How easy is it to fall in love, real love, over 50?

[Grecian]

We have all read countless posts from cynical older guys who think all relationships are transactional.

what has been your personal experience of you and close friends being hit by cupid's arrow over say 50?

I'm 54 and hate to say i think it might be very difficult for myself. Just doesn't feel I have the biochemistry for it anymore. 

Then again who knows! 

[Windynoi]

Very easy to fall in love, much harder for it to be recriprocated????

[BritManToo]

47 minutes ago, Grecian said:

We have all read countless posts from cynical older guys who think all relationships are transactional.

Quite easy to have a loving relationship with a woman under the age of 20.

But by the time they've reached 25, for them, it's all become transactional.

 

Edited March 23, 2022 by BritManToo

[scubascuba3]

4 minutes ago, Windynoi said:

Very easy to fall in love, much harder for it to be recriprocated????

if you pay enough they'll try and reciprocate it until totally bored and someone better comes along

[Hummin]

Dependes what type you are, and how you cultivate your positive feelings, and allow you to let loose without fear loosing anything. If your negativity against women holding you back, then it will eat you inside out. 

[Dmaxdan]

Love is ultimately about putting someone's else's happiness before your own.

Many people aren't selfless enough to do that. And they get very confused with the huge difference between love and lust.

 

 

[KhunLA]

Very easy ... 

[ThailandRyan]

My father told me that once upon a time he used to fall in love every night and then fall out of love in the morning as he left the ladies room, he was a monger of course and lived for many years in Las Vegas as a bartender......

[LaosLover]

I met my farang wife at age 57. She's 11 years younger. We've been together 12 years. But that's down to her inestimable quality as a human.

 

I agree with the OP that the apples def start to fall off of and stay off of the tree after 50.

 

If you even want age-appropriate women in the west, only 4% of them after 60 are open to a romantic relationship (source upon request). 

 

Figure that 3/4's of them are disqualifiable due to looks, religion, race, politics, education and that means that 99% of the time, they are dead useless to you beyond a little chitchat. Plus, the sex drive die-off due to menopause is massive.

 

And that whopping remaining 1%? They have to like you back.

 

A bar girl may be a flawed choice, but at least it's a choice that actually physically exists in the real world.

Edited March 23, 2022 by LaosLover

[billd766]

I fell in love with my Thai wife when I first met her back in 1993. I was 49 and she was 28. 

 

I was married in the UK at the time and our son was then 15. I eventually divorced my UK wife in 1999 and then I married my Thai wife in 2000. We are still together and next month will be our 22nd wedding anniversary and our Thai son will be 18 in August.

 

I am 77 and my wife is 56. If she is after my money she is taking a long time about it as I am worth more alive than dead.

Edited March 23, 2022 by billd766
Added extra text

[LaosLover]

I just spent to 2 weeks in Manhattan, among the most populous places on earth and legendary for its man-favored dating ratio.

 

I kept a running total of women I saw on the street who were medium attractive, over 50, and possibly single (no ring). The 2-week total was 6 -and I'm pretty broad in my tastes.

 

On another trip, I tried Tinder just for laughs and scientific research. I only got a return swipe about one time in 20. The expectations and demands of these women were ludicrous. A lot of them demanded ball room dancing. As if.

 

Guys aren't running away from feminism in the west, they are running away from a long-moribund sexual graveyard, which also has the nerve to have a big fence around it of status expectations designed to specifically keep them out.

 

I don't understand why Pattaya mongers are derided, because these are the men that no woman in the west wants anyway -under any circumstances.

 

 

Edited March 23, 2022 by LaosLover

[Elkski]

"what's love got to do with it, got to do with it?".  Tina Turner

[olfu]

I am ready to fall in love as long as woman will pay my bills.

[BangkokReady]

1 hour ago, ThailandRyan said:

then fall out of love in the morning as he left the ladies room

He slept in a toilet?

[darksidedog]

3 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

Love is ultimately about putting someone's else's happiness before your own.

Many people aren't selfless enough to do that. And they get very confused with the huge difference between love and lust.

 

 

That is a very accurate statement and reflects completely a conversation I had with my idiot son this morning, whose girlfriend has just dumped him for being, as she and I both agreed in English and Thai, self centered and inconsiderate. Does he love her? Yes. Does he think about what she needs, remotely as much as he cares about what he wants? No. She loves him but can't deal further with him not giving anything to the relationship.

As I draw ever closer to 60, I have come to the conclusion that there is no realistic way I can ever "fall in love" again.

I have many attributes, but am just too darn cynical to be able to believe that Mrs. Right number 3 (1 and 2 obviously having been discovered to be flawed and dropped off along the road), is going to spice my life up to the extent needed, especially when you live in Thailand where needs can be obtained without inviting a potential shrew into the house, causing you much misery.

I might have dreamt of finding a super rich, stunning virgin, with amazing culinary skills and on the budding stages of nymphomania in my youth, but my heart couldn't take that at my age for long, so the cover of the book is now way less important than the contents, which are unlikely to be readily found when you are an old dog, not keen on new tricks.

I was possibly a fool and let go of the best relationship I had ever had over hers and my need to work in different parts of the world.

Mrs Right number 3 will have to be something I suspect I am not going to find locally, though I live in hope.

[ThailandRyan]

4 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

He slept in a toilet?

That was a good catch...

[BangkokReady]

29 minutes ago, LaosLover said:

I don't understand why Pattaya mongers are derided, because these are the men that no woman in the west wants anyway -under any circumstances.

It's not for me, but generally all involved are consenting adults.  It's not something I would advise people to do, and I don't plan to marry a bar girl, but people should be free to do what they want within "the law".

 

It's derided because prostitution is seen, from a Western perspective, as only benefitting the man and exploiting the woman, with the woman being forced into it by her circumstances.  (The real reason for the objection is likely that it gives men options and older/unattractive Western women don't like that.)  Obviously this isn't the case in Thailand typically, but people still try to argue it because it is so deeply rooted in their minds.

[brewsterbudgen]

I guess it depends on the people involved. I met my future wife when I was 49, had a child with her when I was 55, married her when I was 56, and we're living happily together as a family.  I have no idea if that's "love", but it works for us.

[LaosLover]

An old guy is not supposed to be sexual, he's supposed to be of genial, uncomplaining use to others.

 

Of all the rational self-interests that an old guy is not supposed to have, sexual self-interest is the most galling to people.

 

Some partner demands like compatibility on religion or lifestyle are acceptable. Wanting sex compatability -or even just sex itself- much, much less so.

[SiamAndy]

6 hours ago, LaosLover said:

I just spent to 2 weeks in Manhattan, among the most populous places on earth and legendary for its man-favored dating ratio.

 

I kept a running total of women I saw on the street who were medium attractive, over 50, and possibly single (no ring). The 2-week total was 6 -and I'm pretty broad in my tastes.

 

On another trip, I tried Tinder just for laughs and scientific research. I only got a return swipe about one time in 20. The expectations and demands of these women were ludicrous. A lot of them demanded ball room dancing. As if.

 

Guys aren't running away from feminism in the west, they are running away from a long-moribund sexual graveyard, which also has the nerve to have a big fence around it of status expectations designed to specifically keep them out.

 

I don't understand why Pattaya mongers are derided, because these are the men that no woman in the west wants anyway -under any circumstances.

 

 

99% of NYC women are Gold Diggers with a million requirements they have for men as well.

[LaosLover]

I'm from New York and I would say they're no worse than anywhere else.

 

The heart wants what the heart wants and if they're all chasing the unicorn of the "sensitive CEO" and most men want a nymphomaniac who they can bring home to mom, disappointment is built into both those cakes.

 

If you view people as commodities, people will tend to view you as one too. Non-commodity-oriented people will always be in short supply on both sides of the gender aisle.

[thaibeachlovers]

12 hours ago, Hummin said:

Dependes what type you are, and how you cultivate your positive feelings, and allow you to let loose without fear loosing anything. If your negativity against women holding you back, then it will eat you inside out. 

Not eating me at all, but the only time I think about real women is when on here. Out and about they're just people.

 

I could easily fall in love again, but the chances of me finding someone to fall in love with are probably zero, so I'm not even looking.

Don't care what age they are, so long as I don't vomit when I wake up next to them in the morning.

Prostate cancer ended my active sex life, so it'd just be for companionship and sharing.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, LaosLover said:

I'm from New York and I would say they're no worse than anywhere else.

 

The heart wants what the heart wants and if they're all chasing the unicorn of the "sensitive CEO" and most men want a nymphomaniac who they can bring home to mom, disappointment is built into both those cakes.

 

If you view people as commodities, people will tend to view you as one too. Non-commodity-oriented people will always be in short supply on both sides of the gender aisle.

In my experience, most fall in lust, get married and regret till they get divorced. Otherwise, they just settle for someone that will marry them.

Those that I know that married for true love and stayed in love don't exist. Most divorced, and a few stay with the other because of the children, or it's too hard to start over, IMO.

[thaibeachlovers]

PS. I do know of one couple that were as in love as it's possible to be- a really great guy and a wonderful woman. Sadly, he died too young many years ago.

[thaibeachlovers]

12 hours ago, Dmaxdan said:

Love is ultimately about putting someone's else's happiness before your own.

Many people aren't selfless enough to do that. And they get very confused with the huge difference between love and lust.

 

 

IMO it's being willing to compromise, and give up some things one really likes doing.

[LaosLover]

For most men, 6-9 sex partners over an entire lifetime is all they're going to get. And most of those will def be on the tepid side.

 

After age 50, pulling another 6-9 out of the hat (without paying) is almost certainly not remotely doable for 95% of men (including myself). And after age 50 is when you could really use and would wildly appreciate any interest at all. Tepid would seem at least a little on the warmish side.

 

I'm really into my wife -who def comes with a few steamer trunks worth of baggage- and I know that another relationship of this quality is probably unattainable, no matter where I may move to or how much game I might possess.

 

When you get older, you just sort of run out of road.

[cdemundo]

My favorite quote about falling in love is from ZZ Top (although it is a misquote as apparently they never sang this lyric):

 

"I been in love ten thousand time,

All I gotta do is remember my lines"

 

They didn't sing it exactly like that but I think they should have done so.

With age there are more reservations and hopefully one doesn't fall as hard.

Edited March 23, 2022 by cdemundo

[LaosLover]

Older, I am fussier and have more to lose. So that would def. limit my love options.

 

On their side of things, a lot of women have had terrible experiences with men and been wrung out from various caretaking burdens foisted on them. I can see why they're gun-shy too. 

 

But if they're not offering up sex or comfort in late age, they're going to find themselves in stiff competition with a winsome cocker spaniel for my interest.

 

Getting with a woman 30 years younger if you can make a reliable (there's the rub) security for affection deal makes a million times more sense. At least the parties involved are getting something that they want.

 

[Gottfrid]

Just pay for it!

[sipi]

All relationships are transactional.

Your wife, your boss, your employees, your Avon lady....

That's life.