dont cover it all

I already had plans in motion to move to Thailand by next winter before I met her. I would totally accept if she met someone else. We just started dating - my expectations wouldn't be that high yet even if she lived down the street! 

[brokenbone]

1 hour ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

I already had plans in motion to move to Thailand by next winter before I met her. I would totally accept if she met someone else. We just started dating - my expectations wouldn't be that high yet even if she lived down the street! 

ok, you might want to keep the house,

theres plenty here that are beginning to regret thailand

as the final destination, myself included.

perhaps you can rent it out long term,

you may want to forbid pets,

or at least have someone inspecting it regularly, an animal pissing about indoors

can cause need of repair that just makes it

a net loss, all the while laws strongly favor

those who rent so its not easy to get rid of them either

[champers]

5 hours ago, NCC1701A said:

i mean this in a helpful way, you are very naive. you really have to learn to appreciate what a Thai will do for 100 baht. Especially one who works in or owns a bar. The female bar owners play all the Farangs. That is how they get the money to be able to open a bar. I would be willing to bet there was originally a Farang partner in the first bar she owned who was forced out.    

 

 

3 bars = 3 exes for me. OP is a candidate for number 4 bar. There may well be other candidates.

Leave well alone; there are many more fish in the sea. You have doubts or you wouldn't have started the thread, so trust your instinct. Better safe than sorry.

[SteveK]

33 minutes ago, brokenbone said:

 

theres plenty here that are beginning to regret thailand

 

I would suggest that most of those who are now regretting living here are pensioners who are no longer able to have their pension income certified for visa purposes, and those that do not have, or want, to put 800k in a Thai bank. They will all be older, fatter, balder and potentially poorer than the OP. Each to their own.

 

The OP is only 35, is definitely not poor, and should be getting ready to have the time of his life with a lovely lady in a tropical country.

 

Use the same precautions about dating as you would in your home country, there are gold-diggers, liars and cheaters in every country of the world. Yes, she might turn out to be a liar, but there are lying, cheating women almost everywhere who think that what they have between their legs is their meal ticket for life. It is up to you to find your own way.

 

Just because a 70 year old guy on this forum got ripped off for his life savings by a 21-year old bargirl, doesn't mean that it will happen to you. If you go around assuming that everyone is just after money, you aren't going to be able to enjoy yourself. Be cautious and use your head (the big one), and you will be fine. The little head might want something too!

 

 

[brokenbone]

7 minutes ago, pr9spk said:

I would suggest that most of those who are now regretting living here are pensioners who are no longer able to have their pension income certified for visa purposes, and those that do not have, or want, to put 800k in a Thai bank. They will all be older, fatter, balder and poorer than the OP. Each to their own.

 

The OP is only 35, is definitely not poor, and should be getting ready to have the time of his life with a lovely lady in a tropical country.

 

Use the same precautions about dating as you would in your home country, there are gold-diggers, liars and cheaters in every country of the world. Yes, she might turn out to be a liar, but there are lying, cheating women almost everywhere who think that what they have between their legs is their meal ticket for life. It is up to you to find your own way.

 

Just because a 70 year old guy on this forum got ripped off for his life savings by a 21-year old bargirl, doesn't mean that it will happen to you. If you go around assuming that everyone is just after money, you aren't going to be able to enjoy yourself. Be cautious and use your head (the big one), and you will be fine.

 

 

yes, i forgot the important difference he is just 35,

but for us who are older or on disability,

predictability becomes the primary concern,

and the visa in thailand can and do get revoked on a dime and a whim, and theres no way to citizenship or permanent residency. bottom line, theres no safety living here,

and its painful to travel to a safer end destination, if it can be done at all

[SteveK]

4 minutes ago, brokenbone said:

bottom line, theres no safety living here

You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

 

And by the sound of things, he's getting a pretty tasty omelette, I say go for it. If you have doubts, then don't burn your bridges so that you have something to go back to. But sometimes in life you have to make a big decision, certainly in my case I know that if I didn't make the leap I would have spent the rest of my life thinking "what if?".

[brokenbone]

1 minute ago, pr9spk said:

You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

 

And by the sound of things, he's getting a pretty tasty omelette, I say go for it.

yes, i think so too, but i also think he should have an exit plan handy, perhaps when the body start show sign of disability

[SteveK]

1 minute ago, brokenbone said:

yes, i think so too, but i also think he should have an exit plan handy, perhaps when the body start show sign of disability

Well, unless he is the victim of either the Thai highway code, or a jealous partner, he shouldn't have to worry about that for a while yet.

[brokenbone]

2 minutes ago, pr9spk said:

Well, unless he is the victim of either the Thai highway code, or a jealous partner, he shouldn't have to worry about that for a while yet.

agree, he will have the time of his life the first few years

[Enki]

8 hours ago, AlexRich said:

I’ll supply’s an anecdote. I was sitting in a coffee place in Nimman in Chiang Mai a few years back. In came a western guy and two professional looking Thai people. I couldn’t help but hear the conversation. The guy owned a business with a similar arrangement to you, he puts up the cash but has silent partners. It appeared that the silent partners managed to force his resignation and take over his business. No doubt by foul means. He will spend a lot of money on legal advice but he may get nowhere, another Farang taken advantage of by “clever” Thais. Thais won’t view them as criminals, just smart Thais. My advice is the same as the last guy, either don’t do it or only do it with an amount of money that you can easily lose. Just don’t bet the farm.

If they were silent "shareholders" they have no way at all to push him out of his own business. Sorry, that is a myth. The only way: they were not silent and there was a fault in the share holders contract.

[Enki]

7 hours ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

and why's that

Because by Thai law all farangs together can only own less than 50% (in a limited liability company). It used to be that thai share holders need to own more than 50% and need to be the majourity in persons, too. (Aka, 1 Farang 49%, two thais tog ether 51%) The latter restriction seems to have been dropped last years (so you can have a company with one farang and one thai, but still can not own more than a bit less than 50%), however not sure about it (if the later restriction got dropped). As an american there is a special law with an exception for you, but that means you have to invest something like 10million Baht.

[AlexRich]

13 minutes ago, Enki said:

If they were silent "shareholders" they have no way at all to push him out of his own business. Sorry, that is a myth. The only way: they were not silent and there was a fault in the share holders contract.

 

Well the guy is sitting in a cafe with two suited and booted Thai lawyers outlining his tale of woe ... maybe I imagined that? I have no idea what mechanism, legal or illegal, was used to extricate him from control of his business, but the conversation was very real and the guy himself looked pretty crushed. Sorry, no myth. And I doubt very much that his is an isolated case. We're not in Kansas anymore Toto! And it's important for anyone thinking of investing through Thai company legal entities to go into that arrangement with their eyes wide open ... and not bet the farm, just to be on the safe side.

 

 

[A1Str8]

Whats not to understand?

 

In the beginning she refused to go with you first, before finally giving in. Thats what women do. Try to play their little games. Then while at your place, refused to get kissed. Once again, the female brain in action. Its already clear that i like you, or i wouldnt be at your place, but just in case, i will act like i am not interested. Since you didnt push it and said okay, the next morning(after making it through the nite without being raped)in her mind you are a nice man. You could control your urges. So now she gave herself willingly.
Then she helped you and gave you the keys to her place, bike whatever. And treated you as a bf. Sure. Inside a thai womans head, if you banged her, then now that means you are together. Except for a sl*t, who is in it for the money, which makes it clear that she is not one of them.

As for deep conversations, do not expect that from a thai woman.
As for not responding much, when being romantic, she owns several bars where women sell their body. She has seen it all. She is hardened. Will take a little warming up for her to open up to any man.
As for being shy, you need to be shrewd and many other things to be a bar owner in thailand, but shy is not one of them. It is just what society expects her to be.
As for working all the time to make money, thats not necessarily a red flag. She just told you whats up.

If i were you, i would be sweet with her, do her again and not give her any money for anything except what she also pays for, such as lunch etc.

 

[rumak]

10 hours ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

Thanks! Like I've said, the couple I'm investing with already successfully running one and we've discussed all those things - their lawyer handles everything. They have mentioned that Thai employees is a must and they have those. They also clarified all the rules of work permits, etc. 

I'll do my due diligence. 

you probably need business advice more than dating advice .   but heck,  no advice is ever taken, is it ?

live and learn.... 

[Enki]

Half the people here don't give advice, they only spread vitriol ...

[Pravda]

9 hours ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

10 hours ago, NCC1701A said:

can i ask you a question? are there bar girls working in your friends bar?  can you bar fine them?

I would say that the girls in her bar are like a "grey area" bar girl.... they attract the guys by being pretty, they serve the drinks and guys buy drinks for them, but as far as I saw and heard from her, they didn't go to anyone's room. There's no "boom boom" area or room either. 

Wasn't much different to when I worked in bars in downtown San Diego.

 

Are you kidding me?

 

A total ho establishment.

[thaibeachlovers]

13 hours ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

I really would appreciate your input, guys. 

Also, she does tell me all the time that I "look so hansuuum" and that I could get so many younger, better looking girls if I want. .... To me this is somewhat normal behavior, but maybe she's doing that on purpose???

That sounds like normal bar girl talk.

What did she do BEFORE she owned the bars?

 

Hundreds of farangs own bars and have no money because they are a financial black hole. How much does it cost to stay open ( not bar related costs )?

 

My input as always is to enjoy the ride till it ends, but don't "invest" any money into her or the bar. The long con can take years to pan out.

[thaibeachlovers]

12 hours ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

My thoughts as well. I'm just trying to figure out where do I fit into this, in her mind. Also, she knows I don't care that "she’s in a business that’s about relationships with men and hustling their money into her pocket.". I know what she's doing and she knows it, and you gotta do what you gotta do. 

 

My hypothesis is one of the following, in this order:
1. She liked the sex and it's worth it to keep me for that  
2. She's REALLY good at being dishonest, and will ask me for money in another indirect way later.    

3. She actually likes me

 

I'm keeping a very close eye out for "my mom is sick all my money is tied in the bar" situations. But so far she hasn't seemed like a gold digger. 

The most skilled of them are adept at making farang men GIVE THE MONEY WILLINGLY. If they are really clever, the mark will not even realise they were conned till years later, if ever.

 

It could be all true, she likes you for yourself, but that's why you should go along for the ride, but not give her any significant amounts of money. If her business is sound, the banks will lend her money.

 

PS. ALWAYS use a condom, and check it after. A baby is the ultimate man trap.

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

I would say that the girls in her bar are like a "grey area" bar girl.... they attract the guys by being pretty, they serve the drinks and guys buy drinks for them, but as far as I saw and heard from her, they didn't go to anyone's room. There's no "boom boom" area or room either. 

Wasn't much different to when I worked in bars in downtown San Diego. We hired pretty girls for this very reason, and they stand outside and attract men. 

5555555555555555555

There isn't enough money in lady drinks for a bar girl to live on. They don't normally get a large wage from the bar, assuming it's a bar beer and not a gogo. They expect to make up the difference by being bar fined, plus what they get from the guy.

Bar beers don't have short time rooms and since when did a Thai bar have a "boom boom area"?

What the <deleted> does San Diego have to do with Thailand? It's a different universe.

In lOS, the pretty girl touts outside gogos are also available for rent.

[thaibeachlovers]

7 hours ago, pr9spk said:

The way that the OP has been treated in this thread is quite frankly disgraceful. Petty, veiled insults by people who think that they know better, even though in reality they are jealous of a young man who owns property, works in corporate finance, and has a Thai girlfriend that owns her own business.

 

The OP has been belittled, spoken-down to, and derogatory comments made about his female acquaintance, despite the fact that nobody even knows who she is. Some of the jealous quips, from presumably older posters, show more about their childish mindset if anything, and are totally unhelpful to the OP. SammyT in particular has made some of the most puerile comments I have ever read.

 

I always thought that this forum was a helpful community to get advice about issues concerning living in Thailand, not abusing someone who happens to be in a better situation than you.

How many Thai women have you been involved with to know differently?

Most of the guys on here have been round the block in Thailand several times, been conned, scammed a few times, learned the hard way which way is up in LOS.

There has been a lot of good advice given, and the nasty posts don't have to be taken to heart. It is after all, just words on the page.

 

despite the fact that nobody even knows who she is.

LOL. We've probably met her type before, and some of us may even have had the pleasure of her "company".

Sure, some replies may be a bit harsh, but that's because some of us have been reading basically the same story multiple times over the years. The OP isn't the first, and certainly won't be the last in that situation. Only the minor details will be different.

 

Jealous? Why would we be? We've probably had dozens of similar women in our time, and some of us may even have married them, for better or worse,

 

[Enki]

@thaibeachlovers how does it come you know so much about whores and bars that employ whores?

[thaibeachlovers]

10 hours ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

I have tried to be cordial with you, and respectful. Now I'm done. Take your BS responses to another thread. I don't need someone like you who thinks they know who I am or what I know, to sit here and tell me "how the world works" ok? That's enough. I know a lot more than you think, and I dont have to prove squat to you. Just because you've been ripped off repeatedly doesn't mean I am dumb enough to. 

He was telling you the truth. If you can't see that you will end up like all the other guys that got taken in LOS.

I saw nothing in his post that was BS, and he certainly knows how Thailand works which is presumably what this thread is about.

[thaibeachlovers]

5 minutes ago, Enki said:

@thaibeachlovers how does it come you know so much about whores and bars that employ whores?

[thelovedone]

 

14 hours ago, sofreshnsocleanclean said:

I really would appreciate your input, guys. 

Also, she does tell me all the time that I "look so hansuuum" and that I could get so many younger, better looking girls if I want. .... To me this is somewhat normal behavior, but maybe she's doing that on purpose???

That old Asian proverb comes to mind......"Move slowly ......slowly...... to catch the monkey"