problems with Thai partner.

[cyril sneer]

18 minutes ago, harrymcgarry said:

I think  after all the excitement of becoming a mother to an absolute beautiful Farang looking boy who has been the star of the show for coming up to five years now and absolutely adored every where he goes she has becomed bored with it all but I maybe totally wrong

probably not wrong

[tiocfaidh]

if you cannot get money from you, she will go to the mafia and the next thing you'll be getting a knock on the door this is bad news all round.

A friend of mine lost his successful pub in Pattaya because his wife gambled and borrowed off the mafia.

Gambling is the Asian disease.

[Catkiwi]

57 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

Relationships with sex workers is difficult, if you want them to leave their work you have the pay them and you become their job, best avoided. I feel for the girls, it's not easy

Too much of a generalisation I reckon. 11 year relationship....some do change, believe me I know.

[scubascuba3]

3 minutes ago, Catkiwi said:

Too much of a generalisation I reckon. 11 year relationship....some do change, believe me I know.

I didn't suggest they don't change but what i said was correct. Did you pay your GF or wife a monthly wage?

[northsouthdevide]

I feel you have 2 options, but before that, you have to take control of the family finances........ 

First let me explain, that I've seen 2 farangs in this situation in the last 10 years. 

Both ended up looking after the kid alone. 

1 took his kid back to the UK to start secondary school, and the other lives in my local town. I see him most weekdays taking his kid to and from school on a pushbike. 

 

Don't think that you can cure her of the addiction that no doubt you've been funding for the past how many years. 

What you have to do, is go to a lawyer, and have a document drawn up that you get full custody of your child, then pay her to sign it. 

You can still go on living with her if you feel that it's the thing to do, but if the child is yours, (custody) then you won't have a problem in the future, when the inevitable happens. 

 

The second option is to marry her. 

This might sound like a ridiculous suggestion, but without wedlock, you have absolutely zero parental rights in Thailand as a foreigner. 

I personally would go for option 1. 

Good luck, whatever you do mate, I feel for you. 

[BritManToo]

37 minutes ago, harrymcgarry said:

the house is next door to the grandparents

Always a mistake.

[northsouthdevide]

I feel you have 2 options, but before that, you have to take control of the family finances........ 

First let me explain, that I've seen 2 farangs in this situation in the last 10 years. 

Both ended up looking after the kid alone. 

1 took his kid back to the UK to start secondary school, and the other lives in my local town. I see him most weekdays taking his kid to and from school on a pushbike. 

 

Don't think that you can cure her of the addiction that no doubt you've been funding for the past how many years. 

What you have to do, is go to a lawyer, and have a document drawn up that you get full custody of your child, then pay her to sign it. 

You can still go on living with her if you feel that it's the thing to do, but if the child is yours, (custody) then you won't have a problem in the future, when the inevitable happens. 

 

The second option is to marry her. 

This might sound like a ridiculous suggestion, but without wedlock, you have absolutely zero parental rights in Thailand as a foreigner. 

I personally would go for option 1. 

Good luck, whatever you do mate, I feel for you. 

[WineOh]

1 hour ago, 4MyEgo said:

 

I know lots of blokes here who have married girls that worked in bars and are happily married,

And i know a lot of blokes that have been fleeced by said bar girls for every penny they have got. 1 or 2 are now minus their manhood to boot... 

 

whats your point?

[ICELANDMAN]

1 hour ago, harrymcgarry said:

Thats a bit strong mate, I ended up with her after a good ten years of real fun with lots of girl friends and a rollercoaster life style. I am not an idiot and life has been wonderful for me ,her and obviously now our son. I think she is having a midlife crisis and at the age of 40 and good looking girl I doubt weather she can be bothered to go back to work in a bar especially with the young boy who never leaves her side. If you met us you would see a different picture . we are fairly well known aswell and this is going to be a shock to a lot of friends and family hence my real name is not on here. 

Midlife crisis is your excuse and you know

No your are not a idiot if you know you game you play, you have take the game and now you know the risk.

[metisdead]

Inflammatory posts, offensive posts and the replies have been removed. 

[Dumbastheycome]

If the originator of this post is still reading  I offer  my condolences  for  the situation.

As others have said  you come across as a person with some  genuine concern and integrity .

Having said that this and in the recognition of the fact that this  forum community is loaded  with more opinion than assistance in topics  such as this and that realistically there is only the presentation of your situation from one side it could  be less productive in putting your  case  for advice than  not .

After 11  years is this a more recent problem or one that  has more history than apparent here?

That is a  question that I do  not want answered to me but for yourself to  yourself.

Because so often the assumption of  no fault of self in denial of incremental actualities can culminate in a  <deleted>storm.

The  brutal truth is that more often than not the failure of a long term relationship is  not due to what  seems  obvious or one sided.

IMO avoid using  your son as a focus.

 

[Keyser Soze666]

13 minutes ago, Dumbastheycome said:

 

The  brutal truth is that more often than not the failure of a long term relationship is  not due to what  seems  obvious or one sided.

IMO avoid using  your son as a focus.

 

Yes fair point. Their problems are probably just more than her gambling, after so many years some couples just become bored and frankly sick of each other. Sometimes children are enough to hold things together, but sometimes not.

[JWRC]

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Banks won't loan money on a house without evidence of income to make the repayments.

She could sell it though.

Women with this gambling addiction, don't use the banks, they get sucked in by the loan sharks, who charge far more interest than is legal, the women put the house up as collateral and of course can't make the repayments, because they have already gambled any winnings away. Usually the loan sharks get away with the high interest because to complain is putting you and your families life in danger. I have seen this happen to 2 friends, one woman lost an 8 million baht property, the players and the sharks set her up knowing that she had a foreign husband who was earning great money and had plenty of assets.

It's a very sad situation.

[BritManToo]

Just now, JWRC said:

Women with this gambling addiction, don't use the banks, they get sucked in by the loan sharks, who charge far more interest than is legal, the women put the house up as collateral and of course can't make the repayments, because they have already gambled any winnings away. Usually the loan sharks get away with the high interest because to complain is putting you and your families life in danger. I have seen this happen to 2 friends, one woman lost an 8 million baht property, the players and the sharks set her up knowing that she had a foreign husband who was earning great money and had plenty of assets.

It's a very sad situation.

Loan sharks can't repossess a house.

The debt isn't real, or enforceable in law.

[twocatsmac]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Always a mistake.

 

Maybe a mistake for you but usually ok unless you shack up with a bar girl.

 

43 minutes ago, Liverpoolfan said:

And i know a lot of blokes that have been fleeced by said bar girls for every penny they have got. 1 or 2 are now minus their manhood to boot... 

 

whats your point?

 

He also married a bar girl and feels the need to defend his position.

post 46.

Edited July 1, 2020 by twocatsmac

[twocatsmac]

Nice one Harry, you had a good day yesterday trolling.

I wonder which is your newest id on thaivisa, one that’s posted on this topic no doubt.

????

[daveAustin]

These types of girls that have it easy can twist big-hearted farang around their finger using emotional blackmail with abandon. Thai males are hard and would not put up with it, but what to do...

If genuine, I would disappear for a bit to call her bluff followed by a serious talk, but ultimately to try to make it work. Short of gaining full access to kid and taking him away (which you can't because of work), or taking him and getting a new g/f fast, what are your options? ATEOTD, the boy is the most important thing and time goes real fast, so perhaps look to overlook it with a strict budget... or perhaps roofy her morning tea. 

[rumak]

12 hours ago, harrymcgarry said:

Thats a bit strong mate, I ended up with her after a good ten years of real fun with lots of girl friends and a rollercoaster life style. I am not an idiot and life has been wonderful for me ,her and obviously now our son. I think she is having a midlife crisis and at the age of 40 and good looking girl I doubt weather she can be bothered to go back to work in a bar especially with the young boy who never leaves her side. If you met us you would see a different picture . we are fairly well known aswell and this is going to be a shock to a lot of friends and family hence my real name is not on here. 

i am curious.   PLEASE  tell me what YOU think would be the best solution.    And,  does she love, or at

least seem to care about you?   

The thing that has ruined it for me in the past is after we invest our selves in them they sooner of later

just get comfortable and no longer appreciate what we've done.  In other words,  they don't really want

to contribute......... they just want to take.      Not always easy,  but its then i show them the door

[tonray]

15 hours ago, harrymcgarry said:

She says she will not let me see him again and she will go back to working in the bar scene

Stopped reading here.....

[Nip]

I don't know what your situation with regards house ownership is but the first thing I would do is go to the Land Office yourself and check has she has signed over the Chanote under a sale with Right of Redemption and bear in mind the most popular modus operandi in Thailand is the forgery of your signature a nice little earner for lawyers who will for a price gladly witness a forged signature. There after you have to be every bit as conniving as her. It's a step by step process.

[Kinnock]

14 hours ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

My 2 pennies worth, talk of taking the boy away, away from his mother and trying to be a single parent in a foreign land and needing to work overseas sometimes is frankly shocking 'advice'

But in Thailand, if you have a job, you wont be a single Dad for long.  Addictions are tough for the partner and the kid.

[zyphodb]

15 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Don't let her handle any of your money, pay all bills yourself direct.

Paying bills by mobile app bank transfer is becoming the norm in Thailand.

Almost all household problems like this are caused by the the fool with the money putting it in their open hand.

 

He'll be getting heaps of abuse and bullying in the private school, every Thai will know what mom used to work as. Take the kid out of private school, put him in government school where he will fit in better with all the other hookers kids.

My 8yo son goes to 'free' government school, 7k5 this term (inc shoes and uniforms), 4k next term.

 

Gambling,

Easy to stop in Thailand, tip off the police, they will raid the place, everyone involved will spend a little time in jail.

 

If it's in a small area plod is probably in on the gambling so that won't work, they'll also tell the wife that you complained about it...

[Yinn]

15 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Gambling,

Easy to stop in Thailand, tip off the police, they will raid the place, everyone involved will spend a little time in jail.

Bad advice. Really.

if he snitch, he will have problem with many people. Sure.

I not like snitches. 

 

[mike787]

One word fixes it for good: DIVORCE!

[JRG23]

15 hours ago, harrymcgarry said:

I have been together with my partner for 11 years and we have a young son who is coming up to 5 years old soon, we have a house a car I have a good job well paid job and played a good game for 10 years in pattaya with the girls before I met her. As a family we have done well and visits to the UK, the boy in a private school and a farm aswell which makes money but not massive amounts. The house was built in view of my son having a steady home and of course it would be his in the future. its been a case of good living which I have no regrets and love my son more than anything. enough of that now down to the problem, GAMBLING! she just wont stop playing cards for money everyday and obviously she is losing and tell lies to me all the time. I have threatened her with losing me and the money source but it has not worked. I have to leave her and cut the money but I am worried what will happen to my son. She says she will not let me see him again and she will go back to working in the bar scene which means the family will have to take care of the son which obviously I do not want as my job is working away for periods of time. I have tried everything to help but she just keeps on gambling to the extend when I send money for something like the school fees she gambles it and pays it off monthly so I am paying it twice. I need some advice as MY heart is heavy and I cant take no more. its the boy that worries me so much. thanks TV and go easy on the abuse this is a serious question. we are not married.

 

Goodness this touches a nerve...

 

Listen to me. Four years ago I had exactly the same problem as you. It very nearly split my family up. My family consists of me, my Thai wife and two children. I also have a good job, well paid, in Bangkok. 

But my situation was exactly the same as yours. I have great sympathy. My wife (a former bar girl too) would not stop playing cards. Every day. Lies every day. I lost a lot of money, about THB1 million in total. I had had enough and was on the brink of a painful divorce. And would you believe it that at that time we had also been together 11 years. So many similarities.

 

But here is what we did. We moved. We moved away from that village where she gambled all the time. We moved into a totally new area in Bangkok. A new house, new schools, new friends, new everything. My wife had to change her life. And that stopped her gambling. Gambling was fuelled by her so-called 'friends' in the former village. They were nothing but animals.

 

So far, so good. She has stopped. I am wary of course, but am now able to trust her again. 

 

My advice to you. MOVE. Move away from her 'friends' who she gambles with.

 

[steven100]

2 minutes ago, JRG23 said:

 

Goodness this touches a nerve...

 

Listen to me. Four years ago I had exactly the same problem as you. It very nearly split my family up. My family consists of me, my Thai wife and two children. I also have a good job, well paid, in Bangkok. 

But my situation was exactly the same as yours. I have great sympathy. My wife (a former bar girl too) would not stop playing cards. Every day. Lies every day. I lost a lot of money, about THB1 million in total. I had had enough and was on the brink of a painful divorce. And would you believe it that at that time we had also been together 11 years. So many similarities.

 

But here is what we did. We moved. We moved away from that village where she gambled all the time. We moved into a totally new area in Bangkok. A new house, new schools, new friends, new everything. My wife had to change her life. And that stopped her gambling. Gambling was fuelled by her so-called 'friends' in the former village. They were nothing but animals.

 

So far, so good. She has stopped. I am wary of course, but am now able to trust her again. 

 

My advice to you. MOVE. Move away from her 'friends' who she gambles with.

 

This is good advice .... change the stagnant environment.  

[Yinn]

14 hours ago, harrymcgarry said:

thank you everyone for the input, THE house and car were bought and built for the family (me, her and the child) so its no problem walking away from that its not an issue, she has no credit cards and 

Post a photo of the back of chanote/norsor3.

 

I will look for you if you can not read. 

 

i be surprised if gambling addict not “”kai farg” or “jumnong” house already. 

 

And car. 

 

You must know quickly. Interest be 24%-36% per year. 

 

It be gone soon.

 

ps. Often the gamblers use yaba when Len pai. A lot. She the bargirl so, probably IMO. 

 

Can check with purple urine test.

Edited July 2, 2020 by Yinn

[Yinn]

21 minutes ago, mike787 said:

One word fixes it for good: DIVORCE!

He should now marry? 

 

So can divorce?

[Venom]

15 hours ago, thaiflyer1 said:

Not always.............couple of years back she was ordering her numbers on the phone, then only settling up in part...........consequently she was being charged interest of 10% a month on the debt, until it built up to 100k baht at which point she confessed and i bailed her out...........we havnt had a repeat since (far as i know) thats why i started to take her numbers.............should add we have been together for 20 years

 

Anyway..........sorry for the off topic post

There's a huge underground numbers racket based on the state lottery. TIT

[Yinn]

14 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

I know lots of blokes here who have married girls that worked in bars and are happily married,

Money can not buy love. 

 

 

 

Generally speaking.

The girl who work prostitution 

-not respect herself, so not respect you

-most have drug/gambling, alcohol problem

- most is low intelligence, can not budget well. Many other Thai people can live normal life, 10,000 per month, sex worker get more, but not have money, because stupid shopping, Yaba, gambling. They stupid. 

- there parents not good skill, so they also not good skill. Not from good family.

- most is Issan people

 

the blokes

-often drunk/drug guy

- not attractive (why he not find free girlfriend same normal person?)

- social misfit

 

Up to them. But it sad IMO, this people have kid together.

 

I meet 17 year old girl last month. She work construction with Burmese team, 350 baht per day, hot and dirty.

See the look krung. I ask her, her mum from Khon Kaen, Dad from England. She can not speak English. 

So what you think? Mum is sex worker, dad is sex tourist? And run away already?

is sad.

 

IMO is irresponsible sex worker and sex tourist have kid. 

 

 

14 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

wife did a stint in the bar scene for 7 months (so she says), and I don't doubt her, don't care, she did what she had to do to survive,

Not really true.

How do man, ugly girl, fat guy 99% other people in Thailand survive? 

Not necessary sex work had to do to survive in Thailand. 

 

We disagree. 

But good luck your life in Australia.

 

 

 

Edited July 2, 2020 by Yinn