Girlfriend stole our 6 month old son, and we are not married.

[bodga]

Walk away as hard as it seems leave her to her own problems.

[bodga]

6 hours ago, essox essox said:

should not have had the kid.....not being married....END OF STORY......

welcome  to  the 1850's

[theonetrueaussie]

8 hours ago, ChipButty said:

I would like to say she didn't steal him it's her son also, it depends on what you want to do, do you want custody of your son? I dont think thats going to happen seeing that you are a farang in any case difficult,

From the cases I have known over the years it all boils down to money I knew of one case the mother would agree to handing the son over for a fee of 250,000 Baht 

Im sure lots of guys on here will give you first hand experience but anyway Good Luck

couldn't she just steal the kid again and then sell him back again in the future??

[Xaos]

I would try bribe her if u really want kid back. Otherwise move on

[SbuxPlease]

@kuzmabruk Don't have any great advice, but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this ????. It sucks to deal with such a loss involving your own flesh and blood in a foreign land when the odds and language are stacked against you.

 

I can say (from some experience) that there are plenty of high-powered lawyers in Bangkok that work these type of cases every day and can definitely help, but be prepared to spend 100k thb up into the millions and potentially still be right where you started. Unfortunately the lawyers are pretty good at extracting cash from their customers as well. If you need some lawyer's names, happy to reply to a PM.

 

Some other TV posters have alluded to this, but one of the most effective ways to get your son back is going to be through making his mom feel ok about it. Do you know what she wants? Money? Safety and security? A bangkok condo for the next 5 years? A good life for grandma? All joking about the family buffalo aside, she may not have cash but she does have a lot of power in the legal system, so sucking it up and winning her over somehow will get you a long, long way.

 

Good luck my friend, if you need to go smash some beer mugs together at Soi Cowbow hit me up, haha.

[ChipButty]

33 minutes ago, theonetrueaussie said:

couldn't she just steal the kid again and then sell him back again in the future??

Could happen I wouldn't put it past them, some years ago a girl I knew me and my mate reckon she sold the kid, along came a new truck, gold chains 

If you have been here a long time how many girls have you met who have kids and have been dumped back in the village? 

[Trujillo]

You first say you want to buy the right to be the sole parent, and in the same sentence say you will not pay the family anything. 

Sounds like an interesting plan....

[kingstonkid]

Something to ponder is that right now she has no legal claim to support.  If you get legally recognized as a parent it could cost you support.  Run away get a new phone change 

[86Tiger]

Well, no one likes to hear it, but you chose poorly.

 

 

You have no recourse other than coming to agreement with Mom.  But as others have stated send stuff, never send money.  Any money you send will be spent on a good life for her Thai man.

 

 

[baansgr]

Walk away, how hard it may seem. Your future if you don't will be the next 15 years or more of financial and emotional blackmail that will turn you to drink, drugs, suicide, financial ruin and more...move on now

[Foghorn]

When my ex girlfriend took our newborn baby away I could not stop her , I gave no money or help , after 2 months she contacted me , got no money so I made she go to the courts to legitimize my child , I not use a lawyer, I was so easy , cost about 500 baht ish . Took about 1 and half month because she gets time to reconsider , have to be interviewed by social worker but everything easy , lawyers can’t help ,only fill in forms . After done I have equal rights so I reclaimed my child and let my ex go , untill you legitimize the child you are at her mercy , the more you give the less she will let the child go , it’s a very hard choice but you have to see the bigger picture

[richard_smith237]

I can’t believe the amount of people suggesting ‘walk away now’... or 'find someone new and make another kid’...

 

It's his Child <deleted>.....    are you guys so cold you can give up on and abandon your children so easily ?????

 

 

[Tony125]

1 hour ago, theonetrueaussie said:

couldn't she just steal the kid again and then sell him back again in the future??

Not if he gets her to acknowledge him  as the legal father at amphur first. Once he is recognised as the father ( and legitimises the birth) he then has leagal rights and joint custudy. He then can ask for sole custody by offering her money to notify the family court  or amphur the she gives up joint custody or prove that she is an unfit mother. Should also go immediately to his embassy and get passport for his child.

Edited September 17, 2020 by Tony125

[Foghorn]

Just now, Tony125 said:

Not if he gets her to acknowledge him  as the legal father at amphur. Once he is recognised as the father ( and legitimises the birth) he then has leagal rights and joint custudy. He then can ask for sole custody by offering her money to notify the family court  or amphur the she gives up joint custody or prove that she is an unfit mother.

You have to go the family court , not amphur , it’s not hard if partner is willing

[bodga]

3 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

I can’t believe the amount of people suggesting ‘walk away now’... or 'find someone new and make another kid’...

 

It's his Child <deleted>.....    are you guys so cold you can give up on and abandon your children so easily ?????

 

 

yes, hard to understand maybe but  yes

[Lacessit]

40 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

I can’t believe the amount of people suggesting ‘walk away now’... or 'find someone new and make another kid’...

 

It's his Child <deleted>.....    are you guys so cold you can give up on and abandon your children so easily ?????

 

 

Responsibility in the age of Trump is not an easy concept for many people. It's me me me. Apologies if that is going off topic.

Provided a DNA test confirms my standing, I would always provide for any offspring of mine.

[4MyEgo]

5 hours ago, soi3eddie said:

 

Very good advice above. To OP: If she has done this then clearly there is a major problem. Many women will hold the child to ransom both financially and emotionally. There is no legal route to support you so that would just be wasting money. I know you cherish your child however at only 6 months old that's a short time. It's hard to detach yourself emotionally however if you don't then you will suffer for the rest of your life. Move on and focus on happier things. In due course you may find a true gem of a lady and better things can happen. Family life is never easy but for some it gives fulfilment.

    

 

 

For what it's worth, back at you, as have also provided spot on advice for the poster, and there is a lot of truth in your last sentence, especially for me personally.

 

You see if I didn't go through all the suffering with my X for 12 and a half years, I would never have crossed paths with my bestie, my Thai wife of 13 years.

 

My X left me with our daughter who was 18 months at the time and is now 23.

 

It took me two decades to actually finally work out why my 1st marriage failed, not that I gave it much thought at all over the years, but when one person in a relationship can't be open to express their true inner feelings about what's bothering them, their guilt, their pain, it leads to a life of pain and sorrow and hurts the other partner, and will eventually end badly, and some may never find out what happened and go on without closure.

 

For me, I know I gave it 110% and know where the problem laid, it wasn't on my side so I am ok with taking the brunt, better to have loved then to have never loved at all, if you could call it that, well I will say, it wasn't from her side ????

 

Even though I came from a dysfunctional family and my parents separated 3 times with 3 young kids you learn to adapt and to want your marriage to be better than theirs, so you keep compromising to try to be a better partner until you are basically so f'kd up emotionally in the end, it takes you years to recover, but I learned, albeit the hard way, you cannot fix damaged goods as I have learned the hard way, I said never again, ever ! 

 

Fortunately for me, I landed on my feet, and the time out and good mates kept me strong and I learned to reevaluate women differently which helped me stay single for 5 years from the time of my break up with one child.

 

I dated some but would never let them in when I saw the damaged goods, had some fun and played the field, never promised them anything and turned them away when they came to my doorstep, like I said, no damaged goods or taking on emotional blackmail, one trap was enough for me, I learned, the hard way as I said. Then on holiday with my best mate I met my Thai wife of 13 years, and all I can say to that is I have never had a bad day with her ever, everything is as it was from the 1st day we met back in December 2006, in a bar in Phuket of all places, she had also suffered from someone who was damaged goods, so we had something in common and found that we had even more than that in common ????

 

I guess I am one of the few lucky ones, because experiencing what I experience with her every single day has truly fulfilled my life, albeit it took me 47 years to cross paths too meet her, and to this day I am still swept off of my feet, so there is hope for the OP.

[jpduggan]

Yes, just go and make another baby with another Issan bimbo. Sorted.

[Elkski]

Does the OP imply he has lots of assets and the mom and family know this?  If this us the case and considering Thai people don't plan dor there futures bit live for Now!  They will think its all disposable money  so will expect half or something.  

I like the idea of not acting interested and no support and see if this brings her back.  Act like the big fish got off the line and let her check. 

[teacherclaire]

i am not going to go to Isaan and steal him.  

 

You can't steal something that doesn't belong to you.

 

Is it possible that you were not the only guy she had sex with?

 

 Why are you not married having a child?

 

 Have you got proof that you're the biological father?

 

  If not, please let it go. 

 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2020 by teacherclaire

[ericthai]

16 hours ago, Preacher said:

Judges are reluctant to give you sole custody and you will definitely have to negotiate with the mother about that.

 

 

Maybe in the west, but not in Thailand.

I have two friends that went to court and got full custodial rights in Thailand.

Both needed to use a lawyer and it wasn't cheap nor quick! 

Both had good jobs and money so i'm positive that helped!

[Iron Tongue]

Sounds like someone wanted all the benefits without any of the responsibilities.  Now you want to be a father after-the-fact.

 

If being an active father is really that important, pay everything your ex wants.  But somehow I doubt you'll be opening your wallet.

 

 

 

 

 

[balo]

Money is the only solution, Isaan women will do anything to get money.

You need to be smart when she contacts you again, and she will when the time is right. 

[douglasspade]

21 hours ago, stupidfarang said:

if you want your son then you need to wait until she contacts you, if you want to help son then I suggest you send nappies and milk each month,

I would gamble and go the other way.... start hanging out with a new girl and make it known. Blast some money on her too and post pics on facebook. If your ex see that you blasting your money on another girl she will come back with your kid in tow to get her share before she loses out.

[wolf81]

I am not sure what your financial position is. But this is a situation I ponder about occasionally, as I am also unmarried and have a 3.5 years old daughter with my Thai girlfriend.

 

Of course, you need to be able to communicate with your ex and from what I understand right now that's hard. But if she wants money from you, you can be sure she'll contact you soon. 

 

I believe if we ever separate, what I suggest is one of 2 options:

- I take care of our daughter. She will get good education. Will be able to support my girlfriend in the future. And I will make sure my girlfriend has some opportunities to meet our daughter. I might visit her village every month or she could visit wherever I am staying in Thailand. I would also send my girlfriend some money every month so her life is pretty easy. Perhaps 10.000 THB per month until our daughter is 18, but certainly not more. My girlfriend likes living on the Thai countryside near her farm, so that should be sufficient.

- Or she could take care of our daughter. I would warn her this might not be the best way to go. If she would get a new boyfriend, there's risk of abuse by stepfather. Our daughter as "luk khrueng" would fit in less with other students in school. Education in the countryside is worse, meaning worse opportunities in future. In this case I would support her with a bit more money every month, perhaps 25.000 THB until our daughter is 18. But support would stop immediately if I would find out about any abuse. And I would visit her at least once a month to see daughter.

 

So perhaps these plans could give you some ideas on what to do.

[NanLaew]

2 hours ago, douglasspade said:

On 9/17/2020 at 9:39 AM, stupidfarang said:

if you want your son then you need to wait until she contacts you, if you want to help son then I suggest you send nappies and milk each month,

I would gamble and go the other way.... start hanging out with a new girl and make it known. Blast some money on her too and post pics on facebook. If your ex see that you blasting your money on another girl she will come back with your kid in tow to get her share before she loses out.

Facebook is so yesterday. The OP needs to get shopping on Tinder and when his never-wife see's it, she'll know what a total dipstick was banging her.

[RocketDog]

On 9/17/2020 at 8:52 AM, essox essox said:

should not have had the kid.....not being married....END OF STORY......

Hindsight is great, and he knows it was a mistake. But his situation and pain are real. 

Your stance is valid but not useful or relevant to the OP's present situation. 

 

I think your reply falls under the "if you don't have anything useful to say the just don't say it" category. 

 

Just be thankful you never made a mistake in life. 

[Kurtf]

Count your blessings and stop complaining.

[Nanaplaza666]

On 9/17/2020 at 8:45 AM, FritsSikkink said:

She is the legal guardian, so she stole nothing. Like said beforeShe is the legal guardian, so she stole nothing. Like said before get a lawyer, be legally recognized as the father first. Buying children gives you no rights at all. Ignore BritManToo when it comes to relationships as he has a huge chip on his shoulder.

Did your repeat button got stuck ?? Like said before , did your repeat button got stuck ?? Like said before , did your repeat button got stuck ?? Like said before , did your repeat button got stuck ?? 

[ChipButty]

5 hours ago, douglasspade said:

I would gamble and go the other way.... start hanging out with a new girl and make it known. Blast some money on her too and post pics on facebook. If your ex see that you blasting your money on another girl she will come back with your kid in tow to get her share before she loses out.

Got and visit your ex with your new girlfriend that would go down well