The Baaad Christmas Jokes Thread 2020 - Old, New, Ancient, Prehistoric - We don't care just make them Bad.

[roo860]

[chickenslegs]

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Honda.
Honda who?
Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…

 

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Anna.
Anna who?
Anna partridge in a pear tree.

 

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne a manger…

 

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Dexter.
Dexter who?
Dexter halls with boughs of holly…

[roo860]

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I just received the first Christmas package sent to me this year.  I won't open it till the 25th, but it feels a bit grainy.  I wonder what it is?  Anyway, thanks Uncle Ben.

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

Bad news....Santa got arrested at a recent demo in London

--Good news he’s on remand until after the New Year.

Show your kid/grandkids this picture.

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

......with the remains of his oven ready deal.

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[sanuk711]

Dianne Abbot Advent Calendar 2020, Launching 33/13/192020

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I spent Christmas in Louisiana one year and wondered why, in every nativity scene, the three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.  Finally I asked someone in a shop.

"You must be a forrina" she said, "don't you ever read the bible?'  She pulled her copy out from behind the counter, ruffled through the pages and shoved it in my face.

"Now, look right there.  It clearly says 'The three wise men came from a far'!"

[xylophone]

This cartoon says it all.....

 

[sanuk711]

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[sanuk711]

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Christmas is stupid.  Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross.

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I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come…
Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

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What do priests and Christmas trees have in common?
Their balls are just ornamental.

 

Why is Santa so damn jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

 

Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own?
He only comes once a year.

 

Why was the snowman smiling?
He could see the snowblower coming down the street.

[sanuk711]

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[roo860]

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[roo860]

[wpcoe]

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[roo860]