Thai / Isaan girls entitled? I don't understand

[Tingtong2mut]

Been here some years now so no newb to Thai girls and their wiley ways or illogical behavior. And please do not misinterpret this as Thai bashing. I am only trying to understand or get some incite to improve our relationship if possible. I have lived with girls from different backgrounds from doctors, nurses, teachers, a bargirl...a few others and this girl has a poor / village background but has a college education. I am older than her but I'm not a decrepit old Grandpa and nor is she in her twenties. Never been in a bar or with a farang. All the girls I have known pretty much have been the same to some extent and that is expectant of some payoff or Hollywood lifestyle because "they get farang". I have also been here long enough to understand that contrary to popular belief they see hooking up with a farang as a downgrade rather than an upgrade and seem to feel they should be compensated for it, to varying degrees of course but all seem to have the similar expectation. I thought it was a bargirl thing but seems generally to be an Isaan thing. If she meets a new Thai friend or wife of a mate they all will ask "how much you get per month", like they should be on a salary or something. I pay all our living expenses including expenses for her little boy (who I adore) school, clothes everything. I set up a little low hours business up for her which is very easy to manage and she earns about the same as a normal Thai wage. Did this so she could work around school hours. That's her pocket money. So she doesn't have to pay for anything at all regards living, and I buy most of her clothes, most things she wants. I also have a little boy the same age and they are best of friends. I am essentially mum, I cook, clean and take care of myself and the kids while she is at work, and pretty much when she is at home. She is caring and all that but like many Thai mums more of a big sister than doting mum. What I am trying to say is she has to do very little in the way of anything. Sweep the floor and washing pretty much and that seems to take forever and is done begrudgingly. She doesn't cook, not even for herself and seems to need to buy every meal including milk teas, soft drinks etc. I pay for all that of course and is a piddling amount but must say it grates on me a bit. Just the sheer laziness. When she does cook there is so much fallout and mess it seems easier to buy anyway. She never makes an effort to eat with me and he boys. It's eat when it suits her. She isn't a psycho but has a major chip on her shoulder, always on the defensive, chip on the shoulder type. She has no interests or hobbies (nothing new) and seems to expect me to entertain her 24/7. I rarely go out, I don't drink or go to bars etc. 

 

Having said all that she is very low maintenance money wise and I have no family issues so a big plus. The other benefit is her wonderful little boy who is helpful, appreciative and him and my boy are best of mates. He is an absolute joy to have around. Probably the number one reason I haven't shunted her yet. She openly admits she is lazy. Has only had a few Thai boyfriends in the past who she says belted her. Drunk or stoned, didn't work, she supported them etc. They all seem to have similar stories though but then seem to turn into the lazy useless aggressive person they were describing. She can't cook, doesn't drive and can barely even help with Thai stuff, usually better off doing it myself. We have a nice home, I feel I am a decent husband and we have a wonderful family. I always get the feeling she feels cheated or short changed. I was very clear with her on how our life would be together before she moved in.

 

I often wonder how some of these guys feel after, who pay huge dowries, buy cars and homes in their girls name .....for a village girl who pretty much can't do anything. Must be like investing in a wet bag of cement to hang around your neck. My question is, how does someone from a background like that become so entitled? They seem to want to go from near poverty to the penthouse in one leap. A moderate lifestyle is not what they expected at all.   

[Upnotover]

6 minutes ago, Tingtong2mut said:

doctors, nurses, teachers, a bargirl...a few others

So you are on at least number 11 you have lived with?  Do they always leave you because you won't pay up?

[Tingtong2mut]

9 minutes ago, Upnotover said:

So you are on at least number 11 you have lived with?  Do they always leave you because you won't pay up?

 

No they leave because I move them on. I usually won't put up with any of this nonsense. Never takes long here does it. I guess you DO pay up. I can't do it

 

[473geo]

So you are not working and she is working earning how much 'pocket money' a worthwhile amount for the time she puts in?

What exactly do you feel she is getting out of the situation, presumably she was 'existing' before you came along and swept her off her feet into a job!!

[Fat is a type of crazy]

It sounds like your treating her good financially and in other ways.  You'll probably feel better if you spend a bit more on her rather than a bit less - without being over the top.

 

You say that she feels shortchanged. It might feel she is saying you are not enough and it's not fun to live like that. That can happen with a younger prettier partner. The entitlement comes from that. It can also come if you seem like a  pushover and she feels there's no challenge.

 

It depends if it's a lighthearted thing or more serious.  It might be romance and fun she is missing rather than money. Kids can do that. Maybe you've become a bit bored and boring being about the house and doing house work and caring for the kids. Not much choice but if you can make your life more fun and be happy, without relying on her,  it might make her be happy too.

Maybe you are judging her too. You find your happiness and let her be who she is. Having said that you could get her cooking lessons to give her pride in herself if that helps. 

 

 

 

 

[Kenny202]

4 minutes ago, 473geo said:

So you are not working and she is working earning how much 'pocket money' a worthwhile amount for the time she puts in?

What exactly do you feel she is getting out of the situation, presumably she was 'existing' before you came along and swept her off her feet into a job!!

Are you blokes for real? Are you another one where your woman has the keys to your house, car and life...and living in miserable servitude hoping for the best lol. I would rather be living a nice lifestyle everything paid for and 10000 baht in my pocket than earn 8000 baht working 6 days a week and from that pay for rent on a single loom hovel, food, electricity and pay for someone to take care of my kid. Do some of you blokes even live here, or you do you Need

 to pay for a renta friend

[simon43]

The best thing that I ever did for my sanity, my bank account and my happiness was to get rid of my Issan wives and buy a sex doll.... ????

[Tingtong2mut]

34 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

It sounds like your treating her good financially and in other ways.  You'll probably feel better if you spend a bit more on her rather than a bit less - without being over the top.

 

You say that she feels shortchanged. It might feel she is saying you are not enough and it's not fun to live like that. That can happen with a younger prettier partner. The entitlement comes from that. It can also come if you seem like a  pushover and she feels there's no challenge.

 

It depends if it's a lighthearted thing or more serious.  It might be romance and fun she is missing rather than money. Kids can do that. Maybe you've become a bit bored and boring being about the house and doing house work and caring for the kids. Not much choice but if you can make your life more fun and be happy, without relying on her,  it might make her be happy too.

Maybe you are judging her too. You find your happiness and let her be who she is. Having said that you could get her cooking lessons to give her pride in herself if that helps. 

 

 

 

 

That all sounds really nice but I guess my post in a nutshell is saying they bring nothing to the table...I don't mean skills or money. I mean a decent attitude and willingness to at least look after themselves in someway. They seem to expect everything whilst giving nothing and have the attitude and moodiness of a hormonal 14yo girl. I have asked 2 girls I have known here "what do I get from this relationship?". One said "you get my body", the other said "I live with you everyday" lol. It might cut it for a poor village bloke with no hope of getting a woman but if her body is all a women thinks she has to provide in a proper relationship, that's not exactly hard to find elsewhere for a foreigner in Thailand. I just don't understand it? Maybe it is from stories they have heard of guys paying their wives or girlfriends "salaries". Would you move in with a woman back home take care of everything about her while she begrudgingly did very little and pay her a salary? My wallet always has plenty of cash and she knows if she wants something within reason she doesn't have to ask me. She has her own money as well. Isn't that how a normal relationship works? I am happy to accept they don't have the life experience or means we do, and I am happy to do 90% of everything, but not 100%, particularly when I am a good father and support her child as well. 

[Tingtong2mut]

29 minutes ago, simon43 said:

The best thing that I ever did for my sanity, my bank account and my happiness was to get rid of my Issan wives and buy a sex doll.... ????

I in all honesty would be single here if it wasn't that I want to have some sort of family for my son. It's just too hard. 

[BenDeCosta]

If I had 25 satang for every time that I have heard "I don't like Thai men because my ex used to beat me up and cheat on me", I would be on par with Bill Gates. You wouldn't put up with this behaviour in your home country, so why would you put up with it in Thailand? Maybe try and find someone who you actually love and isn't using you for money. Not sure what you want to achieve by posting this.

 

I'm certain that many foreign guys would have preferred a wet bag of cement to the girl that they married, when they eventually find out that she treats him lower than a gecko on the wall but constantly demands money.

 

If you're not happy in your current situation, remove yourself from it and move onwards and upwards.

[473geo]

Well all this thread is telling me is that with money or without money you need something more to appease Thai women - surprised - better start working on what it is fellas otherwise keeeeep renting!!!

[Fat is a type of crazy]

25 minutes ago, Tingtong2mut said:

That all sounds really nice but I guess my post in a nutshell is saying they bring nothing to the table...I don't mean skills or money. I mean a decent attitude and willingness to at least look after themselves in someway. They seem to expect everything whilst giving nothing and have the attitude and moodiness of a hormonal 14yo girl. I have asked 2 girls I have known here "what do I get from this relationship?". One said "you get my body", the other said "I live with you everyday" lol. It might cut it for a poor village bloke with no hope of getting a woman but if her body is all a women thinks she has to provide in a proper relationship, that's not exactly hard to find elsewhere for a foreigner in Thailand. I just don't understand it? Maybe it is from stories they have heard of guys paying their wives or girlfriends "salaries". Would you move in with a woman back home take care of everything about her while she begrudgingly did very little and pay her a salary? My wallet always has plenty of cash and she knows if she wants something within reason she doesn't have to ask me. She has her own money as well. Isn't that how a normal relationship works? I am happy to accept they don't have the life experience or means we do, and I am happy to do 90% of everything, but not 100%, particularly when I am a good father and support her child as well. 

Why are you with her if she has these characteristics - probably she is a fair bit younger and sexy and makes you feel good. We think we remember being her age but how would you have  felt about being with say a 55 year old woman when you were 25 or 30. Maybe it's not a factor in your case but that might explain her ambivalence and lack of motivation to better herself. A lot of Thai girls are not that curious regarding intellectual matters too. You have to weigh it up if the pleasure outweighs the pain and boredom of her personality. 

Edited April 1, 2021 by Fat is a type of crazy

[CharlieH]

Seems to me the OP may be missing one important element, thats ALL the Thais she mixes with on a daily basis bending her ear ! chipping away as to why she has to work at all, why she isnt this or that etc because she has the Golden farang. It happens everywhere guaranteed ! If someone shd knows is also married to farang, you cen bet they are playing "beat the Joneses too. Seen and heard it and suffered it.

[Tingtong2mut]

21 minutes ago, BenDeCosta said:

If I had 25 satang for every time that I have heard "I don't like Thai men because my ex used to beat me up and cheat on me", I would be on par with Bill Gates. You wouldn't put up with this behaviour in your home country, so why would you put up with it in Thailand? Maybe try and find someone who you actually love and isn't using you for money. Not sure what you want to achieve by posting this.

 

I'm certain that many foreign guys would have preferred a wet bag of cement to the girl that they married, when they eventually find out that she treats him lower than a gecko on the wall but constantly demands money.

 

If you're not happy in your current situation, remove yourself from it and move onwards and upwards.

Everything you said is true, and normally I wouldn't persevere, but for the kids. But even that will only go so far. It is coming to a very quick head though. I simply can't put up with it much longer. Its a shame I really don't want much from her, just to be happy really.  

[Tingtong2mut]

10 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

Seems to me the OP may be missing one important element, thats ALL the Thais she mixes with on a daily basis bending her ear ! chipping away as to why she has to work at all, why she isnt this or that etc because she has the Golden farang. It happens everywhere guaranteed ! If someone shd knows is also married to farang, you cen bet they are playing "beat the Joneses too. Seen and heard it and suffered it.

No not in her case. She has no close family and has never had any real friends. She's that sort of person really. very negative. But I do know what you mean. Its usually how most Thai farang relationships end. Jealous friends, baiting her up....where's your gold or your new Louis bag? then she starts requesting these things from her farang wanting to placate her friends or compete with other farang wives. One thing I have seen repeatedly here is older guys here thinking they will build her a home, buy her a car, some gold, a few holidays then they can settle down to a moderate lifestyle. The problem is it never stops, there is never enough and as soon as the money stops flowing and particularly if you have out yourself in a position where you are no longer needed (She has the house and everything else in her name already) she wants to shunt you and repeat the process with someone else. Doesn't seem to matter if the girl is old or young, attractive or plain. I don't think money itself is even important to them, they seldom know what to do with it apart from gamble it away. The money only enables their real passion, showing off

[Pmbkk]

2 hours ago, Tingtong2mut said:

They seem to want to go from near poverty to the penthouse in one leap.

 

They probably don't, they may just see you as a stepping stone ????

 

I think your view of Issan women maybe wrong though - my wife has never asked me for a penny...

[Tingtong2mut]

17 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

Why are you with her if she has these characteristics - probably she is a fair bit younger and sexy and makes you feel good. We think we remember being her age but how would you have  felt about being with say a 55 year old woman when you were 25 or 30. Maybe it's not a factor in your case but that might explain her ambivalence and lack of motivation to better herself. A lot of Thai girls are not that curious regarding intellectual matters too. You have to weigh it up if the pleasure outweighs the pain and boredom of her personality. 

You are assuming way too much. And she isn't a stunner etc but wont go into that. I just don't seem to think many of these people actually look at themselves. Its all about what they are getting. they never seem to consider for a moment what they are giving. Doesn't enter their minds. i can remember living in a village and going to a local Mawlum show. I bought about 2 dozen large beers because I knew the sponges across the road would be my best pals. When all the grog was gone one was motioning for me to go and buy more. I simply shook my head. I heard one of them murmur Kie neow (tight a$$). they brought nothing, sponged all night and called me tight fisted lol. They are very big on sharing.....as long as that means you sharing with them, and them not bringing anything to the party

 

[Tingtong2mut]

5 minutes ago, Pmbkk said:

 

They probably don't, they may just see you as a stepping stone ????

 

I think your view of Issan women maybe wrong though - my wife has never asked me for a penny...

That is one of her good points, she doesn't actually ask me for money, not unreasonably anyway. But having said that I provide a nice lifestyle for her and she has money when she needs it.  She the attitude that she doesn't want to owe me anything, but does take all I provide for granted. Its not really about that it is about the entitled attitude.  I've spent a considerable amount of time and money setting something up for her future as well, which seems to be of no value to her.

She doesn't seem to value family or future that much either which is all I ever talk about. Which is strange as her mum and dad both dead and she doesn't really have anyone else. I am forever telling her how lucky she is to have 2 wonderful young boys to take care of her in the future and she shrugs that off. She is constantly moaning she not do bad, why she never lucky, in front of the kids. I say you're not lucky to have this lovely family? She doesn't do bad things but she doesn't particularly do anything good either. I know at least 6 old GF I have had here that probably thought many more fish in the sea but still don't have anyone, apart from a few 2 week holiday boyfriends. And still chase me around. its the same as the way they drive. They just don't consider what's ahead, just go hard and of course sorry after.

 

As far as my view of Isaan women goes I am sure they are not all that bad. And great you are happy but these traits are quite common, anyone thinks different has never met many of them

[sherwood]

13 minutes ago, Pmbkk said:

 

They probably don't, they may just see you as a stepping stone ????

 

I think your view of Issan women maybe wrong though - my wife has never asked me for a penny...

So are you saying your wife is not from Issan or she is mute. 55

Love my Issan wife to pieces but the OP is not far wrong in his appraisal.

Takes time and a fair bit of patience. 

 

[473geo]

I am struggling not to "misinterpret this as a Thai bashing"

 

My wife is one of the hardest working people I know, a real treasure

Edited April 1, 2021 by 473geo

[Pmbkk]

13 minutes ago, sherwood said:

So are you saying your wife is not from Issan or she is mute. 55

Love my Issan wife to pieces but the OP is not far wrong in his appraisal.

Takes time and a fair bit of patience. 

 

 

She is from Issan... I thought that was obvious..

Your view/experience maybe - not mine 

 

Are you saying your wife has been around a bit and then she ran out of patience and settled for you? Maybe deaf and mute?

Edited April 1, 2021 by Pmbkk

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, Tingtong2mut said:

Never been in a bar or with a farang.

 

contrary to popular belief they see hooking up with a farang as a downgrade rather than an upgrade and seem to feel they should be compensated for it, to varying degrees of course but all seem to have the similar expectation. 

 

My question is, how does someone from a background like that become so entitled? They seem to want to go from near poverty to the penthouse in one leap. A moderate lifestyle is not what they expected at all.   

 

How could you possibly know? Women lie you know.

 

Most of them take what they can get, if they date white guys, it's probably because Thai guys don't want them. Too mad, too dark, too greedy, too lazy, too many kids, etc.

 

Easy answer,

you're a total doormat and no woman wants to be with a guy she can push around so easily.

Treat her like all her former Thai lovers did, and she'll want you a bit more.

Edited April 1, 2021 by BritManToo

[Tingtong2mut]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

How could you possibly know?

Women lie you know.

No where more true than here but I really don't think so. I am pretty familiar with her history, she's an accountant. But who knows. 

[Tagged]

How long did you say you been here, and nothing learned yet? 

 

Well, I guess what ever you have been told, or going to be told, you are just going to continue the same path, 

 

sorry, 

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Tingtong2mut said:

but I guess my post in a nutshell is saying they bring nothing to the table...

My rented gf brings her firm young body to the table bed, which to this 65 year old ,fat, saggy, balding grandpa is well worth the 10kbht/month I pay her.

Edited April 1, 2021 by BritManToo

[Tingtong2mut]

13 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

My rented gf brings her firm young body to the table bed, which to this 65 year old ,fat, saggy, balding grandpa is well worth the 10kbht/month I pay her.

And more power to you if that's your thing. I don't know how many would be happy with 10k though

[BritManToo]

Just now, Tingtong2mut said:

And more power to you if that's your thing. I don't know how many would be happy with 10k though

Ask  yours if she'd like 10k/month?

It's more than she'd get for 6x 10hr shifts a week in 7-11 or any of the other stores.

Edited April 1, 2021 by BritManToo

[olfu]

You dont wanna see forest behind trees.

Family as institution dying out because other social pressures took over.

And I will say nothing new that money become dominant and family became business and any business operate on contracts.

So, make prenuptual agreement.

[Tingtong2mut]

21 minutes ago, Tagged said:

How long did you say you been here, and nothing learned yet? 

 

Well, I guess what ever you have been told, or going to be told, you are just going to continue the same path, 

 

sorry, 

Oh I learnt plenty. And I went through a period of a year where I was turning them over faster than pancakes. And not for any reason other than I had spent 5 years with my first one here trying to make her happy which was never to be. And possibly would have done the same thing with this one only for a series of unfortunate events. One being she had a motorcycle accident and was hopsitalised and needed home care for 3 months. That was me. Then her child was dumped on the door step not long after by her sister who felt 4000 baht a month wasn't enough and she needed 8000. One thing led to another and here we are. As I said there are children involved so not a step I take lightly. I always viewed her as a bit of a fixer upper. Had a lot of good points and thought with a little bit of attitude adjustment she would see the light. When I say good points I mean didn't have two major issues which was a needy family and she wasn't a money grubber

[Kwasaki]

There's  help at the top of the page when you open Thaivisa " The Samaritans ".