Thrown for a loop...

[WinterGael]

Just windering if anyone can shed some light on the following...

 

I've been very happily married to my Thai wife for 4 years now.  I have been travelling back and forth from Canada regularily as I finish up work there and prepare to move here permanently.  I went back to Canada in January 2020 and was to come home to stay for good in April.  Then COVID hit.  Finally got back here in December...

 

Now here's the situation.  My wife has totally changed.  One of the biggest changes is in bed.  After sex she used to put her PJs back on, snuggle up to me and go to sleep.  Now she immediately rolls off, gets up and showers, demands I have one, too.  I ask why, and she says this is the way Thai people are.  Always clean themselves after sex.

 

So my question is, is this normal.  For 3-1/2 years it sure wasn't normal.  And on top of that, she always was very affectionate with lots of kisses, now she barely gives me a kiss good night. So what's with that?

 

Any answers out there?  

[tonray]

Hard to say...could simply be a reaction to Covid fears, or could be something more sinister. Any other behavioral changes besides sex that you've noticed since you've been back ?

[madmen]

If you sense something wrong then there probably is. You were gone a long time 

[bwpage3]

Looking for answers from strangers who don't know your wife?

 

 

[WineOh]

38 minutes ago, WinterGael said:

Now she immediately rolls off, gets up and showers, demands I have one, too.  I ask why, and she says this is the way Thai people are.  Always clean themselves after sex.

This is NOT the way normal thai girls are at all.

 

this is how bar girls operate when they are banging 7/8 clients in a day. 
 

you know where the bin is, 

time to take out the trash mate! 

[WinterGael]

20 minutes ago, bwpage3 said:

Looking for answers from strangers who don't know your wife?

 

 

The question was not about my wife, per se. I was asking if it is a thai culrural practice to shower and clean ones body immediately after having sex?  And I ask because for three years this was not the norm. 

 

So far no one has addressed the question, only the actions leading up to the question.  

[Natai Beach]

The shower thing is fairly normal. 

farangs are infamous for being shower shy in Thailand. Don’t be lazy, keep yourself clean. Farangs have a more pungent body odor than can be quite offensive. 
 

The lack of affection is normal when a woman just isn’t into you anymore. You have been away, she might have found a more skillful and cleaner lover. 
 

Are you giving her orgasms everytime? You might want to work on your technique. 

[ezzra]

Understanding women is hard enough, let alone Thai women and married one on top of it, let it play out for a while and see where this is going and play it as it unfolding the best advice anyone can give you...

[colinneil]

Just now, WinterGael said:

The question was not about my wife, per se. I was asking if it is a thai culrural practice to shower and clean ones body immediately after having sex?  And I ask because for three years this was not the norm. 

 

So far no one has addressed the question, only the actions leading up to the question.  

Not cultural as far as i know, think you should look closer at things.

Has she introduced another man as her brother?

Is she spending a lot of time away from you/ home?

You say you were away from her for a long time, maybe she got up to something during that time, only she knows the answer.

[Pilotman]

I would hastate to draw too many conclusions from this behaviour, unless it's backed up in other ways.  You've been away a long time.  It takes time to readjust to each other and covid is certainly playing on people's minds, especially with a Thai falang relationship. It may be no more than that. What will indicate to you that it is more than that, will be her other behaviours towards you in the normal domestic setting. You will feel the negativity if it is more than a re adjustment.  Challenge her in private, away from the home, maybe on a short holiday asway in a hotel ,  and see where that gets you, although you must know that Thai ladies are a closed shop when something is wrong.   Only you know, only she can show and tell you. And no, it is not normal Thai behaviour, after sex within a real relationship. 

[Lacessit]

How old is your wife?  Women do change as they approach menopause, due to issues such as vaginal dryness.

Has she ceased having orgasms? That could  be another reason for the behavioral change, she does not get the warm afterglow of sex anymore.

I suggest you try to talk it out with her, bearing in mind Thais always tell us what they think we want to hear.

My GF and I always clean ourselves after sex, it makes sense because it reduces the chance of a urinary tract infection.

[WinterGael]

4 minutes ago, colinneil said:

Not cultural as far as i know, think you should look closer at things.

Has she introduced another man as her brother?

Is she spending a lot of time away from you/ home?

You say you were away from her for a long time, maybe she got up to something during that time, only she knows the answer.

Interesting ... there is a couple in our village that she now calls brother and sister.  Say they look after her while I eas gone.  And yes, she does like to go spend time with them a lot.  This is new, too. ????????

[Pilotman]

1 minute ago, WinterGael said:

Interesting ... there is a couple in our village that she now calls brother and sister.  Say they look after her while I eas gone.  And yes, she does like to go spend time with them a lot.  This is new, too. ????????

so what, that means nothing on the face of it.  Don't get paranoid. 

[tonray]

17 minutes ago, Natai Beach said:

farangs are infamous for being shower shy in Thailand

What ? You need a better class of friends...

[WinterGael]

3 minutes ago, tonray said:

What ? You need a better class of friends...

????????????  Shower shy  ???????????? Not this Farang... I like my twice a day showers. On a really hot day maybe three or four.

[WinterGael]

14 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

so what, that means nothing on the face of it.  Don't get paranoid. 

Not paranoid ... just scratching my head a lot and windering what's going on in her head. Know it's very Thai to try and sweep issues under the rug rather than create marital discord.

[1FinickyOne]

we shower before we get into bed... but that is not important to what you do... 

 

in relationships, things change... thats pretty normal. 

 

calling everyone brother and sister is typical of Thai, but what might be more indicative is how much time she spends w/them and whether or not she includes you comfortably in visiting w/them... what goes on outside the house is likely more indicative than what goes on inside.. 

[bkk6060]

That is a long time to be gone.

Maybe she thinks you had sex while you were gone, or she did.

Maybe a fear of STD being transferred either way.

A quick shower after may make her think the chance of any infection being given between you,  could be reduced.

[WinterGael]

1 minute ago, 1FinickyOne said:

we shower before we get into bed... but that is not important to what you do... 

 

in relationships, things change... thats pretty normal. 

 

calling everyone brother and sister is typical of Thai, but what might be more indicative is how much time she spends w/them and whether or not she includes you comfortably in visiting w/them... what goes on outside the house is likely more indicative than what goes on inside.. 

That's what concerns me, too. In the first year the biggest change to my life style was the continual, "Tirak, we go friends house eat rice drink beer." Now, not so much.  Most times she hust goes alone.

[whiteman]

Do not pile any more money into this relationship from now on, till things become clearer, go on your gut instinct. And no getting out of bed for a full shower after the act is strange 

[WinterGael]

I thank you for all the replies.  Yes, it was a long time to be away. COVID sucks... from all the replies, while it may be nothing, you have given me pause to take a good hard look at her actions over all.  And I do see a cause for concern.

 

It is what it is.  What sucks is we haf been planning my move here for years, and if my concerns play out, then I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because there's nothing left in Canada to go back to.

 

Oh well... figure things out as they go. Thanks all. 

[Natai Beach]

37 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

My GF and I always clean ourselves after sex,

Yes, a few blokes on here saying it isn’t a normal or “cultural” thing for Thais which surprised me a bit.
 

But my experience over three decades is that it definitely is.
 

They tend to sweat a lot and became a hot mess after Natai Beach has given them a good seeing to and they need a shower. 
 

About 5 years ago I went back to Australia and caught up with an old regular. It was summer and afterwards I just naturally headed to the shower. She had a go at me for it.
It must be a cultural thing.
 

 

[Natai Beach]

3 minutes ago, WinterGael said:

then I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because there's nothing left in Canada to go back to.

That might be it. 
 

The Thais have a saying about relationships “The special promotion has finished” 

[Ventenio]

you thought about posting.....problem

you did post.........problem

you are getting trolled..........problem

HOWEVER....   don't let her control your life.  get your finances in order, realize it might be over for good, check the map for other cities.....find someone else

tell her you are going to Phuket and then enjoy Chiang Rai  

[WineOh]

49 minutes ago, WinterGael said:

there is a couple in our village that she now calls brother and sister.  Say they look after her while I eas gone.  And yes, she does like to go spend time with them a lot.  This is new, too. ????????

sounds dodgy AF to me mate.

[robblok]

Got a SG girl who wont allow me into the bed without a shower. Not that strange IMHO. I mean a shower before sleeping. The Thai girls I have been with also always wanted one or two showers a day. In general Thais like hygiene more then foreigners. Back in the Netherlands I used to shower just once a day. Now its two or three times.

[Dante99]

After sex shower or not who cares?  If there is anything to the relationship, that should not be an issue really.  

 

If she is saying it is Thai custom and it is not so what?  The point is she is telling you that is what she prefers.  

 

She may have something going on but he does for sure.

 

 

[Pottinger]

1 hour ago, WinterGael said:

The question was not about my wife, per se. I was asking if it is a thai culrural practice to shower and clean ones body immediately after having sex?  And I ask because for three years this was not the norm. 

 

So far no one has addressed the question, only the actions leading up to the question.  

 

What is 'normal' Thai practice after sex? I'd have thought there are as many variations of that as there are of the sex act itself. What is important is that you are aware something in your relationship dynamics has changed and are unsettled by it. Looking at one symptom rather than the cause is a red herring. 

You've made the first step of recognition and acknowledgement that something has changed, but what exactly, and what the remedy may be, is for you to discover - unfortunately nobody at this distance can do it for you (and you're likely to get more infantile comments by posting on TV). It could simply be your wife's experience of the past few months without her partner, it could be something more serious, but it is for you to use your best, sensitive efforts to discover what has altered and how to deal with it if you want to 'clear the air'.

 

[Dagfinnur Traustason]

1 hour ago, WinterGael said:

No... when i met her she was working in a government office.

Ok, not a clue then. Maybe she just got angry waiting for you to come back, so that she show you disappointment now. Or it might just be that she changed in her feeling thowards you.

Whatever it is, you must just ask the questions you need answer on. If you do not like the answers, try to reason. (Not easy with a Thai woman, or any Thai at all.)

If all fail, it´s your decision, what to make out of it. Hang in or go for the next seasonal fruit plates of delicious flavours.

[TooBigToFit]

Thais have left the areas with mixed cultures like Pattaya, Phuket and Bangkok and are staying in their villages probably changing back into the Thais they once were without foreigners and foreign culture around. On the other hand, maybe she's just rethinking her life with all this quiet time she has. Maybe she wants something or someone different or no one in her life.

 

A lot of people are in limbo now with Covid and Thailand has certainly been changing and breaking away from the influence of foreigners since the coup and all that followed. There are endless numbers of young people who are graduating high school and university with serious anxiety and hopelessness about their future. Thailand is not the same and its all been changing even before Covid came. Lots of people don't have any extra money to do things they used to do like send their kids to university or get that new car. All this is feeding into the present state of people and the future as to what they can do. In Thailand or abroad, most working people are thinking something has to give because its just looking worse. So, mentally, people are just different.

 

And there are plenty of stories on how the lockdown due to this pandemic is changing us mentally.

Articles on the pandemic and personality change.

 

Plus Covid-infected people are experiencing changes due to the virus

COVID-19 can mean agitation, delirium, and other neurologic symptoms, doctors are finding

 

We are in a new world (at the moment) in so many ways.