Are you married to a Thai woman – Any Snippets of Advice .

[MadMuhammad]

On 5/31/2019 at 2:56 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

 Best advice- don't have a legal marriage. If she insists on being married have a village wedding, which you can walk away from when it all goes wrong, and it will. 50% or western marriages fail, so why would farang men think one to a Thai woman with all the cultural stuff as well will be more successful.

If one gets married legally, she has you for everything she can get out of you, and if she manages to get a child by you, you are the meal ticket for life.

 

If one does get married, never pay for property, as you can't take that with you. Only buy things that you can use, and can afford to leave behind when it all turns to poo.

 

Yes, some do succeed, but how many out of all the thousands of Thai/farang marriages?

I knew I was in trouble when I had a m'bike accident and she had to take me to hospital every day. I expected her to be happy to help her loving husband that cared for her so well, but no gratitude was in evidence, only a reluctant misery guts that HAD to do something for her husband, but not because she wanted to. Different story when she was in hospital though.

 

Marriage is a gamble anyway. Don't put yourself in harm's way more than you have to.

But what if your gf’s village is Grungtep Maha Nakon?

[marcusarelus]

27 minutes ago, Senechal said:

There is only one piece of advice I follow and it was given to me by a 70 year old expat over 10 years ago:

 

> "Never be worth more dead than alive. It's not your wife you need to worry about, most of the time. It's her family."

 

In other words; Rent, don't buy. Don't set your wife up with a fat life insurance policy (or at least don't tell her about it). And don't share accounts, ever.

Better than rent.  Get a mortgage and help her pay for it.  Have a pension that expires when you die. 

[marcusarelus]

14 minutes ago, MadMuhammad said:

But what if your gf’s village is Grungtep Maha Nakon?

Lots of monks and they will come to your house for a bit of cash and food. What do you think?  We don't know the phonetic spelling of Bangkok? 

[The Deerhunter]

Advice?  Don't meet her in a bar and then complain.  There are good ones but the odds are stacked against us sex tourists who cannot easily penetrate polite society.  Don't buy for the first few years, if ever. Rent.  Dont bring over more money than you need at the time.  In the first few years don't commit too much that you can't afford to lose at a moment´s notice, and be prepared to walk (or fly) if necessary.  Lots of us have found great wives but it takes time to be sure you have got it right. And many don't get it right.  Lots of things to learn about each other and lots of concessions to be made both ways.  Retain your sense of humour.  You will experience lots of funny things here and some peculiar but not so funny. 555.

[rumak]

Lots of good "advice" , and seeking to hear about others experiences is nothing to be ashamed about.

Unlike some on here,  not everyone knows everything .    Just like using google, eventually you must decide what works best for you

[overherebc]

????

[myjawe]

Don't ever think that she is smart, or you might be so disappointed later when you open your eyes !

[myjawe]

20 minutes ago, overherebc said:

????

 

 

So true ! I fuxxed some that even celebrities would dream to get in their bed, and still, I preferred to leave them...

 

 

 

 

 

 

[marcusarelus]

12 minutes ago, myjawe said:

Don't ever think that she is smart, or you might be so disappointed later when you open your eyes !

My wife built that.  If she is not smart we are all in a world of hurt. 

[Baerboxer]

2 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Just my personal take; however, any male who hits a woman is a moral coward. It's sad that your GF/Wife needed to specify that condition.

 

You do realize that husbands are the victims of marital assaults too? 

 

Anyone who doesn't defend themselves is asking for the physical abuse to increase.

 

There is a big difference between defending your self and being the instigator of a physical assault.

[Lacessit]

6 hours ago, Baerboxer said:

 

You do realize that husbands are the victims of marital assaults too? 

 

Anyone who doesn't defend themselves is asking for the physical abuse to increase.

 

There is a big difference between defending your self and being the instigator of a physical assault.

It's a lot more rare, but it does happen. In that situation, I would defend myself and walk away immediately.

Defence can consist of simple restraint.

I suppose because I am bigger than average, the probability of a woman assaulting me has always been quite low.

[rubyjuan]

Advice?  Move to Vietnam and marry a VN lady.  

[rubyjuan]

9 hours ago, marcusarelus said:

My wife built that.  If she is not smart we are all in a world of hurt. 

Nice work, Mate!  There are always exceptions.

[Hanuman2547]

I know a few Thai/farang marriages that are now in their 40+ years together stage.  I also know quite a few that are 20+ years.  None of the Thai women worked in bars, all have at least a bachelors degree. 

 

My Thai wife and I were married for one month short of 23 years until she passed away from brain cancer.  We met in the USA when she was a graduate student.  Oh, and she was older than me too.

[Tomahawk21]

On 5/31/2019 at 1:43 PM, boobaa1 said:

"Are you married to a Thai woman – Any Snippets of Advice ."

 

Run !

 Three men sentenced to death for murdering British expat and wife in northern Thailand

 

nuff said 

[JAFO]

Most of the responses IMHO seem like cynical warnings rather than advice but then one has to wonder the choices of women some made and where they chose to live.

 

For me its really not about marrying a Thai women, Its more about marrying your wife's cultural values and upbringing. Women are women. I have found with my wife that for the most part she is the same as any women I had dated anywhere. However adjusting to some of the cultural aspects can be challenging

 

Like many others, I live a very normal married relationship (8 years now). My in laws are just like normal in laws in that they visit when they can (Usually holidays as they all work), they always call and plan before coming, do not expect me to buy. I have loaned my BIL money for a down on his house after he sold his smaller house to upgrade to a larger one to be closer to work. He paid me back in 6 months and I never asked.

 

My advice to the OP; Just like any woman anywhere, take your time, get to know her and of course her friends and family. Its not rocket science but I would focus on how deep she is into Thai culture as you will be expected to join in on many activities and you may not want to. That said though, many have let go of a lot of the old ways but it will likely depend on where you meet her in Thailand.  

 

Best of luck

[tifino]

 ... it can become quite exhausting; Having to keep on Acting as dumb and stupid, as she says I am!

 

because if you do not to do as she orders, you are then rejecting her... and that is 'big tlouble'

[Tomahawk21]

On 5/31/2019 at 1:57 PM, Kasane said:

Develop a kind, gentle, caring relationship. Don't be a doormat.

agree and dont treat you women like a doormat either.

i think also find a women that genuinely likes you and is with you for the right reasons. you see the body language of many Thai ladies and there husbands/ b/fs and you can see theirs no love for him from her.

[Tomahawk21]

On 5/31/2019 at 2:25 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

I have a Thai girlfriend for many years and we are happy together most of the time. But I never married her.

She wants that I marry her but as far as I see there is no upside to that legal procedure.

Don't marry! And be happy.

And if you are not happy anymore she has no legal right to demand lots of money from you.

There are lots of other possible problems when you are married. Avoid it!

one of the smartest post to date. agree 100%

[tifino]

5 minutes ago, Tomahawk21 said:

agree and dont treat you women like a doormat either.

i think also find a women that genuinely likes you and is with you for the right reasons. you see the body language of many Thai ladies and there husbands/ b/fs and you can see theirs no love for him from her.

and from the first time you have exposed her for having a boyfriend; there will be no 'Sorry'

 - instead a quick snap retort, that 'I not love him/them'

 

[Tomahawk21]

21 hours ago, connda said:

If I had it to do over again knowing what I know today?  I would not have married a Thai woman.  It has to do with the xenophobia baked into the culture that runs from the average villager right through the fabric of the culture to the top echelons of the elite in Government House and beyond.  
Bottom line:  
You are an outsider!  You will always and forever be an outsider.  You are tolerated, not welcomed. You will never be accepted.  You will be considered suspect as a potential criminal for the entire duration of your life and as such tracked with more scrutiny than a violent Thai parolee.  And in your final days if as you are dying, if you are unable to manage your financial and immigration related affairs, your dying days could be spend dying and rotting on the floor in a Thai immigration detention center instead of at home surrounded by your family - because you sir, are an evil Farang and being comatose or an extremely sick invalid or a shell of a person due to dementia or Alzheimer's is no excuse for overstay - and don't even bother thinking that the Thai government has even a milligram of compassion for you, no less having the compassion to issue you a Medical Visa or 'bend the rules' and allow you to die in peace with the family that you have supported and loved for years or even decades.  Compassion is a one-way street.  Your compassion for your Thai family.  Compassion by Thais other than your own family will never be directed towards you in this country when it's citizens claim to be compassionate Buddhists.  That compassion is only for other Thais my dear Farang.
Foreigners are not respected here, only milked until the milk runs dry.

So Op.  My suggestion to you?  Find a woman in a country where you are welcome.  Thailand is not that country.  Don't even consider sinking roots - get out while you can.  

You've been warned!

 

 

 

 

a lot of truth in what you said , but i think your being a bit hard on Thailand and the Thais. im sure there not all like this. ive been here 20 years. maybe we dont see this when we are fit and healthy and maybe some do get treated that way when there sick.

[Tomahawk21]

9 minutes ago, tifino said:

and from the first time you have exposed her for having a boyfriend; there will be no 'Sorry'

 - instead a quick snap retort, that 'I not love him/them'

 

im over 60 never happened to me and pretty sure it wont, but thats my point find a women that WANTS to be with you for the right reasons. not some 20 years old bar girl from the bush with no brains or breading

[overherebc]

On 5/31/2019 at 2:14 PM, monkeycu said:

Get one with limited English, when she goes off don't worry just nod

Later when she has a better grasp of English, KEEP NODDING

Oh and do this  ????

Better still, one who is deaf, dumb and is the daughter of someone who owns a licenced grocery shop. If she has a flat bit on the top of her head where you can rest your beer while---- no need to go further I reckon.

[bert bloggs]

21 hours ago, Captain 776 said:

If she is less than 1/2 your age......you are doomed before u start.

If she has ever worked in a bar, you are doomed before u start.

If she has told you any version of you must give hr X number of BHAT per month, u are doomed before u start.

If she has never had a regular job but speaks pretty good English.......don’t believe for a minute th he never worked in a bar.

My wife spoke very good English when i met her 20 odd years ago , funny so did most of her family ,do you think her brothers were bar workers as well ,and my nephew he speaks English and Chinese ,but then perhaps he works the bar (he is an airline steward in business class)they have a bar .

Perhaps my wife worked bar when she was in university with her sister,you never know .

she is not half my age but is 23 years younger than me .

you really have me thinking now ,she even used a computer in the office , perhaps she was online dating when i met her . so many questions ,

so many loser posts .

[PerkinsCuthbert]

Thai women don't do snippets, they do wholesale amputation.

[Gecko123]

In many of the marriages I've observed between foreign men and Thai women that have withstood the so-called test of time, interaction between the two spouses seems to have dropped to a bare minimum. Perhaps this is a secret to the longevity of the relationship.

 

I see a lot of couples who are like ships passing in the night: watching TV alone in separate rooms, her surfing Facebook and texting while he plays video games and surfs the net, eating meals separately (sometimes with separately prepared food), he out playing golf or going for solo bike rides while she kibitzes and plays dominoes with her girlfriends and neighbors down at the local noodle shop. And, oh, sweet, sweet sleep. How many married guys count down the hours to bedtime just for the escape it offers? Escape from what??? Boredom, loneliness, frustration? Who knows.

 

Forget about foreign-Thai couples for a minute. Thai husbands leave their Thai wives to go off to work away from home for weeks, sometimes months or years at a stretch, and most of the time the wives show few signs of missing them. How often do you see Thai couples engaged in animated banter filled with laughter and joshing one another? Most Thai guys seek out other men to drink and shoot the breeze with. Their wife is not their 'go-to' conversation partner. So I think some of the comments from guys on threads like this who try to portray their relationship with their Thai wife as much the same as it would be with a girl from back home need to be taken with a grain of salt.

 

Another observation: many - nay - most couples that have been together for a long time seem to keep talking to a minimum. Thai women don't seem to like talkative men. Period. Just observe what most Thai men are doing when they're wives are talking. I'll tell you what they're doing: they're keeping their mouths shut and feigning rapt attention. And what are Thai wives doing when their Thai husbands are talking? Interrupting left and right, offering snide running commentary or having sidebar conversations with the person next to them is what they're doing.

 

If you're in a household where pigeon-English or goo-goo-gaa-gaa Thai is the lingua franca, you're probably gonna be doing most of your communicating with grunts, hand signals, eyebrow flicks, and passing notes back and forth. And don't tell me about how fluent your wife's English is or how great your Thai is. When listening to a non-native English or Thai speaker, sooner or later auditory fatigue sets in and you start having fantasies about sticking a gym sock in your spouse's mouth just to make the sound stop.

 

Don't let anybody try to make you feel bad because you're not married, or because your marriage failed. Plenty of so-called married people out there who are ten times more miserable than you've ever been. And don't ever let bitterness set in; that's only punishing yourself which you don't deserve.

 

There's a generational mindset at play here. Older generations were told you had to get married, and if you didn't you were a loser, a confirmed bachelor, uhmm, code for gay. Then they started saying married people live longer and are less likely to get dementia. Now they're saying, maybe married men live longer but single women outlive married women. Don't get married because it looks good on paper or Mom would approve, and whatever you do, don't get married just because you think there's nothing else to do. As the Rolling Stones sang in 'Sittin' on a Fence':

 

All of my friends at school grew up and settled down
And they mortgaged up their lives
One things not said too much, but I think it's true
They just get married 'cause there's nothing else to do

 

[BritManToo]

12 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

So I think some of the comments from guys on threads like this who try to portray their relationship with their Thai wife as much the same as it would be with a girl from home need to be taken with a grain of salt.

My (former) Brit wife of 30 years claimed she had hated me for the last 20 years, and I never noticed.

I'm thinking that's the normal married relationship for all nationalities, we love them, and they secretly hate us.

Women are bloody weird!

 

My relationships ......... best not to think too hard, as long as she bangs me 2-3 times a week it's good enough.

[billd766]

On 5/31/2019 at 2:56 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

 Best advice- don't have a legal marriage. If she insists on being married have a village wedding, which you can walk away from when it all goes wrong, and it will. 50% or western marriages fail, so why would farang men think one to a Thai woman with all the cultural stuff as well will be more successful.

If one gets married legally, she has you for everything she can get out of you, and if she manages to get a child by you, you are the meal ticket for life.

 

If one does get married, never pay for property, as you can't take that with you. Only buy things that you can use, and can afford to leave behind when it all turns to poo.

 

Yes, some do succeed, but how many out of all the thousands of Thai/farang marriages?

I knew I was in trouble when I had a m'bike accident and she had to take me to hospital every day. I expected her to be happy to help her loving husband that cared for her so well, but no gratitude was in evidence, only a reluctant misery guts that HAD to do something for her husband, but not because she wanted to. Different story when she was in hospital though.

 

Marriage is a gamble anyway. Don't put yourself in harm's way more than you have to.

Odd that.

 

My experience is the complete opposite of yours.

 

I have known my wife for 26 years and we have been married 19 of them this year and we have a 14 year old son.

Sometimes she is a bit slack at cleaning the house but gets on with it if I prod her a few times. She always cooks my evening meal and I do my own breakfast and lunch.

 

She was a good cook when we met and after we were married she started a small noodle shop and general store. After a few years she gave it up due to offering credit which was never paid back. She has started cooking noodles once again but in a different location and a hard and fast rule. NO credit.

 

I fell over on Friday (I am 75) but I managed to drive home and yesterday she took me to the hospital no problem.

 

quote from your post.

"If one does get married, never pay for property, as you can't take that with you. Only buy things that you can use, and can afford to leave behind when it all turns to poo.

Yes, some do succeed, but how many out of all the thousands of Thai/farang marriages?

 

Of course I paid for the house and land and of course it is in my wife's name. So what?

 

I have to live somewhere.

 

Of the 20 odd mates that I PERSONALLY know only 3 marriages have failed which is a lot better than here in Thailand or in the UK.

 

There are people who see the world as a half empty glass and choose to moan and complain but do anything about it, that would be you, and there are very many more people the world as a half full glass and choose to do something about and have a positive outlook on life and that would be people like me.

 

I have no idea where you get the figures for the thousands of Thai/farang marriages. I don't know thousands of farangs to ask.

[billd766]

On 5/31/2019 at 3:22 PM, BritManToo said:

Most guys who marry a Thai lady are over 50 at the start.

Very few guys make 70 in Thailand, so 20 years is about as good as it gets.

I was 49 when I met my wife and I was 75 last week. She was a child bride of 28. Several of my friends are older than me yet are still married to their Thai wives.

 

Life is a lottery sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

 

I won.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, billd766 said:

Life is a lottery sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

I won.

I prefer winning several smaller prizes every year, as opposed to just the one big prize in 25 years.