Do you hate your father

[Patong2]

1 hour ago, Spidey said:

I had a breakdown a number of years ago. I underwent several months of therapy. After a lot of digging my therapist related all my current issues to my deep seated hatred of my father. The therapy consisted of letting go of the anger and hatred of my father.

 

it didn't work. I still hate the c***.

Your last line made me chuckle

Well at least you kept your sense of humour

All the best

[EVENKEEL]

How our childhood is an insight to our posting here on TV. Some of you had bad ones, guys like me were blessed.

[EVENKEEL]

Just now, EVENKEEL said:

How our childhood was is an insight to our posting here on TV. Some of you had bad ones, guys like me were blessed.

 

[Skeptic7]

I like my dad. He's like a distant long term friend. Never really spent any considerable time together as they split when I was 3. Some fun times such as sporting events, but then at 10 we moved far away and have basically had a telephone relationship since.  We talk about every 3-4 months...mostly about sports, his garden and the weather. I've visited him maybe 2 dozen times or so over all the years, but only for a day or 2. Last time was a few years ago. He's gonna be 89 this summer. Still sends me $500 for my birthday every year! I'm gonna ring him up soon.

 

Maybe I should visit one last time...????

Edited April 29, 2019 by Skeptic7

[allanos]

What an awesome topic, and thread!  It certainly resonates with the adage "before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes"! My heart and sympathies go out to those of you who suffered abuse and worse at the hands of your fathers.

 

To answer the question, no, I didn't hate my father.  As a small boy I loved him.  He was a quiet man and we didn't have much in common.  His awful smoker's cough deterred me from smoking for the whole of my life.  But, he was a good man, with Christian values, and the worst curse which would come from his lips was "damn"!

 

He was a bus driver.  His shift started early in the morning, and he would leave home at 4 am and walk 3-4 miles to his work, no matter the bitter winters of 1946/47.  He stayed at the same job for 25 years, to provide for his family; that's what fathers do, if necessary.

 

He was a far better person than I will ever be, and although we were not close, I cried many tears when he died just after I returned to Africa.

 

As to the OP, I am sorry for your situation.  It seems to me, however, that you need a strong dose of maturity; it doesn't seem to be reflected in any of your posts.  There is a life beyond being unemployed in Oz, with no immediate prospects.

 

Do you not have the native wit to succeed in life?  I would suggest you start by looking at the daily lives of the truly poor: Indians, Bangladeshis, Brazilians living in the barrio and combing through rubbish dumps outside of Rio every day, just to survive; even the impoverished in Thailand, as you won't have to go very far to see them.

 

Where does the money come from for you to drown your sorrows in a bottle every day?

 

My second and third suggestions are that you stop feeling sorry for yourself, and blaming your father for your lot in life.

 

The answer lies within!

 

 

[faraday]

1 hour ago, Skeptic7 said:

I like my dad. He's like a distant long term friend. Never really spent any considerable time together as they split when I was 3. Some fun times such as sporting events, but then at 10 we moved far away and have basically had a telephone relationship since.  We talk about every 3-4 months...mostly about sports, his garden and the weather. I've visited him maybe 2 dozen times or so over all the years, but only for a day or 2. Last time was a few years ago. He's gonna be 89 this summer. Still sends me $500 for my birthday every year! I'm gonna ring him up soon.

 

Maybe I should visit one last time...????

Yes, you must go & see him.

[marcusarelus]

3 hours ago, sanemax said:

No, I wasnt trying to blame you , you are trying to be a victim .

There may have been a justifiable reason for her not wanting to tell you .

It was still a taboo subject to be born out of wedlock 50 or so years ago , you Father may have been married and didnt want to to go and try to find him ?  

You don't like me so you said I am trying to be a victim.  I'm not trying to be a victim.  I'm angry.  Big difference.  I know the whole story and the harm the woman did is inexcusable.  If I was a victim I'd be asking for sympathy and I'm not.  Anger is not asking for sympathy.  I don't have to forgive the woman nor do I have to forgive Stalin.  I got over it when I was 8 years old. 

[Spidey]

2 hours ago, EVENKEEL said:

How our childhood is an insight to our posting here on TV. Some of you had bad ones, guys like me were blessed.

Interesting. Would love for you to expand on that.

 

"Oh what gift the giftie gie us,

To see ourselves as others see us"

[sanemax]

Just now, marcusarelus said:

You don't like me so you said I am trying to be a victim.  I'm not trying to be a victim.  I'm angry.  Big difference.  I know the whole story and the harm the woman did is inexcusable.  If I was a victim I'd be asking for sympathy and I'm not.  Anger is not asking for sympathy.  I don't have to forgive the woman nor do I have to forgive Stalin.  I got over it when I was 8 years old. 

Whether I like you or not is irrelevant , I said that you were playing the victim when you stated that I tried to "blame you" , I did nothing of the sort , I just asked you whether she gave a reason as to why she didnt want to tell you .

[Spidey]

5 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Whether I like you or not is irrelevant , I said that you were playing the victim when you stated that I tried to "blame you" , I did nothing of the sort , I just asked you whether she gave a reason as to why she didnt want to tell you .

As usual, you are picking holes in other people's posts whilst making zero contribution to the thread yourself.

 

Come on Sano, at least tell us, was your relationship with your father good or bad? 

[Pattayabeerbacon]

47 minutes ago, allanos said:

What an awesome topic, and thread!  It certainly resonates with the adage "before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes"! My heart and sympathies go out to those of you who suffered abuse and worse at the hands of your fathers.

 

To answer the question, no, I didn't hate my father.  As a small boy I loved him.  He was a quiet man and we didn't have much in common.  His awful smoker's cough deterred me from smoking for the whole of my life.  But, he was a good man, with Christian values, and the worst curse which would come from his lips was "damn"!

 

He was a bus driver.  His shift started early in the morning, and he would leave home at 4 am and walk 3-4 miles to his work, no matter the bitter winters of 1946/47.  He stayed at the same job for 25 years, to provide for his family; that's what fathers do, if necessary.

 

He was a far better person than I will ever be, and although we were not close, I cried many tears when he died just after I returned to Africa.

 

As to the OP, I am sorry for your situation.  It seems to me, however, that you need a strong dose of maturity; it doesn't seem to be reflected in any of your posts.  There is a life beyond being unemployed in Oz, with no immediate prospects.

 

Do you not have the native wit to succeed in life?  I would suggest you start by looking at the daily lives of the truly poor: Indians, Bangladeshis, Brazilians living in the barrio and combing through rubbish dumps outside of Rio every day, just to survive; even the impoverished in Thailand, as you won't have to go very far to see them.

 

Where does the money come from for you to drown your sorrows in a bottle every day?

 

My second and third suggestions are that you stop feeling sorry for yourself, and blaming your father for your lot in life.

 

The answer lies within!

 

 

The western world has changed brother.

 

If you hadn't noticed the Socialism/Feminism/globalism completely ruined the western world.

 

Starting House price in my city is half a million dollars , i make 400$ labouring for the job agency, i am signed up to over 7 in Perth .

 

Life is so stressful it turns people into angry alcoholics.

 

Oh and a pension at 65 for all citizens.....

 

Only for boomers.

 

 

Greed....... 

[steven100]

My dad was a drunk .... he died drunk. 

He was pissed from morning until night, drinking beer and whiskey.

He gambled on horses and cards.

seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree ..........

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, Spidey said:

As usual, you are picking holes in other people's posts whilst making zero contribution to the thread yourself.

 

Come on Sano, at least tell us, was your relationship with your father good or bad? 

I am not picking holes at all , I simply asked him whether his Mother gave him a reason as to why She didnt tell him who the Father was .

  She may have a legitimate reason as to why she didnt tell him 

[sidjameson]

Bit some people break free steven. 

Can you try a new life? Or accept this one?

[mommysboy]

10 minutes ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

The western world has changed brother.

 

If you hadn't noticed the Socialism/Feminism/globalism completely ruined the western world.

 

Starting House price in my city is half a million dollars , i make 400$ labouring for the job agency, i am signed up to over 7 in Perth .

 

Life is so stressful it turns people into angry alcoholics.

 

Oh and a pension at 65 for all citizens.....

 

Only for boomers.

 

 

Greed....... 

Yes, back to a point I made- the old uns can be seriously out of touch when it comes to the lot of the average working man these days.  The golden era has gone.

[marcusarelus]

7 minutes ago, sanemax said:

I am not picking holes at all , I simply asked him whether his Mother gave him a reason as to why She didnt tell him who the Father was .

  She may have a legitimate reason as to why she didnt tell him 

I never spoke to my mother.  She wrote me one letter asking me not to ever contact her or her family again. 

[Spidey]

7 minutes ago, sanemax said:

I am not picking holes at all , I simply asked him whether his Mother gave him a reason as to why She didnt tell him who the Father was .

  She may have a legitimate reason as to why she didnt tell him 

You still haven't answered the question. How was your relationship with your father?

 

Come on, we've all fessed up.

[scubascuba3]

The western world has changed brother.
 
If you hadn't noticed the Socialism/Feminism/globalism completely ruined the western world.
 
Starting House price in my city is half a million dollars , i make 400$ labouring for the job agency, i am signed up to over 7 in Perth .
 
Life is so stressful it turns people into angry alcoholics.
 
Oh and a pension at 65 for all citizens.....
 
Only for boomers.
 
 
Greed....... 

Did you make any effort at school? further education?

[allanos]

3 minutes ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

The western world has changed brother.

 

If you hadn't noticed the Socialism/Feminism/globalism completely ruined the western world.

 

Starting House price in my city is half a million dollars , i make 400$ labouring for the job agency, i am signed up to over 7 in Perth .

 

Life is so stressful it turns people into angry alcoholics.

 

Oh and a pension at 65 for all citizens.....

 

Only for boomers.

 

 

Greed....... 

Nonsense!

 

What you need is a good mentor or life coach. He/She will show you the way, coz it seems you can't figure it out for yourself.

 

Someone who can relate to you will listen to your story, agree with you the direction, help to set goals, and, with their guidance, see that you meet the targets you have set yourself.

 

You are not exactly on the bottom rung of society, but you need to strive to take the next step.  I don't know what crowd you mix with, but try to get into a circle with a better quality of friends and associates; you will learn from them, want to be like them, and start developing the nous on how to do it. It's called life hacks.

 

There are millions of Millenials making the grade, just like the baby boomers before them.  You just need to suss out how they are doing it,  and copy it. Look and Learn. Fake it 'til you make it is the expression.

 

My belief is that you are not a lost cause, my friend, but if you carry on in your present path, it's a dead end street.  Take a look in gutter and see if you want to be like the people lying in it.

 

You are eloquent enough.  Dress up your cv, dress to kill, and apply for and go to as many job interviews as would be humanly possible, and talk yourself into one of them. 

 

Somewhere out there is the next rung on the ladder. It's under your control to step up onto it, just like we old fogies did back in the day, and no one is going to do it for you.

[mommysboy]

One general point: there's perhaps such a mismatch between expectations and reality these days.  I suppose people turn round and blame their parents, teachers, politicians, etc, whilst they come to terms with the fact that life is a pile of.....  I expect nothing but continued humiliation throughout the rest of my working days, and there's going to be no golden retirement for sure. Survival is key.  I hope OP can come to terms with his emotional problems- that is the one thing we can do something about.

[sanemax]

9 minutes ago, Spidey said:

You still haven't answered the question. How was your relationship with your father?

 

Come on, we've all fessed up.

Non existent really , he walked out and left when I was 2 , never saw him again , my Mother blamed me , saying that he left because he wanted a Daughter and not a Son .

 My Mother hated me and took every opportunity to humiliate and embarrass me , especially in public in front of my friends , constantly reminding me that if I was born Female , I would still have a Father and She would still have a Husband and we would be rich , saying that giving birth to me was like doing a big shit  and making me promise not to attend her funeral ...............and that was her being nice .

[allanos]

I have two children from generation X, and two who are millenials, all born in South Africa.  I gave all of them the education I could afford, and tried to be a good mentor and role model for them.  I made every effort to avoid them seeing me drunk at any time, for example, although I was a bit of a party animal. I gave them all a modest start in one way or another.

 

Two are now in the United Kingdom, one is in Ireland, and one is in New Zealand.

 

Their achievements are all down to them.They have all got on with their lives, and, to this point, made a success of them.

 

My belief is that motivation comes from within, and that every person with an average IQ can and will become a success, if they have the will to do it. It has nothing to do with the generation they were born in.

 

To continue the last thought, less than 4% of the baby boom generation have become self-supporting (and which I would largely define as success).  Living on a state pension is not my idea of success.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, allanos said:

Living on a state pension is not my idea of success.

i paid 20% of my salary for 35 years to get my state pension, it didn't come cheap!

[Spidey]

12 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Non existent really , he walked out and left when I was 2 , never saw him again , my Mother blamed me , saying that he left because he wanted a Daughter and not a Son .

 My Mother hated me and took every opportunity to humiliate and embarrass me , especially in public in front of my friends , constantly reminding me that if I was born Female , I would still have a Father and She would still have a Husband and we would be rich , saying that giving birth to me was like doing a big shit  and making me promise not to attend her funeral ...............and that was her being nice .

Thanks. very interesting and insightful. Not a dissimilar story to @marcusarelus really.

 

Similar to the deprecating comments that my father said to me. As an only child, he used to say that I had always held him back and if it weren't for me being born he would have really made something of his life.

 

Now @EVENKEEL here we have 2 posters who are candidates for worst poster of the year having very similar family backgrounds and regularly spatting with each other. Analysis please.

 

 

 

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by Spidey

[marcusarelus]

2 minutes ago, Spidey said:

Thanks. very interesting and insightful. Not a dissimilar story to @marcusarelus really.

 

Now @EVENKEEL here we have 2 posters who are candidates for worst poster of the year having very similar family backgrounds and regularly spatting with each other. Analysis please.

3 actually, didn't you say you had a rough childhood? 

[faraday]

Ohhh... the threads getting a bit combative.

 

How unusual.

 

L

[Spidey]

1 minute ago, marcusarelus said:

3 actually, didn't you say you had a rough childhood? 

Yes but I'm not a candidate for worst poster of the year.....or am I? Gulp.

[faraday]

17 minutes ago, Spidey said:

Yes but I'm not a candidate for worst poster of the year.....or am I? Gulp.

Don't worry Spidey, I won't vote for you.

 

????

 

[sanemax]

20 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Non existent really , he walked out and left when I was 2 , never saw him again , my Mother blamed me , saying that he left because he wanted a Daughter and not a Son .

 My Mother hated me and took every opportunity to humiliate and embarrass me , especially in public in front of my friends , constantly reminding me that if I was born Female , I would still have a Father and She would still have a Husband and we would be rich , saying that giving birth to me was like doing a big shit  and making me promise not to attend her funeral ...............and that was her being nice .

That was when She was being nice .

When I was a toddler , I had a bad "accident" , fell over , hit my face on the floor and smashed my teeth up, giving me missing teeth and buck teeth , leaving my unable to talk properly , unable to pronounce words and so I never smiled and rarely spoke to anyone .

   It was only when I got to my early teens that the dentist was able to straighten my teeth and I could then talk properly .

  I left home about 15 and didnt go back .

Went back about ten years later though, just to say hello .

And She strongly hinted that I didnt have an accident and that she deliberately smashed my face up and she was laughing about it , she had a mad , evil look in her eye and laughing at the same time .

   I just shrugged my shoulders , got up and walked out

[BritManToo]

30 minutes ago, Spidey said:

Yes but I'm not a candidate for worst poster of the year.....or am I? Gulp.

I've got the other two on ignore, so you can't be that bad.