sin sod or not she was already married

[kingstonkid]

Just wondering GF telling me that reason she does not introduce me to family is they will want money.  Hah that would never happen here I tell her>

 

Second reason is that family will want sinsod.  she is over 50 and been married before which to me makes her  Mia Maiy e So no dowery is needed.  Is this correct?

[The Hammer2021]

You need  friends not a Thai wife.

[petermik]

At 50+ she is long past her sell on date...wonderful person she may be but not worth paying any money for.....turn the tables and ask "how much you give me if I take care of her" LOL

[timendres]

It might be reasonable to offer to show some gold at the ceremony, IF and ONLY IF it will be returned to you after the ceremony.

[Pravda]

I'm never free

[HAPPYNUFF]

Maybe   she  doesnt want you to meet her "brother" ???

[richard_smith237]

Awesome... a Sin-Sod thread to get our teeth into....

 

.... ‘outdated tradition'

.... ‘its like buying a woman'

.... ‘I’d never pay for it'

.... ‘past her sell by date'

.... ‘run Forest run'

.... ‘sin-sod is only for virgins'

 

I hope to read all of these golden droplets of sin-soddery throughout this thread as it evolves...

 

 

[Kenny202]

Showing gold or handing over sums of money at a wedding ceremony to a 50yo village woman would only bring ridicule on yourself as well as advertising yourself as an easy mark. And she wasnt lying when she said her family want money. She may even be protecting you. Judging by a guy I know's ordeals with his 50yo wife and her gambling issues, loans etc Id say you'd be safer with an ex bar girl. At least short term you'll have more fun

[Neeranam]

Why would anyone want to marry a 50 year old?

In my view, getting married is only for the sake of the kids. 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

29 minutes ago, kingstonkid said:

that reason she does not introduce me to family is they will want money

Great! She does not want to introduce you to her family. You can't have it better than that!

Most of us are more or less forced to see the family, including all those consequences.

 

Enjoy your life without the family!

[Neeranam]

1 minute ago, Kenny202 said:

Showing gold or handing over sums of money at a wedding ceremony to a 50yo village woman would only bring ridicule on yourself as well as advertising yourself as an easy mark. And she wasnt lying when she said her family want money. She may even be protecting you. Judging by a guy I know's ordeals with his 50yo wife and her gambling issues, loans etc Id say you'd be safer with an ex bar girl. At least short term you'll have more fun

Nothing wrong with showing money for a 50 yo.

What is a village woman?

[cjinchiangrai]

At 50 and divorced her sin sod number is zero. No Thai guy would marry her at all so she should be happy to have you. Yes there is the family to deal with but a reasonable family might set you back 1-2000 a month, after the wedding if you live there. Be careful.

 

They sometimes put up show money and some is used to help pay for the wedding but a very nice village wedding should be under 50k. Some jewelry as a wedding gift is normal but big cash to the family is not.

 

[The Hammer2021]

16 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

Absolutely ridiculous. She's the village virgin right? And all honesty your probably better off not knowing her family, nor the husband or boyfriend she is probably hiding in the village, if indeed this is a genuine post.

I'm afraid  you are correct.  The OP seems helplessly  lost.

[Neeranam]

33 minutes ago, kingstonkid said:

GF telling me that reason she does not introduce me to family is they will want money

She's embarrassed/ashamed. 

[The Hammer2021]

2 minutes ago, cjinchiangrai said:

At 50 and divorced her sin sod number is zero. No Thai guy would marry her at all so she should be happy to have you. Yes there is the family to deal with but a reasonable family might set you back 1-2000 a month, after the wedding if you live there. Be careful.

 

They sometimes put up show money and some is used to help pay for the wedding but a very nice village wedding should be under 50k. Some jewelry as a wedding gift is normal but big cash to the family is not.

 

 Nothing up front at all.

[Chris.B]

2 minutes ago, Neeranam said:

Why would anyone want to marry a 50 year old?

In my view, getting married is only for the sake of the kids. 

 

 

Maybe he wants to spend his remaining days on this planet with her? He wants to make a commitment that she will receive all his worldly possessions in the event of his demise.

 

Or maybe he wants to take her to his home country and needs a visa.

 

Or maybe she has told him "no hanky panky, not until we are married".  

 

Whatever it is the Op doesn't need a village wedding. However a state marriage should be fine! 

 

[Rimmer]

An inflammatory troll post and a reply have neem removed

[djayz]

I think the question you should be asking yourself is "Do I want to/Can I spend the rest of my life with this woman?". If the answer is yes, then just accept her as she is and explain your position on sin sod. Then, she needs to decide if she can/wants to spend the rest of her life with you - sin sod or no sin sod. If the answer is yes, then enjoy the rest of your lives together. If the answer is no, then part now and move on. There are lots of good, kind, loyal women here who are looking for somebody good to grow old with - contrary to what a lot of the women experts here will tell you. 

At 50, she needs to make decisions for herself, not have family members make them for her. In a relationship, both sides must respect each other, their opinions and, in interracial relationships, each others customs to a certain degree. It has to be a fair mix of what YOU want and what SHE wants. Make it very clear what you are and are not willing to do, accept, pay and how much/little you want her family meddling in your affairs. 

I made this very clear to my missus 16 years ago and I haven't looked back since then. 

Good luck! 

You must be captain of your own course. 

[Kenny202]

3 minutes ago, djayz said:

I think the question you should be asking yourself is "Do I want to/Can I spend the rest of my life with this woman?". If the answer is yes, then just accept her as she is and explain your position on sin sod. Then, she needs to decide if she can/wants to spend the rest of her life with you - sin sod or no sin sod. If the answer is yes, then enjoy the rest of your lives together. If the answer is no, then part now and move on. There are lots of good, kind, loyal women here who are looking for somebody good to grow old with - contrary to what a lot of the women experts here will tell you. 

At 50, she needs to make decisions for herself, not have family members make them for her. In a relationship, both sides must respect each other, their opinions and, in interracial relationships, each others customs to a certain degree. It has to be a fair mix of what YOU want and what SHE wants. Make it very clear what you are and are not willing to do, accept, pay and how much/little you want her family meddling in your affairs. 

I made this very clear to my missus 16 years ago and I haven't looked back since then. 

Good luck! 

If hes as naive as he appears how would he know at this point? They are all angels until you have transferred all your wealth to them in houses, land vehicles....in her name. Then the best you can hope for is she will continue to let you live in HER home, when you are penniless and trying to explain to her you are on a pension and need to live modestly. And she will be thinking this sap was easy to find, he's no use to me now I'll go find another

[bbko]

I wouldn't have a meeting with the future in-laws where the very 1st meeting is me handing them money.  Meet them without mentioning marriage, see how it goes.  Even then after the meeting and when it's marriage time, I'd only offer to pay for the party or some other minor gift.

[The Hammer2021]

40 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Great! She does not want to introduce you to her family. You can't have it better than that!

Most of us are more or less forced to see the family, including all those consequences.

 

Enjoy your life without the family!

Smart men marry orphans

[soi3eddie]

@kingstonkidare you trolling the forum? ???? With your number of posts and reputation you didn't arrive here yesterday. Seriously though, I'd be pressing to meet the family to figure out what I might be marrying into or running the hell away from as fast as possible. Maybe your GF is true gem and keeper and for that wish you all the best as there are a few good ones out there. Usually Thais are very family oriented so why is you GF so distanced from her family? I never had a problem with my Thai in-laws for 14 years whilst married to my Thai ex-wife. In fact, looking back, at the end, they were nicer to me than she was. I did have the best mother-in-law in the world... she couldn't speak a word of English!   

[stigar]

When i married my exwife at her age 21..no kids..Paid sinsod 100.000 bath after 7 years marrige.

She took back 50.000 bath from her parents because money was just for showing.

My new lady age 45 don want sinsod at all.She have 2 kids.

[KhaoYai]

1 hour ago, HAPPYNUFF said:

Maybe   she  doesnt want you to meet her "brother" ???

Don't forget her 'cousin' ????

[KhaoYai]

1 hour ago, kingstonkid said:

Just wondering GF telling me that reason she does not introduce me to family is they will want money. 

This a pile of buffalo do do.  You need to get out of this relationship - its the usual farang ATM scenario.  You don't pay money to meet the family - in this outdated facet of Thai culture, you are supposed to negotiate Sin Sot with her mother or the next in line family elder.  How you would do that without meeting them, I know not.  If she's talking about money at this stage, I think you know what to do, you don't need to ask here.

[Kenny202]

23 minutes ago, KhaoYai said:

This a pile of buffalo do do.  You need to get out of this relationship - its the usual farang ATM scenario.  You don't pay money to meet the family - in this outdated facet of Thai culture, you are supposed to negotiate Sin Sot with her mother or the next in line family elder.  How you would do that without meeting them, I know not.  If she's talking about money at this stage, I think you know what to do, you don't need to ask here.

In context I don"t see theres anything wrong with her saying her family will want money. We all know it would be true. All your new best friends sitting there like drooling mongrels waiting for a hand out. Maybe she feels embarrassed about it. On the other hand if you feel she is hinting that you will need to grease them up if you want the pleasure of her families company that's a huge red flag but a very typical and common one if they are from a poor / village back ground. I used to wonder how these girls became so entitled and expectant of going from the outhouse to the penthouse but there never seems to be any shortage of fresh meat queuing  up for the slaughter

[Guest Isaanlife]

Op you never mentioned how old are you?

 

At 50 years old, she should be thanking god someone is willing to financially take care of her.

 

Not ask for money. Asking for sin-sod tells me she is not thankful to you?

[KhaoYai]

13 minutes ago, Kenny202 said:

In context I don"t see theres anything wrong with her saying her family will want money.

Simply going by his original statement.  If she's warning him that her family will want money, hat's off to her but that's not how I read his OP.

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, kingstonkid said:

Second reason is that family will want sinsod.  she is over 50 and been married before which to me makes her  Mia Maiy e So no dowery is needed.  Is this correct?

If she' over 50 there's no chance of kids, so no reason to marry her.

Live in sin at no charge.

@Neeranambeat me to it!

[Kenny202]

1 minute ago, Isaanlife said:

Op you never mentioned how old are you?

 

At 50 years old, she should be thanking god someone is willing to financially take care of her.

 

Not ask for money. Asking for sin-sod tells me she is not thankful to you?

I have never met one that thought she was lucky to get a better life and a caring husband unless it was a Hollywood lifestyle where she was showered in real estate and gold. I honestly think they believe they are downgrading getting a farang and expect to be renumerated for it. Different story if its an old guy and a sexy young girl, and more power to you if you can afford it but an older lady that is probably bringing nothing to the table apart from a lot of baggage and future problems....nup. have some self respect / self worth and have some expectations of your own. After you have lived here some time you will reallise there is a queue of women 30-50yo wanting to meet you from Chiang Mai to Bangkok. If it doesn't work out...nnnnext. If she seems like a nice woman give her a try. But dont commit to anything and don't invest any more than you would in a GF back home, particularly at the start. And I wouldn't automatically fire her just because she asks for money. Her friends (who have never even spoken to a farang) will be coaching her on what to expect and egging her on. Set her straight and give her one chance. The real test comes later when her jealous friends are asking where is her gold and new Louis bag? And why haven't you built her a home? Its all about face, showing off, embarrassment. Which monkey has the most bananas. If shes strong enough to push all that off and be realistic u may be on a winner