I'm feeling like boss is taking advantage of my Fiance.

[KKr]

17 hours ago, AlfHuy said:

Tell her not more to do the "open door-lock door" service and pay her, what she gets from her boss for this service.

Problem solved.

Until they split up, and reading this thread, that seems not an impossible outcome. 

[phetphet]

16 hours ago, Elkski said:

You think its controlling that i try to use math to point out its an extra 17 baht a day? She works  11 hour days as it is,  often skipping her lunch for the company cause.  6 days a week for 20 years  for just what I feel is mediocre pay.   I feel this extra 500 baht for an additional  30 hours a month is offensive to her.  Even if she  walks back and forth it is double the time  requirement  for 15% more benifit.   It makes sense to ask to be sble to clock in and stay there if she wishes.   She can't exercise before work.  Its Thailand  you should know you sweat  just walking. 

#1 does it hurt to ask for more?

No wonder Thailand has such a large gap between the haves and have nots and no middle  class.  

Buy her a bicycle. It's only 1 Km each way. That way she can  get her exercise on the bike and still get back home. I used to do it all the time, even going home for lunch, and I lived almost 5 miles from  work.

[xtrnuno41]

It is a Thai thing? Women, men are there to please boss, depending on what is your status.

But isnt this everywhere? Sure the position is very important.

You, writing an email to give a piece of your mind, is not a good idea, stay out. She will loose her job.

You will have bigger, other, personal problems then. You dont want to ruin your relation.

 

She has to bring it forward to her boss, not you. Could first, for advice, go to labor inspector to see what is real.

But only for advice first. If then by advice and her talk with boss, it doesnt work then you are getting into demands together with labor inspector. 

So first start with labor inspector and go from there !

  

My wife is labor inspector and sometimes i hear what she is doing. Once she changed from being labor inspector to HR, which wasnt present in the office. She had to select persons for jobs. "Told" her it isnt her job.

She was working overtime, never get paid for it. "Told" her, shouldnt do that. Western way, no pay , no work.  

Even working on weekends without pay. She felt, she had to do that then. 

Also she has trainings, even starting in weekend, no pay. Same as all other colleges in training.

She and others have to be present sometimes with some kind of activities in their free time.

No pay and lost free day(s).

Also she MUST wear on some times special colored clothes ! She needs to buy and dont get paid for it.

They are loaded up with additional projects, on top of their normal work and still running the normal work.

"Told" her, you can only do one thing at the time. Just to calm her and getting stress off her.

Many senior workers are now in for early retirement, as the work is overflowing and they all get stressed.

"Told" her, the office wasnt efficient due to less co workers and should bring it up to boss.

But no she doesnt, 555, it is Thai way?

But, yup Thailand is different.

 

So dont bother in writing an email to her boss, as it can turn out bad for her (for both of you), loose job. 

I surely can understand your point of view, but it is Thailand, dont think you can change.

Stand by your woman and help her by thinking, explaining, but no actions, work related, on your side to boss.

 

[kingofthemountain]

11 hours ago, Elkski said:

Yes a k1 marriage visa is a big step in life.  Marriage and Bringing an Asian gal to USA?  I read all the risks.    I just I will tell her to do what she wants and see how it goes for a couple weeks and if I don't like things I will tell her to stop unlocking and I will send her 3000 baht. 

Honestly you are pathetic with your 3000 bahts

she is not a beggar asking for your obolus

she has a dignity working and earning her money

 

Who are you to dare to stop her to do that?

 

Ah yes i know, you can not have your 1 hour morning skype connection

that was the main problem from the begining, all the rest is for the show

 

i hope you will realise it's a very selfish and immature attitude from yourself

but i have not really hope, people never really change.

 

if she is lucky i hope for her to find someone better, you are very far to 

be ready to share your life (Or to share anything else) with someone in a marriage

[natway09]

You resent this ? nothing to do with you.

Be careful before you stir the pot, unless you want her not to work.

If she is not happy then it is up to HER to discuss with her boss

[TheFishman1]

After reading all your comments I really think you should stay out of her affairs I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but she has worked for 20 years for the same company without your advice so but out dude

[andygrr]

If its a 10 min walk no way it is 1km away. 

[Stevemercer]

There is nothing you can do expect to be there for her when she needs you, and to support her.

 

I'm surprised at the hours many of the Thai people I know work. Heaps of overtime, weekend conferences and workshops, mandatory social events on holidays etc. - it never ends. Plus, at least 10 - 15% of their salary must be going into envelopes for the endless ceremonies, weddings, funerals, monk-hood ceremonies etc. etc.

 

My wife used to be a teacher and worked all these crazy hours, but had fun and loved it all.

 

Most of us Westerners learn to value out free time above everything else, and there is no way we would work all these extra days and hours for no reward. When my wife started to work in Australia she said she wasn't used to working so hard and intensely in an 8 hour day. Her work in Thailand proceeded at a much more relaxed pace.

 

However, it didn't take her long to start looking forward to her free weekends and holidays. After one year of work she said she had never appreciated her free weekends before. She thought it was fantastic she could just forget about work for at least 2 days every week.

 

You say you are both going to America. Time enough for your wife to learn western ways at that time.

 

An alternative might be for her to pay someone 50 Baht or so to go and open the door and bring the key back to her.

 

I once knew a Thai AirForce Sargent who paid someone to do her job while she ran a bar in Pattaya. 

 

 

 

 

[SePl]

How lucky you are that she leaves earlier and spends less time at home ? I would even push her to overnight there as often as possible to avoid the walk to office !

 

 

[saakura]

30 minutes ago, SePl said:

How lucky you are that she leaves earlier and spends less time at home ? I would even push her to overnight there as often as possible to avoid the walk to office !

 

 

Or how lucky she is that she can leave earlier and spend less time at home with an unpleasant person who won't let her have the freedom to make her own decision!

[impulse]

Aren't you glad you asked?

 

[ravip]

"She is grateful for him. Happy to do this."  She refuses to negotiate because it's not a thai  thing?  She says this is a difference between thai and western man thinking.   

 

In short, this world consists of different type of communities. Almost always, one tends to think his/her way is the correct thing. Unfortunately, when it comes to humans, one size will not fit all.

 

Hence, if someone tries to force his/her ideas in a different part of the world... expect trouble. Cultural differences can be very difficult...

[1sickpuppy]

U farang ki nok, why u not pay her to stay with u and clean house, is pittance, get a life u idiot

[jrbkk64]

OP, do you have a passport? You obviously have no idea about the culture of your future wife and somehow feel superior to her culture by demanding something a Thai would never demand. Of course you can discuss the topic with her but it is her, and ONLY her, decision to accept or not what the owner is offering her. It’s not your business and clearly you have no understanding at all of Thai work culture. Step back and let it happen. Stay out of it!!!!

[khunPer]

22 hours ago, Elkski said:

She says this is a difference between thai and western man thinking.

It is, and Westerners might not understand.

A gorgeous young Thai girl advised me: »Don't think too much, khun Per, there are so much you don't understand about Thailand!« I think that fits well here: Don't think too much...????

[Dumbastheycome]

So the objection/s  is/are  what? That her time is taken from you? Or that  she is not being adequately paid for the extra task?  Being paid more seems to be your acceptable solution but how  does that  compensate you?

I would suggest leave it be !

[Grumpy one]

If you are not happy with the situation, marry the woman so she has no need to work.

Or is  your ego dented a little as she is happy to leave you early  

[teacherclaire]

22 hours ago, Elkski said:

Yes, I feel it would be worth 3,000 baht from me so she has 30 extra  hours each month to exercise, study English  and eat healthy  food.  But i also wanted to help prepare her for the real World in America if and when we get our K1 visa.  Thai people need to learn to "stand up and take their share!"  Tracy chapman

Do you really believe that America is the real world in the eyes of a Thai woman and even for many TVF members on here?

 

 

 

What's wrong with you? Why can't she eat healthy food?

 

What's that got to do with your story?

 

Without trying to hurt you, I think the problem here is you, not an extra km, or hour. 

 

It would be quite interesting to know the real story from her. 

 

 

 

 

   

 

  

Edited October 8, 2020 by teacherclaire
MAGA?

[kingofthemountain]

4 minutes ago, teacherclaire said:

Without trying to hurt you, I think the problem here is you, not an extra km, or hour. 

 

It would be quite interesting to know the real story from her.

It's more than possible that all of this is just an opportunity for her to get ride of the

early morning (And probably boring) skype connection with the OP 

 

At least now she has one more  free hour everyday for sleep.

 

Thais ladies in their 40' are often clever and pragmatics 

they always find a nice way to resolve a problem

[The Theory]

23 hours ago, Elkski said:

I want to fight for  her

With this kind of economy losing job is not a good idea, unless you can take care of both. Can you.... ????. That's what most probably will happen if you try anything. 

[seancbk]

On 10/7/2020 at 8:54 PM, Elkski said:

she is staying in condo when I visit

 

She's your fiancee?   Why aren't you living with her?   Are you even in Thailand?

[Odysseus123]

12 minutes ago, seancbk said:

 

She's your fiancee?   Why aren't you living with her?   Are you even in Thailand?

Well no..as the OP has stated on 927 occasions thus far..

 

He's out,she's in.

[sead]

Well I have never heard of a Thai wanting to work so much. And when I asked my gf she said that perhaps  she is a his Mia noi... And that was my first thought to. All Thai want to go back home ASAP. So try to check this more deeply. Gf laughs when I asked her about the culture to stay after work without payment and that thais are shy to ask more. No Thai works for free. Are your wife beautiful, slim, young? 

[farang85]

11 minutes ago, sead said:

Well I have never heard of a Thai wanting to work so much. And when I asked my gf she said that perhaps  she is a his Mia noi... And that was my first thought to. All Thai want to go back home ASAP. So try to check this more deeply. Gf laughs when I asked her about the culture to stay after work without payment and that thais are shy to ask more. No Thai works for free. Are your wife beautiful, slim, young? 

culture to stay after work  mostly dependent on other factors such as opportunities , competition ,desperation rather then a thai or american thing.

[Elkski]

All so funny. 

Thanks for the input everyone.   I accept that i was wrong in my thinking. 

I am sad that  no one even dared suggest she could talk to her boss about this..   its sad that this is so taboo in Thailand.  But i must accept.   I left Thailand jan  21.  Not really much news about corona  then.  I fully expected to return in 3 months as 90 days is hard enough on long distance relationships.    We don't usually line video or chat much in her mornings.   She isn't an early riser.  Part of my concern.  Looking back we should have married then applied for CR1 visa as I have learned this would have maybe been much better than K1 visa.  Plus tRump didn't halt CR1 ,like he did k1's. I've taken many long flight to visit this woman past 33 months. Maybe 7-8.  But  I really wasn't ready to commit until  after this Dec Jan  visit.  Not sure how many of you had to travel minimum 22 to max 33 hours each way before? The jet lag with 14 hours is vicious.   How many  of you work 60+ hours like my fiance does? How many have tried a long distance,  long term relationship?   

 Her old schedule did not leave much time for shopping or cooking healthy food. Its easier to grab street food.  Plus eating at 9 pm after having 10 min lunch break  and an apple isn't a healthy lifestyle  IMHO. She does get paid  for overtime for late nights.  Bkk Bad  air and covid has stopped her jogging.  I have  many years experience with how an extra hour or 2  of work  in my fiances day effects this woman's  and thus our life and relationship.  

I realize I am lucky to have found such a hard working gal.   I have listened to the advice that she gets satisfaction knowing she is only 1 or 3 people trusted with security alarm code.   This seems to be key.  The boss is a good one.  

How stupid is the comment I should get married so she can quit work.  We can't see each other now because of travel restrictions.   But even then would it be fsster to cancel a k1 230 dsys in snd pay another 16,000 baht to start a CR1?  In my life a woman doesn't get married to quit working.  We don't plan on children for several reasons and she has none.  A woman like this would have  a hard time not working at a rewarding job.  Its one of my biggest fears as she won't be able to work for 6-9 months waiting for her green card.  I think we can keep her busy

  She needs to learn to mountain bike. Hike, ski, garden. Drive etc.  

Yes i could support us both if that was needed.    I do plan  on her going to spend a month with mom before coming to USA.   Its highly  likely she can travel here before i can travel  there..  ive looked into meetung in turkey but the 2 week quarantine for her amd everything is daunting.   Maybe i will try the STV if they actually  get the details  figured out..  looking st rising case numbers in my area and all of USA i think it will be late 2021 @earliest.   I dont blame thsi people.  I actually don't want Thailand to open up to tourists as my fismces life is near normal.  I figure it is best for her to continue the life she has had that made her into such a special woman.   Yes "I think she is different"  haha.  I have read as much of the horror stories and gf advice on TV as anyone.  I have had farang  with lots of experience in Thailand advice me. I read private  dancer and 1000 hours at least.  I met many nice woman in Thailand.   Several wealthy ones.  I feel this is my destiny.  I will be cautious but also enjoy the ride.  I cant believe my thinking was so far off on this issue.  Really not 1 reply in support.  But I can admit I mske mistakes.  I still think this is a sad commentary on the workers life in Thailand.  Gf and i have talked about this issue and we are both happy that I will let her do it her way.   

 

Edited October 8, 2020 by Elkski

[kingofthemountain]

12 minutes ago, Elkski said:

Thanks for the input everyone.   I accept that i was wrong in my thinking. 

You are welcome

the fact you accept you was wrong is a good thing

the only problem is with your knowledge of Thailand

you should have been right from the begining

 

if you allow me an advice, you are going to be married with a thai lady

it's a new life for you 2 and i hope you will be happy

but don't forget it's not only a new life for her, it's a total

new universe (New country, new language, new house, new friends and

family, new job and so on) so you need to listen more to her and what she says to you

not to forced her in a difficult way for her.

 

And don't be focus on the farang\ladybar stories

most of the Thai people are nice

try to be more interested by the thai way of thinking

 and the Thai way of communication (not the most easy thing as a lot of things are not said)

 

good luck

Edited October 8, 2020 by kingofthemountain

[Golden Triangle]

He's just jacked off cos maybe she leaves home earlier than she used to and probably gets back a bit later meaning he misses his early morning/evening nookie, suck it up buttercup, people here work a damned site harder for a damned site less than people in our home countries, boy oh boy, you have a lot of learning to do.

[Elkski]

57 minutes ago, sead said:

Well I have never heard of a Thai wanting to work so much. And when I asked my gf she said that perhaps  she is a his Mia noi... And that was my first thought to. All Thai want to go back home ASAP. So try to check this more deeply. Gf laughs when I asked her about the culture to stay after work without payment and that thais are shy to ask more. No Thai works for free. Are your wife beautiful, slim, young? 

Yes she is slim and attractive .  She can't really tell her boss she wants to work less.  They work until things are done each day.  Its one big team at her work.  I think it is a good place.   I did  consider suggesting she ask boss to hire another person to work half her days. Or tell her to home to isaan.   But what could go wrong with that?  I've considered having her quit and taking  more classroom English  classes and even looked into workout  classes and or yoga.  Im actually surprised  yoga classes cost so much in bkk.  Same price as here or more 350 baht a class.  I do think her busy life has kept her nose clean and why I picked her..  i hate to say it like i picked her.. But you know Thailand has many choices for most men.  She has never been on a dating site, doesn't drink doesnt like bars.   I actually saw her with friends taking Xmas display pictures after work at Emquartier.   I say it was destiny.  I saw her  40-50 meters away and didnt even stop but turned  a 90 and went right up to her.   I didn't let the initial rejection damper my cause and somehow the magic just happened.  That 1 look changed my life..  of course I didn't know I was swallowing the hook and then after I was hooked I tried to throw the hook like an 80 # bluefin.  But eventually I closed my butterfly ????  wings.  

 

 

Unfortunately I over analyze everything.  I don't think she sleeps with this boss as several of you suggest. Haha.    I think he is happily married  and if he has a mia noi which  a man of his means  in Thailand would be expected to have 3 or more he would surely not have an employee.  

Edited October 8, 2020 by Elkski

[kingofthemountain]

7 minutes ago, Elkski said:

 I did  consider suggesting she ask bosd to hire another person to work half her days.  I've considered having her quit and taking  more classroom English  classes and even looked into workout  classes and or yoga. 

Please can you consider to stop suggesting her how to manage her actual life?

She has done pretty good without you untill now, she is not a small child f f s

 

There is no way she quit her job now. Untill she is secure and in the USA with you

 

Imagine she quit her job for taking english lessons and yoga, and next month you 

catch corona or whatever and you died, now she is broke, alone without money and

with no more job? Have you ever thinked to it? A lady still want to be secure on the

long run, if you want her quit her job, no problem, make her secure for the long term

whatever happen with you, send her 10 million baths and now she can do what you ask

 

Can i ask you how old are you? You don't seem to have a lot of experience

of the life or a deep thinking about complex problems

 

[Elkski]

Send her 10 million.   Maybe you are man like this.  I won't pay for love.   It was long time ago I considered  her working less.  This was when old visa time-line said she could get visa about now and come before 2021.  I realize it is big risk for a woman to quit a job.  This is planned to be addressed in the prenuptial.   Yes i am being cautious but I realize she will be taking a risk.   I once talked to a thai woman who quit a government job a few years before qualifying for pension to marry a guy in NY.  Then he broke up.   She was back in Thailand and did get another government job but I think her future pension may have been  scrapped.   I admit to still learning thai culture.   I admit this issue really surprises me.  And I think most western people reading this would be appalled that this is the mindset of what  is the working class to company relationships.   The fact that it would be terrible for her to even ask to msybe click in for that extra hour or so. Or ask for more than the 17 baht for this extra large  disruption in her life.   The fact most if not all of you think it improper she should  even bring this up with her boss  shocks me and leaves a large blackeye on Thailand.   No wonder the well to do want too quash down these young people  who protest for change.