Opinion: It is time Thais end the practice of demanding dowries from prospective spouses

[1FinickyOne]

9 hours ago, baansgr said:

It's a money making scam....

otherwise known as thanking the parents for raising a lovely daughter and a compensation for taking her away... 

[RafPinto]

3 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

otherwise known as thanking the parents for raising a lovely daughter and a compensation for taking her away... 

Or thanking the foreigner to marry her and offer her a decent life and her family too. (with exceptions of course)

[Lizzy Duang]

So what happens when an Indian man wants to marry a Thai? His parents also expect a dowry - from the woman's family. A Thai told me they could probably not call it quits here. So if it was about tradition, Thais would have to accept a foreign custom, too, perhaps even pay more. I was told they are not willing to do that. 

 

Anyway, to demand a dowry does not make sense when the future husband has less than his wife's family, as it would hurt the couple's reserve otherwise. If marriage would be excluded due to a lack of dowry, it would show that stubbornness is more  important here than love. What are the vows for then, or do they sound so differently in Thai?

[dallen52]

9 hours ago, jacko45k said:

Or saving  up for the bus fare to get her to Pattaya as soon as she is done with school.

Options are:-

Married.

University. 

Pattaya.

[RocketDog]

8 hours ago, smedly said:

there were many other tails about this woman that I won't go into,

Quite wise. Going into women's tails is fraught with risk.

[Ty Hareways]

????????????fat chance of that where Mr Farang is concerned.

i know of several ladies who pull it off on nearly every 'long time job' they have.

*long time' in many cases can be just a few months.

[ed strong]

3 hours ago, overherebc said:

If someone met a hooker (bar girl)? in uk  usa or eu would you

1 Think about getting married to her?

2 Give her parents a lump of cash?

Just askin'.

I know what you are saying however in Thailand prostitution is a way of life for many.. the only option.

 

In the UK most i have seen are generally ex or current addicts, or are very hot but require thousands (£) per night

 

Either way i certianly wouldnt be giving any money in the form a sin sod or dowery or to a UK prostitute or a thai womens family,

 

To be fair if i did marry a Thai i would look after the family but not through a sin sot.

[Will B Good]

3 hours ago, overherebc said:

If someone met a hooker (bar girl)? in uk 

 would you

1 Think about getting married to her?

2 Give her parents a lump of cash?

Just askin'.

Have you seen the hookers in the UK????????

[johnbarpic]

9 hours ago, SoilSpoil said:

No way! I have 2 daughters, quite pretty if I may say so, and if they ever decide to marry a Thai guy, his family will pay the jackpot. I cannot own land here, need yearly visa extensions,  cannot get a proper job, was prohibited to enter certain restaurants during the 1st Covid wave and also have to pay a multiple of the local price at National Parks.  

 

Pay up, or I'll send them to University in Italy, Spain or Japan. They will for sure fall in love there. Payback time.

I applaud you sir what goes around comes around please do deal cut the national park fee and we will all send a a wedding pressie when the girls marry !!!!!!

[Doctor Tom]

These types of arrangement are cultural, private to the couple and her parents and very personal , not subject to laws or government dictate.  If you don't want to pay, don't, if you do, then do it.  Its a none subject for discussion. 

[Justin Kelly]

I see nothing but mostly a bunch of cheap Charlie’s on this page.  If you value your wife you don’t judge her for her past. God knows most fellas hear aren’t spending a fortune on big weddings.  Giving a poor family 100k thb not that big a deal - helps them, respects tradition and shows you hold your partner in esteem.

[krobert6]

My wifes parents were both dead.

[Will B Good]

Just now, krobert6 said:

My wifes parents were both dead.

Back of the net.

[johnbarpic]

You don't do it in your own country so don't do it in this one

[KhunLA]

6 minutes ago, krobert6 said:

My wifes parents were both dead.

Same here for Thai wife # 2, raised by 8 siblings, and got 'certified'

at office after 8 yrs together, and 8 more married.

Thai # 1, same, amphur office cert & done.

Ignored the 'customs' in the USA as well.  Not one on pomp & ceremony.

[dunroaming]

8 hours ago, smutcakes said:

When i got together with my missus 15 years ago or so, i think i paid 100K, which the mother in law then gave back 90K without us even asking for it. Not to bad and not much to complain about.

Yes that is often the case when the money (or most of it) is returned to help the couple in the start of their married life together.  I didn't pay a dowry as my wife said I shouldn't.  She said that It was an outdated Thai traditional and not one for farangs.  That was over twenty years ago now.

 

Actually this story could relate to something happening in my wife's family right now.  My wife's niece is getting married in May to a boy from a wealthy Thai family.  Some of the older members of her family are "demanding" a substantial dowry be paid whereas the actual parents don't want, or need, it.  They are comfortably off although not as rich as the boys parents who are keen to pay and are in fact, quite insistent about it.  They see it as an insult to have the dowry rejected and see it as a loss of face.  It is causing a lot of angst and the bride and groom are very upset that this could ruin the whole day.  As usual in Thailand, ego and face seem more important than anything else.

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

47 minutes ago, RafPinto said:

Or thanking the foreigner to marry her and offer her a decent life and her family too. (with exceptions of course)

yes, especially the guys who will offer 10% of their beer money for family support... though truth is, amongst people I know, most farang have good relations w/their family. 

 

Today I had 4 family members show up by surprise to help my wife w/some things. I am so happy they are here. They will stay 3 days and make my life much much easier... 

 

Oftentimes, you get back what you put in... 

[tandor]

10 hours ago, law ling said:

The guy has to pay "tens of millions of baht"! ... I'd just pass, and move on.

...me too..i want nothing to do with a 'flesh market'...puts a sour taste in one's mouth.

[1FinickyOne]

14 minutes ago, johnbarpic said:

You don't do it in your own country so don't do it in this one

so, all countries should have exactly the same cultures and customs... ??

 

then we can eliminate all restaurants except McDonalds... ??

[LukKrueng]

10 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

As soon most new baby girls are born here their parents are planning ahead for their daughter's big day and their potential windfall.

I guess you have a survey to support what you're saying...

[BritManToo]

48 minutes ago, Lizzy Duang said:

What are the vows for then, or do they sound so differently in Thai?

Thai wedding vows, he promises to provide for her, she promises to serve him.

[wwest5829]

10 hours ago, baansgr said:

It's a money making scam....

 I can still see the expression on a Thai girlfriend's face as I explained the western tradition. Unbelievable, the Bride's family was to pay a dory to the Groom. We still have a vestige of the old tradition in the Bride's family being responsible to pay the cost of the wedding. Knowing a bit of history helps us understand the world around us today. After a lifetime of study, I know my own culture but have become very understanding of other traditions. Reading more about Thai culture also gives one the knowledge of the "sin sot" according to the status of the Bride. Never married? No children? Young? Family status and the Groom's status? All play into the "formula".

[wwest5829]

10 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

I think I agree with you to some point, I have a 5 year old daughter that 100% I am asking for a dowry for if marrying in Thailand - along with his good prospectus ! That said she told the next door neighbour she was going to marry a farang when older as they had more money for the 7/11 !

 

BUT, would you still be asking for a dowry for her second marriage after 2 children ? Having a sliding scale seems obscene.

 

I paid no dowry for my current wife (her wish), she's worth millions to me, but when meeting her at 37, she's a bit ragged - like me - with history. Anyone paying a dowry for a woman with some baggage is just plain nuts.

 

Just plain nuts ... or not having knowledge of Thai culture. Fortunately, I came to Thailand at retirement age. The "sweet spot" for me was finding a traditionally raised Thai girl, 26 years my junior but ... being older, having had children, previous relationships? No need for Sin Sot.

[Chiwi]

The article completely ignores the question of whether or not the marriage will be registered as official, or if the man wants to keep the ability to sleep around and keep all his assets after a "divorce" and ensure the woman has no legal rights as a wife but have the face all the challenges of finding a 2nd husband.

 

Among the wealthy, sinsod is what you pay to not have to register the marriage. Think of it as a pre-paid prenuptial.

[Puwa]

It's not dowry, it's bridewealth.

 

https://wikidiff.com/dowry/bridewealth#:~:text=is that bridewealth is (bride,wadsworth%2C 2010)%2C 223 .

[Joules]

It is simple enough.  If the girl actually loves him, they can elope and move on.  So, I'd meet with the "negotiators," make my best offer.  If no agreement, get up and leave=, then elope.  But one has to have balls and few Thais do.

 

When I got married, I paid 2 million and my father-in-law handed it all back.  it was just for show.  And it did look good, all those bundles of new 1,000 baht notes stacked on a big plate.  He did that for both his daughters.  He had some pride and felt no need to sell them.  

[Sparktrader]

10 hours ago, baansgr said:

It's a money making scam....

Life is that

Everything is a scam

Fiat scam

Shares scam

House scam

Crypto scam

Work scam

[Hoppyone]

10 hours ago, baansgr said:

It's a money making scam....

Just like a bar fine lol

[farangroby]

10 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Just say NO!

If they had placed me in front of a similar obligation, I would have continued to live together or I would have changed girlfriends, I pay for steaks not people

[digger70]

My opinion is No Sin Sod or I Walk. It's just a Blackmail to scam a fortune .

What are they doing, Selling their Daughter for a Few Million THB 

Just a Greedy Scam. 

De Groom should/could  Build a house and live Happy with the Bride  

No Rip Offs