POTY Candidates Only Post Here

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

For me, as a teenager, it was when you “ finished “ before you got her tights off !!

and a 'selfie' was a solo affair that didn't require a camera .....

[scottiejohn]

1 minute ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

For me, as a teenager, it was when you “ finished “ before you got her tights off !!

And if you forgot to remove the tights first it was a toe curling experience for her and possible a bit limiting for him!

[bluesofa]

7 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

10 hours ago, canuckamuck said:

1955 internet protocol

 Is that a pre 1969 technical term for "Snail Mail"?

Oh, I thought the 1955 referred to email that arrived just before 8pm?

[scottiejohn]

5 minutes ago, bluesofa said:

Oh, I thought the 1955 referred to email that arrived just before 8pm?

Or is it the time the local lady of the oldest profession calls to make an appointment.

[geronimo]

Ever woke up in the morning and though to yourself “It’s gonna be a great day?”

 

Well, I did the other day, and here’s how my day went …..

I actually awoke an hour later than normal, but my good old body clock was right on time, and ready for the morning dump. Bathroom isn’t free, not to worry, I’ll busy myself with some cleaning. 20 minutes later and I am ready to burst. Turns out my son is in the bathroom and he’s wearing my Bluetooth headphones while he sits and ponders life.

By this time I’m doing a unique Irish jig, and my dog has an expression on his face that I haven’t seen before, and just as I was contemplating digging a hole in the garden, son emerges from the bathroom. Aaaah Heaven!!!

 

I emerge from the bathroom a kilo lighter and in much better spirits, only to find my dentures are not in the glass by the bed. My search soon revealed a crushed set of teeth, probably thanks to the dog, who must’ve thought it was a new toy.

 

Oh well, who needs teeth anyway, they’re very overrated, and I refused to let such a minor thing get me down, and I even forgave my dog, who had a guilty look on his face telling me he chomped on my chompers.

 

Time to walk the dogs, and we get ready for the usual routine; I slide the front gate open and they tear off like a couple of possessed greyhounds, only this morning there happened to be a vendor riding past on her pushbike. Not sure what she was selling, I think I saw some cakes flying through the air as my boy crashed into her, sending the poor woman and my dog flying through the air. She got up and after a quick limb check, she smiled and began to clear up the debris. The dogs mistakenly thought she was a dog catcher and both disappeared as fast as their legs would carry them, and after helping her to retrieve all her stuff, she mounted her bike, and when I asked if she wanted financial compensation, she smiled and told me she would never ask a man with no teeth for money.

 

I’ve been awake for just over an hour and already had more drama that would normally occur in a week, and if I thought that was the end of it, I was to be sorely mistaken.

When I arrived at the piece of waste ground where my dogs do their business, I find the girl rolling in doggie poop, while the boy is nowhere to be seen. A yelp and a scream soon alerted me to his whereabouts, in a neighbour’s garden chasing her cat!

 

The cat was fine, they always are, but in his efforts to catch the feline, my Labrador had destroyed her collection of garden gnomes. After some serious groveling and apologies, I managed to coax Chokky out of her garden, and we went to finish our little walk. Time to return home and despite my attempts to get ahead, the girl, Lucky, goes straight into the living room and rolls around on the sofa, spreading the poo in every direction.

 

I duly drag the dog outside and showered her 4 times, then cleaned up the mess in the lounge (as best I could), then turned on the TV to see a “no-signal” message. By this time, I’m starting to think that the gods have conspired against me, and after checking that it wasn’t Friday the 13^th, I decide to take a long shower.

 

I like to really lather myself up when showering, and just as I finished doing that, the water stops running abruptly, leaving me looking like a snowman. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to remove soap without water, but take it from me, it cannot be done, and after using 5 towels, I was finally dry, and smelling sweet I might add.

 

My latent positivity told me that I was having a whole year’s bad fortune in one go, and I reasoned that this little series of misfortunes was not going to get me down.

Any thoughts I might have had that this was going to be a great day were shattered when I dropped a jar of coffee on the kitchen floor, and the dogs thought this was a new game and began to roll around in the brown mess I’d created. I used the 5 soap covered towels the clean up the mess, which turned out to be a great way to make the coffee bubble, while turning the floor into an ice rink!

 

I decided to treat myself to a glass of fresh orange juice, and to my surprise, the fridge light didn’t come on when I opened the door, probably due to the fact that someone had unplugged it. At this point, I thought about going back to bed and starting again, after all, it could never be as bad as this, could it?

 

I did have a brainwave, which consisted of me sitting in a chair and not touching anything for the rest of the day, but in the end I decided to continue my day like nothing happened.

The TV remote was nowhere to be seen, and while searching for it, I found a few pieces of my dentures, damning evidence indeed, as they were right where my dog sleeps. I thought about booting up my computer, but decided against it, fearing the dreaded blue screen, or worse, no power, and besides, the world can wait, at least until my life calms down.

 

I began to search for the car keys, not expecting to find them, so it was no surprise that my search yielded nothing but more bits of my teeth.

At this point, my other half gets up and wants to know why the bathroom has been coated in soap, and remarked on the brown mess in the kitchen, I simply smiled and said it was “one of those days”.

 

The afternoon …….

The car keys magically turned up, so I decided to risk a trip out on the roads ……

I mean, what could go wrong?

I knew the old girl was low on fuel and to my amazement the engine cut out just as I rolled into the LPG station, how perfect was that? Except the pump station was closed!

 

I duly waited an hour and sure enough the pump attendants arrived, so I told the girl to fill her up, which she did. I then realised I left my wallet at home!

Being a regular customer and fluent in Thai allowed me to drive away on the promise of returning later to pay my bill, which I did, of course.

 

The ATM

These hole in the wall cash dispensers don’t normally mess with me. I normally get exactly what I want and have never had an issue, in fact, I tell everyone I know, next birthday, I’d like an ATM if possible.

Armed with my wallet, I proceeded to do a little shopping in my local 7-11 and when confronted with the checkout, I naturally chose the till with only one person in front of me. Sod’s law was at work here, as the elderly woman in front of me produced a fistful of utility bills. It matters not which line I get in, I always seem to get the one with a heap of bills. It matters not which line I get in, I always seem to get the one with a heap of bills.

 

Finally on my way home, I reasoned with myself that this is all in my head, and that in fact, it was purely down to coincidence that my day was one catastrophe after another, when I suddenly realised that I had a rear tyre problem. Turned out that my brand new tyre just happened to make contact with a nail, and was now hissing like an angry King Cobra!.

 

I’m well-versed with changing a wheel on the car and get to work, only stopping when I couldn’t find the jack! Turned out my son used it to jack up the back wheel of his Yamaha R3, to lubricate the chain. I actually laughed out loud at this point, looking up at the sky and shaking my head. God knows why I did that, I mean I am not a believer of any religion, and there’s certainly not an old bearded man looking down on me, yet I do know that my own consciousness can affect physical outcomes, however, I think nothing but good thoughts, so that can’t be the reason for having a lifetime’s worth of bad luck in a single day.

Son brings jack, wheel gets changed and I arrive at home, wondering what catastrophes have occurred in the short time I’d been away, but, to my surprise, all is well. Dogs laying on the porch, and everything was where I left it.

 

It is now close to midday, yet it feels like a whole week has passed since I awoke that morning.

Time for some work, so I set up my laptop and boot her up on the porch, which doubles as my office.

I take a dip in my pool while Windows does its stuff, and realise that I am the luckiest person on the planet, as I suspend myself in cool water and survey my idyllic surroundings, and what’s more, I get paid to be here!

 

I open the email that tells me that I’ve been chosen by the son of a deposed Nigerian prince to receive $50 million into my account, half of which I must send to him. Overcome with joy at my sudden riches, I promptly delete the mail. I have a mental image of every single person in Nigeria sitting in front of a computer, sending out these scams to people around the world, yet they won’t get me, I’m far too old in the tooth to fall prey to such nonsense!

 

I sat in my office until the sun went down and am happy to report that the rest of the day was uneventful, aside from winning 4,000 baht on the lottery, that is.

The following day, things returned to normal, and I am a little smug, cos I got a decade of bad fortune in one day, and can look forward to blue skies and easy living.

 

 

 

[NCC1701A]

I would like to thank Colinneil for nominating me for POTY. And what better endorsement than that of the current POTY? 

 

Colinneil understands the special qualities required to be POTY and obviously he has recognized these same qualities in me.

 

NCC1701A says "A chicken in every pot and free Viagra and condoms for all". Of course paid for with your tax dollars.

 

[geronimo]

2 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

I would like to thank Colinneil for nominating me for POTY. And what better endorsement than that of the current POTY? 

 

Colinneil understands the special qualities required to be POTY and obviously he has recognized these same qualities in me.

 

NCC1701A says "A chicken in every pot and free Viagra and condoms for all". Of course paid for with your tax dollars.

 

It had nothing to do with that thick envelope then?

[villagefarang]

On this Thanksgiving Day I wish to express my appreciation to all those who contribute to this forum and especially to those who comment on my posts.  Your encouragement is greatly appreciated.????

 

[geronimo]

19 minutes ago, villagefarang said:

On this Thanksgiving Day I wish to express my appreciation to all those who contribute to this forum and especially to those who comment on my posts.  Your encouragement is greatly appreciated.????

 

You wouldn't happen to know the GPS co-ordinates of your house by any chance?

[NCC1701A]

"I'm sorry Ling I have to go. I am going to be the POTY and I have to prepare my speech."

   

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, NCC1701A said:

"I'm sorry Ling I have to go. I am going to be the POTY and I have to prepare my speech."

   

A quote from Mr. Connery .... "I like women. I don't understand them, but I like them."
 

[geronimo]

I dabble in a bit of poetry ........

 

War  

 

It’s been around

Since time began

Tribe against tribe

Clan versus clan

 

There seems to be

An inherent need

To steal and covet

Another one’s feed

 

Weapons of war

Have changed with means

From sticks and stones

To M -16’s

 

Rockets and missiles

Guided with care

Oh woe is you

If you’re in the crosshair

 

War is so final

So brutal and loud

The victors stand tall

Valiant and proud

 

Medals for valour

Pinned to their chest

It adds to the weight

Of the bullet proof vest

 

War can be local

A skirmish, A probe

Or a massive encounter

That covers the globe

 

A soldier’s lot

Is fraught with danger

Bullets whizz by

While you kill a stranger

 

 

 

The enemy is one

That must die at all cost

It doesn’t matter

How many lives are lost

 

For we are all expendable

For the overall cause

Oh when will we learn

To stop all the wars

 

A captain shouts “Over”

Above the stench

As hundreds emerge

From the front line trench

 

The brave lads advance

With bayonets fixed

And fight with the enemy

Their blood intermixed

 

 

 

Could it be possible?

That we stop all this madness

And replace with joy

The inherent sadness

 

Of brave young men

Cut down in their prime

With so much to live for

Gone before their time

 

We’ve made some progress

With diplomatic relations

The world’s police

The United Nations

 

Will intervene

And stop the slaughter

And maybe they’ll save

A son or a daughter

 

 

 

Politicians are involved

I’m sorry to say

Without their input

We’d be well on our way

 

To a peaceful world

With no more killing

That leaves our soldiers

Only practice and drilling

 

Will I ever see

This day come along

I very much doubt it

But I hope I’m wrong

[scottiejohn]

3 hours ago, geronimo said:

and a 'selfie' was a solo affair that didn't require a camera .....

Very much a hands on experience which works even better if you sit on your hand till it goes numb and then...…………………...

[sipi]

5 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

 

Dear Forum members:

 

Before I get started, I would like to express my everlasting gratitude to Sipi for nominating me for POTY - and then promptly throwing his support to another candidate. Misspelling my forum name as Gecho when nominating me was a nice touch as well. His kindness, thoughtfulness, and attention to detail will not soon be forgotten. Drive safely out there, buddy.

 

I have compiled the following list of what I consider to be my funniest posts of the past year. I have done this because these posts are generally shorter and more easily reviewed by others, even though I am proudest of my more thoughtful and insightful posts. I have included a couple of these at the bottom for review.

 

I am happy for the opportunity to present my best posts for consideration. I think that the POTY contest should be used to encourage thoughtful, insightful, helpful, humorous and well-written posts which help build a sense of community. Thank you for your consideration.

 

 

My funniest posts of 2019

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1134315-back-to-jail-you-go-pattaya-ladyboys-robbing-tourists-again-after-just-one-weeks-release/?do=findComment&comment=14772255

 

So when a kathoey with high blood sugar applies for a secretarial job, and the interviewer says 'tell me a little bit about yourself' does she say:

 

"We-l-l-l-l-l-l, I'm a type two lady with type two diabetes and I can type too!"

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1112177-miss-thailand-world-pageant-farmers’-daughters-every-one/?do=findComment&comment=14356259

---

Successfully warding off unwanted sexual advances from creepy older foreign men?

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1132929-keep-the-calls-coming-swiss-alien-arrested-on-1539-day-overstay/?do=findComment&comment=14746367

The cop in the middle really ought to audition for the Bangkok City Ballet.

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1135794-thai economy-thais-staying-home-and-not-going-out-to-eat/?do=findComment&comment=14801429

 

Could this help explain why there are so many brake failure related automobile accidents in Thailand?

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1135794-thai economy-thais-staying-home-and-not-going-out-to-eat/?do=findComment&comment=14802174

 

My cat disappeared several weeks ago. Figured maybe a snake or a dog got him, but now I'm starting to wonder if a hunter-gatherer might not have been behind his disappearance.

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1134168-which-thai-provinces-are-the-cheapest/?do=findComment&comment=14775226

---

Excuse the hell out of me for assuming you'd be camping.

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1133296-is-this-the-death-knell-for-the-cheap-charlies-in-thailand/?do=findComment&comment=14753204

 

Feigning poverty is not a bad strategy for acceptance in rural Thailand. You're perceived as more humble, more approachable, and you're less likely to trigger class resentment, or get hit up for a loan. Please don't look down on Cheap Charlies; some of us are just faking it.

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1117734-anybody-bored-in-thailand/?do=findComment&comment=14465867

Bored in Thailand? Surely you jest. I feel like I need to be on DEFCON 4 alert here on a round-the-clock basis just to survive. As much as it might provide a welcome respite, boredom just isn't a luxury I feel I can afford.

 

If my head's not swiveling around to avoid getting mowed down in a pedestrian crosswalk, or my neck's not craning to see the scale at the open air market to make sure I'm not being overcharged, or I'm not examining a possible purchase for half an hour to make sure defective merchandise isn't being pawned off on me, or I'm not poking around in my bowl of baa mii to make sure the pork's not raw, or double-checking with the dentist to make sure that a root canal's being done on the right tooth, or trying to figure out why the lights in my house are glowing at night, or where that nok-nok-nok-nok sound in the middle of the night is coming from, I'm wondering when the municipal water or the electricity is going to come back on, or worrying whether the blood work lab results from the local government hospital can be relied upon. In my spare time, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out what's going to happen after the stock market crashes: inflation or deflation? As if that weren't enough, snakes, hornets, and soi dogs help keep me on my toes as well.

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1116402-thai-wife-wont-let-me-hold-our-newborn/?do=findComment&comment=14436727

---

She said he couldn't hold the baby. She didn't say he couldn't see the baby.

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1114720-language-teacher-stabbed-to-death-in-pattaya/?do=findComment&comment=14407186

 

You tell me I learn English in one hour.

•  

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1112421-video-bus-and-taxi-drivers-fight-for-tourists-in-pattaya/?do=findComment&comment=14360531

 

Let me know when the bar girls start fighting over customers. That might pique my interest

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1109488-why-thai-people-always-smile/?do=findComment&comment=14339077

 

Yinn said African elephant look serious and Thai elephant look happy, but Gecko123 thinks black people and Thai people have a lot in common. Please kindly consider my thoughts on this matter.

 

Thai people love fun music

Black people love fun music too! They love loud bass music just like Thai people. I think Thai people love rap music too. Did you know the drum first came from Africa, and black people invented rap music? Black people and Thai people are both very uninhibited when they dance. Black people love to 'get down' and 'shake their booty' just like Thai people.

 

Thai people love funny comedian and have many funny people

OMG! Black people love the funny comedian. Black comedians are some of the best comedians in the world. For sure!!! No question!!! Only white guy funnier than black comedian is Larry David, but maybe that's because he have some black blood in him. Not sure about that, but he does have pretty curly hair.

 

Thai people like to joke together

Black people love to joke around together. They love to make fun of other people too, but only if it is funny. Black people know if you make fun of somebody and it's not funny, maybe somebody going to get hurt, so everybody work very, very hard to make sure every joke is as funny as possible.

 

Thai people love delicious food

Black people love fried chicken and watermelon just like Thai people. They love so much, sometimes they have contest to see who can eat the most fried chicken or watermelon. Black people love spicy food same as Thai people too. When Thai people drink name brand soda, they happy. When Thai people drink generic brand soda, they happy, too. Black people think same way about soda as Thai people.

 

Thai people like nice weather

Black people love nice weather, but don't like to sit in the sun. Thai people think same way for sure. Black people agree with Thai people sitting in sun just for fun is crazy.

 

Thai people like to party and have fun

Black people like to party and have fun too. They love to get together, eat food, drink some beer, listen to music, maybe jump in the pool.

 

So this is why I think Thai and black people have a lot in common, and should make an effort to get to know one another better. Maybe after they get to know one another better, they will smile more than ever!

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1110195-‘drunk’-foreign-tourists-filmed-riding-on-the-roof-of-chiang-mai-songthaew/?do=findComment&comment=14317433

 

Too much snitchy-snitch not so good for Chiang Mai image either.

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1107547-video-aussie-man-rages-after-being-arrested-by-police-in-pattaya/?do=findComment&comment=14265964

 

He give guys with a big head, big belly, and big feet a bad name.

Very upsetting to me.

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1107547-video-aussie-man-rages-after-being-arrested-by-police-in-pattaya/?do=findComment&comment=14266115

 

On behalf of the big-headed, big-bellied, and big-footed community, we wish to express our disappointment over this individual's behavior, and offer our sincere apologies to the Pattaya police department.

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1105034-video-large-police-and-army-contingent-inspect-walking-street-no-prostitution-found/?do=findComment&comment=14220670

 

I know just how the cops must have felt. Prostitutes run and hide when they see me coming too.

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1104556-patong-taxi-tuk-tuk-drivers-asked-to-stop-cheating-beating-tourists/?do=findComment&comment=14213655

 

Tuk-Tuk Driver Day

Sponsored by Patong Police Dept

Marriott Hotel - Patong Beach

Day Two Seminars

 

Morning program:

(9:00 AM - noon)

 

Sala 1: market pricing vs extortion: do you know the difference?

Sala 2: veiled threats: achieving desired outcomes without resorting to violence

Sala 3: lao khao, anger management, and driving: a dangerous cocktail?  

Sala 4: (special late addition to program):

armed robbery and rape aren't part of the job description either, OK, fellas?

 

Afternoon program:

(1:00 PM - 3:30 PM)

 

Ballroom 1: Screening of 'Taxi Driver' movie, followed by audience and panel discussion about taxi driver etiquette and relationship building with passengers.

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1099363-video-caught-in-the-act-foreigners-stealing-thai-jobs-on-samui-say-operators/?do=findComment&comment=14122070

 

Hey, listen up you me! Too many farang steal work from hard working Thai funny man too! Sure, me understand: everybody think next Jackie Gleason, but this serious problem. Have family to feed, OK, mister? Need work permit to tell joke in Thailand, understand? Not forget, OK? Pinky promise? Remember: foreigner make people laugh Thailand, breakup Thai law!  Khob khun, krup. Swastika, krup.

 

With respect,

Kohtee

 

P.S. Sorry, I mean swasdee krup.

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1095678-after-the-purge-is-complete-will-cm-be-better-or-worse-for-those-retirees-who-remain/?do=findComment&comment=14053191

 

Things will be so much better!!!

 

We'll no longer need to jump off the sidewalk at the approach of these ginormous, lumbering, Shrek-like, junk food subsisting creatures. We'll no longer need to carry handkerchiefs and bottles of menthol nose spray to mask the stench emanating from their unwashed armpits and crotches. Once this underclass has been purged from our midst, social relations between foreigners will dramatically improve because our confidence will be restored that those select few foreigners who remain will at least have met these higher minimum qualifications to be here.

 

I can hardly contain myself at the thought of all the condos which will be going on the market after the exodus happens. I'm planning on making a killing picking up these properties at fire sale prices!

 

And what about all these Thai women who were hooked up with these Cheap Charlies? They'll probably be looking for a new sugar daddy to latch onto, won't they? Let the Hunger Games begin! Ladies, I'm available! With all my money, I might even be able to have my very own harem!

 

Sure, there may be one or two skint friends who I'm probably going to miss, but other than that, all I see is upside, upside, and more upside! And to those people who worry about how those people who get deported will fare when they return home I say, don't you worry your pretty little head, they'll be just fine.

 

 

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1095523-foreign-tourists-told-stop-messing-up-our-beautiful-nature-trail/?do=findComment&comment=14051159

 

Gecko 123

was here

4/17/19

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1092565-embarrassing-moments-with-the-wife-when-traveling-to-europe/?do=findComment&comment=13994238

 

Can't imagine why airport security would get all excited about a rice cooker in someone's carry-on luggage.

 

 

 

My two best posts of 2019:

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1109488-why-thai-people-always-smile/?do=findComment&comment=14306238

 

It is a vestige of hunter-gather society from a time when the central government was unable to project police and judicial authority into remote areas, thus putting conflict avoidance and resolution skills at a premium. Smiling, the 'mai pen rai' philosopy, and not meddling in your neighbor's affairs are plain and simply interpersonal behaviors to avoid being killed or wounded in areas where a police presence or judicial system was not immediately available or dependable. The Thai smile mainly signifies that you are a non-threat. It has nothing to do with Buddhism, elevated seratonin levels, or a cultural tendency towards extrovert behavior.

 

The Thai smile only rarely signals a genuine interest or opennesss to exploring a more lasting or deeper friendship. Most Thais' social circles are insular built around family, relationships forged early in life in small villages and towns, and to a much lesser degree - as urbanization and industrialization has increased - around relationships forged at school or in the work place. Interest in meeting new people to learn about the world or explore different cultures, in my opinion, is fairly limited. In the past, the Thai smile towards foreigners was primarily driven by the novelty of their foreignness and because they were seen as potential opportunities for financial gain. As foreigner's novelty and reputation for presenting opportunities for financial gain has gradually faded, the Thai smile towards foreigners too has faded.

 

I'm sure there are some who will quickly dismiss the above comments as overly-cynical and not applicable to the urbane, well-educated, middle to upper class Thais in their social circles. In defense of my claim that the Thai smile is a vestige of a hunter-gather conflict avoidance skill set, I would point to how Thais behave when the likelihood of immediate retribution for anti-social behavior is reduced or removed from the equation. For example, consider rates of aggressive driving, road rage, hit-and-run driving, on-line bullying and scams, gang activity, stealth property crimes and personal attacks, homicide rates, even anonymous reporting to police, where the chances of retribution are perceived as having been minimized. All these 'just-below-the-surface' social issues belie claims that Thais are just naturally 'happy-go-lucky' affable people.

 

Thais are not exempt from the human condition. They know it, and the sooner you figure it out, the better off you'll be.

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1130287-how-to-live-with-isaan-wife-in-respect-of-culture/?do=findComment&comment=14715943

A foreigner moving into a small village is actually in a pretty vulnerable position. Many people don't realize this, but there is often next to no inbound migration into many small towns and villages. It's all outbound migration driven by urbanization and the search for employment and educational opportunities. For example, in the small village I have lived in for 16 years, I can't think of a single adult individual who has relocated here except for a tiny handful of people who maybe grew up here, and maybe returned to the village after they stopped working, but even cases like these are few and far between. As a result, everyone who lives there has a lifelong relationship with everybody else, while the newly arrived foreigner doesn't know a single person. You have no idea who is related to whom, who is friends with who, who you can confide in, who is trustworthy, who you should steer away from. Even if there happens to be other foreigners in the vicinity, all of them are married to Thai women who are almost always the foreigner's main confidant. In other words, anything you tell to a foreigner is likely to be repeated immediately to his wife, and God only knows who she in turn might repeat it to. Before you know it everyone in town knows your personal business. And by the way, it won't be long before everybody knows your personal business. It's just the nature of the beast.

 

The initial euphoria of moving to a new village does dissipate, sometimes surprisingly rapidly. The excited tittering and finger pointing of kindergarteners when they spot your approach does not last forever. Prices in the grocery store you frequent can suddenly increase raising suspicions that you might be being overcharged. Unkind remarks can make their way back to you. Yes, there is a peaceful rhythm to rural life which can be appealing. But it's important to recognize going in that there are some harsh realities as well, not the least of which is poverty and the vicissitudes of farm life. It is not a 'Andy of Mayberry' or 'Farmer in the Dell' existence, and trying to romanticize life in rural Thailand, in my opinion, is a mistake.

 

The biggest thing I want the OP to know is that in the girlfriend/new wife's home village you are extremely vulnerable to being manipulated. You have virtually no way to independently verify what you are being told is going on around you. "People are laughing at my parents because you haven't married me yet. My parents lose a lot of face because sin sot so low. People say you are just use me, screw me, have no intention marry me. People don't think you have any money. They say you Cheap Charlie. Laugh at me. People ask why Thai lady with farang husband only ride around on a Honda Wave. People say other farang with Thai wife drive Fortuner SUV.'

 

If a prospective wife with ulterior motives thinks that a huge windfall is right around the corner, feigning a love interest for a few years is a small investment in time. Just think about what you might do if you earned 10K a month and thought that if you played your cards right, you might soon be reaping millions of baht in property? And that not only goes for the extended family anticipating ripple benefits, but it can even extend to the wider village. The wife has the power to keep everyone in town, especially shopkeepers and vendors, in line because they know she controls the purse strings, or at least has influence over where Mr Money Bags spends money. So it's not that difficult to orchestrate an ever-smiling, ever-good-natured welcoming committee if the incentives are there. Without any language skills, your ability to pick up on much of this is going to be severely impaired: for all practical purposes you are going to be like Jake Sully on Pandora.

 

The truth is that in the vast majority of cases, the foreign guy's only source of information about his girlfriend is his girlfriend. Nine times out of ten, the guy knows next to nothing about her background or history, whether it be medical, educational, employment, marital, sexual, credit (debts), or criminal, or her reputation in the village. No one is going to pull a foreign guy aside and give him a heads up about his love interest's sordid past. They're way too fearful that you'll only turn around and snitch on them back to her. After you break up with her and leave town, they'll have to contend with her wrath forever, so why take the risk? I would pay very close attention to how well the girlfriend is liked and respected in the village and be alert for any clues that she isn't well liked or respected. I would also pay attention to who the girlfriend is friends with in town and whether you think they are likeable and solid individuals. Do her friends seem wholesome with well-cared for kids, or do they seem a little shady with neglected kids? I would also try to make a family tree diagram to find out exactly who is in the extended family, find out who and where all the siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles are, and try and meet them to get a better feel for the family. You could learn a lot from that exercise.

 

The OP said a few pages back 'I've known this girl for 3 1/2 years, isn't that enough?' My answer would be: 'Maybe yes, maybe no.' Have you been living with her this whole time, or has it been a long distance relationship, characterized by long giggly Skype sessions where nothing really gets said because of the language barrier? Were your visits to see her periodic honeymoon-type trips to island destinations where you've been staying in top-end hotels and eating in fancy restaurants? Is there a big age difference between you and her? To what extent have you given this girl the idea that you: (a) have a lot of money, (b) are willing to pay a large sin sot, or (c) have expressed a willingness to spend money on land, real estate, farm equipment, personal autos, or give her a generous personal allowance after you marry? I expect the OP isn't particularly eager to share candid answers to these prying questions, which I totally understand, but if the answer to any of these questions is affirmative, you may have put yourself at risk of being duped despite the length of time you say you have already been together.

 

It used to be that out in the boonies you could sashay down to the local school and get hired on the spot as an English teacher. Teaching was an excellent way to make inroads into and gain status in the community. I taught for years in my village, mostly on a part time basis, but these days, with all the immigration crackdowns, I'm scared to even set foot on the school grounds out of fear of getting deported, and I routinely turn down requests for private tutoring for similar reasons. Teaching used to be a good way to become known and build goodwill in the village, but that avenue really isn't open to foreigners anymore, unless you manage to get a work permit, which few schools are willing to help you apply for. Which means that informal opportunites to earn income are pretty limited in rural Thailand, unless of course you're talking about some digital nomad option.

 

While I actually like the slow pace of village life, and have rarely suffered boredom in 16 years here, there are limits in terms of activities here.  I have managed to piece together a fairly satisfying patchwork of activities like bicycle riding, gardening, language study, Thai cooking, etc. Mental stimulation can come from e-books, the internet, Netflix, cable TV, travel, but there are limits to this. You can also learn to raise fighting roosters, how to build a chicken coop, forage for edibles, how to make charcoal, rebuild a tractor engine, birdwatch, play with your pets, become an expert on Thai botany. Are you starting to understand what I meant when I said there are limits in the mental stimulation department?

 

While we're on the subject of learning languages, I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've never known a single foreigner to move to a small village and pick up the language from a cold start. It just doesn't happen. If the OP thinks a small village is going to provide him with a "total immersion" language study environment, that's not really how it works. Few villagers have either the time, patience or teaching skill to help a novice language student learn the basics of the alphabet, pronunciation rules or grammar. Villagers in remote areas often talk in very rustic vernacular and incorporate regional dialects into their speech which can be quite confusing to a novice student, and study resources geared to a non-native student won't be of much use as a platform for a Thai villager trying to teach the language. Put simply, the thought of a foreigner moving to a remote village with zero Thai language skills, sends a shiver of concern up my spine. Someone wants to give it a shot, so be it, but I personally think the risks of social isolation, and concomitant risks of alcoholism and depression should be carefully considered before taking the leap.

 

https://forum.thaivisa.com/topic/1117124-how-many-are-“stuck”-here-with-no-way-out/?do=findComment&comment=14452976

 

To the extent that "stuck" means taking a drastic hit to your standard or cost of living if you relocate, I think it's time to admit that almost all of us are "stuck" here to one extent or another. If you think that doesn't apply to you, my question would be whether you have crunched the numbers yet or not.

 

Repatriation requires a tremendous amount of pre-planning. Your expenses change as you get older, and items which were negligible expenses when you left might be huge when you are considering repatriation, i.e., out-of-pocket medical premiums and expenses, long-term care. God bless you if you had the foresight and means to hold onto a house back home during your stay in Thailand, but very few are in that lucky situation.

 

My strategy for repatriation is to delay retirement benefits until 70, conserve cost of living expenses between now and then while I remain in Thailand, and pay maximum attention to my health so that future health care costs stay manageable. Have also inventoried possessions and determined that around age 70 there will be a "sweet spot" in terms of depreciation and use value where the amount of stuff I will need to lug back home will be minimal, thus saving on shipping costs. I am trying to make the best use of my remaining time in Thailand by doing vegetable gardening, exercising regularly, and eating a super-healthy low-fat, low-sodium diet.

 

So, no, I do not feel trapped here, but like escaping from Alcatraz, leaving Thailand does require a lot of planning.

 

 

 

 Gecko my old mate. Where you been? Please forgive my transgressions. I have the memory of a gecko.

Gecko for POTY.

Then Villagefarang, then the Scottish chap, then NCT38764308, and Yinn and Sipi a tie for last place.

[Andrew Dwyer]

My manifesto:

 

If I win POTY (????) I will NOT do away with 90 day reports or TM30 or mandatory health insurance. I will NOT improve the traffic situation or reduce the amount of MSG used in Thai cooking. I will definitely NOT remove dual pricing for National parks or hospitals or any tourist attractions.Nor will improve interest rates or reduce the price of cheese !!

 

Will i improve the standard of living of expats in LOS ??

Not one iota !!

 

Will i change my TVF status to include POTY winner 2019 ??  .........probably !!

 

Will I unceremoniously mention that I won POTY 2019 in every post I make ?? ................

...................................definitely !!

 

Should you vote for me ??.......... it wouldn’t do any harm, but probably wouldn’t do any good either !!

 

If you vote for the Lib Dems and don’t care that they don’t win the election ?? ...............

.................then I’m your man !!

 

Would I vote for me , if I wasn’t me (????)......

......................duh !!, not on your life !!

 

Remember a vote for Dwyer is better than receiving a colonoscopy !!......but only slightly better !!

 

 

EDIT: 

I think I could have possibly just ousted Sipi for last place !!

Edited November 28, 2019 by Andrew Dwyer

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

My manifesto:

 

If I win POTY (????) I will NOT do away with 90 day reports or TM30 or mandatory health insurance. I will NOT improve the traffic situation or reduce the amount of MSG used in Thai cooking. I will definitely NOT remove dual pricing for National parks or hospitals or any tourist attractions.Nor will improve interest rates or reduce the price of cheese !!

 

Will i improve the standard of living of expats in LOS ??

Not one iota !!

 

Will i change my TVF status to include POTY winner 2019 ??  .........probably !!

 

Will I unceremoniously mention that I won POTY 2019 in every post I make ?? ................

...................................definitely !!

 

Should you vote for me ??.......... it wouldn’t do any harm, but probably wouldn’t do any good either !!

 

If you vote for the Lib Dems and don’t care that they don’t win the election ?? ...............

.................then I’m your man !!

 

Would I vote for me , if I wasn’t me (????)......

......................duh !!, not on your life !!

 

Remember a vote for Dwyer is better than receiving a colonoscopy !!......but only slightly better !!

Honesty is sometimes the best policy .....

[poohy]

This song words still ring true today as much as they did back the then

Thats my motto Just listen!

 

[scottiejohn]

56 minutes ago, geronimo said:

Honesty is sometimes the best policy .....

In this contest! 

That must be the biggest lie ever, even most politicians couldn't beat that one.

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

I think I could have possibly just ousted Sipi for last place !!

Don't be too sure, I'm still around!

Beam me up Scottie - for POTY

[geronimo]

2 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

Don't be too sure, I'm still around!

Beam me up Scottie - for POTY

The voting has not yet begun gentlemen ......

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Remember a vote for Dwyer is better than receiving a colonoscopy !!......but only slightly better !!

I am not saying you are talking out of a place where the Sun does not shine but (pun intended) I would like sight of this evidence.
(Oops on second thoughts maybe I should rephrase that.)  
Do you have any subject matter to substantiate that claim?
(No tht's no good either)!  Could you go into more detail please?
(note to self;  I think that sounds better and should wipe the smiles off some faces!) (check spelling of faeces.) or you may be accused of talking cr*p)

[Andrew Dwyer]

3 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

I am not saying you are talking out of a place where the Sun does not shine but (pun intended) I would like sight of this evidence.
(Oops on second thoughts maybe I should rephrase that.)  
Do you have any subject matter to substantiate that claim?
(No tht's no good either)!  Could you go into more detail please?
(note to self;  I think that sounds better and should wipe the smiles off some faces!) (check spelling of faeces.) or you may be accused of talking cr*p)

Going only slightly off topic here ????

But I did have a colonoscopy about 10 years ago and slept through it ( with the help of medication of course).

 

The worse part about it was the “ cleaning “ process beforehand !!

 

Some posters are already saying POTY candidates talk khrap anyway ????

[scottiejohn]

19 minutes ago, geronimo said:

The voting has not yet begun gentlemen ......

Maybe but It is never too early to get your name in frame!

[baboon]

On 11/27/2019 at 10:54 AM, Yinn said:

 

Vote Winn for Yinn

When win will Make Thailand Great Again

 

- Yinn will build a big, beautiful wall. Keep out wife family, Chinese zero baht, Indian 4 straw one coke, and Russia tourists.

- All Tvf members not require to do TM 30 ever. Just report to Udon Joe.

- 90 day report replace with 90 year TVF visa. FREE

- Free entrance to national park, tourist place. 

- TVF crypto currency. 75 baht to dollar/euro/ pound.

- Police VIP escort to clear the road so no accident/danger.

- Fast track airport service. Red carpet.

- 30 baht healthcare for all Tvf member.

- 50% discount wine and beer, liquor 

- Stop using farang word. New word for Caucasian will now be “Sir”. Guava will also be Sirfruit

- All taxi/tuk tuk to be installation with special TVF “slow meter.”

-  Can buy land in TVF member own name at Land Office.

- All electric cables go underground. 

- 30 baht per month electric bill maximum.

- Special complain phone number 24 hour per day.

- All taxi driver, shop worker, restaurant worker, maid etc speak English.

- All the wife land, house and money, the TVF husband official owner.

- Thai wife pay sinsod to TVF member family. Per kilogram

- Thai man will be training to respect the TVF member. When meet, the Thai man will wai, then salute, then bow.

- Thai people can not play the phone if TVF member near.

- If TAT lie, must go jail.

- No more big loud music speaker. Music must turn off after 7pm and play the TVF music only.

- Free room upgrade.

- TVF lounge at airport.

- No water spray at TVF member when Songkran 

 

- Special VIP seat on BTS

- Red Bull guy. Lock him up!

- TVF member can vote in election and get the vote buying cash.

- Will teach the soi dog not bark

- Will teach the rooster wake up 10am

- TVF moderators get the pay increase! Big one. 

- I not delete the email

- All fighting foreigner vs thai must be one person only.

- Clean the rubbish!

- Free worm for TVF member.

 

Vote Win for Yinn. 
Only Yinn listen to the people. Yinn care. Not trust the other one.

* I think it most problem already, but if forget something, ask me. Can promise everything.

 

Make Thailand Great Again. 
Vote Win for Yinn!
Enjoy your stay.
 

 

[Yinn]

10 hours ago, baboon said:

 

Good morning Baboon. 

 

have important update. 

 

My my team will be help Charlie counting the vote Election Day.

Traditional way.

 

 

 

Thai election 2019 results update: Soldiers take over ballot count as results DELAYED

 

https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/1105992/Thai-election-2019-results-update-Thailand-president-delay-ballot-count-corruption-claims

[geronimo]

A poem that is relevant to us all ....

 

Getting old

 

A serious thing,

in a serious way

your body is in

a state of decay

 

You cannot escape

the ultimate end

as something breaks down

that you cannot mend

 

Eyes become glassy,

things are a blur

it might be a him,

or it could be a her

 

Our hearing will lessen,

we struggle to cope

Careful in the bathroom,

don't slip on the soap

 

For what was once grand,

a body so lean

is now attached

to a breathing machine

 

But when we look back

our life seems so short

time passes us by

quicker than it ought

 

let's not ponder on the past

or what lays ahead

let's enjoy the moment

a wise man once said

 

so grow old with grace

and laugh like a clown

happiness bounds

you'll never be down

 

our faculties waver

our spine starts to shrink

at least we are able

to have a good drink

[geronimo]

and another ......

 

A life

 

It starts with a whisper

In her little ear

It’ll be alright

There’s nothing to fear

 

Nine months later

Look at her girth

She’s hours away

From giving birth

 

A boy or a girl

It doesn’t really matter

As tiny feet

Get ready to patter

 

Children are strange

Their habits are funny

Peeing and pooing

And asking for money

 

They have to be fed

Cleaned and dressed

Shirts tucked in

Trousers neatly pressed

 

Now it begins

Forget the pretense

You’d better get ready

For loads of expense

 

Daipers and towels

Powders and lotions

Creams and wipes

And midwife’s potions

 

A slap on the botty

A big gulp of air

The first scream of many

And smellies to share

 

 

 

The first months are easy

Not much to do

Keep putting the milk in

And mopping up the poo

 

Then it gets harder

For some but not all

As the little infant

Learns how to crawl

 

Moving around

Makes it so much fun

Imagine the damage

When he learns how to run

 

The twos and threes

Are said to be trying

Teeth start appearing

And so does the crying

 

 

 

The first day at school

The crying comes back

Soon sort that out

With a bloody big smack

 

You will go to school

And you’ll learn to be good

Now eat up your veg

Is that understood?

 

The teens are a tough one

Hormones are abound

Spots come out

When no one’s around

 

With the opposite sex

We soon become obsessed

Look there’s a girl

Let’s help her undress!

 

 

 

Then it’s college or Uni

And that should be great

Drinking and partying

And getting up late

 

And so it goes on

Four years of enjoyment

Then comes the time

To look for employment

 

The work grind begins

To give you a notion

Ten years of this

And you’re up for promotion

 

So you struggle and cope

For thirty five years

Dulling the pain

With whisky and beers

 

 

 

Until comes that day

That gets your attention

It’s time to collect

Your old age pension

 

Now there’s nothing to do

But wash your old socks

Until finally

You’re laid in your box!

 

 

 

 

[NCC1701A]

anything good is worth repeating

 

you see my fellow citizens! Someone said Yinn is ahead by two small votes. Really a indication of nothing in the long term. 

but ask yourself how did she get those votes? 

by posting photos of women with large breasts!

That's right! And you all slobbered all over it like she knew you would with your likes and haha faces. 

Go look in the mirror and ask yourself are you going to be played again like some newbie sexpat just off the plane by these tactics?

Or are you going to stand with me, a man with integrity and five girlfriends and hit the like button right now on my comments to redeem yourselves from your moment of weakness!

 

Women Want Me and Men Want to Be Me.

Vote for NCC1701A for POTY! 

Edited November 29, 2019 by NCC1701A

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, NCC1701A said:

anything good is worth repeating

 

you see my fellow citizens! Someone said Yinn is ahead by two small votes. Really a indication of nothing in the long term. 

but ask yourself how did she get those votes? 

by posting photos of women with large breasts!

That's right! And you all slobbered all over it like she knew you would with your likes and haha faces. 

Go look in the mirror and ask yourself are you going to be played again like some newbie sexpat just off the plane by these tactics?

Or are you going to stand with me, a man with integrity and five girlfriends and hit the like button right now on my comments to redeem yourselves from your moment of weakness!

 

Women Want Me and Men Want to Be Me.

Vote for NCC1701A for POTY! 

Only 5? You're not in the premier league then!

[villagefarang]

Some people know me simply as the picture guy but there is more to me than that, though maybe not much more.  I had a thought, that a list of things I do not do might be a different, if convoluted, way of introducing myself to those who do not know me.

 

So here are some things I do not do.

Politics

Religion

Jokes

Sob-stories

Singing

Kids

Divorce

Debt

Loans

Anger

Violence

Drugs

Alchohol

Gambling

Dishonesty

Negativity

 

I live a healthy, athletic lifestyle and I like nice people, nice things and a nice environment.  Whether traveling, hiking or cycling I have my iPhone with me and I am not shy about taking pictures.  I like living in Thailand, I am happily married for 22 years, I speak Thai and I do not speak disparagingly about Thai men or women.  The people I call friends are great people and I am not overly concerned with those I do not know.

 

There are 50 to 60 members who consistently like my posts and that is what I typically get in the POTY competition as well.  That has been enough for third place, twice before, but you can’t win with those numbers.  The top two need closer to 150-200 to be assured of a win and with my handful of detractors there is no way I can reach that level.

 

So I just do my thing, trying to provide some balance to all the negativity with some pretty pictures and positive posts, while doing my best not to feed the trolls.????????????️‍♂️????‍♂️????‍♂️????‍♂️????‍♂️????‍❤️‍????

 

Edited November 29, 2019 by villagefarang