My wife loves more her relatives than me

[BritManToo]

On 3/21/2020 at 12:10 PM, Isaanbiker said:

Nobody speaks a word of English; having an online account turned out to be a problem, and that goes on.

BKB phone app works perfectly.

[Relocated]

On 3/20/2020 at 7:27 AM, DUNROAMIN said:

You wont change her way of thinking, its part of their culture, most Thai women will put family first and you second. Lock up your money and assets, pay her a monthly salary for her to spend anyway she wants, above and beyond that its not your problem, keep in mind before you came along they where surviving on their own just fine. If she keeps pressuring you about money, time to exit stage left.

If that is Thai culture then all Thai wives who have Thai husband will behave the same way you described? I don't think so.  And husband is not considered as a family? That type of relative relationship is prevalent in any economically deprived region. If you call that as culture, then that culture shares common denominator with poverty whether it is Thailand or Africa. Again I am well aware of the poverty because I've been through.  Trust me, all the third world countries in Asia have the same traits. Even the prosperous Asian country now was like that 50 years ago. 

[thaibeachlovers]

On 3/20/2020 at 2:58 AM, Lacrimas said:

after my wife loaned some of our money to her cousin

Your mistake was allowing her to access YOUR money ( it's not "ours" unless she contributed to it ). Put all YOUR money is a separate bank account she can't access, and lock the bank book in a safe she can't access.

 

Of course she loves her relatives more than you. That's just how it is when one marries a Thai woman. Welcome to LOS.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/5/2020 at 11:03 AM, Retarded said:

If that is Thai culture then all Thai wives who have Thai husband will behave the same way you described? I don't think so.  And husband is not considered as a family? That type of relative relationship is prevalent in any economically deprived region. If you call that as culture, then that culture shares common denominator with poverty whether it is Thailand or Africa. Again I am well aware of the poverty because I've been through.  Trust me, all the third world countries in Asia have the same traits. Even the prosperous Asian country now was like that 50 years ago. 

You are not Thai, I take it. Farangs are never high on the priority list.

[Odysseus123]

On 3/20/2020 at 9:23 PM, Stevemercer said:

I liken 'Thainess' to being a cult. You can leave the country, but the cult will drag them back in once they return to Thailand. And it doesn't matter how long a foreigner lives in Thailand, they can never join the cult.

Bang on-and very wise words in my opinion.

[Tuvoc]

20 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Your mistake was allowing her to access YOUR money ( it's not "ours" unless she contributed to it ). Put all YOUR money is a separate bank account she can't access, and lock the bank book in a safe she can't access.

 

Of course she loves her relatives more than you. That's just how it is when one marries a Thai woman. Welcome to LOS.

 

I think this and some of the other comments here are a bit harsh. A marriage is a partnership. And as you say, family is incredibly important in Thai culture.

 

I'd put some money in a joint account for normal living, some in her account so she feels secure, and the rest in your own name. So a balance which reflects the loving partnership but gives some protection at the same time. 

[gearbox]

On 3/20/2020 at 1:06 AM, Lacrimas said:

yeah but my kids?

You can't be serious to leave your family and kids for only 100k baht loan? Many retirees claim they spend that much in a month ????

From what I see this is just the first time it happened,  IMO you just need to have a chat with her...which may not even be necessary if she didn't expect to be burned out too. And the loan is only 2 days in arrears...give them a bit of slack! Even the banks ain't that bad ????

[OzMan]

On 3/19/2020 at 10:27 PM, Skallywag said:

Never open a joint account with a spouse

Open a new account in your name and put the money there

My GF works at a bank where she can get a great interest rate for Thai employees. Wants me to withdraw all my retirement savings from Australia and give them to her to invest in her name. What is "f*** O**" in Thai again.

[dubai thai farang]

8 hours ago, OzMan said:

My GF works at a bank where she can get a great interest rate for Thai employees. Wants me to withdraw all my retirement savings from Australia and give them to her to invest in her name. What is "f*** O**" in Thai again.

can't argue with the logic...I mean don't you want to make extra money?

 

 

[Tuvoc]

9 hours ago, OzMan said:

My GF works at a bank where she can get a great interest rate for Thai employees. Wants me to withdraw all my retirement savings from Australia and give them to her to invest in her name. What is "f*** O**" in Thai again.

 

Yeah now that would be very unwise. ????

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/10/2020 at 8:30 AM, Tuvoc said:

 

I think this and some of the other comments here are a bit harsh. A marriage is a partnership. And as you say, family is incredibly important in Thai culture.

 

I'd put some money in a joint account for normal living, some in her account so she feels secure, and the rest in your own name. So a balance which reflects the loving partnership but gives some protection at the same time. 

LOL. If a farang Thai marriage was a partnership, the Thais side would be contributing as well to the financial pot. Fact is in most it's only the farang paying and the Thai taking, so that is NOT a partnership.

My wife never gave me a satang but expected me to pay for everything- that's not a partnership.

 

I didn't marry her family, I married her. As long as the family were hundreds of miles away she was fine- the perfect wife. That all ended after she conned me into moving to the village, and it never recovered.

 

If you were marrying a western woman in your country, would you expect to have to give her money so she felt "secure"? I think most men would not.

[tifino]

2 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

LOL. If a farang Thai marriage was a partnership, the Thais side would be contributing as well to the financial pot. Fact is in most it's only the farang paying and the Thai taking, so that is NOT a partnership.

My wife never gave me a satang but expected me to pay for everything- that's not a partnership.

well... it is more of an extension to the thai/foreigner business model; in that the thai half gets 51%+ control over everything, without needing to ever lift a finger

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, tifino said:

well... it is more of an extension to the thai/foreigner business model; in that the thai half gets 51%+ control over everything, without needing to ever lift a finger

In the end my wife wanted 100%, which was when I realised it was over.

Such a shame. I married the perfect woman for myself, and I gave her as much as I could. She certainly had a better life than if she had never married me.

She always refused to talk about whatever was causing her problems, so that made it too difficult to work on solutions.

So, I can only guess as to why she changed from being the perfect wife to a shrieking harpy from hell, but it became impossible to live with her, and that was it. No one gets married to someone in the expectation of getting divorced, and it's always very sad when love turns to hate. I will say though, that I'm glad she did become someone unloveable, as it made it possible to end it. I could not have done so if I still loved her.

 

The ironic thing though, is that she ruined our marriage because she wanted to give all my money to her family, but after we got divorced she fell out with her family and lived far, far away from them. I wonder if we had both moved if we'd still be together.

I used to hate her at the time we got divorced, but over time hate has turned to pity. She had the chance for a better life and ended up with not much at all.

Life really does suck.

[BobBKK]

Total breakdown of trust - get a divorce.

[tifino]

3 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

No one gets married to someone in the expectation of getting divorced, and it's always very sad when love turns to hate.

but for many the 'gold digger' types, the endgame is always the goal

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, tifino said:

but for many the 'gold digger' types, the endgame is always the goal

Perhaps I should have added "except for gold diggers and black widows".

[473geo]

There are a lot of pressures on a Thai lady marrying a farang. The marriage has far better chance of longevity if the husband understands these pressures, working towards easing them rather than compounding and increasing them.

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, 473geo said:

There are a lot of pressures on a Thai lady marrying a farang. The marriage has far better chance of longevity if the husband understands these pressures, working towards easing them rather than compounding and increasing them.

Yes indeed. The pressure of family demanding she "persuade" her husband to fork over the goodies to them, the pressure of "persuading" her husband to give her the means to live in a style those not married to a farang ATM will envy, the pressure of "persuading" her husband to give her a large enough "allowance" that she can give up her 9,000 baht a month job and spend the time gossiping with her friends, etc.

[HighPriority]

19 hours ago, 473geo said:

There are a lot of pressures on a Thai lady marrying a farang. The marriage has far better chance of longevity if the husband understands these pressures, working towards easing them rather than compounding and increasing them.

Very true.

I can’t remember who posted the advice of requesting the cousin/wife to perform services in manner of repayment if cash wasn’t forthcoming, and to inform the wife of the arrangements

????

Well played sir... ????????
 

I was laughing so much my wife asked what was going on, so I explained the situation and this solution to her, she enjoyed it ????
(I just wanted to plant the seed ????????)

 

But it did get us talking about such pressures, and understanding each other better.

I got hit up for a 2nd hand tractor 30k Baht, a couple of years ago, I bought it as a gift.

During our chat just now I told her that I didn’t expect to ever be repaid and that I considered it a gift, but if they had a bumper crop of rice and handed the money back I’d gladly accept it, and she’s fine with that and everyone understands it was a gift.

 

Its nice to be on the same page.

[EricTh]

@Lacrimas

Most Thai people think that farang are ATM machines.

 

You have got to change her mindset.

Edited April 16, 2020 by EricTh