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Posted

If I had it to do over again knowing what I know today?  I would not have married a Thai woman.  It has to do with the xenophobia baked into the culture that runs from the average villager right through the fabric of the culture to the top echelons of the elite in Government House and beyond.  
Bottom line:  
You are an outsider!  You will always and forever be an outsider.  You are tolerated, not welcomed. You will never be accepted.  You will be considered suspect as a potential criminal for the entire duration of your life and as such tracked with more scrutiny than a violent Thai parolee.  And in your final days if as you are dying, if you are unable to manage your financial and immigration related affairs, your dying days could be spend dying and rotting on the floor in a Thai immigration detention center instead of at home surrounded by your family - because you sir, are an evil Farang and being comatose or an extremely sick invalid or a shell of a person due to dementia or Alzheimer's is no excuse for overstay - and don't even bother thinking that the Thai government has even a milligram of compassion for you, no less having the compassion to issue you a Medical Visa or 'bend the rules' and allow you to die in peace with the family that you have supported and loved for years or even decades.  Compassion is a one-way street.  Your compassion for your Thai family.  Compassion by Thais other than your own family will never be directed towards you in this country when it's citizens claim to be compassionate Buddhists.  That compassion is only for other Thais my dear Farang.
Foreigners are not respected here, only milked until the milk runs dry.


So Op.  My suggestion to you?  Find a woman in a country where you are welcome.  Thailand is not that country.  Don't even consider sinking roots - get out while you can.  

You've been warned!

 

 

 

 

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Posted
21 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Don't get married. My GF and I are 8 years into a good relationship.

Look after the good ones well, and they will look after you even better. The trick is to find a good one.

If you are over 60, fathering children is not a good idea. Teenagers when you are in your seventies, and luk kreungs to boot?

Leave 80% of your assets in your country of origin.

 

Apologies if that doesn't fit within your template; however, you were asking for advice.

I live by pretty much the same rules. Though with regards to assets split I'd say just make sure you have some place to return to if all goes wrong. 

Posted

When you are looking for a Thai wife, and you start dating one who is a maybe, if it is possible to be friendly with another farang whose Thai wife knows your intended and her family, find out all you can about them, as well of course your intended.

You should get a good idea of your intendeds past, the obvious things are, is she or her family likely to try and use you as a walking ATM?

Common sense should tell you what else you should try and find out, but financial circumstances and thinking of buying a house etc, should be at the top of the list.

You should of course ask about what you want to know in a very discrete way.

I have been with my wife for thirteen years and married for eight.

Posted
22 minutes ago, bert bloggs said:

How sad your life must be ,been married 20 years ,courting before that ,she is just like women all over the world ,her family are great ,i am just one of them ,and my family in The UK like them and visit when over .

Am i lucky? no just normal like so many of my friends who have been married to Thai women for donkeys years .

Considering this is the reality of expat life in Thailand - yeah, it's sad.

SoD.jpg.834c752d363b34f30754dce278f688fd.jpg

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Posted
24 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

When you are looking for a Thai wife, and you start dating one who is a maybe, if it is possible to be friendly with another farang whose Thai wife knows your intended and her family, find out all you can about them, as well of course your intended.

You should get a good idea of your intendeds past, the obvious things are, is she or her family likely to try and use you as a walking ATM?

Common sense should tell you what else you should try and find out, but financial circumstances and thinking of buying a house etc, should be at the top of the list.

You should of course ask about what you want to know in a very discrete way.

I have been with my wife for thirteen years and married for eight.

I checked her financial statement and made sure she could borrow 4 mil before we got married.  Same with any women in any country.  If they can't borrow money at a bank run away. 

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Posted
2 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

With all due respect as surely that is your experience, but not 100% the same for others. I differ on every point. 

 

1. My wife has a great family. We built in the village and then assisted the other family members to move onto our property. We have 4 homes in a compound and it was a great choice. They do not come in and out of my house, respect privacy and mostly we gather in the driveway, elders, kids, cooking together, roasting bananas, whatever. 

2. I have both given and lent money to members of family... all paid back in full and within reasonable time. I never had to ask for it back as I knew when they had the money, they would pay...

3. They don't tend to borrow things - we might borrow their tools. They are farmers and always there to help if anything needs to be done. 

4. We are not rigid with money in our marriage. I give my wife a certain amount monthly for her needs, food and some for family too.

She does not loan money and if there is a need for more, she asks. We do not have drunks or gamblers in the family. Just hard working, kind farmers who I am glad to help and I enjoy living with. 

 

your results surely vary... 

My brother in law lent me a tractor and a truck.  Said bring them back whenever, a year or two OK.  Glad I don't know you. 

Posted
3 minutes ago, crazykopite said:

If you want a peaceful life hand over your ATM card and always make sure there is money in it as they say “ No Money No Honey “

Adolescent behavior.  Adults have the lady borrow 4 mill and the male makes the payments.  Hence you become an important family asset.  If you leave the family goes broke because they can't make the payments. 

Posted
9 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

When I first met my wife, her house was half built, and obviously the bank gave her a mortgage, so to your way of thinking, I should not run. I didn't, and have now been with her for a very happy 13 years.

I'd agree 100%  I've been happy for 8 years and the loan is paid off in two.  Then she can buy a car. 

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Posted
4 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Are you writing a dissertation or something?  tens of thousands of books written on how to "make marriage work" "successful marriages"  Maybe Thai women on the average are different than european or american women, yet as statistics show - all marriages seem to have around a 50-50 chance. 

 

As one intelligent poster here has mentioned many times (do not see him on this thread yet), Summarizing:  take your time, get to know the person, do not rush into marriage, etc... 

Same info for anyone anywhere who has that incomprehensible need to make a relationship "official" and get a "certificate"  to make it "legal" .  Marriage does not always make a relationship more loving or caring, yet one advantage in Thailand is you can keep 400,000 baht in the bank instead of 800,000 baht if retired.

A better advantage whether you are married or not is to see an agent, of course not in an illegal way.

Posted
4 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

Wading into this thread feels like wading into an alligator pit, but here goes. Will keep my comments general.

 

Few years back, a poster wrote something like: "people forget to consider basic compatibility when choosing a mate." Compatibility is defined as a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict. Really struck me as sage advice. When there's a cultural and/or language gap, an otherwise reasonable amount of conflict can destabilize a relationship because it takes more effort to resolve conflict across different cultures and language. Can sometimes be exhausting.

 

I'm with the guys who advocate a 'go-slow' approach to getting married, moving in together, or even getting sexually involved. I know, sounds very old fashioned, but, again, when you're talking about different cultures and language barrier, it takes a lot longer to figure out and get a solid handle on who you're dealing with. It's very easy to fake compatability. All you have to do is say 'yes' and 'up to you' a lot.

 

And I don't care how good your girlfriend's English is or how good your Thai is, it takes a lot of time to assess someone's character and values across a language barrier. You might know after a first date if she likes spicy food, but figuring out things like her integrity, interest in learning, commitment to a healthy lifestyle, financial discipline, religious views, sticktoitiveness, etc., takes a lot of time. In the vacuum created by a language barrier, it is easy to assume values are mutually held, only to discover down the road this isn't the case. Taking extra time before you commit is very wise advice.

 

Excellent post.....

That's the only (successful/smart)  way to approach it.....

It's takes, time, work, patience, teamwork, effort, observation, & introspection before seriously going forward....

Any early "red flags" ignored (or over thought about/analyzed & dismissed) are going to cause major headaches/*hell*/heartaches on down the road.....

Posted
2 hours ago, Dania2019 said:

Take care - the culture is a big difference if she is is really thai. Only few you really can trust, and the Government do what they like and don`t care about us. 

I am not sure how many Thai girls you can trust, I have only had a long relationship with one.

You are 100% right about the Thai government.

Posted
22 hours ago, Pravda said:

I will tell you one thing.

 

If you think that Thai women are submissive, quiet women that take on domestic duties like Pete above me says you are in for a world of hurt. As Thai women become more independent and not depend on men for income they are about 100 times more feminazis then what you would encounter "back home" in the west.

 

Just my observation. Others will disagree

 

 

Yes, I do disagree.

My experience has not been the same as yours I guess.  But, the US women are the worst I believe.  There are many many more women here who are submissive and domesticated from my experience.  Much better and giving sexually also.

But, you will not find them in some bar or freelance place.  The business women in Bangkok also mostly not.

Many places in this country still with good down to earth women who will take care properly.

 

PS: The weak western male has created these issues.  Allowing women to control them.  Do not allow that to happen set the rules very early on.

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Posted

If she is less than 1/2 your age......you are doomed before u start.

If she has ever worked in a bar, you are doomed before u start.

If she has told you any version of you must give hr X number of BHAT per month, u are doomed before u start.

If she has never had a regular job but speaks pretty good English.......don’t believe for a minute th he never worked in a bar.

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Captain 776 said:

If she is less than 1/2 your age......you are doomed before u start.

If she has ever worked in a bar, you are doomed before u start.

If she has told you any version of you must give hr X number of BHAT per month, u are doomed before u start.

If she has never had a regular job but speaks pretty good English.......don’t believe for a minute th he never worked in a bar.

Not in all cases but another tell tale for bargirls are tattoos.

Do not know if I have ever met one who did not have a tat someplace.

Posted

I have been with my Thai Lady since 26 years and have been married 23 years with her.
My advice: Do not marry too fast. It is good to get to know each other better over a period of 2-3 years.
After, if all traffic lights are green then, you can say yes to a marriage. Especially when children are wanted and trust is there.
 

  • Like 2
Posted
18 minutes ago, bkk6060 said:

Yes, I do disagree.

My experience has not been the same as yours I guess.  But, the US women are the worst I believe.  There are many many more women here who are submissive and domesticated from my experience.  Much better and giving sexually also.

But, you will not find them in some bar or freelance place.  The business women in Bangkok also mostly not.

Many places in this country still with good down to earth women who will take care properly.

 

PS: The weak western male has created these issues.  Allowing women to control them.  Do not allow that to happen set the rules very early on.

And never beat her with a stick thicker than your thumb.

Did you know that's where the expression rule of thumb came from. Just thought I'd throw that in.

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