Buddha village weddings

[SenorJorge]

Hi,

 

I was just trying to see who on here actually did this in a farang-thai relationship.  If you did this and you are in a thai-thai wedding you can respond too.

 

How does your wife treat you?  Are they any different tha with registered marriages?  I was thinking since you can almost walk out at any time they may be a bit more docile.

 

What say you, tv?

[CharlieH]

They are more "tradition" than anything else Thai/Thai it's customary to do this and some do only this. Most Thai/farang do it from pressure from the wife and to please the family/parents etc.

It means absolutely nothing in legal terms.

[timendres]

From my observations, it makes no difference in the actual marital life. The Thai wife behaves exactly the same as she would with the registered marriage, up until "finish".

[SenorJorge]

51 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

They are more "tradition" than anything else Thai/Thai it's customary to do this and some do only this. Most Thai/farang do it from pressure from the wife and to please the family/parents etc.

It means absolutely nothing in legal terms.

I think the vast majority of Thais are actually living in unregistered marriages of some kind.  Ive read that in more than one place.  It makes it even more difficult to find out if your wife has ever been "married".  And even more easily for them to lie about it.  "See me tell you.  Amphur say I never marry"

[1FinickyOne]

We had a village wedding - I don't think it has made any difference... I understood that it was for the family and that she could hold her head up and be considered a married woman... no Buddha or monks involved. 

 

Of course, you can't know what another road might have been like but we were both comfortable with the family party route. 

[AlexRich]

I like the idea of a marriage that has no legal basis ... let's you keep all your options open should it not work out.

[55Jay]

Emm, well, IMO, you maintain a bit of leverage without the legal docs in that, as you said, you can simply walk away without any legal entanglements following you around.

 

I waited a year after my village wedding before dragging my mate and his wife down the Amphur to make it legal. That was 12 years ago.  15 together.  Ups and downs, mostly on my part, not hers, and if I'm being honest, overall, pretty damn good actually.   My chick is rock solid, wouldn't trade her out for a sexy, younger model - which would be great, for a night, but my wife is pretty f***king awesome as a wife. 

 

Make sure you feel the same about yours before going to the Amphur.   

 

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, CharlieH said:

They are more "tradition" than anything else Thai/Thai it's customary to do this and some do only this. Most Thai/farang do it from pressure from the wife and to please the family/parents etc.

It means absolutely nothing in legal terms.

Agree, usually a village expectation and quite a village event. If you let it, can be quite costly in terms of food and drink, entertainers, payment to the monks and their transport and food etc. Often there's no formal invitations, the whole village is automatically welcome. Plus there's the sin-sod (dowry to the girls parents) which is usually on display for all to see. 

[RichardColeman]

With my first Thai wife, I wish I had H.G. Well's Time Machine to go back in time and tell myself to just leave it at the Buddhist wedding !

[55Jay]

51 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

With my first Thai wife, I wish I had H.G. Well's Time Machine to go back in time and tell myself to just leave it at the Buddhist wedding !

I just spit my beer onto the keyboard.  Thanks. ????

[Chelseafan]

2 hours ago, SenorJorge said:

I think the vast majority of Thais are actually living in unregistered marriages of some kind.  Ive read that in more than one place.  It makes it even more difficult to find out if your wife has ever been "married".  And even more easily for them to lie about it.  "See me tell you.  Amphur say I never marry"

I wouldn't say the vast majority but I will say that my soon to be Thai wife was married before in a village wedding and never registered it at the Amphur so technically I'll be her first husband ????

[Chelseafan]

1 hour ago, scorecard said:

Agree, usually a village expectation and quite a village event. If you let it, can be quite costly in terms of food and drink, entertainers, payment to the monks and their transport and food etc. Often there's no formal invitations, the whole village is automatically welcome. Plus there's the sin-sod (dowry to the girls parents) which is usually on display for all to see. 

Hell yes. I'm on course for £14k all in including sinsot, rings, venue. Two of the biggest costs of the day are the videographer and flowers.

[55Jay]

57 minutes ago, RichardColeman said:

With my first Thai wife, I wish I had H.G. Well's Time Machine to go back in time and tell myself to just leave it at the Buddhist wedding !

Well, to be fair, I suppose there are dumbasses that do that sort of thing, get involved with women they don't really know.  And then <deleted> and moan when it all goes wrong. As if could have gone any other way. 

[55Jay]

I mean dang. Really.  Fer fukes' sakes.

[55Jay]

3 minutes ago, Chelseafan said:

Hell yes. I'm on course for £14k all in including sinsot, rings, venue. Two of the biggest costs of the day are the videographer and flowers.

Bro!  Throttle back!  That's like 5,000 Baht for the Fo-tog guy.  Seriously.  Stop!

[55Jay]

[Chelseafan]

33 minutes ago, 55Jay said:

Bro!  Throttle back!  That's like 5,000 Baht for the Fo-tog guy.  Seriously.  Stop!

Not if you want it done right. We've seen the cheap end of the spectrum and it aint pretty.

Also, we're getting married in a hotel so that aint cheap.

 

Still a lot cheaper than getting married in the UK and the bonus is that we are already in our honeymoon destination ????

 

 

[SenorJorge]

My condolences.

 

So, chelseafan, are you registering this?

 

In all seriousness, I wish you all of the absolute best.  At least she told you about her prior marriage.  This is a common theme with these girls.  A marriage with a Thai man doesnt go well so they lose face.  Maybe more than once.  And then they turn to the farang, often with more money anyway.

 

They're not all bad girls.  Sometimes it really was the Thai guy's fault.  But ehh... The chances.  But they can learn from their past mistakes too.  Everyone is capable of learning, I think

[CharlieH]

1 hour ago, Chelseafan said:

Not if you want it done right. We've seen the cheap end of the spectrum and it aint pretty.

Also, we're getting married in a hotel so that aint cheap.

 

Still a lot cheaper than getting married in the UK and the bonus is that we are already in our honeymoon destination ????

 

 

Your money your choice /decision. Not something I did or would ever do, but I am not you.

Hope you have a great day and are happy together.

[Damrongsak]

I guess I had an informal wedding in addition to doing the official thing at the Amphur.  No monks, other than feeding some passing monks at 0 dark 30 in the morning.  Then there were odd things throughout the day, like putting a bowl of fruit and flowers by an ancestor's picture on the wall.  I kept asking if we we were married yet.  We finally fed and boozed about 100 people and they dropped us off at my house later in the evening.  They hooted and hollered and left, thank God. Maybe a $500 USD wedding with food and booze to spare.  Stuff was cheap 41 years ago.

[55Jay]

8 hours ago, Chelseafan said:

Not if you want it done right. We've seen the cheap end of the spectrum and it aint pretty.

Also, we're getting married in a hotel so that aint cheap.

 

Still a lot cheaper than getting married in the UK and the bonus is that we are already in our honeymoon destination ????

That's true, we just used the local camera guy, wasn't great but good enough.  Hope it all goes well, good luck to you guys. 

[PatOngo]

9 hours ago, Chelseafan said:

Hell yes. I'm on course for £14k all in including sinsot, rings, venue. Two of the biggest costs of the day are the videographer and flowers.

Is that all! ????

[Lamphen]

We got legally married at Laksi on the 5th of July this year and had a village wedding/celebration on the 11th of July.

Hence - I've not detected any change from the one to the other ????

The village wedding is just a show for family and friends (even though we had 9 munks chanting for an hour and half)

 

[Captain 776]

11 hours ago, 55Jay said:

I just spit my beer onto the keyboard.  Thanks. ????

Every week another guy that didnt get the Memo or read the brochure on the plane.

NEVER....go to HER village under any reason........ESPECIALLY to get married.  It u do, you become the sacrificial BUFF-A-RO

[Saltire]

We got married at a Bangkok amphoe a few weeks ago, having been together for 3 years. My wife liked the idea of legalizing our partnership and so did I, but she was not in the least interested in a village wedding. A waste of money, too much hassle and she was adamant it would surely end up with freeloading drunks fighting by the end of the night as the uninvited locals would guzzle as many free beers as they could. Also both being married before we don't feel the need for a big party.

 

Incidentally while we were at the amphoe doing the signing, the public office for marriages was dealing with just us and no Thai in sight, which I found weird, especially as the desk next to us 'divorced' 3 Thai couples whhile they dealt with us.

[55Jay]

Just now, Saltire said:

We got married at a Bangkok amphoe a few weeks ago, having been together for 3 years. My wife liked the idea of legalizing our partnership and so did I, but she was not in the least interested in a village wedding. A waste of money, too much hassle and she was adamant it would surely end up with freeloading drunks fighting by the end of the night as the uninvited locals would guzzle as many free beers as they could. Also both being married before we don't feel the need for a big party.

 

Incidentally while we were at the amphoe doing the signing, the public office for marriages was dealing with just us and no Thai in sight, which I found weird, especially as the desk next to us 'divorced' 3 Thai couples whhile they dealt with us.

Oh yeah, the dreaded village balloon chasers.

 

 

[GreasyFingers]

1 hour ago, Saltire said:

We got married at a Bangkok amphoe a few weeks ago, having been together for 3 years. My wife liked the idea of legalizing our partnership and so did I, but she was not in the least interested in a village wedding. A waste of money, too much hassle and she was adamant it would surely end up with freeloading drunks fighting by the end of the night as the uninvited locals would guzzle as many free beers as they could. Also both being married before we don't feel the need for a big party.

 

Incidentally while we were at the amphoe doing the signing, the public office for marriages was dealing with just us and no Thai in sight, which I found weird, especially as the desk next to us 'divorced' 3 Thai couples whhile they dealt with us.

We have only done the Amphoe marriage but am waiting for the wife to organize the village wedding so friends and relos can come over from home. But it is 6 months now and it has not been mentioned, maybe because I have educated her on the decline of the AUD/THB over that time and she does not want to spend the money. Otherwise she loves being legally married.

[dotpoom]

Can't see what difference it would make to a couple staying, or not staying together....Church wedding, Registry Office or Common Law...surely it's how compatable the couple are is the deciding factor?

[GreasyFingers]

2 minutes ago, dotpoom said:

Can't see what difference it would make to a couple staying, or not staying together....Church wedding, Registry Office or Common Law...surely it's how compatable the couple are is the deciding factor?

Yes, have tried them all in Oz, no difference, all difficult at times.

[khunPer]

15 hours ago, SenorJorge said:

How does your wife treat you?  Are they any different tha with registered marriages?  I was thinking since you can almost walk out at any time they may be a bit more docile.

 

What say you, tv?

The village marriage – I've however never seen monks, nor Buddha involved in those I've been attending as guest – has no legal status, but to my best knowledge for many, if not most, Thais the village marriage ceremony is more important than a piece of paper. It also makes more face, and that's why a village ceremony often is a must, papers or not.

 

From what I have experienced, there seem to be no difference in Thai partner's behavior between the paper marriage, and the paperless village marriage only. But there seem to be kind of preference for the village marriage only, as it's more easy if a relationship need to be finished, because finish then means finish here and now; and move on.

 

In a Thai village-girl relationship one often need to bear in mind that if someone more handsome and more rich, shows up, it might mean "you better move on"...

 

I have friends, both Thais and ???? (love that words for us foreigners????), that later wished they havn't signed a paper, making "move on" so complicated for several years...????

 

And in reply to those posts mentioning that you don't know if a partner has been married, if it's a village ceremony only; isn't it a question of honesty and trust, and what is the difference if we foreigners have had a long time "paperless" girlfriend, have we also been "married"?

 

In the eyes of Thai culture you are considered a married couple when you sleep together, ceremony or not, paperwork or not.

 

Me, I have never been married, but I had paperless girlfriends in my home country – also "long time" – and I didn't marry here either, but my lovely Thai girlfriend is considered my "wife", and called so among Thais. We both agree in that staying together is because we want to live together, not because of a piece of paper. My GF's family has also accepted our status, and never mentioned anything about sin sot-compensation; however they had some financial help anyway.

 

My GF have been village married before we met – one of those sad stories with a rape, and for nobody to loose face followed by a marriage ceremony and some compensation – her marriage lasted three month, before she walked out. If she havn't told me, I probably wouldn't know about it, as she was relative young (22) and had no child/children from previous relationship(s) when we met. And what had happened before wasn't really important, I also have a past life, and that was not important for her. What matters is that both are freed from previous relationships.

 

So for the question "how does your wife treat you?"

To my knowledge that is very individual, and got nothing to do with paperwork – a child, or children, might be much more important in keeping a relationship than the paperwork when breaking up and moving on – and compared with Thai-alien married friends, both paperwork and village only, my GF and I are doing fine. So are some of our friends, whilst others are doing little less fine, and some has split either in mutual comprise, or the hard way.

 

My paperless "wife" treats me like it's love – she admitted it started as a 50/50 business relationship, which I was fully aware of and accepted, i.e. being old-fashioned provider, and it turned into something else than business during the 15+ years we've been together – and as long as we can live together like that, it's Okay for me, papers or not...????