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sin sod or not she was already married


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On 1/28/2022 at 5:38 AM, Kenny202 said:

Really? I haven't met one yet who would even cook for herself let alone cook for me or even help do 20% of the chores around the house. Neither do any of my mates wives particularly do much. Slaves? Often? Not in the Thailand I live. I have asked a few of them what they are bringing to the relationship as I seem to be paying for everything and doing most of the work for both of us. Answer is usually something like "I live with you everyday". I always wonder how blokes go here who don't know how to take care of themselves.   

Really?

When I am in the village, my GF cooks for me, washes my car, cuts my toenails and hair when needed. Washes and irons the dirty laundry I bring from the condo. Also participates in activities I can't mention on a family-oriented forum. When she comes to the condo, she'll spend a couple of hours cleaning dirt that is invisible to me, with broom, mop and bleach.

I cook for myself in the condo, after I have finished the food she gives me to take back there.

 

Sounds to me like you are in the wrong part of Thailand, or meeting the wrong kind of woman. The ones I know in Chiang Rai would crawl over broken glass to hook up with a farang who treats them well, and provides financial support. As little as 2000-3000 baht/month will do it with older women in their forties and fifties.

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On 1/27/2022 at 6:20 PM, richard_smith237 said:

Awesome... a Sin-Sod thread to get our teeth into....

 

.... ‘outdated tradition'

.... ‘its like buying a woman'

.... ‘I’d never pay for it'

.... ‘past her sell by date'

.... ‘run Forest run'

.... ‘sin-sod is only for virgins'

 

I hope to read all of these golden droplets of sin-soddery throughout this thread as it evolves...

 

 

Human Trafficing?

 

 

 

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I have read numerous articles on this.  They say sin sod is not paid if the woman was previously married.  Personally I wouldn’t pay this at anytime.  But that is just my opinion. 
What would concern me is her not wanting to introduce you to her family.  I could see if the relationship is new. But if it has been a while it would concern me. It would make me feel she was hiding something.  Possibly seeing someone else that the parents know about.  
I was in a similar situation when I first came to Bangkok.  She was 48 years old,  Attractive, an accountant for a large company.  She was divorced with two older children.  We dated for eight months.  Seeing me once a week. She never introduced me to her parents , friends or her children.  They didn’t even know she was dating me.  When I would ask her why.  She said she didn’t know if I was sticking around . I eventually dropped her.  Which I know I should have done sooner. 

 

 

 

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You can pay sin sod if you like. But the technical answer is, that a never-married AND a virgin are what CAN make a sin sod justifiable.

 

I wouldn't pay it either way, both for my personal opinions on the matter as well as those of other Commenters here.

Edited by ChrisKC
typo
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...talking about someone and passing judgement as if 'he's not in the room'....is pretty pathetic...

...justify it in your own mind...

...someone...'one of us'...coming onto a forum...asking for advice...

....but so many of you 'know better'...'know everything'... in fact...

 

...I remember coming on here....once...(?)....

...slandered...shamed....called a scammer....

 

...go figure...

 

...without judging....'on face value'....this does not sound good at all...

...you've opened up to this person(?)...revealed your weaknesses and vulnerabilities(?)

 

..these people...for they are a group/gang/family...call them what you will..

..they outnumber you...have thoroughly discussed...and sussed the situation...

 

..essentially they appear to be selling you a marriage...with visa considerations factored in...

...problem is...like some said...you don't have any idea whom you are dealing with...

..regardless of what she has 'volunteered' to tell you...

,,,I would not advise a friend ...or stranger to pursue this situation...

 

 

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On 1/27/2022 at 6:20 PM, richard_smith237 said:

Awesome... a Sin-Sod thread to get our teeth into....

 

.... ‘outdated tradition'

.... ‘its like buying a woman'

.... ‘I’d never pay for it'

.... ‘past her sell by date'

.... ‘run Forest run'

.... ‘sin-sod is only for virgins'

 

I hope to read all of these golden droplets of sin-soddery throughout this thread as it evolves...

You're really going to waste your time reading the replies. Richard, you must be bored. I'm surprised I actually read down you to yours. 🤣😇

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On 1/27/2022 at 10:20 PM, richard_smith237 said:

Awesome... a Sin-Sod thread to get our teeth into....

 

.... ‘outdated tradition'

.... ‘its like buying a woman'

.... ‘I’d never pay for it'

.... ‘past her sell by date'

.... ‘run Forest run'

.... ‘sin-sod is only for virgins'

 

I hope to read all of these golden droplets of sin-soddery throughout this thread as it evolves...

 

 

beautiful ... gave me a good giggle ... thank you, you sardonic knight 😂🙏👍

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All depends on yourself.. are you rich? Are you gullible?? After being through a lot myself, my only advice to you is look after nr1  ,look after your health and never tell anyone how much money you have.. 

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OP, keep your GF as GF, then you don't have to worry about these things at all. This is what I'm doing, will never ever marry again.

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You need to built a foundation in this case communication what does she want? If she say the family want money ask her what the first husband give to her and the family? Hope she answer honestly then you need to find out at 50 is she strong enough to whether the storm with her family or just keep taking a beating. 

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OP really up to you and the misses... .. .. don’t think it’s necessary unless you got off with a reasonable amount. What I did was tell wife to be I will give Mama “X” amount as long as you don’t do a runnerwithin 1 years...  2 months the sinsod was removed from discussion....

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On 1/27/2022 at 1:53 PM, djayz said:

Have to disagree with this. There are early telltale signs which give gold diggers away early on in the game. You should  be able to see these signs and get out immediately.

Not always, mine was absolutely fine for the first year, no signs at all - even to the point of refusing to buy expensive items.

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I would guess she has someone back home. My friend was forbidden to go to his wife's brother's funeral.  LOL. Who was living in her house. My friend was paying a second mortgage she took out on the house and paying the electric bills. 

I would seriously just do some kind of living arrangement that doesn't include a wedding.  The village wedding doesn't mean anything legally anyway.  Its just for show. And she doesn't seem Interested to include her family for some strange reason.  A couple of big red flags you should not over look. 

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10 minutes ago, KhaoYai said:

Not always, mine was absolutely fine for the first year, no signs at all - even to the point of refusing to buy expensive items.

Don't want you to spend to mutt money 😅

 

That one is old, but still good

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4 hours ago, Hummin said:

Don't want you to spend to mutt money

No, not at all.  I'm aware of that one but it wasn't like that and I'm not going to get into a long drawn out argument about it - pointless.

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13 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Really?

When I am in the village, my GF cooks for me, washes my car, cuts my toenails and hair when needed. Washes and irons the dirty laundry I bring from the condo. Also participates in activities I can't mention on a family-oriented forum. When she comes to the condo, she'll spend a couple of hours cleaning dirt that is invisible to me, with broom, mop and bleach.

I cook for myself in the condo, after I have finished the food she gives me to take back there.

 

Sounds to me like you are in the wrong part of Thailand, or meeting the wrong kind of woman. The ones I know in Chiang Rai would crawl over broken glass to hook up with a farang who treats them well, and provides financial support. As little as 2000-3000 baht/month will do it with older women in their forties and fifties.

Just for reference, my girlfriend would come over to my place, clean it, cut the toenails, do laundry, and other stuff. Spend the night. And then go back to her Thai boyfriend the next morning.

 

i was happy to see her go.

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8 hours ago, KhaoYai said:

Right, understood but that is not how I read your original post.  It does indeed appear that she is warning you.

Over time, you will learn, as many of us have had to do the hard way, that way too many Thai/Foreigner relationships are based on money.  That is not to say yours is, its just a fact.  Plenty of foreigners have been 'burned' by Thai women and been left with nothing - such is our stupidity, we just don't want to believe it at the time. Fortunately I lost very little.

 

It is quite often the family rather than the girl - the pressure that some families put on girls is hard to understand, in fact, when I hear some stories, I still don't understand it.  For example, I cannot see any way that I could put so much pressure on my daughter that she would agree to go work as a prostitute - but it happens.

 

So its seems your girl knows how her family are and is keeping you away from them because she doesn't want them pestering you. I would regard that as a blessing.  Whilst some Thai families are really welcoming and want nothing, there are some that will be looking at what they can extract from you from the outset.  If your girl wants to keep you away from them, its probably best that you heed her warnings.

 

However, it is also possible that she is keeping you away from something.  It took me 18 months to find out that my ex wife's 'cousin' was actually her Thai boyfriend.  I've been a regular visitor to Thailand for over 20 years and didn't think it could happen to me -  it can and it does. The only way to totally avoid that, or the risk of it, is to not have a relationship with a Thai woman at all. 

 

You will see the 'real' side of a Thai family when things go wrong.  In my case, the break up involved theft and criminal proceedings. My ex's family didn't realise that I understood them at the police station when they asked my lawyer why he was helping a foreigner!!! My lawyer replied that he was on the side of justice, at which he was told he was not Thai - sometimes they are just damned unbelievable.  I hope you never have to learn things the hard way.

 

There's good and bad everywhere but when you don't fully understand the language and/or are not there full time, it can be very difficult. That said, I know of foreigners that are in very successful relationships with Thai women.

2 things come to mind?

 

You picked this woman in this first place.

 

Second, there are loads of foreigners that have been married to the same women for 25+ years.

 

A regular visitor to Thailand is not the same as living in Thailand for 20 years.

 

I have always wondered how some people can move half way round the world to Thailand, not really understand who they are getting involved with until it all comes crashing down on them and some who come here, are smart with their marriage choice and have wonderful long term marriages?

 

When the man has all the choices, it seems odd so many choose and fail?

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3 hours ago, KhaoYai said:

No, not at all.  I'm aware of that one but it wasn't like that and I'm not going to get into a long drawn out argument about it - pointless.

It is so many common ways to lure a bf ( also gf ) and for a foreigner in Thailand after reading all the storys, talking to some few who experienced to be scammed, it is also easy to paranoid. 
 

 

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On 1/27/2022 at 5:59 PM, kingstonkid said:

she is over 50 and been married before

Not sure if you are seriously asking the question, or just want to start the guys talking. 

In case you are serious here is the answer.

Her age does not make any difference,  The question is, do you love this woman and want to be with her? Do you want your woman to be respected by others? Do you want to make her happy? 

If the answered to those is yes then have your fiancé agree that the sin sod will be returned after the wedding. (ours was and we did not even ask) . Then make a modest show That you respect your wife, her parents and Thai tradition, and give the woman you love the happiness of a proper weeding with a good man. 

Best  of happiness in your life together 😀 

Edited by sirineou
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15 minutes ago, sirineou said:

Not sure if you are seriously asking the question, or just want to start the guys talking. 

In case you are serious here is the answer.

Her age does not make any difference,  The question is, do you love this woman and want to be with her? Do you want your woman to be respected by others? Do you want to make her happy? 

If the answered to those is yes then have your fiancé agree that the sin sod will be returned after the wedding. (ours was and we did not even ask) . Then make a modest show That you respect your wife, her parents and Thai tradition, and give the woman you love the happiness of a proper weeding with a good man. 

Best  of happiness in your life together 😀 

Over the years I have seen so many different solutions and also seen a divorced woman with kids in her 40’ ies also get her sin sod even her mother was dead. The new husband was thai. 
 

In the village sin sod for an «untouched» with university degree 500k. No education 100k and up and this is Thai marriages. Some falangs have built houses for themselves and family, very few of them is still here of different reasons, and all of them was married to bar girls. They maybe did not pay sin sod, but they spent millions, or still spend almost all of their pentions living here. 
 

Not seen a rich falang here, but one built the biggest house in the Neighborhood and bought 30 and  took their daughter to Australia.

 

Sin sod exists and is very real for thai men. 
 

When it comes to OP, there is reasons why she do not want to take him back to the vilage, and he should respect that or move on. No brainer

Edited by Hummin
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On 1/27/2022 at 5:59 PM, kingstonkid said:

Just wondering GF telling me that reason she does not introduce me to family is they will want money.  Hah that would never happen here I tell her>

 

Second reason is that family will want sinsod

first reason is the same as the second reason. I would be grateful she doesn't want you to meet her family, most always think Falang is a good catch, and we are all multimillionaires, with endless cash to hand out. 

When I met my missus, I told her not to tell her extended family that she has falang BF as they will only want money ( already had experience on that one and lesson learnt). To this day some 15 yrs later, she hasn't told them. Only her kids know me and her step-mum. Those up in the rice farm still no nothing, but very occasionally they still ask her for money. "Solly me no hab" end of. 

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1 hour ago, The Old Bull said:

I am 80 and my wife is 62 she is a great help to me glad to have her.

How long have you been married?

 

Are there any benefits to you for having that bit of paper?

 

I knew an older guy, 70, who married a woman of 40 ish. His grown up kids disowned him. When he died, no one from his UK family came to the funeral. As they were legally married, this peasant woman got his full estate.

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On 1/27/2022 at 6:29 PM, Neeranam said:

In my view, getting married is only for the sake of the kids. 

How fortunate for much of  the world currently, many do not hold the same view as you. Feel sorry that you are most likely in a less than ideal relationship for you to have formed that view.

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34 minutes ago, Excel said:

How fortunate for much of  the world currently, many do not hold the same view as you. Feel sorry that you are most likely in a less than ideal relationship for you to have formed that view.

Been happily married for over 20 years.

I'm all for civic receptions, but can't see the advantages of getting a certificate, specially if older and you don't have or want kids. In fact, I've seen many disadvantages for foreigners getting married in Thailand. Many seem to leave their common sense at the airport.

One advantage is that I got Thai citizenship in 3 years, which would be over 10 if single.

I respect others' decisions, and certainly wouldn't insult them.

 

Edited by Neeranam
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On 1/27/2022 at 7:11 PM, The Hammer2021 said:

Smart men marry orphans

Orphans can also have brothers/sisters, aunts/uncles, cousins. 😃

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