Just braved a few days with the Mrs family

[Citzofwrld2]

I know a fellow American that married? had a baby with a Thai that already had two children. I said, You have a unique life as you get to see Thai's up close, get to know them. He replied, Not as much fun as you might think. We have nothing in common. So it's not easy!

[1FinickyOne]

2 minutes ago, Citzofwrld2 said:

I know a fellow American that married? had a baby with a Thai that already had two children. I said, You have a unique life as you get to see Thai's up close, get to know them. He replied, Not as much fun as you might think. We have nothing in common. So it's not easy!

They are family - that is what he has in common and through the many years, that has often been the greater part of conversation... 

[JustAnotherHun]

Whenever I'm forced to "visit the family" in the outback, I'm more than happy to be back.

Now no need to go. "I don't travel in covid times!!" The virus has it's positive side effects ????

 

[wwest5829]

22 hours ago, KannikaP said:

Mine is the same. Yesterday Mrs & daughter went out and bought 4kg of pork for a BBQ because there were 10 people involved! Plus loads of salad stuff and a 500Bht bucket of KFC for the kids. I asked if there was enough food! It all got consumed.

Offered a bottle of (home made ) wine which was accepted. Visiting members of the family made a point of saying bye bye this morning, especially the ones who had done a LFTest before coming.. Am I lucky or what?

My thought upon retiring to Thailand was that the best scenario would be finding a sterile orphan, but loving Thai female.after Five years here I have a wife, 26 years my junior with a teen Daughter but th family is Eat of Bangkok, independently rich in land and my wife is not close. So, she and the Daughter visit for a day when we travel to Samui but otherwise, no drama. Very fortunate …

[Kalasin Jo]

Well let me just say this. My Isaan family are cash poor, but I believe fairly land rich. Mum has a few baht gold. Dad seems to have nothing but a prize breeding buffalo. They run a small shop but it has seen better days and there are other better shops in the village. They do not have any cash to splash around, ever. 

 One day a pickup truck arrived without warning and disgorged about 8 Thais. Mum and Dad are very surprised to see them. They are apparently distant uncles, aunts and cousins not seen for a considerable time. So of course food and alcohol is laid on for them all. They bring nothing to the party. They lounge around lording it over their poor relations, eating and drinking for a few hours then leave, grabbing a couple of bottles of whisky from the shop as they do. I sat there watching and listening and trying to be pleasant. I am quite certain there was no payment offered and certainly not asked for any of it, not even the whisky taken from the shop as they left.

 

Afterwards I expressed surprise to my wife, especially about the whisky. She says well what can we do or say? They are relatives.

 

 

[gejohesch]

19 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Yeah its not the culture or their culture is different etc. I get it....but can you picture a Thai going to a foreign country. Hey, we're going out to dinner tonight. You wont understand anyone nor will I make any effort to make you feel comfortable...and by the they'll be ordering the most expensive things on the menu and enough to take home for tomorrow as well. And at the end of the night no one will thank you, let alone say goodnight. I can't picture it all

 

Reminds me of a GF I had used to religiously forget my birthday, not that I cared but I did note that this and many other things weren't important when it was happening to others...but was completely different when it involved them. Birthday not Thai culture. It was her culture when it was her birthday and was expecting an expensive gift.

I understand your feelings, your experience, but don't generalise it. The birthday thing for example, in my experience, a Thai GF or Thai wife will certainly remember your birthday (and those of a number of close friends and relatives) and will make sure to give a nice story of it - maybe not with an expensive present.

 

I also have the same experience as a few above, wife's family is quite a decent bunch and will say (occasionally) thank you. That being said, communication is near zero, the fact is simply that they have absolutely no formal education and also no interest in what is not Thai. Even the "educated" ones.

 

In your OP, you said "the sooner you accept we have absolutely zero in common with them, the easier it is to live here". I think you are right with that. I must say, I struggle at times with, mostly, the lack of any possible discussion beyond platitudes, even with the so-called educated ones, even with those who speak good English, even with the fact that I'm quite conversational in Thai. I struggle with that and at times - forgive me - I come to despise them for all that.

 

I lived in a number of countries - Africa, Europe, Middle East, Australia, Asia - I think Thais are the weirdest of them all.

Edited January 3, 2022 by gejohesch

[it is what it is]

3 minutes ago, Kalasin Jo said:

Well let me just say this. My Isaan family are cash poor, but I believe fairly land rich. Mum has a few baht gold. Dad seems to have nothing but a prize breeding buffalo. They run a small shop but it has seen better days and there are other better shops in the village. They do not have any cash to splash around, ever. 

 One day a pickup truck arrived without warning and disgorged about 8 Thais. Mum and Dad are very surprised to see them. They are apparently distant uncles, aunts and cousins not seen for a considerable time. So of course food and alcohol is laid on for them all. They bring nothing to the party. They lounge around lording it over their poor relations, eating and drinking for a few hours then leave, grabbing a couple of bottles of whisky from the shop as they do. I sat there watching and listening and trying to be pleasant. I am quite certain there was no payment offered and certainly not asked for any of it, not even the whisky taken from the shop as they left.

 

Afterwards I expressed surprise to my wife, especially about the whisky. She says well what can we do or say? They are relatives.

 

 

 

just head over to their place, eat and drink all you can lay your hands on, load up any items lying around you like the look of, and head home.

[it is what it is]

3 minutes ago, gejohesch said:

I understand your feelings, your experience, but don't generalise it. The birthday thing for example, in my experience, a Thai GF or Thai wife will certainly remember your birthday (and those of a number of close friends and relatives) and will make sure to give a nice story of it - maybe not with an expensive present.

 

I also have the same experience as a few above, wife's family is quite a decent bunch and will say (occasionally) thank you. That being said, communication is near zero, the fact is simply that they have absolutely no formal education and also no interest in what is not Thai. Even the "educated" ones.

 

In your OP, you said "the sooner you accept we have absolutely zero in common with them, the easier it is to live here". I think you are right with that. I must say, I struggle at times with, mostly, the lack of any possible discussion beyond platitudes, even with the so-called educated ones, even with those who speak good English, even with the fact that I'm quite conversational in Thai. I struggle with that and at times - forgive me - I come to despise them for all that.

 

I lived in a number of countries - Africa, Europe, Middle East, Australia, Asia - I think Thais are the weirdest of them all.

 

having traveled widely i can say islamic countries are by far the most hospitable, and of those iran and pakistan would top my list

[firemans35]

23 hours ago, Kenny202 said:

Mind you muggins pays for it all of course.

I've read that when going out for a meal with Thais in their culture the person perceived as being the most well off is the person that should pay. I've also read the younger generation was trying to move away from this custom. On a different note, the country I am from and the way I was raised was if a friend needs help with something (moving house etc.) you go help. A little gas may be paid or lunch may be paid for the help but no money is asked for. The person needing the help may be polite and ask "what they owe?" I always say "nothing owed" because I figure they're a friend and they'll help me if and when I need. All the Thai people I've made friends with want to be paid to help with anything so I'm very selective about who my friends are. 

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Citzofwrld2 said:

I know a fellow American that married? had a baby with a Thai that already had two children. I said, You have a unique life as you get to see Thai's up close, get to know them. He replied, Not as much fun as you might think. We have nothing in common. So it's not easy!

The only Thai I want to get close to is the Thai in my bed at night.

[Gilligan In Drag]

Yeah Kenny 202, you have really described the way that some Thais "interact" or I suppose do their best to politely avoid interacting. Luckily, for me, it is only some of the people in my wife's family and the attitudes you describe have caused me more irritation in non-family situations like work situations with Thais. It helps that my wife is critical of those same people for their general low level of functioning. This society doesn't give people much and a lot people are just in self-preservation flotation low battery mode or whatever you want to call it, so when I spot that modus as being in the fore-front, I stop expecting anything from those people including meaningful interaction unfortunately, but keeps me from becoming frustrated or having my feelings hurt.

 

Making people feel included just isn't a thing for sure here and gets my goat simply because some people just can't even be bothered to even let you in on a conversation. Though I think it comes of something I rather like about Thai culture is that there is a thing that says you shouldn't feel obliged to do anything or feel anything you don't feel like doing or feeling.

 

Myself, I don't need thank yous, but I check that something was appreciated. Sometimes it just so happens that some help given wasn't appreciated or taken for granted, so I simply don't extend a hand again unless asked and feel that what I do will be appreciated.

 

When I first came to Thailand, I was teaching at a middle school on the outskirts of Bangkok, and had been there for 6-7 months and all seemed to be going very well, I felt well enough liked by staff and the kids and the two other foreign teachers were smash hits at the school and one had been there a year longer than myself and the other I think had been there three years. So I was really pretty surprised and disappointed when teacher's day arrived and we were simply told we didn't have to teach most of the day and just to relax in the office and do our last two classes only, no need to worry today. The head teacher didn't say anything beyond that about what was going on, like, "We are having teacher's day ceremonies today and perhaps it wouldn't work for you as foreigners to partake,"  or, " It would be meaningless and tedious for you to attend the teacher ceremonies and you wouldn't understand what was going on anyway, better not to embarass yourselves in front of all the students, we hope you understand the students and school really appreciate everything you are doing. Here is some goddamn tea and crumpets for you to help you chit chat and try and cope with the notion that maybe you aren't really a teacher."

 

You would like that, it would help you feel that still you were part of it somehow anyway, that you were worth acknowledging, but perhaps that is just our western self-importance stepping in. It was disappointing to be on the recieving of a badly pulled off kind of sneaking away from it all. Like we wouldn't notice, when in fact was impossible not to see the very popular female who had been there a year, almost like this Mary Poppins magic fairy queen teacher for the kids, she did have quite an ego so it was really a huge blow and like me she hadn't been through it before yet, but the guy who had been there for 3 years just shrugged it off and grumbled, "Nope, you're not a real teacher, they are." Didn't matter to him it was preposterous and stupid to him that the school was so insecure about doing something controversial by including foreigners in a Thai ceremony or whatever it was that they coud even admit to us what they were doing,  and he was probably one of the most valuable assets at the school but he knew that and that was enough he didn't need to be given flower wreaths on bended knee to validate himself probably didn't want it, nor would I, now that think back on it. But I felt bad for Mary Poppins and she was in tears about it and worried as well th at the kids might blame her or begin to see her in a strange light that the school had left her out. I went to the principal the next day to ask why hadn't we been invited to teacher's day ceremonies. I told her were very disappointed that none even said anything, to us about any of it, what happened? She just had this priceless look of bemused astonishment on her chubby rosy olive toned cheeks and cat eye glasses bespectacled face complete with a 60's boufant and slipped into some deep state of cognitive dissonance and laughed and waved her hand at me and coughed into her handkerchief or something. I had thought perhaps there had been a mix up, but I saw there that no there hadn't been, she didn't feel obliged to make bullsheiss excuses so she laughingly whisked me away out of the office on some other pretense.

 

On a day to day level, and lately, the kind of thing you describe, Kenny 02, I get from my wife's cousin's husband who drives us an hour into Roi Et every 2-3 weeks or so to do grocery shopping, mostly for cheaper supplies for my step-daughter's noodle shop and for my farang food needs. We pay him and he is always happy to get his money and seems to appreciate all that, I thank him, because he really is a life saver for me I always buy him a nice big beer or donuts in addition to paying him because he drives well and usually is available and arrives promptly enough when we want to go shopping. But the guy just won't listen to me if I speak to him. Sometimes he takes me somewhere without my wife and if I speak he just goes into the state of confusion or cognitive dissonance I described earlier with the principal just starts quacking and flailing and waving his flippers about like a distressed dolphin out of water  to the point that I worry he is going to crash the car, so i just make a point to never talk to him if we are going somewhere just he and I. I speak Thai very well and he understands thai perfectly well though he refuses to speak it.  His disconnect with me is so thorough that if I am talking to the wife when we are being taken somewhere by him, he will invariably cut in and start talking over me to my wife about something completely else. 5-6 years several times a month. You would think he might get more used to me but there is an impenetrable wall around the guy and he can't seem to even see or hear me. And it bothers me that my wife will speak furiously and at length with him about all manner of things while she is relatively aphoristic with me. I have asked her about it many times because it is amazing how much she has to say to this guy about nothing and little to say to me about other varieties of nothing. She says "well I think you know about everything anyway, so I don't need to tell you very much. He's just talking about mostly stupid situations and gossip anyway. I feel i have to entertain him or maybe he won;t want to give us a lift anymore.  

 

I feel anyway that I have a good relationship with my wife, we enjoy much of the same movies and music, she likes to reflect on life and discuss things, all of the things that come up in ones day to day life and she is interested in trying to decode the nonsense going on all around us to a surprising extent when you see how disinterested and willfully ignorant most people in the world are, but like you say Kenny o2, its when family get thrown into the mix, when a group of thais such as co-workers you get left out ignored in this rather jarring way I have felt completely ripped off and exploited and laughed at in my face in office situations when I was asked to contribut to an office lunch one time and they said, "You get paid more than us, so could you help," I was glad to do it I paid for about half of the whole estimated bill for 6 people and they took the money bought food for themselves and told me the place didn;t have what I wanted and told me to my face they had spent my money anyway on their food and I could go out and get food somewhere else on my own. And said with the kind of  attitude like it never occurred to them I would pretty aghast, didn;t miss a beat breezily and laughingly all got more food than they could eat and got nothing for me "What on earth could be wrong with that! Bye have a nice lunch by yourself!"  the level of assumptiveness that that is OK is not to be found anywhere i have travelled or lived and worked and I have spent much time in over 26 countries. At least the Koreans will be kind of chippy about it when they leave you out, you're left out because you're a <deleted>! At least you are acknowledged. Even though they are very unaccepting of you as a foreigner in Korea and you will never be accepted in their society, god forbid you marry one of their daughters,  with all of that they are very sensitive and feel very bad when others get left out of anything if you are even just so-so and ok only with them. That is my impression after 6 years there. Here its kind of unfathomable, "No, you are family! or You work with us We care about you! But we are going to leave you out of every conversation and meal we have together even if ypu sponsor it unless you barge in yourself. Thats how we roll!' And it all rolls off them like teflon. Working with Thais is on eof the most excruciating things a person can go through, I think even for Thais. I am not bashing here, it is what it is, if I don;t like it I can leave, I know, but I have other things i like. I agree that this leaving people out can really be something else, it is almost like some astounding kind of phenomena.

 

Again, I have my own life and always have, I am interested in many things that most Americans could care less about, abstract art and music, regular music to an excessive degree, Tibetan Buddhism, poetry, ufos and conspiracies, tropical fish and marine and freshwater underwater life flowers and most anything that has some level of detail to go into and explore. I've just never anything to say to anyone much back home since I can remember, so it makes no difference to me that I have little in common with Thais I have little in common with Americans, my upbringing was very atypical, we were middle class but my insane mad scientist Dad was a skin flint so we lived in the hood, the guy was a bit like Rick from the Rick and Morty cartoon, just not that brilliant as Rick but just as oblivious and into his whole screw head schtick  which served him very well, others less so. So you don't belong in America either if you are like me even if on the outside it looks like you might, you're just a foreigner in your own country if you're like me.

 

 

[BritManToo]

9 minutes ago, Gilligan In Drag said:

You would think he might get more used to me but there is an impenetrable wall around the guy and he can't seem to even see or hear me. And it bothers me that my wife will speak furiously and at length with him about all manner of things while she is relatively aphoristic with me. I have asked her about it many times because it is amazing how much she has to say to this guy about nothing and little to say to me about other varieties of nothing. She says "well I think you know about everything anyway, so I don't need to tell you very much. He's just talking about mostly stupid situations and gossip anyway. I feel i have to entertain him or maybe he won;t want to give us a lift anymore.  

He's probably your wife's real husband, and too embarrassed to talk with ........

[Lacessit]

I give small cash gifts to my GF's closest relatives at Christmas. I contribute to my quasi-grand-daughter's education. Her divorced parents are skint most of the time.

As another poster has said,it is important to set boundaries.

I am treated with respect by all my GF's relatives. However, that may just be because I am usually twice their size.

[Gilligan In Drag]

Oh my gosh you're right Pritman...

 

Well, then I suppose I'll be off to go kill myself then right about now. Thanks for the tip, I appreciate it man. Happy New Year, enjoy!

[Gecko123]

@Gilligan In Drag I enjoyed reading the anecdotes you shared in your post.  I could relate to most of them, including the sense of not belonging back in the US as well. Back home, those social slights always felt personal and mean-spirited, as if one was being deliberately excluded or marginalized, but for some reason I rarely take it personally when it happens here. I let it roll off my back here because it never seems mean-spirited or malicious.

 

The one exception I can think of was a few years back I had a running feud with some neighbors down the road over loud music. Sometime not long afterwards they had a ngan buat (ordination) celebration which everyone in the neighborhood, except me, was invited to. That hurt my feelings to a certain degree, but the truth was, I probably wouldn't have gone anyway, even if I had been invited.

Edited January 3, 2022 by Gecko123

[Morpheus42]

It is almost a book, but here is my story and my experience with my thai gf and her family:

 

I am in my mid-20s and never planned to come to Thailand to get a gf here, thinking all Thai Woman are all gogos, bitches and golddiggers. But I was sick of the feminist-brainwashed-woman in Europe already, as well.

Then I saw my now gf and it was over for me. The beautiful smile, the innocent face, the good aura, the beautiful body and skin color. And the girly-like behavior without any percentage of feministic touch.

She was and is an angel in this world full of weird bitches.

She went to a Buddhist University in Isaan, is very beautiful (while most Thais luckily think she is ugly because her skin is tanned lol, these idiots) and the most kind-hearted person I ever met in my life.

When I met her I was 23 and she was 21. She never had a boyfriend before, just a girlfriend lol. Her only sibling, her sister, is in a relationship with a girl since many years already as well.

 

I do not need to mention, her parents were very happy when my now gf finally met a boy in her life. They thought already they would never get grandkids lol, both daughters being lesbian <deleted>, but I converted one back to the straight way successfully ????

And actually since she saw how the relationship between her sister and me is, the sister of my gf is starting to change as well and gets slowly but surely interested in boys as well. I am healing the whole family hahah!

 

Anyway, now to the family situation:

The mother of my gf is an angel, everyone in the village is calling her like that and now I know why. She just cares about everyone else and I need to say she is a better mom than my own one. I actually never saw a mother like her before, her heart must be very heavy. She was working most of her life in a factory, producing clothing, for 350 THB a day. She did not liked it but always did it anyway and sometimes ate nothing to safe the money for the education of her kids.

While her father is kinda silent and bit rough, like men are, but a cool guy. I like to smoke some ganja with him and he actually did me some favors regarding this topic already. He works as a guy who do painting-jobs and some artisanal stuff in his village and around.

Both are poor but hard-working people with a good heart. They have a small house in a small village in Isaan, i would value it max 800.000 THB including the land, that it is. They had more land in the past but a relative needed money, kind-hearted how they are they sold the land, helped out and they never got it back until today.

 

 

When I met my gf the first time, she actually mentioned something like sinsod. While I can actually understand that, being not rich, having a daughter, putting a lot of money into her education and knowing she will never yield the same money back for the family if she is being with a man and just living as a housewife, while living in a country with no social security net.

But I said that I would not feel comfortable doing that and in my culture it seems like a way of buying a woman, and it was never a topic again, not once.

The ex-gf of my gf always helped the family. They opened a steak house in Khon Kaen for example, paid by her. And so on and so on.

 

Well, but I did my part anyway. In my way. I took their money, all they got, 90.000 THB, and put it into crypto.

Took me around 30 mins of work.

Cashed out 150.000 THB of it already, while still having 350.000 THB left at the moment. They are very happy and think I am a genius money-multiplier, while I just helped a bit with my experience, same what I did to all my friends who made a <deleted>load of money with crypto because of my tips already as well ???? What is the point, why not?

 

 

 

Me and my gf are living together far away from Isaan on an island in the south since one year.

I bought a house with big garden here. In her name. No leasing, nothing. Bought it from a french guy, was in the name of his wife for over 10 years already. Not all Thai woman are lying gogo-girls just after your money, you just look in the wrong places or having the wrong energy. Or you are old, fat and/or disgusting and look for something out of your range.

By the way, buying the house was the most easiest process ever, french guy took crypto. I love Thailand. No property taxes. Fertile land. Seaview. Just awesome. When I compare to the process of my home country, <deleted> that <deleted>.

 

Now the mother of my gf is here since 4 months to support us because we have our now 1-year-old daughter ????

She quitted her job in the factory because they forced her to get vaccinated and I told her to refuse. I explained her why, my gf translated for sure, but she understood it very well.

Not only the issues with the side effects, but the whole thing with the QR codes and digital prison. She got a lot of common sense and have what I call emotional intelligence. All of her friends are still unvaccinated as well and after seeing three people dying in their small village after getting the death-jab, I got very high respect there now, after they didn't believed me at the beginning. But in contrast to "educated" people these poor people still trust their common sense and own experiences, instead of denying everything they see just because they are being told it is not the truth like all these "educated" people. I love them.

 

 

As I said above, mother of gf is here since 4 months and I love her so much. She is cooking, helping us in the garden (actually doing most of the work) and whatever. A nanny, a housekeeper, a gardener, a cook. Working from morning to night for us, while I can enjoy the time together with my gf, she can improve her language skills and take all the time she need to be with our daughter.

Her father was here for one month as well and did good work with his painting and artisanal skills, all for free for sure ????

And the only thing I need to give back is buying the food for us four, while most of it is coming out of our garden or from the ocean for free anyway. I feel very blessed and the mother of my gf can stay here as long as she wants, I love her aura.

She even started to learn a bit of English because my Thai is still broken (what a shame, actually, but being pretty busy)

The rest of the family all can survive comfortably from the sister of gf working as a teacher for 20.000 THB/month and father of gf working in Isaan doing his artisanal and painting stuff.

They hope their crypto investment will continue to grow, then they wanna buy some rai of land in their village and want to put it in the name of our daughter and start farming it ???? They are so happy they finally have their first grandkid.

 

 

 

 

I know my gf since 2019. In March 2020 when there was the big Corona Crash in the markets and I really lost most of my money because of the crypto crash due to high leverage trading, my gf understood I would be completely broke. I never gave her a Satang until that day, bought nothing in her name or whatever.

She instantly offered me that I can come to her to Isaan and live with her family. While I was not in need of that, I just took the offer to see if its real. It was. They thought I would have like really no money at all anymore and treated me like one of them, after being with my gf for not even a year at that time. Her father gave me weed for free, they bought all the food from their little spare money and treated me very well for some time. Then the markets recovered and I told them I do not need to live there anymore, I made money again. Huge money since then, actually. Thanks crypto, thanks territorial taxation system in Thailand, by the way. This place is a legal tax haven if you structure it well.

 

 

So yeah, I know of all the stories of old fat or stupid farang who get cheated by Thai woman. But things like this happen in western countries as well, a friends father for example was completely drained after a divorce.

And from my observation it seems like it is always the stupidity of the farang man when they get drained by the Thai woman in Thailand. They get together with a type of woman they would avoid in their home country. Take a bitchy-snitchy looking woman and you will get what you expect.    I just took the most cutest, innocent and kind-heartiest woman I ever saw and got exactly what I expected. 

 

I could not be more happy regarding my gf and our family.  The only thing which is making me unhappy in Thailand atm is the corona-dictatorship that is waiting around the corner while Thai people are lethargic like they always are.

We still wait how the situation develops here the next months, but we are ready moving to El Salvador or Mexico or wherever I decide it would be the best place for us, if needed tomorrow. My gf, being Thai which usually do not like to leave their country and her family behind, is ready to follow me everywhere, she respect my authority and she knows that I can decide better than her.

 

 

I love Thailand (beside Corona). I love the taxation system here. I love my girlfriend. I love her family.

[Gilligan In Drag]

Gecko123- Yes, if I had to compare back home being left out versus being left out here, yes I too would say there is more than likely something more sinister when Americans freeze you out of things and therefor its worse where there is a kind of cluelessness about it in Thailand. Its a weirder thing to me here, the whats me worry attitude,  leaving you out would never even register so its not even like its an error they can regret or apologize for in many cases, or its just, well thats how things roll, the sun is too hot sometimes who ever apologizes for that with any sincereity. But back home it can really be painfull, or it used to be, I've been gone a long time so my ties are pretty scant .  Yes my siblings and Mom do it, they don't like my view of the world, so I am not even really worthy of even being spoken to civilly, if i am spoken to at all, its retard this and moron that etc. who needs it. They have the problem not me. I have to say and i 'm sorry to say it, but I could care less about them now, they don't care about anyone but themselves and what can you do with that, not much. Sad people. I guess I don't really feel left out after a certain point. Though my mother once was a caring and kind person as were my brothers, I don't know, something happened to them over the last 20 years or so. I have decided they just aren't the same people who I appreciate and have gratitude towards still as they were in the past. It is my view on things that people literally morph into different people over the years, so we don't have to regret hating the woman who gave birth and took care of us because, no, I still do love her, I just hate the woman she later became who did such unbelieveably selfish and  spitefull things to me later in life out of her own bitterness which I had little to do with. She doesn't look, talk, think, do any of the things she used to, she even has a different name. So its not her anymore as far as I'm concerned. But Life continues and it is all really such a treat, we don't have long to live, and each day is a gift. Some say a human life is rare even if we do reincarnate, so yes you have to let all of your disappointments and other such things roll off your back as you say and relax and enjoy. Happy New Year to you!

[gejohesch]

3 hours ago, it is what it is said:

 

having traveled widely i can say islamic countries are by far the most hospitable, and of those iran and pakistan would top my list

I agree with you. I have a lot of experience with Iran and Syria, with close-up contact i.e. real friends and nearly family, and also knew an Iraqi family years back. I even spent some time in northern Pakistan and liked the people there. All these countries have lots of fine, nice, generous people. Also as soon as they have a basic education, they are people you can discuss all sorts of things with. I forgot, they also have a sense of honour that IMO is rather lacking with Thai people. As for generosity, I came to the bottomline view that Thais can be very generous .... with someone elses's money!

 

Btw, I'm just another farang, I'm not from the Middle East. Just saying this because some people could suspect that I am biased.

[Gilligan In Drag]

44 minutes ago, Morpheus42 said:

Well, but I did my part anyway. In my way. I took their money, all they got, 90.000 THB, and put it into crypto.

Took me around 30 mins of work.

Cashed out 150.000 THB of it already, while still having 350.000 THB left at the moment. They are very happy and think I am a genius money-multiplier, while I just helped a bit with my experience, same what I did to all my friends who made a <deleted>load of money with crypto because of my tips already as well ???? What is the point, why not?

Good for you! That's great! From what you say in your book that I read and enjoyed reading, heheh, you are more active and more of a wheeler dealer with crypto than I am. For example I would never dream of taking out leverage, its too scary for me, sounds like you can roll with the consequences and handle it, can't say that for myself. I fret for weeks about making a single trade, I get my buy or sell signals and i always screw them up and start second guessing and over thinking and revising them. I do get those right more than I should but it takes me a lot of just sitting for hours and staring at the same chart and looking and looking and doing nothing for weeks.  I just can't very easily trust the technicals. So I just hodl mostly.

 

So I am still waiting for years for the point where my family will see the results of my crypto investments which I will have to start cashing out on soon because I'm just about broke. But My niece is a very hardworking go getter and works as an accountant in Pattaya. I used to talk to her about crypto say five years ago, to try to point out she could do well and she would just gasp unfortunately, "Oh no not Bitcoin! They'll put you in prison for that you know! You're really crazy buying Bitcoin!" My wife has always listened to her more than myself and its always, "Well, I never see any money in our account that comes from Bitcoin so its all <deleted> as far as I am concerned." Yeah, she is right in a way, but I keep showing her the charts how our Bitcoin has gone up 15,000% in value, its mad and there's no way it will go back down to 300 dollars a coin that it was when I bought little bits here and there and still have them. She knows it is our only hope to get decent money back in our life and she is atrting to believe it as she hears more and more. I wish I could have cashed out some and showed her, but it isn't worth it losing the future upside even if we will soon be done with the bull market, you just keep riding it and making more. There was a period here where it was unclear about crypto and the law, a lot of negativity in the press and world-wide so that attitude was understandable. Now I tell my niece, "just budget for a little bit each month and buy a little bit, they say that is the best way to buy they call it dollar cost averaging and you could have a lot of money in ten years." She is sharp and is an accountant and everything so she gets it and knows it is legal to have now, but now just says, "I don't have a little bit," and that might be true.

[thaibook]

As has been said by others above, it depends on the background and educational level of the girl and her family and importantly on the girl herself.  It also extends to friends.  A small group of girls, including my wife, who were at school together some 40+ years ago gathered for lunch or occasionally a few days out of town every few months, before covid.  Some are rich some are well known but all are very nice.  We only moved here in August, before that we would come for visits and when here I was always included, the only husband or man to participate.  I let them order the food, but they alway sask me to choose the wine.  Most have limited English but all make an effort.  The cost is shared equally or almost as one of them frequently brings her adult daughter and somehow we all end up paying for her.  Most grumble but dare not condemn the behaviour.  She takes the view, common among many Thais, that friend and connections should be happy to be asked to be useful. 

 

 

[rattlesnake]

18 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Really?

My Thai is good enough to have a basic conversation. But apart from hallo and how are you it seems we all don't know what to talk about. And somehow I can't imagine things would improve while getting drunk.

Fair enough. I have noticed though that lots of farangs get uptight because they just don't have a clue about what's going on. Lots of them would benefit from taking Thai classes (it certainly changed everything for me back in the day).

[SAFETY FIRST]

Thanks so much, so true, great explanation. 

I had a few chuckles reading your post.

Can relate to all your issues, it was many years ago but same same.
 

[spidermike007]

On 1/3/2022 at 2:51 AM, 1FinickyOne said:

For my wife too... she learned while staying w/me in USA - and she learned on her own, seeing that others, then herself, could say 'thank you so much' and it would make people feel better... I am sure she doesn't say it to her family, but will say it to me as she knows it is polite and appreciated... 

What some do not acknowledge is that many in Thailand are two generations removed from quite a tribal existence. In tribes I do not think terms of gratitude are expected, or considered normal. 

 

So, perhaps it is about learning and development. 

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

What some do not acknowledge is that many in Thailand are two generations removed from quite a tribal existence. In tribes I do not think terms of gratitude are expected, or considered normal. 

 

So, perhaps it is about learning and development. 

Not even 2 generations, my FiL was a village bandit (would have been the same age as me today) and my woman used to ride around in an Ox cart when she was a little girl.

[Guest Isaanlife]

12 hours ago, Lacessit said:

I give small cash gifts to my GF's closest relatives at Christmas. I contribute to my quasi-grand-daughter's education. Her divorced parents are skint most of the time.

As another poster has said,it is important to set boundaries.

I am treated with respect by all my GF's relatives. However, that may just be because I am usually twice their size.

I don't set any boundaries.

 

My wife's family is now my family.

Family is family.

 

I understand they are poor and their plight, while I have way, way more than enough to last me through the years.

 

I have bought a large tractor, farm vehicle, pickup truck, 2 wheeled tractor, pay for the fields to be seeded every year and much more.

 

I always pay to take them on holidays, celebrations, weddings, birthdays, you name it.

 

My family appreciates it and in return takes very good care of me.

 

For me personally, I get a sense of joy taken care of everyone.

 

We don't have any issues and function as one big happy family.

 

You cannot even begin to image how much poverty some families grew up in?

 

My wife never even had a toy growing up and I feel sorry about that.

 

Until the big nose farang arrived on site, no running water, no appliances, no furniture.

 

I simply will not let one child or relative suffer if I can do something about.

 

That is my philosophy and I am extremely happy to be their salvation.

 

If I can bring some happiness before I die, that is exactly what I will continue to do.

 

My wife will always have enough to last her entire life.

 

 

[brianthainess]

On 1/3/2022 at 12:56 AM, 1FinickyOne said:

My wife pretty much forgets my birthday easily... but she forgets her own too... we never exchange gifts on occasions. 

X 1  same with us, I might buy my missus something she needs occasionally, but its not for Xmas or birthdays. Birthdays may involve a 7/11 cake with a candle stuck in it   

[brianthainess]

53 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Not even 2 generations, my FiL was a village bandit (would have been the same age as me today) and my woman used to ride around in an Ox cart when she was a little girl.

She had it lucky my missus used to walk 1 hr to school without any shoes to her name. She now owns the 8 ria that the family live on. Her Mum died when she was 8yr and her Dad died when she was 12. A very strong minded, hard working woman.

[EVENKEEL]

5 minutes ago, Isaanlife said:

I don't set any boundaries.

 

My wife's family is now my family.

Family is family.

 

I understand they are poor and their plight, while I have way, way more than enough to last me through the years.

 

I have bought a large tractor, farm vehicle, pickup truck, 2 wheeled tractor, pay for the fields to be seeded every year and much more.

 

I always pay to take them on holidays, celebrations, weddings, birthdays, you name it.

 

My family appreciates it and in return takes very good care of me.

 

For me personally, I get a sense of joy taken care of everyone.

 

We don't have any issues and function as one big happy family.

 

You cannot even begin to image how much poverty some families grew up in?

 

My wife never even had a toy growing up and I feel sorry about that.

 

Until the big nose farang arrived on site, no running water, no appliances, no furniture.

 

I simply will not let one child or relative suffer if I can do something about.

 

That is my philosophy and I am extremely happy to be their salvation.

 

If I can bring some happiness before I die, that is exactly what I will continue to do.

 

My wife will always have enough to last her entire life.

 

 

I understand your logic, but here's where I differ. When I first arrived in Issan I thought it was a hoot. Like stepping back to a simpler time, grow some rice for food, do odd jobs for cash, always there if you needed help. Me, I've been doing man's manual labor since I was a kid, as a 15 yr old I'd get up 5am work at a dairy before school and after, weekends were 10 hr days. As an adult I worked 8-16 hrs a day/ 7 days a week for months as per my contracts. If I needed work looking for work was a full time job.

 

When I ask about relatives if they are working in Issan, reply is no jobs. Seems like they're waiting for a knock on their door with job offers. It's hard to continue helping those who aren't willing to go the extra mile to help themselves. They're good people, they just don't have the drive. Even to improve there homes is not important it seems. 

[NoshowJones]

I was going out with this girl, and me and her were sitting with her family, it was arranged we would meet that evening in a restaurant for dinner, I knew I would be expected to pay the bill. so about 2 hours before, I said I was very hungry, so took her into a restaurant for a meal.

 

So when it came to meet the family at the restaurant, all I had was a soft drink, I told them I had already eaten, so they could not present me with the bill, and that's the way it worked out.

[Adumbration]

15 hours ago, gejohesch said:

 

 

I lived in a number of countries - Africa, Europe, Middle East, Australia, Asia - I think Thais are the weirdest of them all.

What do you find weird about Australians?