Why did you marry? And maybe why did you do it again?

[473geo]

My wife is special, we are a good fit, the underlying reason for the marriage paperwork is that she receives my company pension after I die, with the pension and a little income from the farm she should be ok ????

[KhunLA]

4 minutes ago, 473geo said:

My wife is special, we are a good fit, the underlying reason for the marriage paperwork is that she receives my company pension after I die, with the pension and a little income from the farm she should be ok ????

That would be the only reason to marry.  Thanks, I should check my pension, as I've never read the fine print.  Pittance for myself, but would be enough for her to live on.

 

Unless wife was to live in USA for 3 or 5 years, then no SS for her.  Cost of living there, would possibly negate SS bennies to her over 10 ish years collecting, if she reached 75.  If it's even still available in 20 yrs from now.

Edited August 2, 2022 by KhunLA

[OneMoreFarang]

5 hours ago, Jerno said:

Keep saying no to your gf about marriage and eventually she will leave you or regularly bang your neighbor behind your back.  If you are ok with either, then you should not marry her as you are not the least bit committed to a real relationship, and she's just a convenient companion, and that's it.  

Where does that insider knowledge come from? Is that what women tell men to convince them to marry?

If your gf would go with another guy only because you don't marry her then be happy that she showed her character and get rid of her.

People can be committed without being married. I.e. I have a couple of good friends since decades. I don't need a contract to assure them that they are my friends and I am there for them when they need me.

Marriage is a contract. It has nothing to do with love or commitment. 

[OneMoreFarang]

5 hours ago, userabcd said:

Got married because it was the right thing to do and not take advantage of being in a one sided relationship with another human being.

I also don't take advantage of my girlfriend and I am not married. In fact if someone is married he might get away with a lot worse behavior because she is his wife and he (thinks he) has certain rights.

[jerrymahoney]

For marriage #1 anywhere, I married the much younger girl because

SHE'S DIFFERENT.

 

Edited August 2, 2022 by jerrymahoney

[OneMoreFarang]

5 hours ago, KhunLA said:

If not married, I couldn't not invest in RE the first 19 yrs here.  I would have had to wait till daughter was 20, since not a fan of condo market.  Three house and 9 plots of land later, and I've basically lived here rent free for 22 yrs in houses I had built.

Did you own the land and the property? Or did your wife own it?

If your wife was/is the only legal owner then I wouldn't call that an advantage. 

[KhunLA]

12 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Did you own the land and the property? Or did your wife own it?

If your wife was/is the only legal owner then I wouldn't call that an advantage. 

I bought & paid, in her name, I sold via POA and kept all proceeds.  A little paperwork goes a long ways.

 

Present wife & house/land, she submitted paperwork for extension onto house that was in the original blueprint submitted.

 

Due to my usufruct, she needed me to sign off on the extension ... ????

 

2nd house & plots, again, I needed to sign off for them to be sold, even though in her name.

Edited August 2, 2022 by KhunLA

[BritManToo]

36 minutes ago, Hummin said:

I do not believe in marriage as an institution, but thats what legalises a partner ship, so be it. If you have no trust in life or in your partner do not marry. Simple as that.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

sounds terrible doesn’t it?

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

Some men will do the right thing for their families, some men will think they are doing the right thing for themselves.

 

Either avenue will elicit negative responses from the other side.

 

Those that always do the right thing for themselves, will never understand those that do the right thing for their families.

Who decides what the right thing is?

And if you get married and have a kid and the wife walks away with the kid and you have to support them for many years, do you then still think you did the right thing?

Maybe you did the right thing, until the moment that the wife thought: who cares if this this right or wrong, let that sucker pay.

This is obviously not a personal assault. It's a sample what happens to some guys.

[OneMoreFarang]

4 hours ago, Dante99 said:

Positive sides from another point of view, the wife's but who cares about her really.  Nice.

What do you think: Is it only possible to care for a person if you are married? Or is is also possible to be a good guy if you are not married?

[moogradod]

2 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

What is true love? Far as I'm concerned it's a fairy tale promoted by Mills and Boon books and sellers of diamond rings.

IMO there is lust, and there is friendship, and many get married while in lust, but were never friends and that's why the relationship doesn't last, IMO.

 

Prince Charles had it nailed when he said "what is love anyway?"

Have a look at this guy - he will give you the answer. And on top it is quite entertaining, too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RrCjzi74BA

[KhunLA]

5 minutes ago, moogradod said:

Have a look at this guy - he will give you the answer. And on top it is quite entertaining, too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RrCjzi74BA

Meaning of life from a monk and or clergy person ... no thanks.

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, bolt said:

I got married when i was 39, I had no children previously

getting married gave me stability and REAL responsibility, we've been married for 13 years now she is my best friend and I couldn't dream of losing her.

She's a great cook incredibly clean, and is an amazing handyman around the house.

 

my advice to ANYONE is to get married( but make sure they're the right person 1st)

Imagine there would be a legal reason you could not have married her (just theoretically). Why wouldn't you live with her exactly the way as if you are married? 

I understand that people have long term relationship. I am in one of those. But IMHO having signed a piece of paper doesn't make that relationship any better. It's the people who care for each other. If we need a contract to do that, or do it better, then maybe the relationship is not so good.

[jerrymahoney]

7 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Imagine there would be a legal reason you could not have married her (just theoretically). Why wouldn't you live with her exactly the way as if you are married? 

Taxes.

Edited August 2, 2022 by jerrymahoney

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, bolt said:

To me being married reinforces your commitment to NOT walk away when something goes wrong.

Is that realistic when people get older and older?

Who really knows if you and your partner will be happy together for the next 50 years?

For me something like my gf has an accident and loses a leg (just an example) would be no reason to walk away.

But if she would become one of those women who complain all day and night then I would tell her to change that behavior or I will walk away. 

Lots of things can go wrong in a way that both people understand that they would be happier without being together. There must not be a big problem. Just live goes on.

[sipi]

Marriage is about balance. My wife and I love and care for each other dearly, but we often sleep in separate beds. Just because we're married doesn't mean we have to share farts every night for the next 50 years. My son and I often take off for boys weekends away. No we don't play up, but we all need our space.

[Hummin]

10 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Imagine there would be a legal reason you could not have married her (just theoretically). Why wouldn't you live with her exactly the way as if you are married? 

I understand that people have long term relationship. I am in one of those. But IMHO having signed a piece of paper doesn't make that relationship any better. It's the people who care for each other. If we need a contract to do that, or do it better, then maybe the relationship is not so good.

The only difference is, those who choose to marry is villing to commit or try to live up to the standards set within a marriage, but for you, I believe you are not! You want acleg in both camps, enjoy the benefits a partnership gives, and also the freedom to do what you want within the partnership without boundaries. 
 

I believe that is a good reason if you do not feel that person is the one. To me personally, there is no difference being married or not, but I know it is a different world for my gf who never have been married, no kids and It does mean something to her family as well. 
 

We havent signed the papers yet, but I reckon us married even only verbally agreement and waiting for legalising our papers right now. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

The only difference is, those who choose to marry is villing to commit or try to live up to the standards set within a marriage, but for you, I believe you are not! You want acleg in both camps, enjoy the benefits a partnership gives, and also the freedom to do what you want within the partnership without boundaries. 

I just met too many guys who paid a fortune to their former love of their life.

Obviously it is impossible to know the whole truth about other people relationships, but as far as I could see the guys were "good guys" and they cared for their wife.

In one case from "home" the guy made lots of money. His wife spent all the money and then she found a richer guy. She divorced the guy who I knew and because she had a daughter he had to pay for mother and child for many years. And because she never married her new rich boyfriend she claimed she had no money and need that support.

That is just one example. And I learned from that: Don't do it.

[Lucky Bones]

3 hours ago, xylophone said:

I do believe that in many cases the guy does not like being alone or is totally incapable of looking after himself.

 

I had a friend like that in England and he was so useless after his divorce that he couldn't even open a can, so you can imagine what his meals looked like. of course he had to get married again, and he did.

 

Worse than that, a guy I know here has been married six times, five in the UK and once here, and he's now living with another Thai woman whom he wants to marry, but she is still married to a guy living in Italy and he can't be traced, and she doesn't seem that keen to follow-up on it anyway.

 

So if he had his way, he would be married seven times – – totally unbelievable IMO, and although he is relatively well off, he would be difficult to live with because he has a snappy temper and is tight as the proverbial ducks ar- -, so perhaps the girl is wise not to.

 

I was married once the UK and it was the biggest mistake of my life, so I would never do it again.

Your mate married 6 times obviously never heard of the old saying...."that's the 2nd last time I'm doing that"????????

[sipi]

Marriage is like fried broccoli stalks with chilli and garlic.

Sickening until you actually try it, then you're hooked and wish you'd done it sooner.

[KIngsofisaan]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Who decides what the right thing is?

And if you get married and have a kid and the wife walks away with the kid and you have to support them for many years, do you then still think you did the right thing?

Maybe you did the right thing, until the moment that the wife thought: who cares if this this right or wrong, let that sucker pay.

This is obviously not a personal assault. It's a sample what happens to some guys.

What happens if the woman gets married and has a kid and the man dumps her and walks away for someone else?

 

You can't "What if" narratives that agree only with you.

 

People have a 50/50 chance to choose each other. 

 

Some make it forever, some don't make it all.

 

Perhaps you should start asking the people that make it forever?

 

 

Edited August 2, 2022 by KIngsofisaan

[KIngsofisaan]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I just met too many guys who paid a fortune to their former love of their life.

Obviously it is impossible to know the whole truth about other people relationships, but as far as I could see the guys were "good guys" and they cared for their wife.

In one case from "home" the guy made lots of money. His wife spent all the money and then she found a richer guy. She divorced the guy who I knew and because she had a daughter he had to pay for mother and child for many years. And because she never married her new rich boyfriend she claimed she had no money and need that support.

That is just one example. And I learned from that: Don't do it.

This forum is full of 10,000 stories of someone else's life that just happens to fit their own narrative.

 

Everyone knows or has met someone that fits their narrative.

 

I know folks that have been married for 40 years, I know folks that are divorced.

 

Do I know why they got married in the first place? Do I claim to have intimate details? Of course not, that is just foolish.

 

"As far as you can see" are not the facts unless you were in their house 24/7 keeping an eye on them.

 

You only saw what they let you see and even then will never know the real story. You know one side told to you by him, her friends might have a completely different story what happened

 

If you have spent your life learning from 1 couples hearsay that failed, I feel sorry for you.

 

 

Edited August 2, 2022 by KIngsofisaan

[KIngsofisaan]

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Did you own the land and the property? Or did your wife own it?

If your wife was/is the only legal owner then I wouldn't call that an advantage. 

We all get old and die, so who cares who owns the property?

 

As long as you are together with someone you want to be with, are cared for and happy, who really cares?

 

I never understand folks that think having their name on anything in Thailand is more important than life itself?

[KIngsofisaan]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is that realistic when people get older and older?

Who really knows if you and your partner will be happy together for the next 50 years?

For me something like my gf has an accident and loses a leg (just an example) would be no reason to walk away.

But if she would become one of those women who complain all day and night then I would tell her to change that behavior or I will walk away. 

Lots of things can go wrong in a way that both people understand that they would be happier without being together. There must not be a big problem. Just live goes on.

You already answered your own question.

 

Who knows anything at all in the next 50 years? Anything? 

 

Things could also go 100% right and be together the next 50 years.

 

If every thought and post you make is a doomsday, bad news scenerio, what do you expect?

 

Do you sit around all day worrying "What If" something goes wrong?

 

My god man, maybe legal cannabis is the answer for your woes

Edited August 2, 2022 by KIngsofisaan

[KIngsofisaan]

3 hours ago, bolt said:

For me and i mean this is for me, when i got married it showed to the general public that i was settling down, making a commitment. 

its as simple as that, if you're suspicious about infidelity or you want to sleep around go for it.

 

To me being married reinforces your commitment to NOT walk away when something goes wrong.

 

running way doesn't help

Reinforces your commitment to NOT walk away when something goes wrong

 

Very well said

[zzaa09]

11 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Topic isn't about love, it's about marriage.

Both [love and marriage], which have little to do with each other. 

 

[Kinnock]

First time it was just what everyone did in my town.  You paired up with who you thought was the best pick from all the girls in town, and got married.

 

Lasted a couple of years before we both realised there's a big 'ole world out there.

 

Second time, my favourite girlfriend fell pregnant.  To be honest, on that perfect summer afternoon, I felt so in love and felt no need for precautions.

 

Third time ........ and hopefully the last time ..... this Thai beauty just stole my heart.  She's a smart, exotic beauty, and I want her to be mine forever.

 

Smooth, cappuccino coloured skin, long shapely legs, deliciously full, natural breasts, stunning Asian eyes ..... and a witty, sparkling intelligence.  Good English as a bonus.  Not HiSo, didn't have a degree at the time I met her 11 years ago, but slotted into her international life seamlessly.

[OneMoreFarang]

38 minutes ago, KIngsofisaan said:

What happens if the woman gets married and has a kid and the man dumps her and walks away for someone else?

In many civilized countries the guy has to pay for his own child. And it does not matter if he is married or not.

And if the guy doesn't care then he can be an a$%@# even if he was/is married.

My personal opinion is that if I am the father of a child then I am, together with the mother, responsible for that child. I don't need a contract to tell me I am responsible.

[OneMoreFarang]

36 minutes ago, KIngsofisaan said:

If you have spent your life learning from 1 couples hearsay that failed, I feel sorry for you.

Like I mentioned above, the thread came to my mind when I read the other thread what advice people would give their 18yo self. I could look up all the posts but here is a summary:

don't marry

don't marry

don't marry

don't marry

don't marry

and the same many more times.